And I've got smelly boys filling up the house. The numbers gathering in the batcave have reduced, but as they've all grown, the overall effect has remained pretty constant.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

that's all

evening all

I know how you feel Amica.

It's a ridiculous situation that someone as ill as my mum is being left to it. No one can do anything unless she agrees and she's convinced that there's nothing wrong with her. Given that delusions are a common part of dementia, why on earth is a deluded person seen as able to make decisions about their welfare? I know that social and medical services can't swoop down on people the moment they forget where they've left their car keys, but we're talking about a woman who doesn't know what day of the week it is, who thinks the government are after her, who doesn't recognise people she knows, who can't remember if she's eaten or not... She might not be at risk of immediate physical harm to herself or others, but she is totally incapable of functioning as an adult, or as a sane adult. I'm really disappointed in the system so far. It's like no one is interested until she has some horrible accident.

How frustrating. ((Bats))

It is.

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuump.

In your shoes, Batty, I'd be tempted to go to the papers.... shame the local services into acting before she does - or comes to - some serious harm

I'm wondering if at some point she will be 'normal' enough to panic and realise she needs help though

Amica - sending vibes, just because ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And KJ.... (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((in fact all grumpies)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Morning cyber chums.

I'll have another go at getting the psychiatrist to do someting first Sad but yes, at this point I'm prepared to try anything to get her the help she needs. In a way it would be great if my mum realised that she's poorly, but she's either in denial or has lost the capacity to process such information. And, of course, she totally forgets that she can't remember anything, if that makes sense. All she knows is that her life has become *difficult* but her difficulties are ALWAYS down to other people. And it's pointless trying to reason with someone who's deluded. They know what they know.

hi,she needs a mental capacity assessment but for the life of me I dont know how you would access one for someone not in "the system" already. Perhaps you could talk to a legal person

snowy's right, bats. She needs that assessment. What they're doing at the moment is using the "we can't intervene unless she asks us to" card to get you to do the work for them; we had exactly the same with my Mum when she went pre-senile and my Dad's sister ended up ringing the Head of Social Services directly and embarrassing him into getting my Mum assessed. Then my Dad magically got two ladies dropping in morning and evening and somebody at lunchtime, after years of him tying to look after Mum on his own and run the farm as well.

Mr M knows some things that might at least help you make a start - I'll ask him and PM you, okay?

Hang on in there.... (((((((((((((((batty))))))))))))))))

And ((((((((((((all the grumpies))))))))))))))))))))

We've had a day out at Castle Howard today. Walked miles and eaten loads... it probably balances out...

Thanks guys. I appreciate all suggestions and ideas so PM away.

I think that a big part of the problem is that while it's obvious she has dementia, she hasn't actually been that bad when in front of the doctors, so what I've said to them may not be sinking in. Or maybe they think I'm making too much of stuff. The other big, big part of the problem is that she is in complete denial and delusional. As far as she's concerned there is nothing wrong with her and the doctors etc are scheming against her on my say so. She won't have anything to do with me at the moment because she's convinced that I tried to steal her house, and she's not agreeing to see anyone because I'm paying them to say she's mad. She says she's seen 10 doctors who all say she's well. Obviously none of it is true but she hasn't even had a proper diagnosis (she was due to have a scan first, but won't go) so no one wants to get involved. What I'm hearing and reading is that she can't be forced to get medical help unless she's literally about to come to harm.

How does all that sound compared to what you guys know about this kind of thing?

P.S. The psychiatrist was concerned that my mum locks herself in but often loses keys. I've had 4 sets cut for her but only one key for one lock remains now. If she lost that key, or needed help, she doesn't know any numbers to call, not mine, not 999, nothing. So a panic button monitored by warden call was suggested. I arranged for someone to go round but she told them that she was onto them (being in cahoots with me) and said no to it. And that's that, apparently. Nothing more can be done. The chap called me and was very nice about it but the end result is that she's still isolated and with no way of getting help, should she need it.

Btw, glad you had a nice day handy.

you could ask for a mental health act assessment??

Maybe, but I'd hate to put her through it. She's not bad enough to be sectioned (in my opinion, of course) but certainly bad enough to need a lot of support to live independently. It would be great if someone with experience (like a CPN) spent a bit of time with her, assessed her properly, and had a go at making her understand that she's ill. Maybe then she'd accept help and medication. There's no cure, of course, but dementia will kill you sooner or later. Getting medical help now would prolong her life and give her a better quality of life for a while. That's what I'm trying to achieve, for now. Not easy!

From what I understand of the Act, bats, you should be within your rights to insist on her getting the scans etc without her permission if you really needed to. I've only skim-read it and I don't know it in practice of course - so I'm sure snowbes will correct me if I'm wrong - but acute memory problems is deffo one of the criteria. It doesn't necessarily mean having her sectioned.

I know it seems cruel, but you can't keep getting bounced back all the time. And the way her memory is, she'll forget it all... oh blimey, it's so sad!

(((((((((((((((((haveahug)))))))))))))))))))))

I don't trot out platitudes BG, but right now my heart aches for you. i know it's a tough call, but in truth I don't think any professional could make your ma understand and accept her declining faculties. That is a long way from making a decision to have her sectioned; there is a half way house - is a nursing home out of the question?

She'd be outraged at the suggestion, so we're back to what to do if she doesn't give consent. And, to be honest, she'd be very unhappy in one while she's still kind of aware of what's happening.

I've emailed the psychiatrist with what snowy and handy have suggested. It'll be interesting to see what they say.

I haven't got any better ideas but I'm sending loads of vibes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From what you've described I'm not as convinced as Iggy that you're that far from making the decision to have her sectioned; I keep harking back to the phrased 'they know what they know' - if she truly is that deluded, and I think she sounds as though she is, I'd be really worried for her too. Mega hugs. xxx

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ from here too

Preview was fab - tonight's the night.

Winter is coming.

((((((((((BG))))))))))
These are really some tough times for you and your mother. I don't have anything helpful to offer you that hasn't already been suggested or said (especially what SP said) but I'm thinking of you.

((((GOWs))))

I've been enjoying spring in Holland while worrying a bit about my son who's in Japan right now for his holiday anyway....

At first I was completely stumped by this post.

I'm an hour ahead of you Brits now and keep falling asleep on all the great shows.(Us old peeps do that a lot. ) I've programmed my old VCR just in case.

Oh well, I got back to an email saying that they can only get involved with her conset, unless there's immediate physical risk blah, blah... I don't know if that's the party line because they don't realise how ill she is, or if this is really what happens out there in the real world. I do see, from reading around this stuff online, that people in my situation seem to have enormous mountains to climb, so at least I'm not taking this personally! When you have people who work within the system tearing their hair out, you know there's something generally not quite right, to put it mildly. At least there's still a CPN lined up to see her but the waiting time is, apparently, long. Some of the advice I've read is to step right back, as that sometimes creates a crisis, prompting outside help. Given that I am 'right back' at the moment anyway, maybe that's what's going to happen. I'd just rather not have the crisis.

But I must stop going on about it.

We went to see Limitless this afternoon and it was okay. Different. Not fantastic but not crap. And it's a bit night for us Game of Thrones girls. Can't wait. Well, I can. I'm recording it so I don't have to sit through the ads. And there'll be wine. Eeeeek!!!

Well... sitting back may have to be the answer, bats. If no-one from the System is goig to take it seriously till you stop helping, you'll have to stop helping. TBH that's what Mr M ended up doing all those years ago with his Dad; I *was* hoping we'd have moved ona little since then. Pah!

Anyhoo - GoT!
We don't have Sky, but my fabby fabby work friend is recording it for us, and since I can't be spoilered I shall be reading the thread over in Cult and salivating like mad! I'm so excitied!

PS - batty, do go on about it, as much as you like. Just so long as it helps you.