OK, it's become clear from the tenor of the discussion on this forum over the past few weeks that the "it's all just a bit of entertainment" camp and the "shouldn't there be at least some dancing?" camp are never going to agree. So, in the spirit of Jonathan Swift's original, I present A Modest Proposal for satisfying both camps, even if we can't bring them together:
[LIST][*]Weeks 1 and 2 would proceed as at present, with each couple given two dances to 'set out their stalls.'
[*]At the end of week 2, the judges' scores for week 1 and 2 would be combined, with no public vote. The top seven highest scorers would go in to Pool A, and the lowest seven into Pool B.
[*]Pool A would then compete weeks 3, 5, 7, etc, with Pool B competing weeks 4, 6, 8, etc.
[*]In odd-numbered weeks, all the old rules about percentage time in hold, no lifts until later in the competition, etc, would be rigorously enforced.
[*]In the even-numbered weeks, the only rule would be that any routine that doesn't include at least one silly prop leads to instant disqualification. Any couple wishing to skip the time-wasting 90 seconds of "dance" and just get down to the essential business of being rude to the judges would be allowed, nay encouraged, to do so.
[*]Both sets of weeks would proceed as normal to their own finals, with two glitterballs awarded.
[*]The even-numbered weeks would be re-named "Strictly Come Faffingabout," to make it absolutely clear that it's not a dancing contest.
[*]People who actually want to watch a dance contest would be encouraged to watch
their old DVDs of the early series in even-numbered weeks. Or watch the panda-cam all evening. Or even, you know, go out socially or something.[/LIST]
I feel that this Modest Proposal, whilst not representing complete victory for either camp, at least gives both sides some of what they want. And what could be more egalitarian than that?

In week three they could bring in their
A) dear Nana , preferably a live , talking one ,
B) a sick friend who loves SCD and its keeping her alive .
C) a small child who will do a funny " Keep Dancing " move, the younger the better,
D) . Visit a hospital with your partner and visit the paeds ward for the longest
E) Bring in an abused donkey that you have saved from being put down .

Feel free to add in possibilities ,
There would be no scores that week , but a bit like Top Trumps a dead nana would beat a live one hands down ,The donkey would trump the hospial visit etc

Can I nominate both Abba and ceemage for post of the day?

Ceemage, it's a delight to see that satire is alive and kicking.

Sorry, Abba, but laugh though I did, your suggestions belong in week four as I think ceemage has established that the even weeks are for faffing abaht? No dancer or sleb competing in the odd weeks should be allowed to talk about anything other than their training and the technical difficulty of remembering a heel lead.

... could we hold it in a jungle as well! One with an ice rink

Don't *all* good jungles have their own ice rinks?

You might all think you are talking satire here, but the last few weeks have shown that these points have become the reality**

**We should be grateful that dead nans only appear in oral narratives, it would be far worse if they were wheeled out in their own funeral caskets.

**The word fun should definitely be forbidden and banned this year.

**Looking at some of the dances this year, I'm dreading the show danceshow can anyone beat Kara's dance last night, apart from another Peter Pan routine?

Don't forget the wardrobe dept's contribution to this.

In even numbered weeks, the costumes should be as inappropriate as possible. All ballroom dances should be conducted in the skimpiest of outfits, and failure on the part of the man to disrobe his upper body should result in a loss of half a mark. Extra half marks should be given for funny coloured hair, false beards, moustaches, outsized glasses etc.

In odd numbered weeks, ballroom dances should be conducted in clothes that Fred and Ginger would have been proud to wear.

You forgot the pet goldfish, the tapir and llama!

Brilliant!

You know, the Pool A and B thing ain't a bad idea, especially if you could have league tables, promotion and relegation and eliminations could only come from Pool B!

Even weeks could retain the current camera work and lighting effects so that we are not inconvenienced by seeing the full body lines and footwork. With luck there will be more and bigger props, reducing the dancefloor, sorry, entertainment area to a minimum so that the entertainers don't have to move too far.

LMAO - that's definitely post of the weekend!

I think that each Celeb should be "sponsored" by a judge. you then bring back the dance off, however the sponsor dances in the dance off! Ooh I'd just love to see a Len / Craig dance off

And which week should they dance a week to a 4/4 tune, totally ignoring the beat, but really 'feeling the music'?

Weeks 2, 5 and 7 but only when Craig is not menstruating

Whole extra mark for the women wearing these.

Brilliant Thread of the series so far in my books!!

What about the music?!

How about every faffingaboutweek we get the X Factor rejects (thus worse than the supposed'amazing talent' on the live shows) to make animal noises into the microphone in what they believe to be some sort of 'tune' and on the other alternating weeks we have music with NO lyrics

Whoops, should have been "Dance a waltz to a 4/4 tune"

Or maybe for faffingabout weeks, they have a hat with a selection of varied music styles, and another with dances.

Each couple pick out of each hat, and they have to dance their dance to that piece of music, no matter how inappropriate.


Oh wait, they already do that, don't they?

I thought the judges could use the hat to pick their scores out of - no thinking about it that's another thing they're already doing.

Faffing about week means standing ovations for everyone. Serious weeks mean standing ovation only if all footwork is correct (that does mean of course that anyone wanting to be in the audience will need to sit a wirtten dance test before they are given a ticket).

... and Harry Hill can present the final!

'There's only one way to settle this!... Fffffffffffffffiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!'

(I would actually pay money to see that. Even my own).