I'm feeling very sad - my comment didn't get on the DM website

And I tried very hard to follow her example by giving a lovely description of my clothes...I told her that I was wearing long black Matalan trousers and a very nice top from New Look (do you think if I'd mentioned my Primark flip-flops that would've tipped the balance in my favour?) Would it?

Actually, I think that the thing that scuppered my chances was saying that this
was the only truthful thing in the whole article!



Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/...#ixzz1Xel7CzGr

At last, I can contribute! I'm a long time lurker and one of Lizzie's crazed harpies. Just want to say I love this thread so much, and am looking forward to contributing.....

The closing paragraphs of today's Diary are beyond parody. How many times is she going to name-check these poor men who must cringe with embarrassment every time she trots them out? Does she think we find it endearing when she bleats on about stuff she's told us over and over again? Does she?

If I were the oft-mentioned chap with initials DS, I would be absolutely hopping mad every time she mentions him like this. I find her using-full-names habit almost more offensive than anything else she ever does. It drags perfectly innocent people into this mad world that I'm sure they don't want to be associated with.

As for the nasty comment about the yoga instructor...what does it even mean? How does Liz know about....such a personal thing, and what relevance does it have to anything at all? It's just relentlessly nasty, unpleasant, sniping and bitching.


Welcome to the coven! Always glad to see a new harpy in the gang!

I'm "partially hearing," as the term goes, and there are situations in which I have problems, particularly as my doctor says a hearing aid would not be able to help because the nerve in my deaf ear is completely trashed. I've also got tinnitus--my own personal soundtrack. If I've misplaced a cell or portable phone and it rings I often can't find it (it's complicated. But I'm not here to weep and wail about it. It's probably only Rebekah Brooks calling to complain that I'm not famous enough to be worth her while hacking. In a noisy environment I can't always understand what someone talking to me is saying. So I end up nodding and smiling. So far no one has shouted "I JUST TOLD YOU MY PARTNER DIED!! WHY ARE YOU SMILING AND NODDING??" I find sales counters difficult because I can't always understand what a clerk is saying, but this doesn't inspire me to scream at clerks. Normally my deafness is invisible, and if it isn't, I smile and say "I'm sorry, I'm partially deaf and I missed that," and people are invariably pleasant. I don't blame the world for not catering to my particular needs and I just get on with things, because being partially hearing is not a huge problem. Sounds like Liz could use hearing aids, because she can apparently hear some things. But they might be (gasp) visible, and she'd have to have a bunch of them so that they colour-coordinated with her magnificent wardrobe. Oh grow up, Liz. If you won't help yourself, don't expect the world to bow to your whims; you'll be disappointed.

I was thinking of responding to her question about whether she heard the RS correctly by saying "No, you daft beast; you're deaf, and he probably said 'Please stop writing about me or I will take legal remedies.'" But sneering about deafness is a little tasteless, even if you're deaf yourself.

Thats it ccmc! Youve cracked it!

Everything the RS has said to Liz has been lost in translation on account of her deafness.

Perhaps someone cleverer than me could supply some examples.

I suspect that you are not less clever than the rest of us, so plunge on in. "I love Squeaky" was probably "You're old and creaky" or "God you're freaky!"

It's too late to get anything further about Galliano published, I fear, so the world is deprived of my thoughts about just how appropriately and sensibly LJ was dressed for the occasion when she was photographed leading a horse down a country lane wearing a designer dress and green wellies. If the female rioters had been wearing wellies (green, or festooned with paisleys, or whatever) and designer dresses the whole ugly business would have collapsed, of course.

Well I suspect that "I love squeaky' was probably 'You're so needy'.

Like you, cc, I am partially hearing. I always explain to people - especially when I think I've misheard things rather than guess what people have said, as I invariably get it wrong. My mother can lipread and I'm slowing getting better at it, but it is hard.

Having internet problems due to nasty weather upsetting my satellite connection, so I hope this makes it, but I can't remember the exact wording of the paragraph in question - the one where he allegedly asked her to move in. I suspect it went something like this:

"I can't believe you. Please leave me. This can't go on, you're really freaky [apologies to ccmc for plagiarism on that bit, but it couldn't be bettered]. Leave that tapas. What time is your plane in the morning?"

A new facebook group? "Deaf people who don't feel sorry for Liz Jones"? Just kidding, but the truth is, gradual hearing loss happens most often to older people--older than Liz, for instance. That wasn't it for me, but I am waiting in the awareness that my good ear may conk out someday. (Shouldn't have gone to all those Kinks concerts . . . and that kind of dates me, so it could start any day now. What? What?) In repeatedly mentioning her deafness and dwelling on how annoying it is to her when people forget ("He knows I'm deaf!") I think she's just making herself sound like a cranky OLD curmudgeon. Well, if that's what she wants . . .

Thankyou Cathrin, and thankyou cyanide Cindy for bigging up my comment on DM site, where I masquerade under the moniker rosariofire.

Ha - yes I'm at the top now by one arrow. I'm guessing that you are Sallyann, Wales - you're now third (two arrows behind me). My Galliano comment didn't make the cut so I'm making the most of this. Facebook is so much easier - no moderators.

In which I decide to take out a wee injunction....
- Jim Kerr, Italy, 11/9/2011 18:49


Could someone please step forward & take credit lol. I'd like to know who to send the bill for cleaning Horlicks off of my Laptop and (George at Asda) PJs to

The above was actually harsh, so sincere apologies for any offence caused.
(Just in case: ) I was trying to say that I didn't believe LJ in the example given. Her being unable to hear/understand an unsympathetic question from a member of the audience (facing her, presumably) was rather convenient, imho.
Another example: plenty of people with an excellent knowledge of anorexia have also posted here to take issue with aspects of LJ's experience of this too.
Basically, she ain't a reliable source.

... But what does the DM know about cutting edge clobber, given that its fashion guru() is banned from ....everywhere?

Just as well that I didn't try to post about vintage Primark and distressed Uggs

This deafo wasn't offended--Liz probably has hearing problems, but I suspect she mentions them mostly when she's trying to say that other people don't always shout so they are MEEEEEN to her, and so she gets to shriek at them. She milks it, in short, but she gets no sympathy from me.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...fab-freak.html

Well, we could have written this one in advance ourselves. Who does Madonna remind Liz Jones of? Yes, Liz chuffin' Jones! Cue another all about me and my further cosmetic procedures that cost thousands, and thousands as the full facelift wasn't enough. Again, where is all this money coming from?

Aaaawwww poor LJ - now she's been banned from Mrs Beckham's show ......


GIANT again! Why doesn't she ask the FRS to buy her a thesaurus

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...#ixzz1XifY1WAB

LJ doesn't need to use the six degrees of separation theory. Everyone, everything is immediately like MEeeeee!!

Actually, Madonna looks OK in the picture shown. Don't understand the gratuitous mention of Jocelyn Wildenstein, who is the most extreme case of cosmetic surgery addiction imaginable.
All in all, the flimsiest of pretexts for LJ to produce yet another chunder-making analysis of her own facelift. Not the best read for a Monday morning...

Holy guacamole. What a fandango of horror in the latest chapters of LJ demented outpourings/beautifully-honed journalism (depending on ones view point) to wade through. The Veracity Meter has taken its customary bashing.

So, the Ibiza Idyll of last week has returned to being the Ibiza Irritation: Elective Amnesia, again. And the man who doesn’t exist has suggested she move in. The house is no longer for sale because of the trauma of lighting a scented candle, but we know the agent is ready and waiting for Crazed Harpies to bear down for a mass inspection. Giving up trying to be nice to people, opening fetes, dog shows (opening fetes and dog shows: a concept of such implausibility that I had to count to a thousand, VERY slowly). Chaffed thighs from soaking hay (another thousand counted: what’s she doing with the hay?). The exhaustion of caring, apparently single-handedly as Nic/Nicola/Nicole’s mission in life is fill up bird feeders, for what has obviously turned into a million animal because how else can it take so long to paint the Forth Bridge that it is Upcott Farm.

Then…

No friends as curiously, in the light of Ms Jones’ propensity to be vile about more or less anybody, including those closest to her, they all jumped ship but, suddenly, friends keep popping up here, there and everywhere – one even looking over her shoulder as LJ tapped away at the keyboard, and another who said her hands needed “doing”. Which allows for a precis of the 24 pages of Face Lift and Associated Treatments in YOU mag plus updates, with a rather peculiar weaving in of Madonna.

Then…

Reviewing a fashion show from which she was banned.

And, finally, one of the most extraordinary things I’ve ever read:

“Cosmetic surgery is the new heroin.” What?

Would love to add comments to some of the wonderful posts made between my last seeing D/S and today but it’s back-tracking.

Anybody reading, please wish me luck as just off to an interview (for a job…I’m not being profiled by LJ!!!)

You said it so much better than I could have!
Who on earth does authorise this clown's salary?

In today's article on Victoria Beckham, Liz says: 'Long, black leather leggings that will inevitably sag at the knees after just one wear, but who cares as this crowd only wears things once'
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...ollection.html


The same Liz who said in August 2008:
'Sod the environment, I rarely wear an item of clothing, even a jacket, more than once'
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...astonbury.html

I hold my hands up - 'twas me.
Disclaimer - I am not and never have been in Simple Minds.

Might be simple of mind though

^ aw yes, the very best of luck to you

Nice work! I'm sure we've probably discussed this idea before, but....someone should really set up a website called The Many Contradictions Of Liz Jones! It could just consist of umpteen examples (like the above), when Liz has obviously written something, then forgotten she's written it and shortly afterwards gone on to write something totally contradictory. Just imagine how much material there'd be!


Kudos to you, CC, that comment made me laugh out loud. Let's hope the message board will become a fertile source of heavy parodies of Liz's scenes with the RS, which are a mixture of bad chicklit and carefully placed Scottish references to try and fool us into thinking it's poor JK. Kind of Mills and Boon meets Rab C Nesbitt.

"As I watched him stride, Darcy-like, across the fields, his kilt flying gracefully in the wind, I could see he was clutching something in his strong powerful hands: a small, intriguing parcel, thoughtfully wrapped in tartan gift-wrap. What could it be? An engagement ring? I just hoped it would be a proper expensive one, not like those cheap earrings my ex husband once bought which I had to take back and exchange because they only cost £300. Why do men do this? Why? Why?

"Look, I've got a wee present for you." he said at last, doing a little Highland Fling to show he meant business. I looked down hopefully as he unwrapped the gift he was carrying. My heart sank when I realised it wasn't a ring....not even a cheap £300 one. It was a haggis. Why do men do this? Why? Why? It's just like that time my ex husband gave me a haggis instead of a ring. And now that I come to think of it, something similar happened with a caterpillar I made friends with when I was five years old. Why didn't it win Best Caterpillar in the school caterpillar competition? Why does this sort of thing keep happening to me? Why do the same miserable patterns keep repeating themselves throughout my life? Why? Why?

So wonderfully funny: thank you. By the time I got to the caterpillar bit I was hyperventilating with laughter. (The seriously worrying thing is that it could be airlifted into any or all of the LJ take on Aesop's Fables - just way better written and infinitely more amusing).

~~~~

Very nasty moment: sun is shining, back door is wide open, I'm attached to laptop in the kitchen. A CAT HAS JUST WALKED IN AND GONE INTO THE SITTING ROOM. I don't own a cat. Is it Squeaky? Is a FRS a few steps away, seeking a safe house.
Last edited by newbaby : 12-09-2011 at 14:18

As far as I can see, the main difference between the before and after pics of Liz are that before she has no make-up and is wearing a bit of a grimace, while after she is wearing make-up and a beaming smile. I can't see a lot of similarity between Madonna and Jocelyn Wildenstein, however - maybe the next few facelifts will make LJ look more like JW (ugh!).