DS Forums

 
 

Liz Jones - YOU magazine (Part 3)


Closed Thread
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 04-01-2012, 22:50
DorisMorris
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Offshore. OK, near the Thames.
Posts: 2,256
error
DorisMorris is offline  
Please sign in or register to remove this advertisement.
Old 04-01-2012, 22:51
DorisMorris
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Offshore. OK, near the Thames.
Posts: 2,256
When is Harrods going to sue her for repeatedly badmouthing them? Will she be able to prove in court that she called and that her call wasn't handled politely? If Harrods has a complaints department and they are swamped with calls from angry spa customers that's one thing--but otherwise Liz is going to look like she's picking on them while still using their name to say "I'm so rich! I go to Harrods!"
Aside from the stealth boast (as ccmc says) about dealing with Harrod's, the details are about as exciting and informative as a transcript of yer typical phone call to a utility provider.

..and..
^ Mary Portas = a convenient bête noire to distract DM readers from LJ's cr@p articles about imaginary partners(imho).
Will MP bother to reply? ..(= think not)..
DorisMorris is offline  
Old 05-01-2012, 04:07
ccmc
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 197
The Dulverton married man she was persecuting asked her to cease and desist; the locals she was trashing voted with their buckshot and a float in a parade (last time she's mentioned Illy coffee, I imagine). Kate Winslet sued the Mail for something Liz wrote; that wasn't the first lawsuit resulting from Liz's work, was it? Jim Kerr, I gather, has discourage Liz from hinting that he'd even be caught dead in the same city . . . Who's going to take action next? My money's on Harrods.
ccmc is offline  
Old 05-01-2012, 07:42
DeliriumTremens
Forum Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,655
Well, they published your comments cc. Along with Bellagio's. And she really does have a personal vendetta against Mary Portas
DeliriumTremens is offline  
Old 05-01-2012, 07:44
newbaby
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 460
^ Mary Portas = a convenient bête noire to distract DM readers from LJ's cr@p articles about imaginary partners(imho).
Will MP bother to reply? ..(= think not)..
Methinks a touch of The Green Eyed Monster is at the root of the apparent vendetta against MP. Who has the label? MP. Who had a tv show about launching that label? MP. Who is the High Street Tsar (or something)? MP. Who has a well-thought of column? MP. Who had another tv series advising (admittedly, the advice was not always taken) failing shops? MP. Who has had profiles/interviews - which, incidentally, show her to be human - in a broadsheet paper? MP.

(And similar sneery snipes at Gok who, obviously on the back of having had several tv series, had the audacity to design a range of clothes for Sainsburys) (And, lest we forget, there's Kirsty Allsopp who is, apparently, an abomination)

Anyway, thank goodness there's no LJ label. Everything in shades of beige (ecru? taupe?) with a splash of black. No thank you.

Oh, the sub-section of New Year's Resolution: "save money". Yeah, right: so block booking of appts at (name check alert) the Harrods spa which is visited so frequently that the tel. no. isn't on speed dial.

No sense. Nonsense.

Last edited by newbaby : 05-01-2012 at 07:48. Reason: forgot another part of MP's extensive CV
newbaby is offline  
Old 06-01-2012, 17:24
ccmc
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 197
Well, there's a surprise--you're right, DT, they did print my comments. Even the one urging suicide. Shame on me. I'd feel guilty if narcissists had a tendency to suicide, but they don't.

nb, yep yep yep. I agree completely. I think that Liz is beginning to realize that the future is pretty bleak for her, every way she looks, professionally and personally. One of her principal duties is to be the Mail "Fashion Guru", but every time she prints a column about fashion the comments point out how out of touch she is with finances in the real world. In recent years her "Diary" is running out of steam and running out of subjects. No one wants to hear about her ex-husband; "Aren't people who live in the country morons who should be glad I give them work?" didn't provoke the laughter she must have thought she'd get. Her animals aren't wildly interesting to the public, I suspect, partly because they kept keeling over when she must have been hoping for "Oh, Liz, you're so wonderful and love animals so much! I love your column! I sympathize with your heartbreak!" I certainly found myself thinking "You don't know the first thing about animals if yours die right and left. surely no one is stupid enough to feed rats, and no, I don't side with you when your retired racehorse attacks you: she's channeling The Urge of the Harpies." An animal lover who can't train her animals just looks incompetent and careless . . . who wanted to know about all the pee on her floor? Can't think why Stinkhaven doesn't sell.

Her romantic adventures have turned into a series of Diary entries in which readers bluntly say "Yeah, as if a man who can fog a mirror with his breath would want to be involved with you," and her "reporting" is awful: the Yates column is among the worst, but again and again she's snotty about the places and people she reports on, and just makes up things to make her columns dramatic . . . till the people she writes about (including Rachel Johnson) call her on it. Her pathetic tales of poverty, seasoned with multiple mentions of absurdly expensive things she was buying . . . well, the people who were sympathetic, as Bellagio says, can't have gotten those thousands of letters with 50p to her on a Sunday. So "Liz has fans who adore her and sympathize" fell flat. (And frankly, who is going to believe that she spent so much money on a bat sanctuary and yet lives in a hovel, as she claims to? Liz IS an old bad, but that doesn't mean the comfort of bats would come first for her. Liz always comes first, in her mind.) Since people got irked about her transparently false tales about the FRS, and since she was never seen with a partner, she's cooked up a new beau she couldn't POSSIBLY be seen with because he's far, far away and married. With small children. Nirpal as married man who has affairs = vile puddle of pus. Liz Jones's pursuit of a married man with small children = exciting, mysterious and sexy. She hoped. That fell flat.

Exactly what topics does she have left that won't provoke a skeptical or hostile response? She's at a dead end in all sorts of areas. I know that all the attention Liz gets pleases the Mail--well, it must; why keep her otherwise? But (okay, read me out of the Harpies, I've having a brief burst of pity for Liz) what must it be like to wake up day after day knowing that large portions of the population despise her and also recognize her (big moon) face, knowing that she's run her columns into the ground and can't think of new topics that will make her look good, knowing that people think her fashion advice is irrelevant, knowing that no man would be caught dead with her for fear of seeing himself distorted in the column, knowing that you've alienated any friends you had and your entire family, that you have those enormous Dumbo ears . . .

Wait a second. It isn't pity. It's schadenfreude--the thrill of not being stuck in Liz's skin.
ccmc is offline  
Old 06-01-2012, 17:42
Bellagio
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: SW Surrey
Posts: 2,328
Topics she's not tried on for size (yet):

Lesbianism...

My poor old mother is dead (hooray)...

Life-threatening illness...

Nervous breakdown...

IVF...

Breast implants, which then explode...

I think I might be sacked from the Wail...

The villagers surround Upcott and burn it to the ground with her trapped inside...

Hopefully, I've not given her any ideas, 'cause God only knows, she hasn't got any of her own that are worth a damn.
Bellagio is offline  
Old 06-01-2012, 18:16
ccmc
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 197
You're certainly a lot more inventive than Liz, Bellagio. After looking at your suggestions, I've realized that she could get a gun (she lives in the country, could claim she longs to kill animals, whatever) and open fire in the Mail newsroom while the powers that be happen to be passing through. "Snicker at me, will you? I'm taking you ALL out!" Then, having destroyed all the people who make the Mail so wonderful, she cam wipe the icky blood off of her expensive apparel and can wait patiently for arrest, assuming that she can get a whole lot of mileage from a column written in prison (if only there was a paper that would take it. Perhaps this is where a lesbian theme could also be developed.) The universe doesn't seem to be a notably worse place without the News of the World, after all.

I hope I'm not giving her ideas either, because mine are increasingly like a Sam Peckinpah movie with Carrie Bradshaw as part of the cast.

Oooo . . . could the breast implants explode publicly? And with a couple of loud bangs??
ccmc is offline  
Old 06-01-2012, 19:58
DeliriumTremens
Forum Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,655
Topics she's not tried on for size (yet):

Lesbianism...

My poor old mother is dead (hooray)...

Life-threatening illness...

Nervous breakdown...

IVF...

Breast implants, which then explode...

I think I might be sacked from the Wail...

The villagers surround Upcott and burn it to the ground with her trapped inside...

Hopefully, I've not given her any ideas, 'cause God only knows, she hasn't got any of her own that are worth a damn.
Well, it won't be her breasts exploding and you can imagine that if anyone she knew did have exploding breasts , it would be their own fault for being vain enough to want to have implants. She wouldn't have any sympathy. After all, she cut off her giant breasts so her clothes could hang better , as she never tires of telling us.

I don't think IVF is a real option either, unless of course, she can have it for free and namecheck the medical facility she has it at.

As for lesbianism, I think the only thing that is stopping her is a) lack of opportunity and b) lack of imagination.
DeliriumTremens is offline  
Old 06-01-2012, 20:19
Bellagio
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: SW Surrey
Posts: 2,328
I still think she & Nic are more than just good friends.
Bellagio is offline  
Old 06-01-2012, 20:34
DeliriumTremens
Forum Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,655
I still think she & Nic are more than just good friends.
Brain bleach !!!

Bellagio, I'm getting concerned - are you suffering from a fever? You keep mentioned LJ and potential girlfriends. I know many men like to watch (or imagine) some girl on girl action , but surely you could come up with some slightly more desirable participants?
DeliriumTremens is offline  
Old 06-01-2012, 22:13
Bellagio
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: SW Surrey
Posts: 2,328
Oddly, girly action does nothing for me. Just pointing out that Nic has made the transition from nag wrangler to "bestest friend who lives in my barn conversion". Maybe the FRS and the SAMM are just blinds... or should that be "beards" ?
Bellagio is offline  
Old 07-01-2012, 07:26
DeliriumTremens
Forum Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,655
Oddly, girly action does nothing for me. Just pointing out that Nic has made the transition from nag wrangler to "bestest friend who lives in my barn conversion". Maybe the FRS and the SAMM are just blinds... or should that be "beards" ?
'Nag wrangler' is an excellent name for a g/f of Liz's.
DeliriumTremens is offline  
Old 07-01-2012, 09:37
Paula Panzer
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Somewhere in Germany
Posts: 258
I still think she & Nic are more than just good friends.
What's the betting Liz suddenly starts mentioning Nic's boyfriend now?
Paula Panzer is offline  
Old 07-01-2012, 13:13
vampyre
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Ireland
Posts: 535
Cross posting this with the FB group

Well I've just read the dreary and it's full of crap. She is now herself acknowledging and behaving as a caricature imo. However in print SHE DENIES JIM KERR IS RSBF. She had a nervous breakdown, thinks she's having another, her evil friend wouldn't send her to South America. It's really bad tbh. Scattered and trying to settle scores with people like the ds harpies.
vampyre is offline Follow this poster on Twitter  
Old 07-01-2012, 15:20
newbaby
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 460

As told to Newbaby, in an exclusive interview for the Blankshire Echo:

That nice Mr Dacre, he who never queries an expenses’ claim (his chunky-thighed, badly-dressed (I get a hint of Mary Portas), under-exfoliated PA did once query my claim for £26,000 for bridge tolls/tulips/hire of Dick Van Dyke impersonators but Dear Mr. Dacre soon put the kibosh on PA’s narky attitude to things around which my life revolves) has decided that he is sending me On A Mission. This is what journalism is all about, and is something for which I am eminently well-qualified: the opportunity for proper writing, stretching the boundaries of sense so much that the elastic pings (which reminds me: new knickers for my mama). “Klinging on to the Klingons”, is the working title that some new sub editor – an unpaid intern at the DM, who doubtless wishes to emulate my success – has suggested.

Darling Mr. Dacre says I’ll really enjoy the experience of being launched into outer space and that my style guru credentials and capacity for mindless moaning will be well-suited to being weightless (I know this is what he meant: the PA said “witless”), and writing of an alien lifestyle and shopping habits of those with whom I may just connect, with no dreadful high street labels or high worth names to juggle with, will work. So sweet. He feels it will be a good opportunity to get away from the worries of what to do about the dustman who is the real target of my affections.

Desirable Mr. Dacre also said I may take the cats, dogs, sheep, horses, hens, vegan cows-what-I-rescued, homeopathic adviser for ailments within and without (for the animals, of course), my hairdresser as intergalactic roots are not good, cosmetic surgeon as facial procedures have the potential of doing something strange with all that gravity nonsense, together with all the other practioners without whom my usual life would not exist. And my closest (but not THAT close) bestest friend will be there to deal with animal husbandry. It’s so dear and sweet of her to offer assistance on this great enterprise, and I hope travelling steerage won’t be too horrid. I shall send her texts while we spin through the ether: my pay-as-you-time-travel Blackberry will be topped up out of petty cash and, OF COURSE, there will be a signal (for heavens sake: we’ll be sitting on a satellite). And all the other tiny, weeny, itsy-bitsy things that make my life tolerable will be available.

So, thanks to the generosity of the Divine Mr. Dacre, I’m away to NASA to be propelled to another place. I just hope checking-in isn’t awful and becomes another nightmare with people who fail to realise that I am – already – a Higher Being.
newbaby is offline  
Old 07-01-2012, 16:25
DorisMorris
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Offshore. OK, near the Thames.
Posts: 2,256
Darling Mr. Dacre says I’ll really enjoy the experience of being launched into outer space and that my style guru credentials and capacity for mindless moaning will be well-suited to being weightless (I know this is what he meant: the PA said “witless”), and writing of an alien lifestyle and shopping habits of those with whom I may just connect, with no dreadful high street labels or high worth names to juggle with, will work. So sweet. He feels it will be a good opportunity to get away from the worries of what to do about the dustman who is the real target of my affections..
^ Very good Newbaby

(imho) Stephen Hawking was asked to come up with the following 'lead' on behalf of a desperate nation:

"Colonies on Mars* will flourish and we will eventually conquer the universe",




Paul Dacre:
"'Ere's yer First Class Virgin Galactic ticket to Mars, Liz. You'll love it!
There won't be any poor people or !@!*! forriners. Best check in asap, though, love....."

* but not for at least 100 years







__________________________________________
PS:
“Klinging on to the Klingons”, is the working title that some new sub editor – an unpaid intern at the DM, who doubtless wishes to emulate my success – has suggested.
Seriously: (imho) most of the current DM website articles are coming from this very source - if the shocking number of errors/typos are anything to go by...
DorisMorris is offline  
Old 07-01-2012, 17:13
DeliriumTremens
Forum Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,655
Cross posting this with the FB group

Well I've just read the dreary and it's full of crap. She is now herself acknowledging and behaving as a caricature imo. However in print SHE DENIES JIM KERR IS RSBF. She had a nervous breakdown, thinks she's having another, her evil friend wouldn't send her to South America. It's really bad tbh. Scattered and trying to settle scores with people like the ds harpies.
Oh dear. I"ll bet all the RS-is-real supporters will be crying in their tea as so many swore it had to be him, espeically when it wasn't Robert Plant. I do wonder if there will be comments allowed on the Dreary.
DeliriumTremens is offline  
Old 08-01-2012, 00:26
CyanideCindy
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 457
Topics she's not tried on for size (yet):

Lesbianism...

My poor old mother is dead (hooray)...

Life-threatening illness...

Nervous breakdown...

IVF...

Breast implants, which then explode...

I think I might be sacked from the Wail...

The villagers surround Upcott and burn it to the ground with her trapped inside...

Hopefully, I've not given her any ideas, 'cause God only knows, she hasn't got any of her own that are worth a damn.
Good guess Bellagio! Looks like she's hit on the 'nervous breakdown' story this week.

She is stating in print that the RS is neither Jim Kerr or (the late) Robert Palmer. Guess the lawyers have been in touch then? Cease and desist!

Apparantly, her nephew alerted her to the fact that her name is linked with Jim Kerr on pages and pages of Google. What a load of tosh - I don't for one moment believe that a narcissist like Liz has never Googled herself.
Pull the other one dear.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/...cold-feet.html
CyanideCindy is offline  
Old 08-01-2012, 00:54
CyanideCindy
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 457
The RS allegedly has a hotel in France (which is sometimes in Italy when Liz gets her lies muddled up).

He has piggy eyes and uses Scottish colloquialisms.

His daughter was pregant in 2011, as was Jim Kerr's daughter.

He gave a 'seminal performance' in 1985. He wore a parachute silk shirt and leggings in his heyday.

He has a couple of glamorous ex-wives.

Liz fantasised about her RS boyfriend many years ago.............she gave enough pointers in the direction of Jim Kerr, finally mentioning his 'other girlfriend' when she knew she'd been rumbled. That would be the girlfriend Liz described as Eurotrash....nice.
CyanideCindy is offline  
Old 08-01-2012, 05:33
ccmc
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 197
The poor poophead, all she seems to do is read this thread and try to find some way to wriggle out of the porkies she's told and we've noticed and snarked about. It's pitiful. I think "I hope I don't have a nervous breakdown, I've had one before" is supposed to be a threat: if we're not nicer we're going to force this REAL PERSON into a mental breakdown. Like she had before. You know, the one that Liz, who had told us all about every scrap of her life (plus some of her fantasies, like "I have a boyfriend--an attractive one, not like Nirpal") has forgotten to mention. The one that narcissists just don't tend to have.

Her columns are just rearguard actions, desperately scrambling to avoid lawsuits and to make her lies agree because they get pointed out. But she can't even pull it together in one column. Just for starters . . . she goes for a drink with her oldest nephew, and incidentally she loves her "dozen or so" nieces and nephews. (Can't she count? I mean, I've been pretty much aware that I have exactly six nephews, no more, no less, for 20 years or so. Perhaps she's so alienated from her family that they don't even tell her when their parts of the family gain another member, so she doesn't really know how many nieces and nephews she's got? Or they're so insignificant in the Life of Liz that she doesn't keep track of them?)

At any rate, she loves all her nephews and nieces and had a nice drink with the eldest boy. But then paragraphs later we learn that everybody in the family hates her (and this, despite the fact that she's always doing wonderful things for people). When a person is this hopelessly unable to keep her stories straight, write something and come back to it 7 hours later to see "Did I write some contradictions here? Anything that will get me sued? Is it internally consistent?" . . . she's not a popular columnist; she's made herself a national joke. It certainly keeps me amused, but not in a warm and cozy way.

Why can't she see things like this that contradict themselves IN THE SPACE OF ONE COLUMN? Drugs? Drink? I think "IQ a lot lower that she imagines" is a given.

I love her editors, though. I think maybe they edited the shrew for years and found it unrewarding to work with a person who imagines she's superior to the rest of humanity. So they're letting her go un-edited and printing the comments she gets, and the results are an absurd FRS story, ridiculous lies, claims of poverty / claims of wealth enough to buy lots of luxury goods, claims to have a car and a sick horse that appear suddenly and disappear just as quickly: lies, lies, obvious lies.
ccmc is offline  
Old 08-01-2012, 09:04
ccmc
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 197
You know, I suspect that until fairly recently Liz imagined she had lots and lots of terribly sympathetic readers. I assume she did as she dithered over dumping her husband; then it was off to the country to . . . be a total jerk and alienate all the neighbours. And, gradually, a whack of her fans.

I think she must be reading unedited comments for the first time and must have realized "I have a public. And they hate me."

A question: if by any chance Liz and Nic are . . . well . . . you know, does that mean that Nic is technically a prostitute, since Liz pays her wages? On the other hand, Liz has made it clear she doesn't like sex much, which means her current claims to fantasies about a man wanting to have sex with her are unlikely . . . but if she DOES wish she had a man who wanted to have sex with her, what is that supposed to say about the Famous Rock Star's libido, sexuality, etc. etc. etc. (and say in a popular paper, to boot)? She gets herself into massive, idiotic binds. :Luckily he's imaginary so he can't come after her with a hammer and a six inch nail for suggesting to the world at large that he's unenthusiastic about sex. My long years on this planet suggest to me that most men would prefer their women NOT to say that about them. Her long years on the planet don't.
ccmc is offline  
Old 08-01-2012, 09:05
Bellagio
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: SW Surrey
Posts: 2,328
The RS allegedly has a hotel in France (which is sometimes in Italy when Liz gets her lies muddled up).

He has piggy eyes and uses Scottish colloquialisms.

His daughter was pregant in 2011, as was Jim Kerr's daughter.

He gave a 'seminal performance' in 1985. He wore a parachute silk shirt and leggings in his heyday.

He has a couple of glamorous ex-wives.

Liz fantasised about her RS boyfriend many years ago.............she gave enough pointers in the direction of Jim Kerr, finally mentioning his 'other girlfriend' when she knew she'd been rumbled. That would be the girlfriend Liz described as Eurotrash....nice.
Please... never use the word "seminal" in relation to Liz Jones ever again...
Bellagio is offline  
Old 08-01-2012, 09:09
Bellagio
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: SW Surrey
Posts: 2,328
Good guess Bellagio! Looks like she's hit on the 'nervous breakdown' story this week.

She is stating in print that the RS is neither Jim Kerr or (the late) Robert Palmer. Guess the lawyers have been in touch then? Cease and desist!

Apparantly, her nephew alerted her to the fact that her name is linked with Jim Kerr on pages and pages of Google. What a load of tosh - I don't for one moment believe that a narcissist like Liz has never Googled herself.
Pull the other one dear.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/...cold-feet.html
Seems she forgot that the guy who interviewed her for the Evening Standard asked her first...
Bellagio is offline  
Old 08-01-2012, 09:23
newbaby
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 460
Seems she forgot that the guy who interviewed her for the Evening Standard asked her first...
Are we surprised? Ummm...

As an exercise in what seems to be damage limitation, and trying to seek sympathy for the endless boo-hoo trials and tribulations which, of course, the writer has brought upon herself but thinks it's all down to others, this week's diary/catalogue of woe is pretty pathetic.
newbaby is offline  
 
Closed Thread




 
Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:36.