ROLL UP! ROLL UP! EX-PRIMETIME TV TALENT PROGRAMME FOR SALE GOING CHEAP!
FOR THE ATTENTION OF ALL TV CHANNEL OWNERS
'ello geezers!!
We all know that you lot love a bargain (especially you mr channel 5!) so 'ow about this one guv'nors?
ITEM FOR SALE
1 stale ,rusty and slightly past its sell by date talent show.
REASON FOR SALE
Falling advertising revenue and falling ratings
MILEAGE
only 5 years on the clock but still a bit of live left in the old horse that can be flogged out!
PREVIOUS OWNERS
1 narcissistic and egotistical tv executive
1 ruthless and exploitative paymaster
OVERHEADS
the overhead costs are so low that they fall through the floor! just take a butchers below!
COST OF PERFORMERS
Make them sign an agreement which contracts them as free labour but if yer really wanna pay something then just pick children and dogs for your performing acts then you can pay them in chocolate biscuits and doggie biscuits -now ain't that taking the biscuit! Better still if you can find some performing monkeys then they'll work for peanuts!
COST OF CREW & RESEARCHERS
Just get yourself a bunch of interns they'll work for tea and biscuits!
COST OF JUDGES
don't bother with hiring yourself an a list, b list or even a z list celebrity, hire yourself! make yourself the judge,you make the programmes so yer already important ! Just step in front of the cameras instead of hiding behind them! it worked before-it can work again!
PRIZE MONEY
No need to dip into your TV channel's limited finances just charge everyone who applies a small registration fee to cover your 'administrative costs'! Millions waste a £1 each week on the lottery to give themselves a chance to realise their dream why shouldn't they gamble a £1 on your TV talent show?
CONDITION OF SALE
There's only one condition of sale you will have to change the title of the show from BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT to just 'BRITAIN'S GOT......' I mean its for your own protection guv'nors you don't wanna to be sued for breaking the trade description act do yer? like the previous owners risked!!
FOR THE ATTENTION OF ALL TV CHANNEL OWNERS
'ello geezers!!
We all know that you lot love a bargain (especially you mr channel 5!) so 'ow about this one guv'nors?
ITEM FOR SALE
1 stale ,rusty and slightly past its sell by date talent show.
REASON FOR SALE
Falling advertising revenue and falling ratings
MILEAGE
only 5 years on the clock but still a bit of live left in the old horse that can be flogged out!
PREVIOUS OWNERS
1 narcissistic and egotistical tv executive
1 ruthless and exploitative paymaster
OVERHEADS
the overhead costs are so low that they fall through the floor! just take a butchers below!
COST OF PERFORMERS
Make them sign an agreement which contracts them as free labour but if yer really wanna pay something then just pick children and dogs for your performing acts then you can pay them in chocolate biscuits and doggie biscuits -now ain't that taking the biscuit! Better still if you can find some performing monkeys then they'll work for peanuts!
COST OF CREW & RESEARCHERS
Just get yourself a bunch of interns they'll work for tea and biscuits!
COST OF JUDGES
don't bother with hiring yourself an a list, b list or even a z list celebrity, hire yourself! make yourself the judge,you make the programmes so yer already important ! Just step in front of the cameras instead of hiding behind them! it worked before-it can work again!
PRIZE MONEY
No need to dip into your TV channel's limited finances just charge everyone who applies a small registration fee to cover your 'administrative costs'! Millions waste a £1 each week on the lottery to give themselves a chance to realise their dream why shouldn't they gamble a £1 on your TV talent show?
CONDITION OF SALE
There's only one condition of sale you will have to change the title of the show from BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT to just 'BRITAIN'S GOT......' I mean its for your own protection guv'nors you don't wanna to be sued for breaking the trade description act do yer? like the previous owners risked!!
