Hey all,

I'd be grateful if anyone could give me advice on how to deal with my eldest cat, who is being a complete nightmare!

I have 3 cats, they've all grown up together. The one I'm having a problem with has always been something of a mother figure to her younger siblings.

Recently one of the younger cats, Pepper, ate a piece of string. He had to have major intestinal surgery at the vet and has come home today. He seems to be recovering very well, is eating and drinking, so (hopefully) no problems there as of yet.

When Pepper became ill, my fiance and I didn't realise exactly how bad a state he was in, initially. As Pepper became weaker and weaker over a couple of days, his elder sister suddenly became very aggressive towards him, as well as towards myself and my partner. The elder cat is normally very placid and never shows any sign of aggression, but she scratched my fiance quite viciously and growled at us non-stop, as well as hissing at her brother all the time. We managed to scrape the money together to send Pepper to the vet, by borrowing from a friend. Once Pepper was gone, his sister was back to her normal self - loving and affectionate.

It's pretty obvious to me that Pepper's sister was trying to tell us that something was severely wrong when she started acting up, and she was right -- had he not had surgery, Pepper would have died, according to the vet.

Now Pepper has come home, his sister is playing up again. She's growling at him and hissing at me and my partner. I know that she probably just thinks he smells odd after being away for 2 days and having surgery, and that she knows he's not back to normal yet, but Pepper seems to be getting very distressed by his sister's behaviour.

Can anyone give me any advice on how to placate the elder cat, and how to stop Pepper from getting distressed? Their younger sister doesn't seem bothered by any of it much!

Thanks in advance.

First of all, I would separate them for a few days, until the 'vetty' smell has worn off. He is still recuperating and doens't need the grief from her. Put him in a comfy room with litter tray, water, food etc, and go and sit with him for company from time to time.

Then take it slowly, as if you are introducing a new cat to her. Gradually let them spend some time together, supervised, don't force them together. You will hopefully find that once the vetty smell goes - AND Pepper starts behaving normally again rather than like an invalid - she will 'remember' who he is. But do not let her bully him while he is unwell, both because it will stress him out, and also because it could become a habit for her.

When my tabby cat came back from having surgery, my Burmese male went mental because he thought he was a stranger, I kept them apart and within 48 hours they were fine again.

If you can afford a Feliway diffuser, it can be very helpful in this type of situation. Charliesugar mentioned on another thread you can buy it fairly cheaply online, so worth googling.

Thanks very much for the advice, Lippincote - I wish I could afford a Feliway diffuser, as I've always heard good things about it, but financially I am up the creek without a paddle right now.

I'll try and keep them apart for a couple of days. The thing that gets to me is that our youngest cat, Pippin, was recently spayed. It was found that she had a severe uterine infection and she was quite ill. Nonetheless, when she came home, Pepper and Merry were fine with her.

I think Merry is acting up because Pepper was in a more life-threatening situation and she seems to recognise that. I feel very protective of my boy Pepper at the moment, and while I do understand Merry's reaction to him, it makes me cross.

I should point out that Merry's always been my baby - Pepper is very much my fiance's baby, he just prefers him a bit for some reason - so the last thing I want to feel is anger towards her, but I kind of can't help it. I know it's an instinctive cat thing on her part, but seeing how her behaviour is distressing Pepper is horrible.

I just want to make him as comfortable as possible and get them all back to normal!

It know it's upsetting to witness it, my poor tabby cat was feeling poorly and a bit 'spaced out' too after the anaesthetic, and got screamed at and harrassed.

By keeping them apart temporarily, everyone can relax including you.

When Jet got hit by a car it took two weeks and a very dangerous operation (vet bill was ***)) to get her through it and so when I brought her home we all were so happy to have her back even with her jaw wired up. The moment our two other cats got her scent they spat at her and dashed up the stairs for the next five days where they ate and slept and made use thier own tray as the scent of the main one scared them. Jet was in another world as she was so groggy. We do not think she even saw or heard the other two cats as she did not react in any way to them but over time the "normal" life began to restart itself and all was well, but it took a few weeks to get there. Please be patient with your cats and they will work things out for themselves.

Hi Sara Webb
Lippincote’s advice is sound
As you rightly say the elder sister recognises that there is something very different about Pepper (his behaviour, the different smells associated with his medical problem, his operation, his medication, the vet surgery etc etc) so to her he is effectively an unfamiliar cat.
As the mother figure she is the cat with the responsibility to keep everyone in line, repelling invaders etc, so this change in the household beyond her control is very stressful to her, increasing her anxiety and arousal with him and yourselves.
He is distressed because to him she is still the same cat, and to himself he is still Pepper, so her behaviour towards him (as if he were a strange new cat), is confusing and distressing which can then influence how he behaviours towards her (possibly these changes are more subtle than you are noticing?), which influences how she is to him, and so it goes on in a catch 22 scenario.
You have to break this cycle which Lippincote’s advice can help to achieve.
If he is well enough, and tolerant enough to bath with a mild UNSCENTED shampoo this can help to remove any “foreign” smells.
You can then transfer the sister’s own facial pheromones onto him by stroking her around the face, lips and cheeks particularly, then transferring it onto him.
You can do this without bathing him but it can be less effective then as it has to try to mask the underlying smells.
Another way that can work is to dust both cats with baby powder so he again smells like her.
However you also need to have him behave the same way as he did before so it can be better not to try to re-introduce them until he is back to normal.
Any negative encounters can create major obstacles to future successful re-integration.
Meanwhile swopping litter trays, bedding, food bowls, etc to mix scents can be helpful.
If you have any catnip, and if your cats respond to it with mellow behaviour, that can also help and is cheaper than Feliway, be aware however that some cats don’t respond to catnip (it’s genetic) and others can become very hyper and agitated on it, not at all what you want.
If there is a time of day when the sister tends to be quieter and calmer, maybe when she has settled after having expended energy in the garden or through play, that would be a good time to start gradual, careful re-introductions, once Pepper is better.
If he and the other sister still get on you may be able to use her as a go-between, letting her visit with him, away from the other sister, and then have her back with the other sister, but obviously ensure this does not cause aggression between the two sisters.
At least that would also give him some friendly company and keep him and her on familiar terms.
If this sister has a less responsible role in their rank structure she can “afford” to be more relaxed because none of this is her responsibility and so it’s not her problem, () or she may be a more laid back, less stressy cat.
Sometimes owner’s assessment of their cats’ interactions are clouded by subjective, rather than objective, analysis, for all sorts of reasons.
Part of the role of a behaviourist is to take information from the owner and apply that objectively, together with their own observations and expertise, see what is going on to enable an appropriate individually-tailored behaviour programme to be devised but I am assuming from your post that your finances would not extend to seeing a behaviourist, or I would suggest that would help .

Thanks for all the great advice folks.

The only problem I have in keeping them apart is that they all share a litter tray, food bowls etc. I can't afford to buy them separate ones at the moment - I had to borrow from a friend to pay the vet bill and have literally no money at all. So keeping Pepper shut away from the other two is very hard, they all need access to the same places. All three are housecats so they are together all the time.

At the moment Merry and Pippin are still growling like demented creatures. Poor little Pepper.

edit: double post

Any bowl or saucer will do for food and water.
Likewise anything you can put litter in that the cat can also comfortably get into will do as a litter tray e.g an old washing up bowl, large casserole dish, plastic storage box etc.
If you are short of litter use shredded newspaper with a just a little litter scattered over it.

Sara you're in a difficult situation but if you don't change anything you can't expect anything to change (if you see what I mean). A cat who has just had major surgery needs peace and quiet and you are the only one who can arrange that for him. You can buy a litter tray very cheaply if you don't have any other suitable receptacle, and as Tass says you can use any dish for their food.

You could be lucky and the cats could go back to being okay with each other without intervention, but if the situation is mishandled it could lead to longterm problems between the cats which would be v stressful for all of you.

Have you thought about getting pet insurance? You can get some quite cheap deals and it really would be worthwhile, as with three cats it is likely that this kind of expensive event will happen again. When we first got our three cats we were very tight for money so the first thing I did was get insurance - I was glad of it a year later one of my cats needed major surgery

Hi Sara....I have seen Feliway ( the smallest travel size spray ) for a cheap as £10 on Ebay, or around £20 for a plug in.
I know it is tough money wise for you right now but it really sounds as if you need some help to get things to settle down.
Baked beans for tea for you for a few days??

It's a long shot....but you could always try posting on Freegle or freecycle and see if anyone has feliway to give away.

We are on the baked beans already, have been for a while!

I'll check out Freecycle, good thinking. Thanks!


That's one thing we are kicking ourselves for - not having got pet insurance. We meant to do it and then forgot. Boy are we regretting that now!

I've put Peppers food and water into a separate plate and bowl. The other two fools seem to be mainly hiding out in the bedroom now, so I'm keeping Pepper in the living room with me as much as possible.