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Liz Jones - YOU magazine (Part 3)
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sunstone
30-12-2012
Originally Posted by fitnessqueen:
“I think it IS JK. In her head anyway.....”

Well he fits the moon faced short arsed descriptions
fitnessqueen
30-12-2012
Originally Posted by sunstone:
“Well he fits the moon faced short arsed descriptions”

He pretty much fits all the descriptions which is why I think she has convinced herself that she's dating him!
kiviraat
30-12-2012
I really should start posting here. I read all your posts and have a damned good laugh to myself at how deranged this woman is! Just, wow! She's not really right in the head is she? Not bad though having a job consisting of making shit up and living in a fantasy world though, eh?
Saltydog1955
30-12-2012
He's Jim Kerr - IN HER IMAGINATION.

Quote:
“She does say it's not Jim Kerr (who has apparently been dismayed at the rumours that it is him) but she won't name names. So how do we know he's not made up? Did you maybe plagiarise the storyline from Tamara Drewe? She goes rather quiet, and says: "Oh people always said that about my husband. They didn't think he was real."

http://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/...-JUlk.facebook”

She won't 'name names' because he doesn't exist.
sunstone
30-12-2012
Originally Posted by kiviraat:
“I really should start posting here. I read all your posts and have a damned good laugh to myself at how deranged this woman is! Just, wow! She's not really right in the head is she? Not bad though having a job consisting of making shit up and living in a fantasy world though, eh? ”

I boinked myself into this thread and people were nice to me.so I say hello and welcome
fitnessqueen
30-12-2012
Welcome Kiviraat and Freckles!!
cathrin
30-12-2012
How many more times is she going to repeat the same tedious pattern? Almost every diary follows the same template: She has an argument on the phone with the FRS re making an arrangement to meet. He speaks to her fondly and tenderly while she responds with terse and sarcastic retorts (men find this kind of thing adorable and irresistible in Liz's word, strangely).

Halfway through the "conversation", she digresses and rambles on about something that happened way back in the past, ("This reminds me of the time my ex husband blah blah blah) which fills the column space nicely with recycled anecdotes, and spares her the need to bring the FRS story to any sort of conclusion. The diary then ends on one of two "cliffhangers": either she explodes and says something rude and dismissive to him, or she arranges to meet him, a meeting which we all know will be cancelled so she won't need to actually describe any time spent together.

She only seems comfortable portraying the relationship in arguments on the phone. Any time they supposedly get to meet is quickly glossed over or cancelled. Meanwhile, her MoS columns contradict her loved-up-with-FRS-in-Diary status by constantly harping on about life as a single woman with no partner on the scene.

....And on top of all that, her MoS column complains about women reared on a diet of Sex And The City! Pot, kettle? And don't get me started on the factual inaccuracies (Downton's Matthew wasn't impotent, Liz, he fathered a child just before he bit the dust last week!)
gemini666
31-12-2012
I see that Simple Minds are in Edinburgh tonight....isn't that where RS wanted to meet for coffee?!
Bellagio
31-12-2012
The Dreary is about 4 weeks behind "real" life. So if she really means Hogmanay, she was asked to come up back in late November.
newbaby
31-12-2012
In the spirit of my New Year's Resolution (starting a day early, but hey, ho) which is to strive to make a positive out of a negative: LJ's diary remains consistent in its drivel.
Freckles101
31-12-2012
i saw the Witchy-poo get up today with her 'fashion forecasts' for 2013. It has just reminded me- does anyone know what happened to her pledge to get her hair cut, to varying degrees of shortness, if the public donated to some animal charity she nominated?
And I am assuming that tattoo she had done was a just transfer...?
Sorry if I am out of date- I have trouble keeping up sometimes with the various stunts she pulls..
GloriaMundi
31-12-2012
I'm pretty sure the tattoo was real, Freckles. Very badly done, true, but real nontheless. There have been a few photos of her with it on show.

It is horrible, the rearing horse looks more like a deformed donkey. Am sure that she will live to bitterly regret it and then be outraged that she cannot have it removed on the NHS. Hahaha. Hahahahahahaha. Haha!
Freckles101
31-12-2012
Hi GM- so that was a supposed to be a horse? AND it's real? Jeez! She's needs to ask for her money back...
What happened to the pledge for her to cut her hair off?
Fatsia
31-12-2012
Originally Posted by Freckles101:
“Hi GM- so that was a supposed to be a horse? AND it's real? Jeez! She's needs to ask for her money back...
What happened to the pledge for her to cut her hair off?”

I think it has gone the way of so many of her previous utterings, and proved to be Utter Bollo, and instantly forgotten. By her, even if not by her readers. The silly old trout.
See also "I'm going without makeup"/"going without makeup is lazy and pointless", "I can't bear florals"/turning up in 17 different floral patterns, WITH A DOG, to a fashion show... the examples are endless.
Even if presented with a copy of the farticle where she pledged to do it, she would deny all knowledge. Plus I think her JustGiving page (or whichever charity thingie it was) showed she only raised about £100 when she wanted £1000 or some such.
fizzycat
31-12-2012
Originally Posted by Fatsia:
“ "I can't bear florals"/turning up in 17 different floral patterns, WITH A DOG, to a fashion show... the examples are endless.
.”

I take great malicious pleasure in pointing out that the sentiment she expressed re her hatred of florals and delight that tartan is "back" was yet another load of tripe. Tartan is woven, it is NOT a 'print' as the dopey old trout seems to think.

And she's a fashion expert, is she?
Fatsia
31-12-2012
Originally Posted by fizzycat:
“I take great malicious pleasure in pointing out that the sentiment she expressed re her hatred of florals and delight that tartan is "back" was yet another load of tripe. Tartan is woven, it is NOT a 'print' as the dopey old trout seems to think.

And she's a fashion expert, is she? ”

Borderline fashion expert (borderline journalist, borderline human)
Happy New Year to you all by the way
Badcat
01-01-2013
I have been a lurker on this thread for so long and have decided to pop my head up as well.

I have disliked this woman for so many years now. We get the Mail at the weekends and the first thing we do on a Sunday morning with our cup of tea is "find out what the witch is moaning about this time" by reading the back of the mag.

There is seriously something wrong with her brain...

I use hearing aids and would ruddy well love to be given the hearings aids she tested out that time. Do I have 2-4 grand to splash out on them? nope. Do I moan that hearing aids "make me produce more earwax"? Seriously?? Seriously??! You can HEAR again you bizarre woman!

And her moaning about the country and "how hard it was for her" made me want to walk barefoot to where she lived, ring the doorbell, slap her in the face, remove the dogs from her care (dogs are NOT children substitutes you dried up hag) and walk home again (and I live in the wrong end of the country).

And the reason you have no friends my dear is buying something expensive for someone and then writing in a national paper about how ungrateful they are when they don't thankyou every single moment of the day means they will figure out how shallow you are.

And stop complaining that you have no money when you seem to spend a fortune preening yourself. Give up... it isn't making you look any better or younger.

OH NO!!! I didn't wipe the bottom of the milk carton before I put it back in the fridge.. and I let my partner put his legs on top of the duvet if he gets too hot at night without worrying that he is creasing our egyptian cotton 400 thread count duvet cover.

hee... I'm a badcat...
Becky Sharpe
01-01-2013
Originally Posted by Badcat:
“hee... I'm a badcat... ”

Badcats write v.good posts. Welcome ...and happy new year to all fellow harpies.
Starry Eyed
02-01-2013
This thread really is so great. Whenever I get wound-up by LJ's mere existence (which is too often) and the Fail in general I always pop in for a read and feel better about it all right away. Please all of you keep up the good work in 2013!
Gloria Fandango
02-01-2013
Originally Posted by Badcat:
“I have been a lurker on this thread for so long and have decided to pop my head up as well.

I have disliked this woman for so many years now. We get the Mail at the weekends and the first thing we do on a Sunday morning with our cup of tea is "find out what the witch is moaning about this time" by reading the back of the mag.

There is seriously something wrong with her brain...

I use hearing aids and would ruddy well love to be given the hearings aids she tested out that time. Do I have 2-4 grand to splash out on them? nope. Do I moan that hearing aids "make me produce more earwax"? Seriously?? Seriously??! You can HEAR again you bizarre woman!

And her moaning about the country and "how hard it was for her" made me want to walk barefoot to where she lived, ring the doorbell, slap her in the face, remove the dogs from her care (dogs are NOT children substitutes you dried up hag) and walk home again (and I live in the wrong end of the country).

And the reason you have no friends my dear is buying something expensive for someone and then writing in a national paper about how ungrateful they are when they don't thankyou every single moment of the day means they will figure out how shallow you are.

And stop complaining that you have no money when you seem to spend a fortune preening yourself. Give up... it isn't making you look any better or younger.

OH NO!!! I didn't wipe the bottom of the milk carton before I put it back in the fridge.. and I let my partner put his legs on top of the duvet if he gets too hot at night without worrying that he is creasing our egyptian cotton 400 thread count duvet cover.

hee... I'm a badcat... ”

And that's exactly why the DM keep paying her to write drivel.
coldcomfort
02-01-2013
In which I taste the (organic) milk of human kindness
Aaaaaaand sooooooooo. My stadium legend has told me he's written a song . . . about me. ME! I can't tell you what it's called or even if he played it whilst on stage in Edinburgh, otherwise the cat will be out of the bag about his identity and I soooo like to keep you all guessing. Suffice to say that he told me it is better than Wonderwall, that was apparently written about that pouty old boot, PK. What men see in her I'll never know. Anyway, You'll remember that I grabbed my keys prior to heading off to Jockland for coffee and Hogmanay with the RS? Unfortunately, when I got to my BMW/Range Rover/Nic's KA, I found some spiteful prig had slashed all the tyres, so scuppering my rendezvous with him. I was so disappointed that I wouldn't be able to see in the New Year, four weeks early, with my RS, that I'm afraid I shed a few tears. My Blackberry beeped about an hour after I'd found my car had been vandalised, and it was him. 'Are you well on the way?' he asked, which irked me somewhat. I mean, he would be all smug and cosy up in Edinburgh while I'm stuck here, on my own, and with no possible means to travel now. (I don't do filthy public transport.) 'No!' I snapped. 'I'm still here, and what would you care anyway?' I told him about my car and he offered to send his chauffeur down immediately to collect me, but I was having none of it. 'No! don't you dare do that! It would make it a very expensive coffee and you clearly have something better to do afterwards. Why don't you go and f**k off!' He tried to persuade me to change my mind but I told him I couldn't hear him, as I'm deaf. So that looks like that. It's over.
After spending a miserable New Year, all on my own, I travelled down to London, for work, and was surprised to find some packages, wrapped in tinselly paper, on my desk. Addressed simply to Liz Jones, YOU magazine, I was delighted to find that at least some people are genuinely kind and thoughtful, and must have known that I wouldn't be getting any presents at Christmas time. I unwrapped the first one and out tumbled a video of a film called Play Misty for Me. It turned out to be the story of some crazed woman stalking a famous DJ, clearly not getting it that he wasn't interested but persisting with her crackpot campaign. I was unsure why my fan would have sent that, but the thought was there I suppose. I unwrapped another and found it was a copy of Billy Liar. I flicked through the pages and discovered it was the story of a horrid, Northern oik who spent his life telling lies and then couldn't remember what, or to whom, he'd lied about. What a disturbed character! I opened the remaining package and was overjoyed to find a travel ticket. I haven't had a holiday in thirty years, remember, so this was exciting. Unfortunately, on further inspection, I discovered it was a one-way ticket to South Georgia. Now I'm sure the penguins are very cute and all, but I doubt they've got wi-fi and how would I get back, for work?
Oh well, my work has told me I've got a photo-shoot to do, modelling the latest Vera Wang collection of floating chiffons and buttery soft leather headscarves. I must say though, that I'm getting sick of sticking on that bloody transfer of the prancing shire horse on my arm. Now was it the right one or the left?
cathrin
02-01-2013
Originally Posted by coldcomfort:
“In which I taste the (organic) milk of human kindness
Aaaaaaand sooooooooo. My stadium legend has told me he's written a song . . . about me. ME! I can't tell you what it's called or even if he played it whilst on stage in Edinburgh, otherwise the cat will be out of the bag about his identity and I soooo like to keep you all guessing. Suffice to say that he told me it is better than Wonderwall, that was apparently written about that pouty old boot, PK. What men see in her I'll never know. Anyway, You'll remember that I grabbed my keys prior to heading off to Jockland for coffee and Hogmanay with the RS? Unfortunately, when I got to my BMW/Range Rover/Nic's KA, I found some spiteful prig had slashed all the tyres, so scuppering my rendezvous with him. I was so disappointed that I wouldn't be able to see in the New Year, four weeks early, with my RS, that I'm afraid I shed a few tears. My Blackberry beeped about an hour after I'd found my car had been vandalised, and it was him. 'Are you well on the way?' he asked, which irked me somewhat. I mean, he would be all smug and cosy up in Edinburgh while I'm stuck here, on my own, and with no possible means to travel now. (I don't do filthy public transport.) 'No!' I snapped. 'I'm still here, and what would you care anyway?' I told him about my car and he offered to send his chauffeur down immediately to collect me, but I was having none of it. 'No! don't you dare do that! It would make it a very expensive coffee and you clearly have something better to do afterwards. Why don't you go and f**k off!' He tried to persuade me to change my mind but I told him I couldn't hear him, as I'm deaf. So that looks like that. It's over.
After spending a miserable New Year, all on my own, I travelled down to London, for work, and was surprised to find some packages, wrapped in tinselly paper, on my desk. Addressed simply to Liz Jones, YOU magazine, I was delighted to find that at least some people are genuinely kind and thoughtful, and must have known that I wouldn't be getting any presents at Christmas time. I unwrapped the first one and out tumbled a video of a film called Play Misty for Me. It turned out to be the story of some crazed woman stalking a famous DJ, clearly not getting it that he wasn't interested but persisting with her crackpot campaign. I was unsure why my fan would have sent that, but the thought was there I suppose. I unwrapped another and found it was a copy of Billy Liar. I flicked through the pages and discovered it was the story of a horrid, Northern oik who spent his life telling lies and then couldn't remember what, or to whom, he'd lied about. What a disturbed character! I opened the remaining package and was overjoyed to find a travel ticket. I haven't had a holiday in thirty years, remember, so this was exciting. Unfortunately, on further inspection, I discovered it was a one-way ticket to South Georgia. Now I'm sure the penguins are very cute and all, but I doubt they've got wi-fi and how would I get back, for work?
Oh well, my work has told me I've got a photo-shoot to do, modelling the latest Vera Wang collection of floating chiffons and buttery soft leather headscarves. I must say though, that I'm getting sick of sticking on that bloody transfer of the prancing shire horse on my arm. Now was it the right one or the left?”

Priceless! Wonderful stuff.

Happy New Year cc, and thanks for giving me such a good laugh!
DuchessKitty
02-01-2013
I met someone a few weeks back on a course who lived in the same part of Exmoor is LJ. (I live in a seaside town near to the edge of Exmoor which she has moaned about more than a few times!) She told me the resident's side of the story, which unsurprisingly is VERY different to how LJ tells it! She was rude to people in the local shop, declined many invites to socialise and get involved and really got up everyone's noses with her unrealistic expectations of what Exmoor would be like.

She expected small village shops, tiny bistros and pubs to provide the same 24hr service and niche products as she could get in specialist places in London.

From what I've been told, Exmoor is more than happy to see the back of her!
Saltydog1955
02-01-2013
She's a nutter who's spent hundreds of 1000's of pounds on crap like a bat sanctuary, uses £9 a tube toothpaste, hires a five star hotel at £20,000 for her failed marriage celebrations, and she wonders why she has bugger all.

http://www.butireaditinthepaper.co.u...ing-liz-jones/
Freckles101
02-01-2013
Hi Badcat and welcome.
I find LJ offensive and insulting on so many levels.
She is like an emotional vampire, sucking the life force out of other people to make herself feel better.
Or like a starving woman, constantly seraching the world for food but having nothing to offer herself.
Vile ceature.
I still bet that she has to pee very soon or get off off the pot. The FRS and her will have 'broken up' by February 2013...
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