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Liz Jones - YOU magazine (Part 3)


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Old 26-09-2011, 15:36
Seabird
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Sorry about my rant last night. I was starting to feel that maybe we were going a bit far with some of the comments, especially on the DM site. And then she writes something as insainly objectionable as the Donkey comment and reminds me exactly why people make the comments they do and made me feel an idiot for starting to feel sorry for her. Not quite as distasteful as her Jo Yeates piece but from the same part of her twisted psyche.
I do agree Stress Monkey that we should not allow ourselves to stoop to the same levels as Liz, though as her latest deranged rant shows exactly why she should not be allowed to go unchallenged for such blatant bile. I think so far the comments to the mail articles have been done with great humour and intelligence and their purpose has been first and foremost to expose her blatant lies, inaccuracies, contradictions and pure fantasy. I suspect that many readers of the You column don't read her other more offensive offerings in The Mail and her genuine supporters (if there are any) are sticking up for someone they perceive to be merely unlucky in love and are caught up in the romance of the RS saga and the updates on all those lovely cuddly-wuddly animals.
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Old 26-09-2011, 17:15
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I do agree Stress Monkey that we should not allow ourselves to stoop to the same levels as Liz, though as her latest deranged rant shows exactly why she should not be allowed to go unchallenged for such blatant bile. I think so far the comments to the mail articles have been done with great humour and intelligence and their purpose has been first and foremost to expose her blatant lies, inaccuracies, contradictions and pure fantasy. I suspect that many readers of the You column don't read her other more offensive offerings in The Mail and her genuine supporters (if there are any) are sticking up for someone they perceive to be merely unlucky in love and are caught up in the romance of the RS saga and the updates on all those lovely cuddly-wuddly animals.
I would agree for the vast majority of comments, but there have been a few that were rather harsher. Being the nice person I am (despite feral children and breasts!!) I was feeling just a smidgin of sympathy and concern. A very small smidgin!! Then she goes and writes an utterly insane article like that.

Strange, strange woman.
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Old 26-09-2011, 19:25
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Ooft I got two in....not sure how I managed that (or managed to forget that I submitted two)
Lucky you! I was not early enough. Not that the Daily Fail have yet closed comments on Liz's latest column, but now every time I have tried to post a comment, I get the message: "Sorry we are experiencing technical difficulties"

I only wanted to post the following comment:

... and then I woke up.
Elizabeth Jones Aged 53¼
Huh !!!!!!!!!

Well in my frustration, I have now started a sort of "spoof" Liz Jones column:

http://notlizjones.blogspot.com/

Liz is virtually impossible to parody because everything she writes is such ridiculous tosh already ..... if anyone wants to join me and help run the spoof, email "notlizjones@gmail.com" and I will respond. I'm happy to open up authorship / editor pages of the blog to a 2nd blogger if anyone is so inclined.

I will attempt to update in future on Sundays.


.
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Old 26-09-2011, 19:29
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P.S. I won't be posting this on Mumsnet myself seeing as they now all hate me. I was having a barny with one of their posters who *seemed* to behave like Liz: inconsistent, forgetting things she had already said, contradicting herself, and totally infallible belief in the existence of a Rock Star.

Well it appears I probably was wrong about that poster being LJ, but not about the ludicrousness of that person's posts.

However ...... I am currently staying away from Mumsnet and from the fracas that I seem to have caused.

If anyone else wants to post my blog link on Mumsnet please do not mention "LadyDangermouse" (my Mumsnet log on name). Hey ho.
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Old 26-09-2011, 19:40
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Going ever so slightly off topic here (but bear with me - there is a purpose), does anyone read Bryony Gordon in the Telegraph? I quote a paragraph here from her latest:

"I can list all the men I have written about, and all of them have bitten the dust (in a relationship sense – they’re not actually dead, or at least not to my knowledge): Tom, Sam, the Banker, the charity worker who lived in Uganda, the Socialist, and so on and so on … Because – and this will probably come as no surprise to you – men don’t like being written about."

Bryony has had an epiphany - and it relates not just to men but to her (maybe former) best friend as well. If you are interested, the full article is here:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/lifestyle...ny-Gordon.html

I first started reading LJ's column when she was giving a blow-by-blow account of her marriage, and my initial reaction was that if I were her spouse (hypothetically, of course, as I'm the wrong gender) I would be a) hopping mad to be written about like that and b) perfectly justified in misbehaving on the quiet with someone who didn't write about everything including how often we did or didn't have sex. No justification for infidelity, I realise, but making it more understandable. Back to Bryony, her journalism is pretty much of the light-weight variety, but maybe there's hope for her if she realises just reporting on every personal encounter can damage her relationships.

LJ is obviously past hope. She can't stop commenting on every interaction with neighbours, tele-sales people, shop assistants, airline employees - the list goes on and on - as unfavourably and bitchily as she can. When she mentions "friends" (on the occasions when she professes to have them) she says nothing substantially positive about them. Her recent statement that she had been invited round for a glass of wine with a farmer's wife didn't expand to say anything nice about the woman concerned. Is it any wonder she can only maintain a fictional boyfriend? Is it really worth being paid a stupendous salary to be a professional moaner who alienates everyone around her? Well, is it?
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Old 26-09-2011, 19:49
greeneyes
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Lucky you! I was not early enough. Not that the Daily Fail have yet closed comments on Liz's latest column, but now every time I have tried to post a comment, I get the message: "Sorry we are experiencing technical difficulties"

I only wanted to post the following comment:



Huh !!!!!!!!!

Well in my frustration, I have now started a sort of "spoof" Liz Jones column:

http://notlizjones.blogspot.com/




Liz is virtually impossible to parody because everything she writes is such ridiculous tosh already ..... if anyone wants to join me and help run the spoof, email "notlizjones@gmail.com" and I will respond. I'm happy to open up authorship / editor pages of the blog to a 2nd blogger if anyone is so inclined.

I will attempt to update in future on Sundays.


.
Ha!! Ha!! v amusing Blog...keep up the good work..looking forward to update.

Just adding think posting on DM comments is only helping LJ to keep her job....i.e. getting reactions hits on DM website and increasing advertising revenue...she seems to have an article (load of tosh from feedback) practically every day printed.
Annie
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Old 26-09-2011, 19:54
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Just adding think posting on DM comments is only helping LJ to keep her job....i.e. getting reactions hits on DM website and increasing advertising revenue...she seems to have an article (load of tosh from feedback) practically every day printed. Annie
Yes, unfortunately

Many other journos believe LJ is only employed as a "professional troll" whose sole purpose is to direct hits to the Mail's website .... and in that she succeeds.
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Old 27-09-2011, 00:00
CyanideCindy
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I do agree Stress Monkey that we should not allow ourselves to stoop to the same levels as Liz, though as her latest deranged rant shows exactly why she should not be allowed to go unchallenged for such blatant bile. I think so far the comments to the mail articles have been done with great humour and intelligence and their purpose has been first and foremost to expose her blatant lies, inaccuracies, contradictions and pure fantasy. I suspect that many readers of the You column don't read her other more offensive offerings in The Mail and her genuine supporters (if there are any) are sticking up for someone they perceive to be merely unlucky in love and are caught up in the romance of the RS saga and the updates on all those lovely cuddly-wuddly animals.
Seabird - my thoughts exactly.

And from Paula Panzer (I can't do multiquotes on here):
***I first started reading LJ's column when she was giving a blow-by-blow account of her marriage, and my initial reaction was that if I were her spouse (hypothetically, of course, as I'm the wrong gender) I would be a) hopping mad to be written about like that and b) perfectly justified in misbehaving on the quiet with someone who didn't write about everything including how often we did or didn't have sex.***

See, this is why Liz riles me.
I started reading her You column at the same time as Paula Panzer. At first I thought Liz seemed like a good sort caught up in a bad relationship

But then I started to read her other articles and over the last 18 months I've realised that she now writes sixth-form fiction and presents it as the truth.
So OK, wouldn't we all take a £250,000p/a (allegedly) job writing lies and random nonsense if we could? Unfortunately, Liz has now caught other people up in her fairy stories and that's when it became unpalatable to me - the fake RS and his Eurotrash girlfriend, the old dears who sent her money when she was pleading poverty, the 'married man' she pursued when she moved to Exmoor etc etc. If you Google Jim K - Liz Jones names comes up...she has managed to link herself with him, whether intentionally or not.

Since we're clicking on the website and almost certainly fuelling her position as the Mail's star turn, I've decided to stop reading (and commenting on) her articles online. I don't buy the Mail, so unless it's lying around at work I won't see it. Istyosty is still down due to legal issues.

Liz is laughing all the way to the bank and we're helping her.
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Old 27-09-2011, 00:02
CyanideCindy
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Yes, unfortunately

Many other journos believe LJ is only employed as a "professional troll" whose sole purpose is to direct hits to the Mail's website .... and in that she succeeds.
Sadly, I think you've hit the nail on the head
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Old 27-09-2011, 05:03
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I do think she's a troll, and that hits are all that matters to the DM--who cares if her work comes across as deceitful and crazed rantings! Who cares if she's completely out of control and dictates her work dead drunk?

I suspect it's the comments that are the fun for most readers, currently. I think they realize they hit a jackpot of hits by letting negative comments on the "Diary" through; who really cares about her pretend friends, pretend boyfriend, and doomed animals, forever dropping dead when she tries for pathos (and achieves only bathos)?

Realistically, she's boxed herself in with the rock star. It's utterly implausible that ANYONE would want to move in with a woman with 7 constantly-yapping dogs who pee at will and 17 cats; even animal lovers would be wary of such a person, surely? She's a bit like Octomom here in California, who had 6 kids by IVF and then decided to have 8 more, at once, without any partner or source of income. If you love kids you know that one woman can't spread herself thin enough to leave 14 kids feeling loved; is Liz any different? As Liz is away from home so much, her home must be a chaotic hell much of the time (even if Nic changes all the water bowls and litter boxes and cleans up the bits of leftover food in the food bowls that have attracted bugs, and mops up the little accidents that must give the place a stench). What kind of life is that for the poor beasts?

And all the complaints about how difficult it is to muck out the stalls and so on--did someone stick a gun to her head and make her collect those beasts? Should we feel sorry for her, knowing that if they exist, someone else must do most of the mucking (and all the other animal-related chores)? Should we?

I think that she moved to the country with the plan to become the Mother Teresa of a animal kingdom, gaining a nation's love by collecting scores of broken-down animals and providing a home for them. This was a bit like Octomom's conviction that she'd get a reality show because she has 18 kids and because she is, in her own view, a marvellous mother. Er, no. It all just seems irresponsible and somehow distasteful. And somewhere along the line I think Liz Jones One More Dead Animal Compassion Fatigue became a national pandemic, not too long after she tried to prove how loving she is by mentioning that she feeds the local rats.

Why would a person who earns his living in MUSIC and no doubt has to be cautious about how much noise he's subjected to want to move in with a woman who has 7 endlessly barking dogs?
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Old 27-09-2011, 08:28
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A fine analysis, but it can be rendered into an even more simplistic form. As one who is (overly) familiar with le canon Jones, the following facts are irrefutable:

- she's a very poor journalist, with no scruples concerning who she hurts in pursuit of a storyline, who writes exceedingly badly and appears to have excised the word "research" from her lexicon.

- even allowing that a goodly percentage of her output is pure (and bad) fiction, her persona is entirely unpleasant and simply cannot be entirely put on: Olivier wasn't that good an actor.

- plots and events from her past are recycled randomly with new principals, her back-story is alarmingly inconsistent (rich-poor-rich), the 'holidays' she never has turn out to be paid commissions for the likes of High Life, and impossible events (getting mail on a Monday relating to an article published the previous day, that is, Sunday) happen: bluntly, she is a liar.
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Old 27-09-2011, 12:21
CyanideCindy
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Realistically, she's boxed herself in with the rock star. It's utterly implausible that ANYONE would want to move in with a woman with 7 constantly-yapping dogs who pee at will and 17 cats;
The RS must be Ozzy Osbourne
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Old 27-09-2011, 12:37
CyanideCindy
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She's a bit like Octomom here in California, who had 6 kids by IVF and then decided to have 8 more, at once, without any partner or source of income. If you love kids you know that one woman can't spread herself thin enough to leave 14 kids feeling loved; is Liz any different? As Liz is away from home so much, her home must be a chaotic hell much of the time (even if Nic changes all the water bowls and litter boxes and cleans up the bits of leftover food in the food bowls that have attracted bugs, and mops up the little accidents that must give the place a stench). What kind of life is that for the poor beasts?

I think that she moved to the country with the plan to become the Mother Teresa of a animal kingdom, gaining a nation's love by collecting scores of broken-down animals and providing a home for them. This was a bit like Octomom's conviction that she'd get a reality show because she has 18 kids and because she is, in her own view, a marvellous mother. Er, no. It all just seems irresponsible and somehow distasteful. And somewhere along the line I think Liz Jones One More Dead Animal Compassion Fatigue became a national pandemic, not too long after she tried to prove how loving she is by mentioning that she feeds the local rats.
I too think she fancied herself as the Brigitte Bardot or Celia Hammond of Exmoor. That plan seems to have gone tits up though

I'm curious as to who looks after the animals, as it appears Liz is clearly rarely at home. Does she have various animal husbandry staff working on a rota? If Nic is the full time hired help, does she live in Liz's house and treat the animals as her own? Or does she live elsewhere on site and look after the domestic animals as well as the horses, sheep, chickens etc? Are the dogs caged or left in kennels, as they are apparantly too destructive to be given the run of an expensively renovated house?
Whatever the care arrangements are, it's doubtful the animals see Liz as anything other than a visitor.
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Old 27-09-2011, 13:01
Seabird
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I too think she fancied herself as the Brigitte Bardot or Celia Hammond of Exmoor. That plan seems to have gone tits up though

I'm curious as to who looks after the animals, as it appears Liz is clearly rarely at home. Does she have various animal husbandry staff working on a rota? If Nic is the full time hired help, does she live in Liz's house and treat the animals as her own? Or does she live elsewhere on site and look after the domestic animals as well as the horses, sheep, chickens etc? Are the dogs caged or left in kennels, as they are apparantly too destructive to be given the run of an expensively renovated house?
Whatever the care arrangements are, it's doubtful the animals see Liz as anything other than a visitor.
I'm not a country dweller but I would hazzard a guess that the amount of animals Liz appears to have, and as you say, the amount of time she is away from her farm, would necessitate at least one live-in allrounder (Nic?) and probably a couple of casual staff. Nic would probably have accomodation and expenses included. O/T did anyone else read this troll like article about the poor 'middle-class' family having to keep up appearances during the recession? http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...ive-shame.html Thankfully, they have not yet had to let the cleaner go. Ever get the feeling you live in a different universe from some people? Obviously intended to get the Mail more hits through the enormous amount of critical comments it's attracted. Liz is going to have to step-up to beat it!
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Old 27-09-2011, 21:34
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I'm not a country dweller but I would hazzard a guess that the amount of animals Liz appears to have, and as you say, the amount of time she is away from her farm, would necessitate at least one live-in allrounder (Nic?) and probably a couple of casual staff. Nic would probably have accomodation and expenses included. O/T did anyone else read this troll like article about the poor 'middle-class' family having to keep up appearances during the recession? http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...ive-shame.html Thankfully, they have not yet had to let the cleaner go. Ever get the feeling you live in a different universe from some people? Obviously intended to get the Mail more hits through the enormous amount of critical comments it's attracted. Liz is going to have to step-up to beat it!
Actually wouldn't be surprised if it was a spoof article written by OOR LIZZIE...has her hallmark prints all over it...especially the bit about the woman cutting up credit cards and getting rid of cleaner to punish herself!!!!
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Old 27-09-2011, 22:32
Paula Panzer
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Actually wouldn't be surprised if it was a spoof article written by OOR LIZZIE...has her hallmark prints all over it...especially the bit about the woman cutting up credit cards and getting rid of cleaner to punish herself!!!!
No, too sympathetic to both husband and children.
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Old 28-09-2011, 03:52
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This is probably a cliche of an observation, but . . . our Liz Jones, suffering from what the American Psychological Association calls "narcissistic personality disorder"?

A person with narcissistic personality disorder may:

React to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation

Take advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals

Have excessive feelings of self-importance [and expect to be treated as superior; hello, NHS? I require attention THIS SECOND!]

Exaggerate achievements and talents [though lately getting barred from fashion shows seems to be something she's rather proud of--why??]

Be preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love [with a rock star, say]

Have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment [from the entire world, but especially banks, airlines, and salesclerks]

Need constant attention and admiration ['Nuff said]

Disregard the feelings of others, and have little ability to feel empathy [PLEASE die, Mum!]

Have obsessive self-interest

Pursue mainly selfish goals

(You know, I think she ticks all the boxes. )
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Old 28-09-2011, 07:42
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Well in my frustration, I have now started a sort of "spoof" Liz Jones column:

http://notlizjones.blogspot.com/
I'm sorry. I've only just got round to reading this. It's great. You'll have to keep posting the link for us when you update it.
This line that I hadn't spotted in the Dreary stood out:

The ringing tone was long and continuous
Isn't that the tone for number unobtainable? Disconnected perhaps? Maybe he's got a new number to stop his deranged stalker calling him every five minutes, or perhaps it was always an imaginary phone number.
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Old 28-09-2011, 08:03
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...reak-bank.html

The militant vegan Liz tells us how much she loves these leather and animal product clothes. If she starts alienating her animal rights supporters then she will have to write her own supportive messages - oh, wait ...
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Old 28-09-2011, 09:17
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No, too sympathetic to both husband and children.
True but on the other-hand


- Wife is out and out snob, freelance journo, looks down her snobby nose at anyone she perceives to be beneath them, thinks those employed in the service industry are below their station and subservient...oh the shame of having to work as a bus driver, huge sense of entitlement and poor me philosophy and totally unaware of what real hardship is, happy to take handouts from elderly parents to fund materialistic lifestyle they can't afford to keep up with the Jones', showing contempt instead of admiration for friend who had the good sense to cut up credit card and downsize, children have snobby hobbies and ride ponies (so they wouldn't be classed as FERAL)

LJ hasn't had her usual daily quota of articles, family have not been named, so no proof they are REAL, pictures of actors....I rest my case M'LUD
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Old 28-09-2011, 09:44
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There's one huge argument against that being by wor Lizzie - it's far too well-written and doesn't dissolve into gibberish non sequiters by the fourth paragraph.
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Old 28-09-2011, 10:38
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Originally Posted by Sharanski
Well in my frustration, I have now started a sort of "spoof" Liz Jones column:
http://notlizjones.blogspot.com/

I'm sorry. I've only just got round to reading this. It's great. You'll have to keep posting the link for us when you update it..
Thanks



This line that I hadn't spotted in the Dreary stood out:

Quote:
The ringing tone was long and continuous

Isn't that the tone for number unobtainable? Disconnected perhaps? Maybe he's got a new number to stop his deranged stalker calling him every five minutes, or perhaps it was always an imaginary phone number.
I thought similar.

I thought that you only get "long and continuous" tone if you are dialling from a landline to another landline abroad -- in which case you already know that the person is abroad.

As far as I am aware mobiles do not have different dial tones depending on the location of the person ..... am I wrong on this?
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Old 28-09-2011, 15:33
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As far as I am aware mobiles do not have different dial tones depending on the location of the person ..... am I wrong on this?
I'm not sure. I never phone people if I know they're abroad. Let's ask the oracle...Bellagio!
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Old 28-09-2011, 15:36
Bellagio
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Not exactly up on international dialling tones, but when I call my US friends from here landline, I hear the US dialling tone.

As someone said, a long continuous tone is meaningless, means the other end is ringing like a fire alarm

But...

As the RS is entirely fictional, we needn't bother ourselves over it.
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Old 28-09-2011, 18:21
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If Liz didn't have the fictional RS to write about, what would her Diary column consist of - what will she write about when she has to 'end things' with the RS?

I doubt whether people are really interested in her fashion advice or other random witterings.
She'll have to adopt a few (fictional) orphans, a la Angelina & Madonna.
Not that theirs are fictional, of course.
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