Now that Paul, the psychic octopus, has been officially retired from footie (in order to preserve him from threats of being made into a paella), he will now be accepting new engagements as long as "he makes children laugh".

OK - down into his tank with 2 mussels per compartment goes:

- Yes vs No : will the BBC find any contestants this year?

- Bruce vs Tess as front presenter

- male vs female winner this year

- 2 vs 3 : number of "Xgate" "scandals" this year

- romance vs divorce amongst contestants this year