Now that we think it's all over.

"Has vanished into obscurity" = "Has very sensibly gone back to work."

"Falling out of nightclubs" = "Still attracting the interest of the paparazzi".

"The opening of an envelope" = "Still being invited to media events, albeit of a less intellectually demanding nature".

"Still maintaining the fauxmance" = "Still together, and I still don't like them".

"Mercifully forgotten by everyone" = "unmercifully still annoying me on a daily basis".

"Whoring herself" = "getting offers of glamour/ cable tv work"

"Desperado" = "still getting assorted media work that my favourite HM would kill for". (a desperado is a violent outlaw btw not Jodie Marsh).

"Whatever happened to the [...] his fans swore he was going to get?" = "Someone once said they hoped he would go on to do [...], ha ha ha."

LOL we dont attract a diversity news on the forum these days and the free lance posters are not very many.Me thinks a change in forum dynamics means we dont have much of these cliches.

'Steering clear of the trashy zeleb scene' - doing f*ck all apart from the occasional interview for the local radio station.

The housemate's new occupation:
'DJ' = 'Doing Jacksh*t'

"(Some HM) lied" = "said something that might be false, even if they may not have known it was / would be false at the time."

"(Some HM) is a hypocrite" = "said / did something that can be spun as contrary to something they said / did earlier, even though that was so far back they might just have changed their mind."

"Why is (some HM) being singled out?" = "I want to call you a hypocrite but that would be too obviously against the forum's terms and conditions" or "Please don't pay any attention to (some HM)'s appalling behaviour when there are lesser offences we could be talking about."

"has no personality" = "isn't loud and annoying"

No disrespect to the keen and dedicated ones, but it is sometimes a handy refuge for those who want to look as if they are doing something more prestigious than 'unwithering my tomatoes on Farmville'.

My spies are everywhere.

I know I can always rely on you to be around lol

lol some good ones there and all very true - i thought this was going to be about BB on ch5 or not as the case maybe, i am sure there are a few cliches for that -

BB is coming back on CH5!: someone on twitter says it is so it must be true

Updated for a new generation.

"Has been fighting with Nichola McLean/ sallie Axl/ Billi Bhatti on twitter" = Did not get the warning and is now regretting it.

"Has obviously been buying twitter followers" = Has more twitter followers than my favourite.

"Has obviously got all the tweenie chavs following them on twitter" = Has more twitter followers than my favourite.

"People follow him/ her just to laugh at them" = Has more twitter followers than my favourite.

"Has got really up his/ her own arse since BB" = Does not reply to my tweets on the grounds that they have 96,000 followers.

"Everyone on Twitter is saying..." = Four people on my carefully selected twitter feed are saying...

"Stacking shelves at Aldi" = doing a paid job outside the media.

"Richard Desmond wanted them because..." = Richard Desmond has no idea who this person is.

"He/ She is doing their own reality tv show" = He/ she would like their own reality tv show.

While I agree with the general gist of the OP there have been more than a few cases were some of those cliches are pretty darn accurate.

bib made me laugh