Originally Posted by ferfer:
“I think this is an EXCELLENT post. I think the house they had such a connection and they were those things to each other, that's the problem and why they both wished it could have been like "in the house" on the outside world.
I think John was what Josie needed in the house. He was very patient with her in the house. I don't think he necessarily backed down from Josie, but the patience, care, and understanding he seemed to display with her during their arguements allowed them to work. He showed her different ways of dealing with disagreements than she was used to. Because he was the aggressor of a lot of things in the house, he was that strong, stable force she needs.
He told us in the house that's not how he was in real life. He said he never backed down from anyone the way he did with Josie. And I'm guessing he changed back to that guy on the outside world. For that way of dealing with things, which is a huge part of a relationship, to change, I can see how that would cause problems. When you are accustomed to dealing with things with your partner in one and then it changes, that has to be hard. I can sense lots of hurt, anger, and frustration over that. And I can sense Josie's comments that he wasn't the same guy, being related to that.
I think John likes to be needed. I think he likes to care for someone and be a part of their world. And in the house John was that for Josie. Once Govan left and Josie felt Keeva betrayed her, John was all she had in the house really. She depended on him for everything, physically and emotionally. I think John liked that and needs that in a partner. He needs to feel needed.
When they left the house I'm sure that all changed. We know Josie has tons of friends. She seems to have many different groups of friends and flits in between them all. She wanted to have fun. To go do things and meet people. She wanted to talk to anyone she could (fans, celebrities, the mailman, whoever lol) because that's the person she is. She wanted to reconnect with family and friends.
That would have been hard for John. He was used to being that for Josie. He has a close tight-knit group of friends that are very important to each other. He's not used to spreading the wealth of time and energy as Josie is. I'm sure he started to feel insecure with that. Maybe that caused him to change how he dealt with Josie?
All these changes probably lead hurt, anger, insecurity, and fear of those changes. Once those insecurities were there, their defenses went up. They didn't have the time to deal with it between tv tapings, ok shoots, perfume signings, pa's, oktv, etc etc. They weren't secure and so they didn't tell each other what they were feeling. And they didn't have the time to reconnect. And lead us, eventually, to where we are now.
”
“I think this is an EXCELLENT post. I think the house they had such a connection and they were those things to each other, that's the problem and why they both wished it could have been like "in the house" on the outside world.
I think John was what Josie needed in the house. He was very patient with her in the house. I don't think he necessarily backed down from Josie, but the patience, care, and understanding he seemed to display with her during their arguements allowed them to work. He showed her different ways of dealing with disagreements than she was used to. Because he was the aggressor of a lot of things in the house, he was that strong, stable force she needs.
He told us in the house that's not how he was in real life. He said he never backed down from anyone the way he did with Josie. And I'm guessing he changed back to that guy on the outside world. For that way of dealing with things, which is a huge part of a relationship, to change, I can see how that would cause problems. When you are accustomed to dealing with things with your partner in one and then it changes, that has to be hard. I can sense lots of hurt, anger, and frustration over that. And I can sense Josie's comments that he wasn't the same guy, being related to that.
I think John likes to be needed. I think he likes to care for someone and be a part of their world. And in the house John was that for Josie. Once Govan left and Josie felt Keeva betrayed her, John was all she had in the house really. She depended on him for everything, physically and emotionally. I think John liked that and needs that in a partner. He needs to feel needed.
When they left the house I'm sure that all changed. We know Josie has tons of friends. She seems to have many different groups of friends and flits in between them all. She wanted to have fun. To go do things and meet people. She wanted to talk to anyone she could (fans, celebrities, the mailman, whoever lol) because that's the person she is. She wanted to reconnect with family and friends.
That would have been hard for John. He was used to being that for Josie. He has a close tight-knit group of friends that are very important to each other. He's not used to spreading the wealth of time and energy as Josie is. I'm sure he started to feel insecure with that. Maybe that caused him to change how he dealt with Josie?
All these changes probably lead hurt, anger, insecurity, and fear of those changes. Once those insecurities were there, their defenses went up. They didn't have the time to deal with it between tv tapings, ok shoots, perfume signings, pa's, oktv, etc etc. They weren't secure and so they didn't tell each other what they were feeling. And they didn't have the time to reconnect. And lead us, eventually, to where we are now.
”
Got it all in a nutshell ferfer - very insightful. I expect they now realise this in retrospect, thats why they have unfinished business, and even if they sorted it out and just stayed mates that would worth salvaging.
xx
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Its someone alot better! 