Strictly is SO unfair!
We need separate prizes, of course:
The George Michael award: Never danced before, never gonna dance again.
The Len Goodman award: just for sportsmen (sorry no sportswomen need apply).
The Campanology award: for ringers, who learned to dance in stage school/pop bands/had ballet lessons at five years old.
The Audley Harrison award: for tall people, because it's just so unfair to ask tall people to jive.
The Rachel Stevens award: for young, pretty women, who would otherwise win were it not for the jellus hatahs not voting for them.
The GMTV award: for presenters who can't dance but advance further in the competition than their talents merit.
The Gavin Henson award: for best chesticles.
The Strictly Older Dancers Official (SOD Off) award: for the celebs I've actually heard of.
There must be more....