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Should I mind my niece and nephew never thanking me for presents?


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Old 06-12-2011, 23:55
scatcatcathy
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When I was a kid my mum used to make me write thank you notes to her sisters,though I noticed my two older brothers used to delve through their b,day cards for money and toss the cards aside! I would not bother sending them anymore as I bet u this is what your relatives are doing.they don't care where the money is coming from or who sent it,as long as it can be spent they will spend it.
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Old 07-12-2011, 00:30
Butters Bread
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Im so tired of my neice and nephew never saying thanks Im considering sending them coal this year...my other idea was sending them a Barbie and an Action man.(they are 18 & 19). no doubt i will just send them dosh as per .. I gave up buying them anything yonks ago as how do i know if they liked the presents they never told me ...

Anyway I put up with the sprogs as my sis is a legend, her gift i spend ages on finding & she always says TY ....

I think in this era of text there is no excuse for not saying thankyou, in my day a letter was hard to write nowadays "oh luv the shirt uncle" would suffice .. but anywho
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Old 07-12-2011, 02:58
Button62
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I started a thread last year about this very thing.
I haven't got them Christmas presents this year.

I think that tells you where I stand on this subject.

I remember your thread from last year. Well done you !

I have not caved in completely, but spent 10 on each of my ungrateful nieces this year instead of the usual 30 to 40.

My daughter got engaged this year and their parents ( my husband's brother and his wife) didn't even get her a card.

If they have the bloody cheek to question the cheaper gifts this year I fear when I have finished ranting we will probably never speak again.
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Old 07-12-2011, 03:12
oh vienna
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My mum's in the same position as you, OP. Her niece and nephew are slightly older, both in their early 20s, so that makes their bad manners even worse - they should have grown up a bit at this point.

I've suggested returning their lack of gratitude by giving them the same sweet FA, but she feels beholden to give them at least ten pounds each...which sounds like nothing but we're broke and every pound is a lot to us. But I don't think they deserve it at all and I think sometimes you have to teach someone a hard lesson, even family members. Mum's not even close to them anyway. They are odd people who don't emote any warmth towards anybody and are appallingly selfish and bad mannered in general. If I were her, I wouldn't waste my time or would give the money to a charity instead, who actually would be grateful for it.
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Old 07-12-2011, 06:19
Pootmatoot
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It's rude not to ring or send a note of thanks.

However, if would be even more impolite if you chose to ask for a Thank You note.

So I guess you'll just have to put up with it.
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Old 07-12-2011, 08:48
LIZALYNN
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The OP is naturally disappointed.
My advice would be to just stop bothering to send them anything anymore. You take the trouble to go out and choose a gift and send it so why can't they jolly well write a thank you letter.
For years my own children have had to be reminded to write thank you letters to relatives for presents. Shamefully they are all in their twenties and thirties now and I get those phone call from relatives to say they have not had thank you letters.
It drives me crazy and is extremely embarrassing. I brought my children up to always write their thank you letters, it's sad that they don't bother now.
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Old 07-12-2011, 09:03
Bananacreampie
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The only reason I can think why it bothers a lot of you so much, is you are not close, all the people I buy for im close to and so there isnt a need for thank you cards.

As I said earlier stop with the foolishness if you are not close then why on earth would you send presents? Just send a card or nothing..

Sounds from this thread that most of you are strangers with your own nephews and nieces
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Old 07-12-2011, 10:05
LIZALYNN
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The only reason I can think why it bothers a lot of you so much, is you are not close, all the people I buy for im close to and so there isnt a need for thank you cards.

As I said earlier stop with the foolishness if you are not close then why on earth would you send presents? Just send a card or nothing..

Sounds from this thread that most of you are strangers with your own nephews and nieces
it is a matter of courtesy. Ok more fool us relatives for caring. Love does come into also.
When someone doesn't thank you there is always a wondering as to if you insulted the relative with your choice of gift or did they even recieve the gift.
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Old 07-12-2011, 10:14
Bananacreampie
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it is a matter of courtesy. Ok more fool us relatives for caring. Love does come into also.
When someone doesn't thank you there is always a wondering as to if you insulted the relative with your choice of gift or did they even recieve the gift.
Do you not say on your next visit "Hey did you like your pressie?" Or did the money come in useful for anything?

We are talking teens and young adults here not the best at communication. But seems communication isnt most peoples best subject on here

Even if they sent a card dont mean they like your gift , just means they sent a card saying thank you.
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Old 07-12-2011, 10:25
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Your sister needs to take some responsibility for the fact that she has raised two offspring who, at the ages of 17 and 19, still haven't even learnt/been taught basic manners.
This.

It's odd expecting a thank you when you have sent some one something???

I think its more odd that some one doesn't have the good grace to send a text or make a phone call to say thank you. Also as I parent I would also be reminding the kids they need to do it as well.
And this! I am horrified by the amount of people on here that don't get sent thank you cards or even thank you phone calls or texts! I admit, I did go through a period in my teens where I thought thank you cards were ridiculously old fashioned and couldn't see why my mum wouldn't just let me phone the person and thank them, but she still reminded me I had to do it!

A friend's parents took some of her friends out for a very expensive dinner for her 21st and I sent her parents a thank you card after. One of our other friends told me I was "weird" for doing so, I found it more weird that she didn't.

I am honestly shocked that people's family are so utterly rude. OP and anyone else who doesn't get thanked you are all well within your rights to get the ungrateful little things nothing.


I would rather not have a thank you than get one from a sulky teen who's mum thinks they should do how "she" thinks.
If the teen has been raised having been taught proper manners, even if he/she doesn't want to call or write, he/she will do so graciously and not at all in a sulky manner.

The only reason I can think why it bothers a lot of you so much, is you are not close, all the people I buy for im close to and so there isnt a need for thank you cards.

As I said earlier stop with the foolishness if you are not close then why on earth would you send presents? Just send a card or nothing..

Sounds from this thread that most of you are strangers with your own nephews and nieces
It is not at all a matter of closeness, it is a matter of manners! It is hideously bad manners not to thank someone for a present. Quite frankly I find even a text message thank you a little rude. Someone has spent money, time or both on you and you can't even pick up the phone to say thank you?!
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Old 07-12-2011, 10:38
Bananacreampie
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This.



And this! I am horrified by the amount of people on here that don't get sent thank you cards or even thank you phone calls or texts! I admit, I did go through a period in my teens where I thought thank you cards were ridiculously old fashioned and couldn't see why my mum wouldn't just let me phone the person and thank them, but she still reminded me I had to do it!

A friend's parents took some of her friends out for a very expensive dinner for her 21st and I sent her parents a thank you card after. One of our other friends told me I was "weird" for doing so, I found it more weird that she didn't.

I am honestly shocked that people's family are so utterly rude. OP and anyone else who doesn't get thanked you are all well within your rights to get the ungrateful little things nothing.




If the teen has been raised having been taught proper manners, even if he/she doesn't want to call or write, he/she will do so graciously and not at all in a sulky manner.



It is not at all a matter of closeness, it is a matter of manners! It is hideously bad manners not to thank someone for a present. Quite frankly I find even a text message thank you a little rude. Someone has spent money, time or both on you and you can't even pick up the phone to say thank you?!
In your opinion.


I actually talk to my family, that it seems is the difference between the dos and dont's need a thank you card on this thread.

As I already said even if you got your thank you card, it just means you got a thank you card not that your gift was actually liked.. and if you are close to your family then you would know what they liked.

You can see from a lot of people on this thread that they dont actually like the people they want the thank you card off. Now if that were me I would not send a gift at all.
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Old 07-12-2011, 11:05
Punkchick
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I am actually really close to my nieces and nephews as I am closer in age to them than my sisters. We go out together sometimes, we go to gigs and festivals, I have helped them move, I have even taken them on holiday. However to not send a little thank you via a letter, text, Facebook message, phone call is just plain bad manners. If you think otherwise then I suggest your family do not have the good manners you think they do, IMO. It is the way you are raised and unfortunately good manners are becoming more and more rare as kids are not taught the basic decencies in life much these days.
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Old 07-12-2011, 11:14
Bananacreampie
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I am actually really close to my nieces and nephews as I am closer in age to them than my sisters. We go out together sometimes, we go to gigs and festivals, I have helped them move, I have even taken them on holiday. However to not send a little thank you via a letter, text, Facebook message, phone call is just plain bad manners. If you think otherwise then I suggest your family do not have the good manners you think they do, IMO. It is the way you are raised and unfortunately good manners are becoming more and more rare as kids are not taught the basic decencies in life much these days.
Whats wrong with people? Its nothing to do with manners its to do with if you send cards or not, just because one family might not send cards it does not follow that they dont have manners in other areas.... but then as they are your family only you know if they have manners or not. Mine most certainly do. they just dont send cards and neither do I

If thank you cards are so important to you how come these close family members dont know it?
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Old 07-12-2011, 11:16
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In your opinion.


I actually talk to my family, that it seems is the difference between the dos and dont's need a thank you card on this thread.

As I already said even if you got your thank you card, it just means you got a thank you card not that your gift was actually liked.. and if you are close to your family then you would know what they liked.

You can see from a lot of people on this thread that they dont actually like the people they want the thank you card off. Now if that were me I would not send a gift at all.
It's not really the difference because I talk to my family and still send them thank you cards. If I spoke to them on the phone or saw them around Christmas time or my birthday I would obviously thank them then, but I would also send a thank you card. That's just how things are done in my family. It doesn't really matter how often or not you speak to someone, if they have been bought a present it is polite to thank the person. I presume, as you are so close to your family, that they just thank you at the next opportunity they see or speak to you? The issue here, is some people aren't being thanked at all. Not even by a text.

Once again, you can still write and receive thank you cards in a close family. Even if you know the person is going to like the gift, a thank you card is still nice because the recipient can express how much they like the gift. In a thank you card you don't just write: Dear Uncle X, Thank you for my Y. Love Z. Well at least not in my family. You actually say what it is you like about it or what you're going to spend the money on or something.

From this thread I can see that they do like the person enough to want to send them a gift, but are frustrated with the complete lack of acknowledgment they are getting back! And rightly so.
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Old 07-12-2011, 11:26
Vodka_Drinka
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Yes you should mind. Bloody hell how rude are they, and why aren't their parents making them thank you? I can still remember my mum making me and my brother personally phone everyone of our relatives on Christmas morning to thank them for the presents they'd bought us. We hated doing it, but it taught us good manners and now I don't need any prompting to say thank you when someone buys me a gift.
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Old 07-12-2011, 11:52
sunnypickles
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I think i must be an exception to the norm. My nephew (6) and niece (2) always say thank you without nagging from their parents. My nephew asked me to make him some buns for his school fair and if I would take him to it. Afterwards when i left him home he said thank you very much for making the buns and for taking me while giving me a big hug. Even when he was small if you offered him something he always said yes/no thank you. When we take him out he always says thank you for taking me out. His sister is learning it now and is starting to say thank you when you give her something. When i go out with her and i buy her some sweets, she always has to get some too for her big brother and gives it as a surprise to him. He always says thank you to her too. She gets prompted with what do you say to Aunty SP for taking you out/looking after you, to which she says thank you very much. Even when i have been away and sent stuff to them, brother and SIL will always text/call to say thank you and that they have receive them. When i see them next my nephew always said thank you in person, even months afterwards.

People outside are very surprised at their manners with please and thank you. Don't get me wrong they can be little monkeys at times. He was ungrateful at some presents he got from his other nan and grandad, his parents told him off when he got home for being so rude. We have always been a family that know the value of manners, they cost nothing but get you everything!

Personally I don't think it too much to expect a simple thank you in what ever form for something you did not have to do. If you do it yourself then you should can expect something back in return. I have been brought up and we install this on our nephew too that presents are not something you expect or demand. I think there are too many children who expect things and demand them. We tell them that presents are a nice surprise from kind people. We always tell them that there are people out there that don't get as much as you (big extend family) so that they are very lucky to get all the presents so they value things. I don't spend very much on them either on presents (no more than 20 and usually lots of silly little presents, which they love), and when we go out and he asked for something, then i will tell him no and explain why. He knows no means no. My niece and nephew are more happy to spend time with me going to the park, playing with them, or spending the afternoon drawing or baking rather than a present. They always tell me thank you and they had a great time. Which means more to me and them than some present which gets broken eventually.
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Old 07-12-2011, 12:21
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Whats wrong with people? Its nothing to do with manners its to do with if you send cards or not, just because one family might not send cards it does not follow that they dont have manners in other areas.... but then as they are your family only you know if they have manners or not. Mine most certainly do. they just dont send cards and neither do I

If thank you cards are so important to you how come these close family members dont know it?
Beause the younger generation have forgotten their manners, and are self obsessed. When they were little and under their parents, we would always get little thank you notes, or an email as they got a bit older, now it is all about me, me, me. My elderly mother sent them 200 each (there are 6 of them) last month as a present, and not one of them has picked up the phone or written a little thank you which is wrong, wrong, wrong, and very hurtful. She lives in Spain so doesn't get to see them much, so how much of a hardship would it be for them to pick up the phone and say 'Thanks Nan'. Your values are very odd indeed.

I think i must be an exception to the norm. My nephew (6) and niece (2) always say thank you without nagging from their parents. My nephew asked me to make him some buns for his school fair and if I would take him to it. Afterwards when i left him home he said thank you very much for making the buns and for taking me while giving me a big hug. Even when he was small if you offered him something he always said yes/no thank you. When we take him out he always says thank you for taking me out. His sister is learning it now and is starting to say thank you when you give her something. When i go out with her and i buy her some sweets, she always has to get some too for her big brother and gives it as a surprise to him. He always says thank you to her too. She gets prompted with what do you say to Aunty SP for taking you out/looking after you, to which she says thank you very much. Even when i have been away and sent stuff to them, brother and SIL will always text/call to say thank you and that they have receive them. When i see them next my nephew always said thank you in person, even months afterwards.

People outside are very surprised at their manners with please and thank you. Don't get me wrong they can be little monkeys at times. He was ungrateful at some presents he got from his other nan and grandad, his parents told him off when he got home for being so rude. We have always been a family that know the value of manners, they cost nothing but get you everything!

Personally I don't think it too much to expect a simple thank you in what ever form for something you did not have to do. If you do it yourself then you should can expect something back in return. I have been brought up and we install this on our nephew too that presents are not something you expect or demand. I think there are too many children who expect things and demand them. We tell them that presents are a nice surprise from kind people. We always tell them that there are people out there that don't get as much as you (big extend family) so that they are very lucky to get all the presents so they value things. I don't spend very much on them either on presents (no more than 20 and usually lots of silly little presents, which they love), and when we go out and he asked for something, then i will tell him no and explain why. He knows no means no. My niece and nephew are more happy to spend time with me going to the park, playing with them, or spending the afternoon drawing or baking rather than a present. They always tell me thank you and they had a great time. Which means more to me and them than some present which gets broken eventually.
This is more like it, what a delightful little boy, lets hope he remains that way as he grows up, but it does sound like he is being raised extremely well, so no doubt he will be a delightful man as well. I do hope my future children will act the same, (well I will ensure they do), I will certainly be instilling good manners like this, that are lacking so much in society today.
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Old 07-12-2011, 12:21
petit-pois
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Ever since we were young, my brother and I were made to call up relatives and thank them for our Xmas and birthday presents.

My uncle stopped giving us money once we'd turned 18, but he has given me money twice now for my son. The first time was through my dad, so I sent my uncle a text thanking him for the money and told him I would put it to good use. Once I'd spent the money, I sent him a text telling him what toy I'd bought because I thought it'd be nice for him to know his money was well spent! I'm not close to him at all and only hear from him through Xmas and birthday cards, so I think a text was enough.

If I were you OP I'd stop sending money. They're hardly going to ring up and ask where their money is, if they haven't ever bothered to call you up to thank you. If your sister kicks up a fuss, tell her you had become tired of sending gifts that weren't appreciated.
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Old 07-12-2011, 12:37
Bananacreampie
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Beause the younger generation have forgotten their manners, and are self obsessed. When they were little and under their parents, we would always get little thank you notes, or an email as they got a bit older, now it is all about me, me, me. My elderly mother sent them 200 each (there are 6 of them) last month as a present, and not one of them has picked up the phone or written a little thank you which is wrong, wrong, wrong, and very hurtful. She lives in Spain so doesn't get to see them much, so how much of a hardship would it be for them to pick up the phone and say 'Thanks Nan'. Your values are very odd indeed.



This is more like it, what a delightful little boy, lets hope he remains that way as he grows up, but it does sound like he is being raised extremely well, so no doubt he will be a delightful man as well. I do hope my future children will act the same, (well I will ensure they do), I will certainly be instilling good manners like this, that are lacking so much in society today.
Ahh see once again people are using it to knock teens and young people. Im in my 50s and none of my family older ( up to 93) or younger send Thank you cards and never have..
Its nothing to do with age nor manners. We just dont do them.. We dont do Christmas cards either.

If OP and others have a problem and it is a problem for them, then talk to the person (s) dont just be grumpy about it, those people obviously dont know how you feel, so a word in their ear-holes might be in order, if they still dont do what you want, then stop giving gifts.
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Old 07-12-2011, 13:01
sunnypickles
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Beause the younger generation have forgotten their manners, and are self obsessed. When they were little and under their parents, we would always get little thank you notes, or an email as they got a bit older, now it is all about me, me, me. My elderly mother sent them 200 each (there are 6 of them) last month as a present, and not one of them has picked up the phone or written a little thank you which is wrong, wrong, wrong, and very hurtful. She lives in Spain so doesn't get to see them much, so how much of a hardship would it be for them to pick up the phone and say 'Thanks Nan'. Your values are very odd indeed.



This is more like it, what a delightful little boy, lets hope he remains that way as he grows up, but it does sound like he is being raised extremely well, so no doubt he will be a delightful man as well. I do hope my future children will act the same, (well I will ensure they do), I will certainly be instilling good manners like this, that are lacking so much in society today.
I would be horrified if my children did not say thank you, 200 each is a lot of money to give children. No matter how small the gift there should be a thank you. When we were small we got presents from an older lovely couple who were friends with my parents. We loved to visit them (they had no children) and every present they gave us we always wrote a small note, or when we were really small parents asked what we want to put in the card which they wrote and we signed. It all boils down to old fashioned respect which i agree is sadly lacking in todays society. If you respect people then you are more inclined to reap the rewards. It makes life much better.

Thank you punkchick, We are very proud of the nephew and the niece too. He does chance his luck at times, but he is a good kid who wants to spend time with people, he is a friendly child who engages with everyone he meets, old and young, well behaved child who is very respectful and pleasant to everyone. I love the fact that we talk and he can talk about anything. He always asked what can we do after school once we do his homework. So we go through a few suggestions and decide together. Thankfully the school he is at (my old school) promotes the same values me and my brothers had as kids (same teachers as we had), repeat and manners. The school does not tolerate rudeness or bullying. The kids in his class (from all walks of life) are all delightful children who all know how to behave.

I think the best quality is that my nephew thinks about other people. When we went out over the summer holidays, he asked me if i wanted to buy anything thing in the attraction shop. I said no thank you as i was going to take his sister out of the shop to see the ducks. Next thing him and granny came out and he handed me a bag and said this is for taking me out. It was a small keyring that he thought i would like to put on my car keys. Also His cousin dislocated her knee over the summer and he saw it happen, but when he came to mine the next day he told me all about it and he asked if we could make a get well card for her and get her some chocolates to give her. We spent all afternoon doing it, going through my paper crafting box looking for thinks to put on, glitter everywhere but he was so happy and proud of his efforts. We love him to bits.
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Old 07-12-2011, 13:12
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Beause the younger generation have forgotten their manners, and are self obsessed. When they were little and under their parents, we would always get little thank you notes, or an email as they got a bit older, now it is all about me, me, me. My elderly mother sent them 200 each (there are 6 of them) last month as a present, and not one of them has picked up the phone or written a little thank you which is wrong, wrong, wrong, and very hurtful. She lives in Spain so doesn't get to see them much, so how much of a hardship would it be for them to pick up the phone and say 'Thanks Nan'. Your values are very odd indeed.
Not all the younger generation! I am only 20 and I certainly haven't forgotten my manners.
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Old 07-12-2011, 13:39
snow.mountain
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I'm naively surprised they don't say thank you, actually. I just can't imagine being given a present and not having the urge to thank the person. What do they do, just pocket it? Eugh.

I definitely wouldn't give them anything else, OP. It obviously means nothing to them either way.
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Old 07-12-2011, 15:30
Punkchick
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Not all the younger generation! I am only 20 and I certainly haven't forgotten my manners.
If you read the post I also praised another posters young nephew on his excellent manners. I myself am only 5 years older than my oldest nephew and see myself as the same generation as them rather than my sisters (their Mums). No not all young people have lost their manners, and I am pleased to hear you haven't forgotten yours. Unfortunately as time goes on, the good manners that you, myself and other posters have is on the decline. So if you every reproduce remember to pass on your good manners to your offspring.
Unfortunately where I live the kids appear to be dragged up as opposed to being brought up with manners and respect, hence the reason we are putting our house on the market next year in anticipation of children as I don't want them growing up with peers who act that way.
Not all young people are like that as you yourself can testify, but it is getting worse, lets hope you and your peers like you are the ones who are going to lead this country forward. All the brains in the world count for nothing if you don't have manners, well done. Do you want another auntie?
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Old 07-12-2011, 15:37
Punkchick
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Ahh see once again people are using it to knock teens and young people. Im in my 50s and none of my family older ( up to 93) or younger send Thank you cards and never have..
Its nothing to do with age nor manners. We just dont do them.. We dont do Christmas cards either.

If OP and others have a problem and it is a problem for them, then talk to the person (s) dont just be grumpy about it, those people obviously dont know how you feel, so a word in their ear-holes might be in order, if they still dont do what you want, then stop giving gifts.
Ok so pretend my mother was yours, and she sent you and your kids 200 each, what would you do? Would you phone her up and thank her, or would you wait 4-6 months (remember she lives in Spain) until you next saw her to thank her? If it is the latter then that is a problem I am afraid.
She sent me some flowers last weekend as a thank you for sorting some business out for her, and within 10 minutes of getting them I was on the phone thanking her, telling her how lovely they were. Is that wrong? I don't think so, that is manners, plain and simple.
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Old 07-12-2011, 16:11
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Ok so pretend my mother was yours, and she sent you and your kids 200 each, what would you do? Would you phone her up and thank her, or would you wait 4-6 months (remember she lives in Spain) until you next saw her to thank her? If it is the latter then that is a problem I am afraid.
She sent me some flowers last weekend as a thank you for sorting some business out for her, and within 10 minutes of getting them I was on the phone thanking her, telling her how lovely they were. Is that wrong? I don't think so, that is manners, plain and simple.
Sorry I missed the bit where OP said they live in another country or far away. It didnt read like that at all. Of course if you dont get to see the person but are still very close then that's different.

If you live near someone, then I think a visit and thank you is a much nicer way than a card.

But as ive said a lot of people on this thread really dont seem to like the person (s) anyway ( even the OP) so why bother if that's the case? Do you really need a reason to stop if you dont want to do it anymore?
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