Originally Posted by Cult of Z-List:
“Ok, so reading through this thread I think I have gathered an insight into the processes required to remain in the closet. Tell me if I’ve missed something.
1. The closet gay celebrity is always the most attractive and famous celeb of a particular genre, or popular TV programme, hence it’s Wentworth Miller or Robert Pattinson and not their bit-part co-stars. And by the same token it is Adonis Ashley Cole, and not luggy beanpole Peter Crouch, and it is handsome ex-World Champion Lewis Hamliton and not troll faced Hispania driver Bruno Senna.
2. The closet gay star has almost superhuman powers of persuasion and press control which they use to maintain “their secret”. Hamilton for example is able to persuade stunning Pussy Cat Doll singer Nicole Scherzinger, who could snap her fingers and have half the world’s male population fawning around her, to act as his “beard” for no apparent financial or professional gain. And the a fore mentioned Mr Cole goes to extraordinary lengths in order to maintain “his little secret”. Not only does he enter into a marriage of convenience, in the full glare of media publicity with a high profile “also gay” pop star (Now you would think the perfect beard would be someone who would just fade into the background). But he also has a number of extra-marital “beards” which causes the said sham marriage to break down, also in the full glare of publicity, thus thrusting himself back into the spotlight and increasing the danger of “his secret” being made public. The sheer audacity of the scheme and the breathtaking efficiency of it’s execution must make many a Bond villain green with envy.
3. Having gone to all this trouble to cover up “their secret” the closet gay celebrity will then take extraordinary risks. He will invariably become a member of an exclusive gay nightclub in London (not so exclusive that every gay guy this side of Rotherham isn’t a member though) the location of which is well known to everyone but the paparazzi (most of whom would cream their pants at the prospect of outing an A-List celebrity in one of the numerous magazines/websites devoted to celebrity). Stars like Pattinson and Miller, who normally can’t take a dump without being surrounded by screaming teenage girls, are able to visit these establishment’s in perfect secrecy, and not a single camera phone is used by any of the 100’s of fellow patrons, to snap a photo of the superstar snogging a bloke. The closet gay celebrity will not then get down and dirty with any of the over extraordinarily gorgeous footballers and Hollywood leading men who will frequent the same places, no, instead they will go off with “Dave from Croydon” the ubiquitous friend of a friend/ gay uncle/cousin/ex-boyfriend. (Congratulations to Dave, he gets loads of poon tang). who is a morally incorruptible individual who never sells the story to the tabloids, but does choose to tell his nearest and dearest on the proviso that it remains “a secret”.
Is that about it?”
“Ok, so reading through this thread I think I have gathered an insight into the processes required to remain in the closet. Tell me if I’ve missed something.
1. The closet gay celebrity is always the most attractive and famous celeb of a particular genre, or popular TV programme, hence it’s Wentworth Miller or Robert Pattinson and not their bit-part co-stars. And by the same token it is Adonis Ashley Cole, and not luggy beanpole Peter Crouch, and it is handsome ex-World Champion Lewis Hamliton and not troll faced Hispania driver Bruno Senna.
2. The closet gay star has almost superhuman powers of persuasion and press control which they use to maintain “their secret”. Hamilton for example is able to persuade stunning Pussy Cat Doll singer Nicole Scherzinger, who could snap her fingers and have half the world’s male population fawning around her, to act as his “beard” for no apparent financial or professional gain. And the a fore mentioned Mr Cole goes to extraordinary lengths in order to maintain “his little secret”. Not only does he enter into a marriage of convenience, in the full glare of media publicity with a high profile “also gay” pop star (Now you would think the perfect beard would be someone who would just fade into the background). But he also has a number of extra-marital “beards” which causes the said sham marriage to break down, also in the full glare of publicity, thus thrusting himself back into the spotlight and increasing the danger of “his secret” being made public. The sheer audacity of the scheme and the breathtaking efficiency of it’s execution must make many a Bond villain green with envy.
3. Having gone to all this trouble to cover up “their secret” the closet gay celebrity will then take extraordinary risks. He will invariably become a member of an exclusive gay nightclub in London (not so exclusive that every gay guy this side of Rotherham isn’t a member though) the location of which is well known to everyone but the paparazzi (most of whom would cream their pants at the prospect of outing an A-List celebrity in one of the numerous magazines/websites devoted to celebrity). Stars like Pattinson and Miller, who normally can’t take a dump without being surrounded by screaming teenage girls, are able to visit these establishment’s in perfect secrecy, and not a single camera phone is used by any of the 100’s of fellow patrons, to snap a photo of the superstar snogging a bloke. The closet gay celebrity will not then get down and dirty with any of the over extraordinarily gorgeous footballers and Hollywood leading men who will frequent the same places, no, instead they will go off with “Dave from Croydon” the ubiquitous friend of a friend/ gay uncle/cousin/ex-boyfriend. (Congratulations to Dave, he gets loads of poon tang). who is a morally incorruptible individual who never sells the story to the tabloids, but does choose to tell his nearest and dearest on the proviso that it remains “a secret”.
Is that about it?”
Ha ha ha, brilliant. I agree with the examples you've given.
But some I think are gay, like Tom Cruise and George Clooney, just because of the sheer amount of rumours over a very protracted period of time.




)
) =D

It's hard not to be a little bit suspicious these days.