I'm pulling out of this show because I'm too tired doing one dance a week, I don't know how I'll be able to do two.

" One of my distant relatives has died but I'm not going to allow an emotional VT about it".

Ann " And for our next routine, Anton will be dressed as His Holiness the Pope. I, will be re enacting the William Wallace death scene from 'Braveheart'.

"I wish I was paired with [insert pro-dancer name]"

"We haven't been laughing in training this week"

"Anton is the best latin dancer on the show"

"I don't plan on returning to my old school or my hometown as part of my weekly VT"

"My family aren't proud of me and don't watch the show"

"What's the point of dragging myself to ITT for a shoddy three min interview?"

"Hair and makeup made a massive cock up earlier this afternoon - I've always said that they useless!"

Bruce: It's so lovely to be here in.....(struggles to read the autocue).......Blackpool, yes, Blackpool. I bet you're enjoying yourself in this wonderful part of England Ann?

Widdy: Well Bruce.....It's often said that the "North West" is the armpit of England......and that Blackpool's a little bit further down.

" Thats it from us this week - stay tuned for tonights big movie, Massage Girls of Bangkok - Keep Dancing!!!!"

And the winner of Strictly Come Dancing is... Felicity and Vincent! Hmmm

Tess: Tess's lines in blue, Brucie's lines in white. Welcome to Strictly Come Dancing, pause for applause. Are you excited to see what our cuppals have in store for us tonight? Pause for cheering. If only the judges were so excited! Pause for canned laughter.

(insert celeb's name here): Well, to be honest we didn't really try this week, and we're not enjoying it. I'm never tired, and the schedules far too sparse

Bit random! You must really have something against them.

Listen Ann, you're a terrible dancer, you're not funny and you have zero personality.

Judges " We're not told what to do by the producer and we're never, biased. ".

Competitor " I couldn't give a stuff, about getting to Blackpool".

Pro dancer of celeb partner " He/she has been a total pain in the ars8e since week one. He/she smells bad, can't count past three and dances like he/she is on a permanent bad trip. If we're not knocked out of the competition soon I'm going to have to kill him/her".

Pro dancer " I was well aware that the nine lifts we did are illegal ones but I'm happy to have a score of four ones because the public will keep us in for the circus act we just did".

Craig Oh Gavin I thought your dance was amazing


later in the scoring

Craig 10

We've been told to say it's an entertainment programme, and that AW is hilarious.If we don't we won't get a contract for next year. The BBC is determined to dumb down in order to boost its popularity.

We could be getting this on Saturday to try and keep Gavin in.

I love those last two posts.

Judges " Matt, we actually love your facial expressions but we can't think of any other excuse to undermark you".

Judges " We can't blame Scott for not turning up to dance his routine but he's a superb dancer and it's happened to us all, so we've given him 9's again".

"We interrupt this programme to remind you that all tonights X Factor performances are available to download on Itunes"

No just cos they're not in anymore

Quite frankly I enjoyed the singers more than I enjoyed your pathetic attempt at a dance.

Artem: Tess, if you make one more suggestively lewd comment about me and my dancing partner, I'm going to teach you the Russian meaning of pain.

Claudia on ITT: "Ann, everyone on the 'Forums', apart from a couple of complete *******, thinks you are monumentally foul."

Just joking.

Claudia on ITT:

"Come on Craig, I'm no expert but that training looks **** to me"


"He's the dance guru, the one man you'd love to have solving all your dancing problems, it'ssssssssssss Brucie"


"Unfortunately I don't have any quotes from the forums as no one on there appears to have an opinion on this ..." (no offense guys)

Ann, just one quick question. Why don't you p*ss off?

Bruce - " After tonights show, do yourself a favour and switch over to X Factor cos Merlins f....n' shit!"

Heehee

Also:

"I £$%**&** LOVE that machine, but, this being the BBC I must apologise for any offence caused by that"