pregnant & ditched - pls help me!

[Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 10
Forum Member
Hi everyone,

This is going to be a long post, so apologies but I'd be really grateful if people could reply as I am literally tearing my hair out.

Basically back in January I met a nice lad who is 24 (I'm 21) and we started seeing eachother. He is in the Forces so we can't see eachother all the time. In March I got to opportunity to go to Spain for 6 weeks and so we discussed it and off I went. We had sex the weekend before I went away, we didn't use a condom, however I am on the pill so thought this would be fine. (STD's yes I know )

Fast forward to, I'm in Spain and was really emotional. Hated it, missing home etc and was in contact with him everyday. I started to get a bit clingy as I guess I was just trying to clutch onto what I had back home as I was really missing it! Then, four weeks in he tells me that he had a one night stand with a girl in the area of his barracks whilst I had been away. I was really upset, we had a silly arguement over Facebook chat and I stupidly told him not to talk to me again and deleted him off there.

A week later I came home, realised I had missed my period as didn't even think about that as I was so stressed and upset in Spain. Did a test, pregnant. I contacted him via text and told him and he wasn't impressed. We were in contact for a couple of days via text but he wasn't particularly talkative. Then suddenly, he disappears.

I continued to text and call for about 6 days and was getting no response. I was sending lovey msgs, angry ones, mentalist ones lol, I just felt so upset and cross. I then sent him a message basically saying he clearly doesn't care and to get in touch when he is bothered and I will sort the whole thing out myself without his help. That's now been 4 weeks.

On Thursday I finally snapped and sent him an inbox message on FB basically going mad and asking him what the hell he was playing at and why haven't I heard from him? He tells me that 3 or 4 weeks ago he broke his phone and it's currently being repaired and he has no numbers. I then asked him well why didn't he message me on FB then? He came out with some **** excuse that he had searched and couldn't find me and I had blocked him. Total rubbish as I never blocked him so that's an outright lie. He could have messaged anytime. He then starts saying he'd like me and him to give it a go and he didn't mean to be such an arse hole he was just in shock! I asked him to see me this weekend but he says he cant because he is moving barracks to the other end of the country next week and is too busy, this is true however as he told me months ago he was moving in june...

So finally, (sorry this is so long!), Friday I have severe bleeding and go to hospital. They have told me I am miscarrying. I sent him an email straight away on FB saying "phone me or email me, it's urgent, i've tried calling the barracks but there is no answer" I got one back almost immediately saying, "Oh what, you've called camp? That's seriously not cool. Speak to you over the weekend, take care x"....I can't believe it, didn't even ask what was wrong.

I've since sent 13 further emails since yesterday afternoon telling him what's happening, begging him to call me, asking why he is doing this. I can't call him as he has no mobile and his barracks aren't answering. He isn't even at the barracks this weekend, he is at home in Manchester, I live in London otherwise I would turn up and bang on the door. I've FB'ed ridiculous amounts of times and I am getting no response. I've even tried directory enquiries on his home address to get a house number but they are ex directory. I know I sound like a stalker, I just desperately need to get in touch with him and I don't know what to do.

I am going mental, I am in so so much pain and I'm so upset with what is happening. I am physically and emotionally drained and I really feel like I cannot cope with this anymore. It is a living nightmare. Someone please tell me what I can do & whether I should still bother with him after this? I really liked him but this is just making me think he is a terrible person. my best mate says forget it he is obviously a ****!!! Help! Thanks xx
«134

Comments

  • jojo01jojo01 Posts: 12,370
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    Seriously? Don't bother with him at all any more.

    You will get through this, even though it might not feel like it at the moment. It's a cliche, but time does heal.

    Take care x
  • kyresakyresa Posts: 16,629
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    Sorry to say,

    He's not interested, he doesn't care.
    It's the worst feeling in the world but he's not going to change :(

    Your best mate is your best mate for a reason - now is the time you need them, not some bloke who's had his fun and is now moving on.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 6,820
    Forum Member
    I'm sorry to hear you're in pain. You need to concentrate on yourself right now.

    This man is not going to offer you any help and support whether you get in contact with him or not, so forget about trying to reach him and make sure you have people that do care about you around you to help you get through this.
  • danletodanleto Posts: 2,777
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Don't bother with him anymore rely on family and friends for support and in the future never trust a squaddie ;)
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    What a horrible situation for you to be in OP - but this man isn't worth all this grief, he sounds a complete arse.

    Forget him, stop trying to contact him, concentrate on getting well after the miscarriage (are you in hospital now?) and look after yourself.

    Surround yourself with friends and family who cherish you and leave this disinterested man in the past where he belongs.
  • riannerianne Posts: 1,074
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    u need to forget about him and concentrate on being around your friends and family

    if you've emailed/ messaged so many times about what happened with your baby, and he still hasnt got in contact, he's a poor excuse of a man and does not deserve to be in your life.
  • SeasideLadySeasideLady Posts: 20,766
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Sorry, but I think you've both had a lucky escape, him especially ! I couldn't say what I feel about your post because you wouldn't like it.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,160
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Part of me is saying this guy is a player but part of me is reading into this a multitude of misunderstandings.

    If he did break his phone, he would quite possibly lose his numbers, but most of us would certainly have got (or borrowed) a phone to be getting along with, that still wouldnt get his numbers back but it would give him a number to give out as a temporary contact..

    Maybe you did inadvertantly block him from FB when you deleted him??

    Maybe he gets "stick" from his barracks if needy girlfriends call him there .... And please dont think I am saying YOU are needy unnecessarily but as they dont know the whole story they could just think you are another of these girlfriends who cant leave their man alone ... My own sister in law used to find a reason to get my brother back home every time he went abroad with the navy, so I am sure it happens!

    I really hope you get sorted one way or another very soon, it has been a very traumatic experience for you and you should not be going through it alone. Right now you need to think of yourself and those close to you and let your man/ex man get in touch and explain himself once you are ready and calm. If you believe him then good luck, but be careful .... once a 5h1t bag always a 5h1t bag
  • pinot_noirpinot_noir Posts: 808
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    Please don't bother with him after this. You say he's nice, but he isn't treating you nicely and what's more he has you believing that it's your fault. By all means turn to your family and friends and free counselling is available in the London area through www.citypregnancy.org.uk and possibly other organisations as well.
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Sorry, but I think you've both had a lucky escape, him especially ! I couldn't say what I feel about your post because you wouldn't like it.
    She does sound a bit intense with all the texting and emailing - I thought the rule was two texts, no reply, move on with your head held high.

    Sad and painful though it is, the miscarriage is a blessing in disguise.:(
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 21,093
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Any response OP?
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 10
    Forum Member
    Hi everyone,

    Thanks for your replies :)

    I am out of hospital now, am just sat in bed. Am in quite a bit of pain so am finding it hard to sleep so just sat here dwelling really.

    As for the comments about me being intense etc, yes I wholeheartedly accept that I have been, but to be honest, I truly feel that in this situation social 'rules' re texting and emailing go out of the window! I thought any man would want to know that their ex girlfriend has lost their child. The only reason I've continued to keep sending messages is because I am so upset and frustrated and I feel if I don't get my anger out in that way, I am going to end up doing something very stupid.

    Your right, he probably would get a bit of banter from the lads if I called camp. BUT, I've never done it before and I was carrying his child at the time which to me makes the situation different entirely. Not like I was just trying to keep tabs on him.

    Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise, but at the moment, I've lost everything I was looking forward to in my life and I feel like everything has come crashing down around me.

    Please don't feel your response is too 'harsh' for me, I'm pretty sure I can handle anything after this weekend x
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Have you got friends and family around you? You need to be cosseted and cherished, and taken care of for a good few days. You're not on your own are you?
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,160
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    I feel for you Missy .... be strong and LEARN from this experience otherwise it will all have been for nothing.

    I dont think any of us could blame you for being intense in the circumstances, but dont let him think you NEED him, cos you dont!!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 10
    Forum Member
    Hi,

    I have got my best friend, she is about 15 mins up the road and has said to call her if anything happens and she will drive straight round. I live on my own as recently graduated so have not long moved out of University and got my own place... I was going to ask her to stay but I feel a burden on people to be honest...:(
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Is your mum still around? Have your told her? If you were my daughter, I'd be really upset that you hadn't told me. Look after yourself and feel better soon.

    In a few months time you'll realise what a twit this man is.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 10
    Forum Member
    Yes but my Mum lives about 2 hours away with my Step-Dad...I do want to tell her but my Mum is a real worrier and a very easily stressed out person so I am often quite selective with what I tell her so she doesn't react unneccessarily.

    She is only 42 herself so it's not like she is particularly old and may become ill from the stress of it all or anything, it's just sometimes I feel like she is having her own life now and she has done her time bringing me up and looking after me and doesn't need to keep sorting out mess that I have got myself into...Maybe I'm completely wrong I don't know....:confused:
  • quatroquatro Posts: 2,886
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Hi - you shouldn't be on your own at the moment so dont feel bad for asking for help. This is a very difficult time, emotionally and physically and people should understand that. You are not a burden, just someone who has been badly let down apart from the rest of it.
    A hard lesson to learn is that not all people are nice - you've had a lucky escape and a second chance. You will feel better as the days go by so I hope you can stay strong and have luck in the future. Lifes pretty tough sometimes - but it makes you who you are and forms your character, cliched but true.
    [Also - give people a chance to help you, they want to]
  • academiaacademia Posts: 18,225
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    I am truly sorry things have worked out so badly for you and that you are going through this alone. I don;t think it's worth contacting this man again - he's clearly not interested. He's lying and avoiding you - let him go. Bombarding him with messages and looking for signs that he cares will only infuriate you when you don't get the response you would like.You can do better than him any day of the week.
    For now, you should take care of your physical health, keep your friends close for support, and grieve for the loss you are suffering. In a little while, take up your life again and find someone better.
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    missysharp wrote: »
    Yes but my Mum lives about 2 hours away with my Step-Dad...I do want to tell her but my Mum is a real worrier and a very easily stressed out person so I am often quite selective with what I tell her so she doesn't react unneccessarily.

    She is only 42 herself so it's not like she is particularly old and may become ill from the stress of it all or anything, it's just sometimes I feel like she is having her own life now and she has done her time bringing me up and looking after me and doesn't need to keep sorting out mess that I have got myself into...Maybe I'm completely wrong I don't know....:confused:
    Tell her, for goodness sake, let her make the decision for herself - you've been through a terribly stressful time and you shouldn't be on your own. I'm actually surprised the hospital discharged you knowing you lived alone.

    When you say your mum doesn't need to keep sorting mess that you've got yourself into, a miscarriage doesn't come into that category. Whatever you've done in the past, she'll want to support you now.
  • CrazyLoopCrazyLoop Posts: 31,148
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time, I myself have had a miscarriage so can relate.

    You're better off without this guy it seems, it hurts now but it'll get easier & less painful. You deserve better x
  • Abbasolutely 40Abbasolutely 40 Posts: 15,589
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    missysharp wrote: »
    Yes but my Mum lives about 2 hours away with my Step-Dad...I do want to tell her but my Mum is a real worrier and a very easily stressed out person so I am often quite selective with what I tell her so she doesn't react unneccessarily.

    She is only 42 herself so it's not like she is particularly old and may become ill from the stress of it all or anything, it's just sometimes I feel like she is having her own life now and she has done her time bringing me up and looking after me and doesn't need to keep sorting out mess that I have got myself into...Maybe I'm completely wrong I don't know....:confused:

    Mums can surprise and be a great support . She may worry but its what Mums do and she may be your best help .Give her a call
    I hope you feel better soon
  • Bulletguy1Bulletguy1 Posts: 18,429
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    I don't quite get the thread title. :confused:

    Had it been posted last week it would have been correct, but at the time you started the thread you were no longer pregnant.
  • jojo01jojo01 Posts: 12,370
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    Missy, I'm 43, have lived on my own for years and my mum still worries about me! But its what mums do.

    I'd give her a call if I were you and fill her in on what's been happening. Mums are a great support, whatever your age. :)

    x
  • Columbo FanColumbo Fan Posts: 756
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    I dont usually believe these stories on the internet form new users
This discussion has been closed.