[LIST][*]Mention Dead Relative who would have loved to see you do this.
[*]Bring cute ickle kids to training - bonus points if they are your own.
[*]In absence of ickle kids, grandkids are acceptable. Opting for nephews and nieces may be seen as trying too hard and could lead to a deduction of points.
[*]Get a man-flu/cold in a tough week - wear loads of scarves and get bonus points.
[*]Create a nickname/funny teamname/weird pronunciation of your name - bonus points if the latter is awarded to you by Bruno. Extra points if Craig uses your name and fabulous in syllables.
[*]Have famous friends in the audience who can be mentioned ad nauseam during a live show and who - of course - you are mortified to dance in front of.
[*]Nans in the audience are vote-winners - dead nans in the audience lead to maximum points on the bingo.
[*]Complain about your heavy workload on top of your SCD schedule. - bonus points for video evidence.
[*]If possible, create a bit of a showmance but make it believable. If you are already involved or your partner is, opt for a bromance with a fellow contestant who also never thought they'd do this show but still signed on.
[*]Be competitive but keep it to yourself, too much of a good thing rubs viewers the wrong way.
[*]Have a birthday, and be over excited and 'surprised' by a single, half filled balloon, preferably brought in by your TV husband/wife/mum/dad and a plate of stale nibbles. A life-changing birthday can last a few weeks. If you cannot have a birthday then a wedding could work
[*]Invent your own dance step that you use in every dance whether it goes or not ... see Tittarubba, The Prancing Pony and The Hello Ducky Shimmy. Only advised to those who reach the latter parts of the competition, say past-Wembley.
[*]Have a wound. Jade Johnson levels of wounding are not to be encouraged but a slight flesh wound, possibly involving an Ugg boot and packet of frozen peas could work. A bandage that can be revealed is always a go-er, although bleeding blisters are a bit off putting. Try to avoid taking a bye (infectious illness is the only excuse for this and you have to come back the next week still bearing the scabs). Just slotting in an operation on your day off is also good. Extra points are given if you can manage to wound your pro.
[*]During the week, go visit a salsa club, or an AT night, or a tea dance to really get the feel of a dance. Then do not do anything authentically salsa-y, tangoish or foxtrotty on Saturday night.
[*]If you are a man famous for playing a team sport, make sure you have at least one clip of you returning to your club so your team mates can josh you and then when you're out of the room say "seriously I think he's really brave" in the tone of someone who's just going for a tour of duty in Kandahar.This also works for soap actors/actresses and helps producers find their next contestants (/victims)
[*]If you are forced to fill VT time by visiting a school to perform in front of a schoolclass you have absolutely no connection to you are not securing the ovarian vote. Be worried and decline as it will not work. If you are connected to the kids, go for it because cute kids equal bonus points.
[*]Hammer home your superfan credentials, mentioning ad nauseum how you can't believe your luck at getting to wear the same dress as your toilet roll dolly and swoon in the arms of a rather toned hot dancer on a Saturday. While this might give you bingo points, it will work adversely on your votes if express it too much
[*]Have fun, mention how much fun you're having at every available opportunity, prove how much fun you're having by doing monkey impressions during rehearsals and by laughing inanely on ITT. Too much fun will lose you votes though, everything in moderation
[*]If you're not having fun and you feel the public are picking up on this, have a cry, stomp out of the training room camera in tow and make your pro have a strop. Bonus points if the pro isn't James or Brendan. Extra points if you make your male pro cry. Triple bonus points for making Erin or Natalie cry.
[*]Have a huge argument for the VT - make out you JUST CAN'T DO IT!! and your partner is expecting too much from you. Crying adds bonus points, as does leaving the room and slamming the door. Extra bonus points are considered for crouching down outside with head in hands and partner understandingly rubbing your back/arm. Points are only awarded if you miraculously pull it off on the night to make it look suspiciously like you could do it anyway and the strop was for the sole purpose of the VT!
[*]If you are emerging through the ranks as a judges favourite/contender, appear humble and modest. The Prayer Hands of Thanks can be useful in this, but overuse can cause irritation and lose you votes. Also used is the hand over heart while mouthing thank you at the glowing comments with a simpering look intended to convey suprise at doing well but be aware that doing the "aw shucks what little me good??" routine will backfire majorly if you're clearly and always have been brilliant and can lead to a deduction of points plus the dubious Internet honour of being called "smug"
[*]Have a journey, don't mention this journey, don't mention it as "j-word" either. "Rollercoaster" is skating close to the edge but won't lose you points. Extra points for being upfront about previous dahnce experience, though this might lose you votes.
[*]Give it 110% or larger, anything less than 110% will make you seem like a slacker. Bonus points for using quantaties larger than 1000%
[*]Aim for Wembley, but don't mention it until two weeks beforehand, you might appear desperate. Don't mention getting to Blackpool, it's the final so you might come accross too confident.
[*]Humour Brucie, he sure won't humour you. Bear with Tess, there's a point in there somewhere...surely...otherwise show her your guns. Hand guns are not cool and will lead to point deduction.
[*]Be funny with Zoe on ITT but know when to stop - prolonged hilarity when the moment has passed, been cremated and scattered over the White Cliffs of Dover will lead to point deduction.
[*]Finally just be yourself, or the best version of yourself, or the version of yourself you want the world to see without being fake, dammit your career depends on this shit![/LIST]
)”
