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Scenes we'd like to see on The Apprentice


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Old 03-10-2010, 20:16
Tercet2
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In honour of Dara O Briain's new role on Your Fired, perhaps we can make him feel at home with this section of Mock the Week. Done a few, please add. I'm sure the next 12 weeks will add plenty of inspiration


..I think I've heard enough Suralun, I'm out.

I always give 100%, but this morning I woke up and couldn't be ar$ed anymore.

Actually that job doesn't appeal, what else you got?

Out of the three of us, I think I should be fired.

Well the final task has to be something special. I want you to design the athletes' village for the Commonwealth Games in India

and who asked for your opinion Nick?

Times are hard. The economy has tanked. So that explains why you lot are here.

As I'm sick of people conning their way into this process, only to want a media career, I've decided the next 12 weeks will be done with a paper bag over your head.

A LOSS? YOU MADE A LOSS! S'alright, done it myself a few times. Easily done.

On your cv, it says you do an impression of a dinosaur. So do I.

The cars will arrived depending on the traffic.

So the team names are Schadenfreude and Glee?

I know what you were hoping, but nothing abroad this year. Instead you're off to The North. It's partly budget and partly because I don't like northerners.

No task this week, you will be interviewed by four of my trusted business collegues...Conquest, War, Famine and Death

I know the words to Candle in the Wind but it doesn't make me Marilyn Monroe.

(voiceover) But first they have to name their teams, pick a project manager and decide which two will be getting it on this year.

Thank you Karren for your insight. But you can go now, Margaret's finished her degree.

Lord Alan will see you right after he's removed Piers Morgan from his ar$e.

Right, back to the Penthouse, or whatever magazine you've done a deal with.

...you're hired! And may God have mercy on your soul. Proceed.

And once you've designed your sports equipment, I've laid on appointments with two of the biggest buyers in football, West Ham and Portsmouth.

You're Fired! ........ Sorry can we do that again, you pointed at the wrong one.

Oh excuse me! I'm looking at your cv here and it says you were Chancellor of the Exchequer for ten years.

And no, it doesn't need the benefit of hindsight for at least one of you to have realised that your tourist attraction, 'jumping the shark', should not have used a live shark!
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Old 04-10-2010, 16:47
boxx
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Amstrad? I had no idea. *Walks out*
____

"...That's a good name, boys team. What have you named yourselves?"
"Bunch of c***s suralan"
"You're all hired"
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Old 04-10-2010, 20:27
pulltheotherone
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Sugar pulling his trousers down and proving he's a good jewish boy!
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Old 04-10-2010, 22:31
apprenticeguru
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Another chicken-related disaster for me.
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Old 04-10-2010, 22:33
meglosmurmurs
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Very immature, but I'd love someone to break wind in the boardroom, trying their best to hide it.
I'm sure it must have happened in the past, but only the 'silent but violent' variety.
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Old 04-10-2010, 23:07
Tercet2
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Very immature, but I'd love someone to break wind in the boardroom, trying their best to hide it.
I'm sure it must have happened in the past, but only the 'silent but violent' variety.
Everyone looks at James
'Wot???"

There's probably been a lot of switching rabbits noses in there over the years. But I'd rather not think about it
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Old 06-10-2010, 10:06
ScottishSteve
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Jurgen Klinsmann as a special guest.
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Old 06-10-2010, 10:28
ic1male
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I'd like to see Jo Brand replace Lordsralan for one of the tasks, whilst he's away on business.
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Old 06-10-2010, 13:11
Tercet2
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I'd like to see Jo Brand replace Lordsralan for one of the tasks, whilst he's away on business.
Like away on a book signing event maybe?

(Jo Brand) So you were the team leader then? That's a shame, I was trying to wean myself of making knob gags, but hey ho.
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Old 06-10-2010, 13:39
floopy123
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One thing I'd like to see..

Someone being a bit modest and not claiming they're the best salesman/woman in Europe or in their company or whatever.

Nope, it's never gonna happen.
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Old 06-10-2010, 16:36
UnrealityTV
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I'd like to see Karren Brady in a naked mud-wresting contest. With me.
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