DS Forums

 
 

Recipe for X Factor success


Reply
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 08-11-2010, 11:45
fefster
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 5,842

On musing, here are some tips for a successful contestant:

1. Have a sob story of some kind. A dead relative/ broken relationship/ cancer or some other life-threatening disease.

2. Get an unusual hairdo. Preferably a beehive or adornments such as a headscarf.

3. Have potential for a nervous breakdown. Timing for this meltdown should be either at bootcamp or the judge's houses by crying/ forgetting words/ getting a life-threatening disease which stops you from singing properly (see point 1)

4. Potential for 'diva-ness'. Being a diva means pretending to be high-maintenance but remember don't take it to far, because if you do actually become hard-work for any of the mentors, you're finished.

5. If you must sing out of tune, do so in a weird falsetto and keep your eyes closed. That way, the judges can call you intense and still retain their credibility.

6. If you are getting hate from the public, try a quirky song. Something from a children's film preferably.

7. Re-invent yourself endlessly and at the end of every performance say "this is the real me". It will confuse the public.

8. If you can't sing at all, grow your hair, cultivate a reputation as a ladies man, forget your words, forget your timing and have boobie rubbing dancers. Preferably, have a dancer who is willing to flash her vagina. You are on your way to the final.

9. If all else fails, fall on the stage, shout Sod You All and if necessary lose control of your bodily functions. Ritual humiliation is all part of the process. Remember Kinga from Big Brother. Try that on your 'Save Me' song and I'm sure you'll be safe.

Rant over
fefster is offline   Reply With Quote
Please sign in or register to remove this advertisement.
 
Reply




 
Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 18:18.