LOL Weeesel.....

In relation to 1D was " **** " and " ******* **** " meant to be "good" and "f*cking good"?! .....just a hunch!

I suspect not Slipper lol !

Rebecca - Show me Love...............Groovy
Mary - Never Can say Goodbye.....Bingo
Matt - You've Got the Love.............Wicked
Cher - Nothing on You....................Repugnant
1D - Only Girl in the World..............Appalling

Matt - Always a Woman..................Lurgy
Mary - Memories.............................Impersonator
Cher - Love the Way You Lie............Abomination
Rebecca - Amazing Grace..............Tatical
1D - Chasing Cars..........................Tragic

Song 1

Rebecca.....discotime
Mary....Retro
Matt....Tryer
Cher....forgetable
1D....mimed

Song 2
Matt.......Great
Mary....Better
Cher.....Obvious
Rebecca......AMAZING
1D........zzzzzzzzzz

Overall......BRINGBACKWAGNER!!!

Rebecca - Boring
Mary - Kareoke
Matt - ill
Cher - Loved
1D - Backing-track

Rebecca : 1st song ok 2nd song passable
Mary : Appearing at a bingo hall near you in 2011 (`nuff said ?). She certainly has the wings for it.
Matt : Oh dear ! And still looks like a skinny Johnny Vegas
Cher : Poor to mediocre. I wonder if she sells clothes pegs or lucky heather during the intervals ?
1 D : Definitely have the emphasis on "dire" in their name, both efforts were utterly appalling. Snow Patrol should sue.

Rebecca - Show me Love.............Excellent
Mary - Never Can say Goodbye..Cringeworthy
Matt - You've Got the Love..........Average
Cher - Nothing on You..................Awful
1D - Only Girl in the World..........Cheesy


Matt - Always a Woman...............Strained
Mary - Memories........................Murdered
Cher - Love the Way You Lie........Atrocious
Rebecca - Amazing Grace............Good
1D - Chasing Cars......................Dross

Rebecca - Show me Love...............Brilliant
Mary - Never Can say Goodbye.....Sunfly
Matt - You've Got the Love.............Failure
Cher - Nothing on You....................Funny
1D - Only Girl in the World..............Fake

Matt - Always a Woman..................Decent
Mary - Memories.............................Poor
Cher - Love the Way You Lie.........Laughable
Rebecca - Amazing Grace..............Class
1D - Chasing Cars..........................Fake

Rebecca - Show me Love...............Flat
Mary - Never Can say Goodbye.....Karaoke
Matt - You've Got the Love.............Strained
Cher - Nothing on You....................OK
One Direction-Only Girl In The World..........OK


Matt – Always a woman to me …….. OK
Mary – The Way We Were ……….. Goodbye.
Cher – Love the way you lie ……. Ouch
Rebecca – Amazing Grace …… Amazing
Wand Erection – Chasing Cars ….. OK

The show - average

Rebecca - Thanks
Matt - Sorry
Cher - Hello
Mary - Goodbye
1D - Laters

Rebecca - Show me Love...............Enjoyable
Mary - Never Can say Goodbye.....Pub
Matt - You've Got the Love.............Painful :/
Cher - Nothing on You....................Cringe
1D - Only Girl in the World..............Lively

Matt - Always a Woman..................Disappointing
Mary - Memories.............................Poor
Cher - Love the Way You Lie.........Likeable
Rebecca - Amazing Grace..............Difficult
1D - Chasing Cars..........................Surprising

.
Rebecca murdered Amazing Grace. After her first song Louis said she could dance, Did she dance? I must have nodded off as I never saw Rebecca twitch her legs never mind shake them.

Cher was very good, at least she is being herself and not a clone of a famous singer

Matt is so forgetable, boring and not my winner by a long chalk.

One Direction terriible...looked like some miming went on

Mary pub-sang her songs....she is over-hyped

Rebecca - Show me Love...............Poor
Mary - Never Can say Goodbye......Awful
Matt - You've Got the Love.............Good
Cher - Nothing on You....................Good
1D - Only Girl in the World..............Suspect

Matt - Always a Woman..................Shaky
Mary - Memories.............................Poor
Cher - Love the Way You Lie.........Average
Rebecca - Amazing Grace..............Over-rated
1D - Chasing Cars..........................Average

Rebecca - Show me Love...............danced?
Mary - Never Can say Goodbye......enough
Matt - You've Got the Love................good
Cher - Nothing on You......................c(rap)
1D - Only Girl in the World...............autotuned

Matt - Always a Woman...................stroppy
Mary - Memories...............................pub
Cher - Love the Way You Lie...........makeitstop
Rebecca - Amazing Grace..............Over-rated
1D - Chasing Cars............................seeabove

overall show.......................................contrived

absolutely agree with all of that....except the cher bit (obviously)

Rebecca - Enchanting
Matt - Poorly
Cher - reasonable
One Direction - usual
Mary - boring.

LMAO!

How can I put this..... 'no'.

Rebecca - Show me Love...............Boring :yawn:
Mary - Never Can say Goodbye.......Predictable :sleep:
Matt - You've Got the Love..............Good (only because of his throat though, I think it would've been amazing if he wasn't ill)
Cher - Nothing on You....................Brilliant
1D - Only Girl in the World..............Okay

Matt - Always a Woman..................Average :sleep:
Mary - Memories.............................Poor :yawn:
Cher - Love the Way You Lie............Exciting
Rebecca - Amazing Grace...............Awful
1D - Chasing Cars...........................Good

Rebecca - Show me Love...............Groovy
Mary - Never Can say Goodbye.....YAWN
Matt - You've Got the Love.............Amazing
Cher - Nothing on You....................Dire.
1D - Only Girl in the World..............Average.

Matt - Always a Woman..................Disappointing (but still better than the rest!)
Mary - Memories............................YAWN
Cher - Love the Way You Lie............Terrible
Rebecca - Amazing Grace..............Boring.
1D - Chasing Cars..........................Samey.

Matt - manflu
Rebecca - sublime
Mary - average
1D - mimed
Cher - lousy

I've only just read this opening post, & I think that apart from One Direction's 'adorable', you've managed to sum up every performance pretty accurately. I don't think I could do much better, so I won't try!