HE was Big Brother’s most outspoken housemate — now Victor Ebuwa is The Sun’s new BB columnist.

He’s signed up to the show’s official paper and gets stuck into his ex-housemates here, in the first of his occasional columns . . .

I COULDN’T stop laughing when I heard the housemates were being put into shackles.

Michelle and her ground rules — she should shut her face. That girl’s nuts.

BB was unkind, but if they were going to be really unkind they should have handcuffed Jason and Nadia together.

We’d have had a ratings timebomb — those two can’t stand each other.

Stu has a soft spot for Shell but Michelle’s not even going to allow him to entertain those thoughts. When Stu comes out I’m going to slap him into shape.

I can’t understand why he and Michelle are the headlining act. They’re just two dry characters. When she gets out, Michelle will drop him like a bad habit.

Stu likes her, but he’s not serious, he’s naive. He is ruled by her. I’m not surprised they slept together — it was more her choice. They have nothing in common. She’s a spoilt brat.

Michelle was bitching about her sister all day, how she gets everything she wants. But every time there’s a task, she’s always got to be the headline act.

She has to be the sergeant, the bride at the wedding — she HAS to be NO1.

The whole show was made for Michelle and Stuart and it started p***ing me off.

All Michelle had going for her was that she liked to get her t**s out every two minutes. It’s not that interesting.

She’s a bunny boiler. You can’t get two minutes of Stu’s time without her slithering across the room to hold his hand.

Stu was stuck to my foot like dog s*** in a park the first couple of weeks — then all of a sudden the guy is up her arse.

He used to hang with the Jungle Cats, now he’s just a domesticated feline.

Shell’s not that bad, but she needs to get more tricks up her sleeve. Everyone keeps defending her, but she called me a c*** for no reason. Am I supposed to take that?

As for Dan — he’s going to be a washed- up wedding singer by the time this finishes.

He doesn’t want to win. Why the hell is he there? His whole life is a publicity stunt. I want Jason to win — if not him, then Nadia. At least she’s being herself, but she should come clean that she’s a transsexual.

If you’re proud of who you are, you don’t hide it. She was a dipstick anyway.

Jason will go livid because she hit him. The only reason why he didn’t hit her was because she was a woman.

He’ll be all right with Michelle. But Jason knows he has to socialise. Whether or not he can be bothered is a different matter.

The next few days are touch and go for him. He needs to return to the fun-loving guy he was in the first two weeks. He’s not vain, that’s just all they show of him.

I hope he can turn it around and that Michelle goes on Friday, but I won’t lie — apart from Jason and Ahmed, I don’t give a stuff about those guys. They’re jackasses.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2...342210,00.html

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Has he lost the comedy spark already?

god victors so up himself, i cant belive that even the scum are paying him for his opinions

Surely you jest! Have no fear. There is more to come from the Slickster.

Good luck to him, bet they've paid him quite a few grand for that.

I flatly refuse to believe that Thicktor wrote that. :sleep:

His Mum is an English teacher.

Surely you do not think she ghosted it.

who layed the page out tho'? doesn't need a <p> every other line!! typical sun, crap at everything! heh

I do not jest. The above wasn't funny at all. Now I'm no Victor mark, but I admit the guy had many funny moments. He has a sort of raw gift for comedy, but if he wants it to go places, he needs to do a lot of work. He's no 'comedy genius' like many of his followers here claim. He _could_ be, in time, but not right now.

Of course, he'll probably make a boatload of money as an 'amateur' anyway.

yeah I was thinking that fannianni, I think they've probably paid him for the rights to write something under his name. and got one of the office tea boys to do it!

" As for Dan — he’s going to be a washed- up wedding singer by the time this finishes."

The gay cabaret.

Heckle him, and he will learn.

In the next two weeks? Because when BB ends I am severing myself from anything to do with it, physically if neccessary. This crap has taken up too much of my summer and I always refused to become an addict. Except I became one.

I hope you are not going to turn this thread into YAVBT.

Victor is clearly the most articulate, most confident HM and is university-educated, unlike your Emma, who has the IQ of a 10 yr old.

If he can research and write term papers, a newspaper column should be no big deal. Assistant editiors and proof readers can sort out mistakes and lawyers check it out and advice on libel.

Be honest: it's been the most stimulating experrience of your life. You'd be better off severing your penis, then you can get Nadia and Michelle off your mind.

As for victor as a stand up - even as an ignorant amateur he's much better than the posh puffs who clog up our stand up circuit at the moment. I'll take a natural comic instinct over Oxbridge polish any day.

I love it.

It reads just like a good old forum rant. He'd fit right in here.

well victors seems a little put out that stu and michelle have got all the headlines while he has been in the house
he obviously expected them to be talking about nothing but him

Except of course that it needs to be written in chavspeak.

Go here...

http://forum.digitalspy.co.uk/board/...d.php?t=143255

you what?

Victor haters usually = Emma lover.

If not, I am ready to eat my keyboard.

JUST ANOTHER GOOD REASON NOT TO BUY THE SUN!!!

He probarbly lifted most of it from the forum.

Good luck to victor.I don't like him as a person but i continue to respect his contributions to BB5.
Fed's newspaper comments are more interesting but then Victor's just starting out.

what he said of Jason..... The next few days are touch and go for him. He needs to return to the fun-loving guy he was in the first two weeks. He’s not vain, that’s just all they show of him.

errrr has Victor forgoten people have E4?
If Jason isn't vain then I don't know what is?

What will Victor write about when BB has finished then?

I'm glad that Victor's been hired to do some writing. Ok, it's the Sun and I never read it but many peole do. It can be a launching pad for his verbal and communication skills. Victor seems quite articulate and well-read. He's astute in his observations of people and perhaps has a career in journalism and/or presenting when the whole "Slick from BB" persona dies down. I believe that he wrote his column himself unlike the illiterate and ignorant Jade who definitely has ghost writers for everything in print with her name on it.
Good luck to Victor and I hope a more upmarket publication snaps him up after BB is over.