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Lyrics which make you laugh


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Old 07-10-2004, 11:29
sidekick67
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Many years ago when I was a hospital radio DJ I used to do this feature about ridiculous song lyrics : eg

ABC - "That was then, this is now" included the lines "can't complain, musn't grumble, help yourself to another piece of apple crumble"

Duran Duran - "Is there something I should know" included "don't say you're easy on me, you're about as easy as a nuclear war"

The absolute best/worst has to be Des'ree song "Life" which has the most dire lyrics of all time :

"I'm afraid of the dark
Especially when I'm in the park
When there's no one else around
Oh I get the shivers
I don't wanna see a ghost
It's the sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
Watch the evening news"

Rubbish !!

So, any others which make you laugh ?

S.
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Old 07-10-2004, 12:50
aladdin_sane
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Pulp's "MIshapes, mistakes, misfits
Raised on a diet of broken biscuits"
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Old 07-10-2004, 13:16
Chorlton Fisher
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Billy Bragg - Mother of the Bride
"She married him and destroyed all my hopes,
of a 2 up 2 down, 2.4 and a dish on the roof for the soaps"
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Old 07-10-2004, 13:25
madmurdoch
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A rap lyric I heard a while ago (don't know the tune)..
"Tonight I might meet my next ex wife"

Made me lol not cos it's crap. Just cos its funny
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Old 07-10-2004, 13:30
iain
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new order -

*you've caught me at a bad time....
so why don't you piss off!*

and

*Every second counts
When I am with you
I think you are a pig
You should be in a zoo
I guess I should've known
I'd end up on my own
Every second counts when I am with you
Every second counts

Every little counts
When I am with you
You make me feel so good
I never felt so new
I saw you long ago,
Though you never let it show
Every little counts when I am with you

Every little counts when I am with you
Every second counts
When I am with you
Even though you're stupid
I still follow you
The smile upon your face,
It always stays in place
Every second counts when I am with you

Every second counts when I am with you
Every second...*

particularly funny, because the lyrics are so blatantly crap, and barney is pissing himself whilst trying to sing them.

Iain
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Old 07-10-2004, 13:35
Soaps'r'us
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Mel C - If I were you, they make me chuckle every time - patronising cow!

"I couldn't live without my phone but you don't even have a home"
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Old 07-10-2004, 13:42
JonLambert
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I've always liked:-

"But it's hard to get by, when you arse is the size, of a small country"

Divine Comedy - National Express
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Old 07-10-2004, 13:45
Simon1984
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Eminem - My Dad's gone crazy:

F**kin' brains, brawn and brass balls, I cut'em off, and got'em pickled and bronzed in a glass jar inside of a hall
with my framed autographed sunglasses with Elton John's name on my drag wall, I'm out the closet, I've been lyin' my ass off
All this time me and Dre been f**kin' with hats off

Hilarious.
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Old 07-10-2004, 14:46
iain
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*i didn't like you very much when i met you,
i didn't like you very much when i met you,
i didn't like you very much when i met you,
i didn't like you very much when i met you,
i didn't like you very much when i met you,
....and now i like you even less*

- the wonder stuff

*my favourite way of getting kicks
i go down town and hustle chicks
beaver patrol!
if there's one good thing thats on my side
its a big black car - its outta site!
beaver patrol!*

- PWEI

Iain
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Old 07-10-2004, 15:04
sidekick67
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Originally Posted by JonLambert
I've always liked:-

"But it's hard to get by, when you arse is the size, of a small country"

Divine Comedy - National Express
Brilliant song - always makes me smile when I hear it !!

S.
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Old 07-10-2004, 15:43
FacesOfRushden
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Anyone heard GLC's album? They have a song called 'Your mother's got a penis'

So funny...!
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Old 07-10-2004, 16:37
Multisandia
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Oh, beat me to it!

What about the middle of Brian McFadden's "Real To Me"?

"We'll invite the family round, and drink some English tea,
then I'll raise up my fingers, and watch football on TV"
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Old 07-10-2004, 18:08
Vicky8
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Oasis "Married With Children"

I hate the way that you are so sarcastic
And you're not very bright
You think that everything you've done is fantastic
Your music's shite
It keeps me up all night.
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Old 07-10-2004, 18:25
darreng
 
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Originally Posted by madmurdoch
A rap lyric I heard a while ago (don't know the tune)..
"Tonight I might meet my next ex wife"

Made me lol not cos it's crap. Just cos its funny

The tune is "X"
Artist "Xzibit"
Album "Restless"


Daz
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Old 07-10-2004, 19:18
imno12u
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Hip To Hip by V
When Lady Luck has got me down with her high speed attitude
am I feeling kinda high
am I feeling kinda low
I feel so...I don't know...like...fast food
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Old 07-10-2004, 19:33
Eraserhead
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Morrissey has come up with a few good ones:

"Let me get my hands on your mammary glands" - Handsome Devil

"Now I know how Joan of Arc felt
As the flames rose to her Roman nose
And her Walkman started to melt" - Bigmouth Strikes Again

"I dreamt about you last night
And I fell out of bed twice" - Reel Around the Fountain

"Sixteen, clumsy and shy
I went to London and I
Booked myself in at the YWCA
I said I like it here, can I stay?
And do you have a vacancy for a back scrubber?" - Half a Person
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Old 07-10-2004, 22:44
aladdin_sane
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More Morrissey:

"And if a double decker bus crashes into us,
To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die"

Why do people seem to think that Morrissey and The Smiths are depressing? They always make me laugh - some of their lines are classic!
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Old 07-10-2004, 23:53
Vicky8
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You could start a whole thread just for Morrissy lol

A personal favourite is from "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now":

What she asked of me
At the end of the day
Caligula would have blushed

Also, from the late,great Kirsty MacColl:

And then you met that girl
Left you with your money spent
And now it's no concern of yours
If I sleep with the president (My Affair)
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Old 08-10-2004, 19:12
Jester848
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"Let's talk this over, it's not like we're dead" - My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne

I laugh with despair at the clowns who bought this sh1t and think it is angst!!
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Old 08-10-2004, 19:40
cybergirl3
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That new V (short for vocally challenged) song;

You stood up and stole it
Cuz you never wanted me
You admit you don't feel it
That you stood up and stole it from me
Why stand up and steal it?
If you never wanted me
Admit you don't feel it
And give it all back to me


...Why?! why?! why?! What the hell is this about again
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Old 08-10-2004, 20:12
Cjw
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Why is there ketchup on my sleave?
Do you think that adam fancied eve?
What if eve could not concieve?
And he had to breed with steve
We"d all be gay

Robbie williams-I tried love-hidden track on escapology
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Old 08-10-2004, 22:18
mizzmozz
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'the pain was enough to make a shy, bald buddhist reflect and plan a mass murder'
The Morrissey lyric master again.
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Old 09-10-2004, 01:01
Eraserhead
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And from the genius that is Morrissey again:

When I go to visit my mum, who lives on the Isle of Sheppey in Kent, rolling into Sheerness on the train, one song springs to mind:

"Trudging slowly over wet sand
Back to the bench where your clothes were stolen
This is the coastal town
That they forgot to close down..."
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Old 09-10-2004, 14:26
SlashNX
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Morrisey does have some of the most boring/ rubbishest lyrics ever for the apprant "genious".
But Brian thingimobob from westlife i think has the worst, obviously written by himself, as the song breaks out into a guitar ballad, the crescendo of the song he sings:
"then we'll invite the family round
and drink some English tea
then I raise up my finger
and watch football on TV"
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Old 09-10-2004, 23:59
Esterhaus
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Originally Posted by Chorlton Fisher
Billy Bragg - Mother of the Bride
"She married him and destroyed all my hopes,
of a 2 up 2 down, 2.4 and a dish on the roof for the soaps"
Billy's written some fantastic lines for sure. ''How can you lie there and think of England when you don't even know who's in the team''
from ''Greetings To The New Brunette'' being a personal favourite.

As for Morrissey, I'd say ''Frankly Mr Shankly since you ask, you're a flatulent pain in the arse'' is one of the least rubbishest (sic) lines from a song I've ever heard
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