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Liz Jones - YOU magazine (Part 3)


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Old 28-10-2011, 11:30
Bellagio
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Jones evidently knows as much about cats as she does about horses: if a cat doesn't want to be picked up, it won't let you. Fact. If it lets you cradle it like a baby, it's comfortable and trusts you.
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Old 28-10-2011, 11:55
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Well, credit where credit is due - at least she has remembered to say she is in a relationship. When she menstioned in a previous article she was single, we all pointed out in the inconsistancy.

And the fact she is holding this big cat, ignoring its human right not to be picked up and held....made me laugh.
The article has been altered this morning! I read it at around 01.30hrs (I work nights) and at that time it said she was 'single and lives alone in Somerset'.
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Old 28-10-2011, 12:17
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The article has been altered this morning! I read it at around 01.30hrs (I work nights) and at that time it said she was 'single and lives alone in Somerset'.
I think along with the narccisism and the borderline Munchausen syndrome she does exhibit signs of (and I'm genuinely not using this term lightly) schizophrenia. I do think Liz totally believes whatever she is writing at the time is true, the glaring inconsistencies of her articles seem to be obvious to everyone except her. If a writer was genuinely and blatantly making up stories they would at least make sure the stories were consistent and any harsh comments would make them up their game. Nothing seems to alert Liz that she is contradicting herself and obviously fantasising.
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Old 28-10-2011, 12:24
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Is the photo accompanying today's article pre or post facelift? Possibly pre-facelift, judging by the hair, but she looks suspiciously full of fillers.
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Old 28-10-2011, 13:06
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Jones evidently knows as much about cats as she does about horses: if a cat doesn't want to be picked up, it won't let you. Fact. If it lets you cradle it like a baby, it's comfortable and trusts you.
And - which sounds a bit dippy, I know - loves you (and the attention: maybe one comes before the other!) but on their terms...so picking up and cradling as a baby is only done when the purry person wishes it: abuse of civil rights..total tosh. Before anyone does virtual red arrows, dogs and cats and horses and sheep and pigs and cattle (terrapins,goldfish, hamsters, gerbils and stick insects are beyond my ken, but who knows) are affectionate and react to familiar voices..

As to ex husband perhaps re-entering the fray of fantastic fantasy: do hope this doesn't happen. Can't bear the idea of many articles/diaries/diatribes about how it doesn't work. However tempting, convenient or self-serving: don't go back.

Last edited by newbaby : 28-10-2011 at 13:10. Reason: initial post done without benefit of glasses
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Old 28-10-2011, 16:51
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I have two cats- my soppy boy loves to be picked up and cuddled and his snippy sister hates it and will do a sneaky little backwards jump if you try to pick her up. Obviously now I am aware that I am infringing his feline rights I will stop picking Smudge up forthwith
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Old 28-10-2011, 18:45
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I have two cats- my soppy boy loves to be picked up and cuddled and his snippy sister hates it and will do a sneaky little backwards jump if you try to pick her up. Obviously now I am aware that I am infringing his feline rights I will stop picking Smudge up forthwith
The Feline Bill of Civil Rights

1. If we, the rulers of our domain, wish to be picked up, we do allow it. However, this is at our discretion and generally would be not for the purposes of random photographs taken to make our keeper look good (?) and bear out some ridiculous article.
2. If we, the rulers of our domain, wish to sit on the sofa when a keeper is in situ, we demand the keeper’s removal to a less comfortable seat.
3. If we, the rulers of our domain, wish said keeper to remain on said sofa, in order for a Curling-Up-On-Knee Moment, then the keeper should know instinctively this is the case.
4. If we, the rulers of our domain, chose to bring in small furry acolytes from the Great Outdoors in order to share our realm (either a) mouselettes which scurry up curtains or b) rabbits that hop their way under furniture with limited access for removal) we expect no shrieks of outrage or terror from our keepers: JUST DEAL WITH IT.
5. If we, the rulers of our domain, arrive on an occupied bed (preferably one with a 50 tog duvet) during the night we expect the occupant to, at the very least, accommodate our presence or, better still, move to the small and cramped barrel armchair placed in the keeper’s bedroom for that purpose.
6. If we, the rulers of our domain, wish organic prawns at every meal, so be it, regardless of cost to the keeper (even if we’ve heard the keeper is apparently destitute): the prawns should be, of course, harvested from sustainable sources: a value pack of frozen prawns of dodgy origin from a high street store is unacceptable.
7. If we, the rulers of our domain, wish to drop a moth into a keeper’s hair, this is because we have confused rats-nest hair with somewhere safe to leave a prized trophy.
8. If we, the rulers of our domain, chose to arbitrarily bite, scratch and cat-growl, it is within our rights because the keeper doesn’t understand us.
9. If we, the rulers of our domain, purr in a beguiling way and turn skittily kittenish for a visitor it is because we have the right to get our claws out at any given moment.
10. If we, the rulers of our domain, do not wish to go outside when the keeper presents such an invitation (cat flaps are so last year), the keeper must remain on standby, preferably standing in a howling draught, for some time to open the door when it suits us to venture forth…and then wait for us to come back in.

As told to me by my pa’s cat...with a few embellishments.
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Old 28-10-2011, 18:53
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I posted the following on FB so sorry for being repetitive

Having an Andrew moment here............... Sweetie was originally claimed to have been born with a harelip (some enlightened people call it cleft palate Liz) and she set it up for Celia Hammond to have Nirpal meet the puddy and he did love her. She claimed Nirpal said the kitten's mouth was in "a permanent O shape" and was a messy eater because of this. Sorry I read this now, it's bloody annoyed me.
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Old 28-10-2011, 19:55
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The Feline Bill of Civil Rights

5. If we, the rulers of our domain, arrive on an occupied bed (preferably one with a 50 tog duvet) during the night we expect the occupant to, at the very least, accommodate our presence or, better still, move to the small and cramped barrel armchair placed in the keeper’s bedroom for that purpose.
.
The ruler of my domain totally agrees with this Feline Bill of Civil Rights, with the exception of a small amendment to the above para. 5. The occupant is expected to stay in the bed, moving to accomodate the ruler of the domain and provide body warmth as long as it is required. Moving out to the armchair deprives the ruler of the domain of said body warmth. No objection is to be made to kneading at the bed covers and pulling threads in the process; supplying new bed covers when the old ones are shredded is expected of the keeper.

I posted the following on FB so sorry for being repetitive

Having an Andrew moment here............... Sweetie was originally claimed to have been born with a harelip (some enlightened people call it cleft palate Liz) and she set it up for Celia Hammond to have Nirpal meet the puddy and he did love her. She claimed Nirpal said the kitten's mouth was in "a permanent O shape" and was a messy eater because of this. Sorry I read this now, it's bloody annoyed me.
Harelip? All cats have a harelip - as do dogs (I have checked, as I have a specimen of each). Yup, I agree, it was a cleft palate.
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Old 28-10-2011, 20:41
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I just noticed in the article that LJ says Nirpal moved out whilst she was on holiday. Astonishing, as we all know she doesn't have holidays.
CyanideCindy - well done for finding that she initially said 'single'.
Newbaby - that is very well put.
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Old 28-10-2011, 23:02
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Oh me oh my. Our Lizzie, not stable at the best of times (and never actually having a "best of times" anyhow) must have wigged out at the comments about her spurious relationship. Now she's back to "lives alone in Somerset," which somehow sounds terribly dreary (though I suspect that it could be pretty wonderful to a person with the right mind and heart).. Having an imaginary boyfriend is pathetic; having the imaginary relationship fail is even more pathetic, but what choice does she have? Back to talking about how dreary her life is and how the only ones who weally wuz her being Sneaky, Stinky, Stoopid, Sourpuss, etc., under the assumption that we care that her life has been a self-induced disaster and believe she deserves sympathy?

Her cat naming suggests that she sees them as what normal people see in tiny, cute children--babyish adorable but sometimes naughty kids. I haven't read "Fur Babies", but I get the drift from the title. Cats are GROWN UP after a while. They're not your babies--they most definitely own YOU, as newbaby says. They make decisions and let you know if you're not fulfilling their wishes by loud complaints (and sometimes smelly complaints that are out of place). Around here, the being we'll call Princess Kitty loves being held like a baby by my husband, who plays air guitar with her. The Queen Cat would never put up with anything of the kind. If I'm lying on a couch she'll deign to sit on my feet and stare at me with that "You move and The Queen will be unhappy" look cats do so well.

mta: It's true--this sounds very much like Our Lizard, in a number of ways. For starters, why not hallucinate a rock star boyfriend at times--and at other times insist you're single? Flat affect, inappropriate social interactions, isolation . . .

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001925/
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Old 29-10-2011, 05:17
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I couldn't and still can't make head nor tail of the last bit of LJ's last You mag piece. She was messaging the 'RS' using his addresses and someone else replies? Er....... nope, confused.
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Old 29-10-2011, 08:34
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I couldn't and still can't make head nor tail of the last bit of LJ's last You mag piece. She was messaging the 'RS' using his addresses and someone else replies? Er....... nope, confused.
And that person magically knows how the RS signs his tweets?? How could that possibly be? She doesn't actually think things through enough to tell if they make sense and are plausible. It's not sane. With the last bit that you mention she's started writing science fiction.
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Old 29-10-2011, 08:55
Seabird
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Thanks for link ccmc, I did read up on schizophrenia and without trivialising this dreadful condition there is no doubt that LJ exhibits these signs listed on the website you've linked:

Lack of emotion (flat affect)

Strongly held beliefs that are not based in reality (delusions)

Hearing or seeing things that are not there (hallucinations)

Problems paying attention

Thoughts "jump" between unrelated topics ( “loose associations”)

Tell the difference between real and unreal experience

Think logically

Have normal emotional responses
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Old 29-10-2011, 13:12
DeliriumTremens
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It could just be that she is a lazy journalist .. I'm sure she was excellent at some point, and I did used to find the Dreary interesting. But she could be experiencing severe menopausal symptoms - dry skin, thinning hair, mental confusion, forgetfulness, inexplicable mood swings and rages etc etc and that is the reason why she is producing such rubbish.
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Old 29-10-2011, 14:37
newbaby
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The ruler of my domain totally agrees with this Feline Bill of Civil Rights, with the exception of a small amendment to the above para. 5. The occupant is expected to stay in the bed, moving to accomodate the ruler of the domain and provide body warmth as long as it is required. Moving out to the armchair deprives the ruler of the domain of said body warmth. No objection is to be made to kneading at the bed covers and pulling threads in the process; supplying new bed covers when the old ones are shredded is expected of the keeper.
My pa's cat (incidentally,he's known as The Beast of Exmoor: not a small person) (the cat, not my father) has directed me to say that the amendment to point 5 is one with which he wholeheartedly agrees.
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Old 29-10-2011, 14:52
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The ruler of my domain totally agrees with this Feline Bill of Civil Rights, with the exception of a small amendment to the above para. 5. The occupant is expected to stay in the bed, moving to accomodate the ruler of the domain and provide body warmth as long as it is required. Moving out to the armchair deprives the ruler of the domain of said body warmth. No objection is to be made to kneading at the bed covers and pulling threads in the process; supplying new bed covers when the old ones are shredded is expected of the keeper.
My pa's cat (incidentally,he's known as The Beast of Exmoor: not a small person) (the cat, not my father) has directed me to say that the amendment to point 5 is one with which he wholeheartedly agrees.

Ms Jones' diary would be way more entertaining - and believable - if written from the point of view of one of her myriad menagerie, with an insight into the faux friends and a phantom Rock Star who skip into the twilight zone that is the Brushford Experience. Posters on this thread could write it, if LJ is short of time or imagination.
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Old 29-10-2011, 14:58
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Tonight's dreary looks as if an intoxicated cat or 17 got to a keyboard. I look forward to your reactions later.
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Old 29-10-2011, 15:35
newbaby
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Tonight's dreary looks as if an intoxicated cat or 17 got to a keyboard. I look forward to your reactions later.
Well, as my keyboard/computer went into major muddledom, locking/unlocking and going splat in the space of 10 mins, so that an edited post appears beneath the unedited version, I can only look forward to the spectre of what happens when 17 drunken cats hit the keyboard allegedly belonging to a journalist.
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Old 29-10-2011, 15:38
vampyre
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Well, as my keyboard/computer went into major muddledom, locking/unlocking and going splat in the space of 10 mins, so that an edited post appears beneath the unedited version, I can only look forward to the spectre of what happens when 17 drunken cats hit the keyboard allegedly belonging to a journalist.
I have a feeling only an intoxicated cat would actually bother trying to read it to the end. It appears to me her love of Frasier has surfaced again and she has attempted to pen a farce.

She failed.
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Old 29-10-2011, 16:39
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I have a feeling only an intoxicated cat would actually bother trying to read it to the end. It appears to me her love of Frasier has surfaced again and she has attempted to pen a farce.

She failed.
It sounds, even by the high standards LJ maintains in the panoply of inventive writing, pretty gruesome.
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Old 29-10-2011, 17:03
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IMHO Frasier always failed miserably at the attempt every season to do a classic farce so it's only logical I would feel that way about Lizard's attempt. Maybe some peeps will find it amusing but I honestly can't believe she got it printed.
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Old 29-10-2011, 17:25
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I read bits of Liz's column about brittle bones to Mr. ccmc, including the bits about a gynecologist telling her to take calcium. "A gynecologist?" he asked; "What, so that if she ever has sex her vagina won't break??"
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Old 29-10-2011, 18:10
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I've been away for a week and although I was able to read LJ's musings on various subjects, the thing that drove me nuts the most was not been able to get online to see what everyone had said!! I'm presently making up for lost time!!
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Old 29-10-2011, 21:28
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Here is what I found for the Henley Festival for 2nd October.

"Liz Jones with Lucy Cavendish
Talking columns
Kenton Theatre 2.30pm £6
Through her columns in the Daily Mail and Mail on Sunday Liz has become one
of the country’s best-known journalists. Never short of an opinion or a cutting
comment, she details her innermost thoughts and has even shared her diary of a
face-lift. Fearless and frank she follows in the great tradition of female Fleet Street
columnists telling it just like it is, not least in her books Liz Jones’s Diary: How
One Single Girl Got Married and The Exmoor Files: How I Lost A Husband And Found
Rural Bliss. Together with fellow columnist Lucy Cavendish, she reveals how they
go about their work and whether they ever regret anything they have written.
Sponsored by The Really Good Deal Fashion Shows
Sunday 2nd"

Liz was not a star turn , Larry Lamb got bigger billing than she did. She just came under the general heading of "and many others."
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