In the firm belief that the BBC will fail to find a full set of contestants for this year's Strictly in due time before the official start, the "Egg and Grapes" at Upper Northington has decided to host the Alternative Series 8 - with a limit of 12 contesting couples in order to be able to provide decent prizes.

Judges and pro dancers will be announced shortly. Short list for Presenters includes Warren (Alf Garnett) Mitchell and Dara O'Briain.

Forum Members are invited to present their credentials to be selected as a contestant: at this stage, no need to declare if one is male or female, as the Egg and Grapes plans to hire costumes and makeup from a local theatre, so cross-dressing would not be difficult.




In reply to Doreen Spink (Miss, retd.) who is about to say that this is a pointless post, my reply is this: it's Friday, Dr Who and Wimbledon are over and I'm bored and hot. I rest my case.

Ha ha, is Doreen Spink (Miss, retd.) the DS equivalent of Mrs. Trellis of North Wales? If she is, perhaps she'd like to put herself forward as a contestant. I nominate 'The Lovely Samantha' to host the show. Could the contestants do one dance to the tune of another? And is there a song called Mornighton Crescent that could be thrashed out on the Egg and Grapes' old Joannah and used for a Waltz or FT?

I think they should have to dance the waltz without hesitation or repetition.

Isn't that what most of them do anyway?

Good point! Isn't it usually disco to the tune of a Samba? Or is it sometimes the other way round???

And in order to get through all the contestants in a shorter length show, they could cut it down from one minute thrity to just a minute...

As long as that's the waffle in the Tesspit you're referring to and not the dances....

Absolutely!

Latest - Ant and Dec will not be presenting. If they did, our lovely landlady Doreen would close the bar - she doesn't like-em.

More latest -
Paul the Octopus will make special appearances (by satellite) from Seaworld Germany to predict the contestants for the Quarter finals, Semi-finals and Finals.

To keep him happy, mussels will be flown in especially from New Zealand (they say).

Ah, there's me thinking he was going to dance!!!

Sorry, can't let Paul dance live on TV without removing at least 4 of his wavy tentacle legs - otherwise not fair on the other contestants. Can't see the RSPCA allowing that.