I always wanted a pair of cats, and got two brothers last August, who were 4 months old from a cat sanctuary. One of them got run over this morning and died instantly

They have always been a close couple, and now on top of being devastated at losing one of my cats, I'm really worried about the other one. He seems ok at the moment, but I hate to think he will suffer from losing his brother. Anyone had an experience of this?

Life's a crock of s*** sometimes.

So sorry to hear about your poor wee boy, such an awful thing to happen. Your other wee boy needs lots of fuss and cuddles, he will probably miss him for a while and look for him but with plenty of reassurance from you will probably settle down. I think that cats readjust quicker than humans - I got my wee man when he was 9 weeks old and mine was his third home, after a day or two he was more at home than I was.

I am so sorry for your and your cats brother. I lost a cat to a rta myself nearly 3 years ago. I had other cats at the time and her soul mate. For me and my other cats i couldnt stand it and went too get another to heal the hole kay left us with and came back with 2 boys instead. It was totaly right for us and never regret doing it all

Thanks so much, I hope so. I can't believe just how terrible I feel

I had a brother and a sister cat who were together over 10 years, the brother died of cancer in/around his eye and his sister still lives on. She pined for him for quite a while, I guess that's only to be expected after 10 years of being together, but it's been a while now and she seems ok. Like others have said, lots of fuss will definitely help. Sorry about what happened to your cat.

My cat recently died after a very short illness. I have found her loss very difficult to deal with, I'm still crying quite a bit, but it's made worse by my other cat looking for her in all her old sleeping places. He wouldn't normally go near them. Also, every time he hears her name mentioned (which is quite a lot I'm afraid) his ears prick up and he looks towards the cat flap. Another cat came into the garden the other day and he got very excited until he went and sniffed her and realised it wasn't Tabitha.

He saw me and my friend take Tabitha away in a car, for the final time, and a few weeks earlier he saw me take away my friend's cat who had been staying with us for a few weeks and with whom he'd bonded. He just seems bewildered and confused at the moment and is definitely not his usual dopey self. However, he's very sweet when I'm crying and comes to give me cuddles.

I've been told that he will readjust in time. Unlike Tabitha, he's never been on his own before. I don't know if I'll ever readjust myself. Nothing feels right without Tabitha.

I'm really sorry for your loss. That would be my worse nightmare, at least I had nearly 16 good years with my cat. I can completely empathise with what you're going through. I agree with those who suggest making a fuss of your other cat because he's suffered a loss too.

I had a single cat before, and I always felt he was a bit lonely. This time I went for 2, and they have been funny, cute, and close the whole time. When they were kittens they couldn't be in different rooms at all, without them getting stressed and calling for each other. More recently they have been more independent of each other, but still liked to curl up together to sleep, and play fight from time to time. They had also been enjoying the sun together, lolling on their backs on the patio.

I had hoped they would spend their whole lives together, but in the end, they just had a year. I'm hopelessly sentimental about cats and find it hard not to attribute human feelings to them.

I think I'm missing their togetherness. The whole was greater than the sum of the parts. I'm giving my surviving cat the attention he needs, but he is quite restless, and it makes me even more sad.

People automatically ask me if I'm planning to get another cat. They even asked me this when Tabitha had just had her diagnosis which I found hurtful and insensitive . As far as I'm concerned, I only want Tabitha back, not any other cat, but part of me feels Bernard needs a companion, he's that sort of cat.

Did your remaining cat see your dead cat's body? Is he actively looking for him? I understand what you mean about ascribing human emotions onto our cats. Because we're grieving we feel our remaining cats feel likewise whereas it may be more about the change in the normal routine and the change in our own behaviour that they're reacting to.

I feel disloyal even considering another cat. Tabitha was unique and special and irreplaceable. I haven't bonded with Bernard in the same way because I took him on as a 18 month old cat when my friend emigrated. However, I do love him and want the best for him. I work very long hours and hate leaving him alone, particularly as he doesn't venture outdoors very much. Tabitha was so much more active when she was the same age (six).

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I'm still crying most days and I think of Tabitha nearly all the time. It's still so fresh for you and sudden death is difficult to accept, particularly as your cat was so young.

I can't say anything that's going to make you feel better except that many of us reading your thread empathise with your loss and pain. Perhaps, in time, you may consider another cat companion.

Thankyou, I'm so sorry for your loss too. Cats really get into your heart don't they! The first cat I had died about 20 months ago. He was such a character, I thought I could never replace him. When I got the two kittens last year, guess what? They couldn't replace, but they too had lovely characters, just different. One was fat and a right softie, and my remaining cat is sleek and panther like. Interestingly he has got more affectionate with me already since losing his brother. They got a lot of affection from each other, so I guess he is making up for it by coming to me and wanting attention and stroking etc.

Alfie didn't get to see his brother's dead body no. maybe I should have let him, but my son buried him straight away. He was run over, not a pretty sight However, he would have died instantly, so that at least is a blessing.

All cats are unique, I would get another one if I were you. You won't replace your Tabitha, but you wouldn't be disloyal either. It sounds like you would give a cat a lovely home.

I lost a cat to cancer a few weeks ago, aged 20.

For 18 months prior to that she shared the house with another cat although she never liked him and seemed to like annoying him whenever possible..

After she died, he seemed to look for her for a few days but then must have realised she wasn't coming back.

Here they are
http://www.flickr.com/photos/6040429...n/photostream/

Puterkid so so sorry for your loss.

I've been in exactly the same situation. We got two sisters last June who were 2 months old (hence making them same age as yours i think!) but one of our cats passed away in february from illness.

For the first few days it was heartbreaking to see Lola looking and calling for her sister. She also took to sleeping in her sister's favourite spots which she'd never been interested in before. She also became extremely clingy (she wouldnt leave our side!) and would only do things like eat (and she loves her food) if we stood by her the whole time. If we walked off she followed leaving her food uneaten.

It's now been two months, and she has got better. She does seem lonely in that she is desperate for our attention when we're in the house and has taken to 'play fighting' with us. But at the same time she is a massive attention seeker absolutely loving affection and always has been, and I worry she'd shun any new cat taking attention away from her.

Getting her a friend is still something we're considering, but I just want to do what is best for our cat, as I'm sure you do. And I still havent decided what that is!

Thankyou.

I've not decided yet either, I'm so worried now that if I did get another cat that the same thing would happen. There is a road near us, but we are surrounded by gardens and fields in most directions, and I've never seen either of my cats anywhere near the road before this happened and didn't think they went that way Now I know they must venture up to the road, I shall always worry about Alfie, and that if I got another cat, that one may get run over too.

On the other hand, having a companion for Alfie would provide him with company, but it will never be his big, fat, softy brother, and they may not even like each other

Alfie is more clingy, and wants to be picked up and stroked more than he did before. On the whole though, he's eating fine, and seems to be adjusting. Who knows what cats actually feel??

So sorry for your loss, Puterkid.

Cats can definitely grieve, have seen it in one of my cats who started over-licking one of her paws after I had to have her 'sister' PTS. I got her checked out in case she had pain in her foot, etc. but there was nothing wrong with it - the Vet confirmed that she was grieving.

There's quite a bit online about it, including this article here from FAB.

AFAIR it can take 4-6 months, and they generally advise not getting a new mog in that time (although that might be if they are overtly suffering)

I started off with two cats (litter mates) and then one of them got sick quite young and it became apparent she might not live as long as the other one. So in my 'wisdom', I got another one. It seems to be quite the thing to recomend getting two mogs together for company, but I wonder how many other people end up with three - and possibly more, entering the slippery slope towards mad cat-ladydom - and mandom too!

Anyway, best wishes to you and Alfie - and hope you can comfort each other through it.

Aww, poor little guy. I'm sorry.

So sorry to hear about the loss of your cat. It is devastating to lose an animal.

I was in a similar situation last year when one of mine died. His brother pined for him terribly, pulling his fur out, howling, looking for him, not eating. It was as upsetting to see him so distressed as it was losing my little one.

I left it 3 months to see if he would adapt without his brother, and gave him lots of love. But he never did. The vet suggested getting a kitten, that way my old cat can be the dominant one (I wanted a rescue cat but she said it might come with too much baggage and make the situation worse).

Enter my 9 month old kitten. At first I thought I had made things even worse as it was hate at first sight. But after 2 months they grew to tolerate each other. The old cat has stopped his pining and has grown his fur back and put on weight. Whether this would have happened anyway without a new cat I don't know.

I also felt guilty getting the kitten, as though I was replacing my cat that died. But they are such different personalities I don't think of him as a replacement, he is an addition to the family and I love him to bits.

I think we all know our cats, and their personalities and there is no right or wrong answer to how to help our cats through a bereavement, we just have to do what is best for that particular cat. Once again, sorry to hear of your loss, and every one else on here who has shared their stories. It's a cliche, but time is a great healer. I still get sad about my cat, but it no longer such a raw pain, and I think it is probably the same for his surviving brother.

I've found reading of your experience very useful Shadow because I spent yesterday looking at rehoming web sites, in floods of tears again as I think about my dead Tabitha.

My other cat has stopped looking for her and doesn't even react to hearing her name now. He seems to love all the extra attention he's receiving, he's stuck to my side.

However, I have a huge void in my own life. I feel better when I'm at work but spending time at home just reminds me of my loss. Even gardening just reminds me how Tabitha used to like to follow me around to 'help'. I need to be at home for my other cat so can't keep going out

I don't want to get another cat for the wrong reasons or not in my remaining cat's best interests. Another cat would keep me busy and distracted but, as you say, might come with baggage.

I don't want Bernard to feel 'pushed out'. That wasn't an issue for Tabitha when Bernard arrived because Tabitha was an independent, intelligent cat who was very secure with her own position in the house - she knew I always placed her first. She also always spent a lot of time outside in the garden so both cats had their own space when they were first brought together. Bernard never leaves my side, he rarely goes outside (though he toilets outdoors) he prefers the comfort of indoors, so introducing a new cat would be more difficult this time round.

Having said that, Bernard seems to love other cats. He likes to interact and play with them, he doesn't mind being chased himself. Tabitha used to give him the odd swipe when he was misbehaving and chasing her - but he adored her

I'll delay my decision for a bit longer.

It is a hard decision to make Marella. I'm sure you'll know when/if the time is right.

I know what you mean about the void in your life. The first time I came home from Tesco after Muppet died I couldn't stop crying for about an hour, because he loved to look in all the shopping bags to see if I had got any treats for him - up until that point I thought I had been coping well with his loss.

Just think how you could give one of those poor unwanted cats a loving home

My little cat got run over middle of March and everyone told me to wait six months before getting another one. However Sami left such a huge void I just couldn`t bear going home or being in the house without him.

Two weeks later I was collecting another cat from the rescue centre.... Although a totally different character, he filled the gap Sami left which helped me enormously and in return he has a loving home, plenty of food and lots of cuddles .

I have two cats, a brother and a sister, and this goes through my mind from time to time as to how either one would cope without the other. However, recently they both came into contact with a stray female kitten which had adopted my parents and they both took to it instantly. They seemed to recognise that it was younger than them and so they did not hiss or attack it but actually became quite protective of it. It was lovely to watch all three of them playing together in the garden, taking turns to chase a ball and feathers dangled from a pole. When not playing, the boy would wander around the garden a few feet behind the kitten and saw off two neighbouring bully cats so this was heartwarming (it turns out that the little stray was in season so was attracting a lot of unwanted attention but both my cats were protective of it).

I wonder if you got a young female cat, your Bernard might brighten up a little.

Yes, that's what I've been thinking but I've been drawn to female tabbies like Tabitha and I'm not sure if I should?

Bernard got fond of a year old female that came to stay with us for a few weeks in February (before I knew Tabitha was ill). She certainly livened him up, she was obsessed with chasing him but he kept coming back for more. He was rubbing up against her when she let him, he seemed fond of her.

I'm just worried things might not work out with a cat that I can't 'hand back', that Bernard might feel pushed out at the transition stage as he's currently so clingy to me.

I personally found the cat quite exhausting too. Tabitha wisely kept completely out of the way and just looked on as the other 2 cats charged around the house.

My preference would be a cat of similar age to Bernard (6) or a bit younger but it's still too soon I think. I'll have a chat with the CPL tomorrow and see what they think.

I'd definitely go for a female cat and one a fair bit younger than Bernard so that he is naturally dominant and doesn't feel pushed out. But I'd steer clear of cats that look like Tabitha, not for Bernard but for you. The reason I have my two now is that I spotted a cat identical to a cat I had as a child. I knew instantly it was a Siamese tabby and she is identical in almost every respect. The problem for me now is that my memory is a bit fuzzy. Where as before I had a very clear picture of Tom, now it's blurred with my current cat. If I get a cat in the future, I will make sure it looks nothing like any cat I have had.

I particularly wanted a female tabby when I got Tabitha all those years ago because my first childhood cat was a female tabby who I had an extreme attachment to, She got killed by a train in rural Ireland just a few months after we relocated there from England. I was 12, the cat was 7. There were only about 2 trains a day and the line was about 4 fields away That was the most upset I've ever been up until losing Tabitha. We lost dogs and subsequent cats but, although upset, I was able to move on fairly quickly and not grieve so intensely.

I seem to bond best with female tabbies though I know every cat is individual. I often felt Tabitha was a reincarnation of 'Puss' because they were so alike, not really in appearance but in personality. Both stubborn, feisty, intelligent, both successful hunters but both so affectionate and 'lap loving' (Bernard is not a lap cat).

I know I will never ever forget what Tabitha looks like just like I have never forgotten Puss's appearance after so many years. I have loads of photos of Tabitha anyway (just one of Puss), I can't really look at them at the moment, I still find it so painful.

I'm not sure about getting a much younger cat. The cat I looked after was not even one year old and was the dominant cat with Bernard - she chased him

I think CPL people are generally good at matching cats to suit the needs of the prospective owners so I'll see what they say. I had an email back today but the fosterer is on holiday. I also need to arrange a home visit. I think I might need to leave it longer, I'm more upset the past few days than I had been last week - but it's probably because I've had a few days off work

You need to force yourself to look at the pictures, I know that might sound harsh of me to say, but it really will help you. Yes it will hurt and you will cry, but it will help you move forwards. I lost my boy Solo last December, and it really did rip me apart inside. But I forced myself to look at pictures, and think about him. Sure I cried myself to sleep for quite a long time. But now when I think of him or look at pictures, I smile and remember how great he was, and how much he helped me rebuild my life when I was in a real dark place.

Adopting another cat helped a lot too, at first it was difficult to deal with. Seeing another cat in the house, finding all of Solo's old toys, and old hiding places. He's quickly become my best friend though, and he's not better than Solo, and in reality Solo was no better than him, he's just different and unique. And now I really can't imagine life without my new boy Loki.

So look at the pictures, remember and cry. And then suddenly you will just know that you want to give another cat a home, and they will help you far more than you help them.

Thank you. I have been looking at photos but they just start the tears going again. I've been crying most days for the past 6-7 weeks now, more than I ever have cried in my whole life before that, and I need to stop and try to move on.

On a positive note, it turns out the RSPCA have a cattery very near where I live which I visited today. They have a 3 year old female tabby who doesn't look a bit like Tabitha, completely different colour and markings. She's already had two homes and is very shy and quite porky. She was abandoned, then rehomed with an elderly couple who couldn't cope with her.

I've just had my home visit but have been told I can't reserve this cat, I have to more or less take her immediately. I explained that I'm going away for 3 nights in 3 weeks time and would rather wait until after then but they say I'll have to take my chances and see if she's still available.

I now feel under a bit of pressure. They said I could take her and then pay to board her back there when I go away - but I think that's a bit unsettling for her (and for Bernard).

I probably should have left it longer. The CPL told me I could reserve a cat, however, the nearest branch to me have only 3 cats available at the moment, none of them suitable and another branch I tried, the fosterer of a cat I was interested in is away at the moment.

On balance I would prefer a CPL cat but I've made the mistake of already meeting the RSPCA one.

I'm still doubtful that I'm even ready and should probably wait for Petplan to settle my insurance claim for Tabitha so I can have some closure before moving on.

As I have read so many bad reports about the RSPCA on this forum I would not have
gone to them. But I am appalled at their attitude yet again at your story. The first
consideration should be the poor cat, why on earth insist you should take her
immediately and not wait just a couple of weeks until after you holiday, I don't see
any reason for it.