Well, there we were, hanging around in breathless anticipation, interviewing every passing pedestrian, sparrow, earwig about their feelings about this year's series when ..... the word got out - the show could not even start - oh no! what could possibly have happened?
Did someone nick both staircases used for the grand entrances?
Had someone superglued Bruno to his chair?
Had someone superglued the 10 paddle onto Craig's hands?
No, it was far worse than that >>>

- some bright spark had ............................

.....hidden Tess's human disguise, and stolen Brucie's batteries!

JJ

While trying to edit the videos, the producers realized that they hadn't gotten one sob story. And not one person had said the words "journey", "amazing", or "rollercoaster".

Or 'best friend', 'friend for life' (when talking about the pro partner), I'm doing this for my dead relative/living relative/charity/the joy of learning a new skill/anything but to raise my profile, 'I'm getting married in a few weeks, but it probably won't affect things much. I doubt I'll even mention it again'.

And not forgetting my favourite, 'this is the best/most important/most difficult thing I've ever done...'

They were about to reveal the big surprise - the celebrities were all animals - when they heard from backstage that the bear had just eaten the other competitors.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZiIROnsZyBM

Dave the (SCD) doorman poked the Hoffmeister bear with a large gold key pulled hastily from his trouser pocket.

Just because it was your round, you didn't have to do a runner. Look at the state of this red carpet. When you said you wanted free range organic food, I didn't think you meant the Strictly celebs!

Dave stuffed the last of his meat pie into his mouth, turned the key and pushed the Strictly doors open. His scratched his head wondering why this weeks line of debt collectors and repo agents all seemed to wearing sequins. Dave and the bear watched as the crowd stormed towards the SCD studio doors...................

...Someone had hidden Ola's clothes and all she had to wear was a thong and some tassels.

But the Show Must Go On...

That's more than she normally wears.

If you've got it flaunt it

and pushed aside the ticket-holders who had been foolish enough to stand in a queue, scrambled over all the celeb audience (who don't know what a queue is anyway) and invaded the studio. Settling themselves with flags and banners on the staircases (which had never been pinched) and screamed for Anton.

"Up here," came a distant voice from above the ceiling lights. "My silver suit got mistaken for the redesigned glitterball, and I've been strung up."

Dave shrugged and ate the rest of the peanuts. "Got a problem with that?" he asked. "You should have seen what the crowd has done to the band......................