1. Cher Lloyd. I know she is an easy target and being that she can barely string a sentence together it's unfair to lay the smack down on someone who wouldn't be able to defend themselves, but she really deserves it. In a recent interview she said "a lot of people would be surprised that I grew up listening to grime". Oh really? Council estate chav listens to grime? There was I thinking you grew up listening to Jane's Addiction. Jagger Swagger is surely the worst song ever recorded. I know that I'm joining the brigade of those who "can't stop tweeting about her" but while she's releasing the offensive abominations she calls songs the world will continue to talk about how s**t she is,
2. Katy Perry. Is she an actress or musician? Because her performances in the videos for Hot and Cold, Waking Up in Vegas and TGIF are Oscar worthy. Shame the music is a pile of dog turd. Her music contains no emotion whatsoever. If music was about pulling funny faces and acting like an obnoxious t**t she'd be up there with Beethoven.
3. Beyonce. An icon for the modern age. Will no doubt be the first female president of the USA once she's finished taking over the world. Every 25-35 year old professional woman's girl crush as they dream to break out of their mundane 9to5 office life and make a living shaking what momma gave them too. Recently wowed Glastonbury (and the whole wide world) with an incredible, awe inspiring, death defying performance where she shook her big ass around for an hour and a half. Her latest video sees her prancing around the bedroom in Ann Summers' finest lingerie, whether this is for artistic expression purposes or just some light titilation to take your mind off the boring soundtrack playing alonsgide it is open for debate.
4. JLS. Insist upon shouting JLS during the intro of a song someone else made for em just incase you couldn't recognise them from their ugly mugs. Aston Merrygold at 5'4" is the average height of a male pop heart throb. He has a fantastic 6 pack, shame it's stuck on a 12 year old boy's body lol. I see they have gone rave on their latest single, I guess that's musical progression.
5. Lady GaGa. I preferred her when she was a Britney Spears wannabe dueting with the legendary Colby O'Donis and pimping herself out to Akon. Then all of a sudden she became the most talented, creative, artistic human being to ever walk the face of the earth. When she's going to apply some of that profound creativity to her music is anyone's guess. Until then we're subjected to an inoffensive dose of TinaTurner/Madonna esque euro dance pop and some funny hats. GaGa you're boring!
6. Christina Aguilera. The icon of a generation (the sl*t generation that is lol). People seem to think if someone can sing their music is automatically good (it doesn't work like that), not that Aguilera has much input into her music but the once ghetto fabulous blonde latino honey who once slated Jennifer Love Hewitt for having nothing but white men in her videos has since mellowed out in her old age (after marrying 2 white blokes) and got boring. Ain't No Other Man was the start of her downfall, a forgetable bit of elevator muzak dedicated to her short and unattractive special bloke.
7. The Wanted. The minimum requirement for a boy band is to at least be good looking. These talentless high school drop outs can't even get that right. At 5'6" Max George is bigger than your average boy band idol, but it's ok I'm safe hidden behind my computer screen. These guys couldn't hold a note if their lives depended on it. They have gone rave on their latest single, showing the world just how progressive they can be. Still I'm sure their mummies love them.
8. Jessie J. The hype surrounding Jessie J was unavoidable, Here was the next big thing, an exciting talented new artist who was going to bring something new to the table. Apparently she had an "amazing" voice (where have I heard that before?). The excitement was uncontrollable. So did we find the UK's answer to System of a Down? No instead we got another diva from the Saaf East singing a song about wearing your high heels too high to have a good time (while wearing massive high heels herself) and saying "it ain't all about d money innit" or something along those lines. Next please.
9. Pixie Lott. The next big thing (before Jessie J). Apparently she's got an amaaaazing voice. To me it just sounds like an annoying Kent accent. The daughter of a stock broker obviously has musical roots from an early age and wanted to grow up to be mega rich just like her daddy. As she "helped wrote some of her songs innit" she should be inline for a nice pay day as Mama Do (one of the most boring songs ever made) sold millions.
10. Dev. Dev talks a lot. I know a lot of women who talk a lot, it doesn't mean they are worth listening to.
Not eligible for the list: Chery Cole. Music and Chery Cole do not go in the same sentence. She does not have a musical bone in her body. If Cheryl Cole is a musician then anyone with a provisional driving licence is a formula 1 racer. Therefore she isn't eligible.
Lily Allen. Would undoubtedly top the list but looks like she's quit music for a while (thank god). I also don't have enough space on notepad to write about how bad she is,
2. Katy Perry. Is she an actress or musician? Because her performances in the videos for Hot and Cold, Waking Up in Vegas and TGIF are Oscar worthy. Shame the music is a pile of dog turd. Her music contains no emotion whatsoever. If music was about pulling funny faces and acting like an obnoxious t**t she'd be up there with Beethoven.
3. Beyonce. An icon for the modern age. Will no doubt be the first female president of the USA once she's finished taking over the world. Every 25-35 year old professional woman's girl crush as they dream to break out of their mundane 9to5 office life and make a living shaking what momma gave them too. Recently wowed Glastonbury (and the whole wide world) with an incredible, awe inspiring, death defying performance where she shook her big ass around for an hour and a half. Her latest video sees her prancing around the bedroom in Ann Summers' finest lingerie, whether this is for artistic expression purposes or just some light titilation to take your mind off the boring soundtrack playing alonsgide it is open for debate.
4. JLS. Insist upon shouting JLS during the intro of a song someone else made for em just incase you couldn't recognise them from their ugly mugs. Aston Merrygold at 5'4" is the average height of a male pop heart throb. He has a fantastic 6 pack, shame it's stuck on a 12 year old boy's body lol. I see they have gone rave on their latest single, I guess that's musical progression.
5. Lady GaGa. I preferred her when she was a Britney Spears wannabe dueting with the legendary Colby O'Donis and pimping herself out to Akon. Then all of a sudden she became the most talented, creative, artistic human being to ever walk the face of the earth. When she's going to apply some of that profound creativity to her music is anyone's guess. Until then we're subjected to an inoffensive dose of TinaTurner/Madonna esque euro dance pop and some funny hats. GaGa you're boring!
6. Christina Aguilera. The icon of a generation (the sl*t generation that is lol). People seem to think if someone can sing their music is automatically good (it doesn't work like that), not that Aguilera has much input into her music but the once ghetto fabulous blonde latino honey who once slated Jennifer Love Hewitt for having nothing but white men in her videos has since mellowed out in her old age (after marrying 2 white blokes) and got boring. Ain't No Other Man was the start of her downfall, a forgetable bit of elevator muzak dedicated to her short and unattractive special bloke.
7. The Wanted. The minimum requirement for a boy band is to at least be good looking. These talentless high school drop outs can't even get that right. At 5'6" Max George is bigger than your average boy band idol, but it's ok I'm safe hidden behind my computer screen. These guys couldn't hold a note if their lives depended on it. They have gone rave on their latest single, showing the world just how progressive they can be. Still I'm sure their mummies love them.
8. Jessie J. The hype surrounding Jessie J was unavoidable, Here was the next big thing, an exciting talented new artist who was going to bring something new to the table. Apparently she had an "amazing" voice (where have I heard that before?). The excitement was uncontrollable. So did we find the UK's answer to System of a Down? No instead we got another diva from the Saaf East singing a song about wearing your high heels too high to have a good time (while wearing massive high heels herself) and saying "it ain't all about d money innit" or something along those lines. Next please.
9. Pixie Lott. The next big thing (before Jessie J). Apparently she's got an amaaaazing voice. To me it just sounds like an annoying Kent accent. The daughter of a stock broker obviously has musical roots from an early age and wanted to grow up to be mega rich just like her daddy. As she "helped wrote some of her songs innit" she should be inline for a nice pay day as Mama Do (one of the most boring songs ever made) sold millions.
10. Dev. Dev talks a lot. I know a lot of women who talk a lot, it doesn't mean they are worth listening to.
Not eligible for the list: Chery Cole. Music and Chery Cole do not go in the same sentence. She does not have a musical bone in her body. If Cheryl Cole is a musician then anyone with a provisional driving licence is a formula 1 racer. Therefore she isn't eligible.
Lily Allen. Would undoubtedly top the list but looks like she's quit music for a while (thank god). I also don't have enough space on notepad to write about how bad she is,
