Every year, we strive and toil
To forget Tittyrumba and Bacofoil
To discuss Kara as though she's the finest
ever dancer we've ever seen
(The gap is at its widest, in terms of credibility,
when people still bow down at Darren Gough or
kiss Tom Chambers' feet)
We hated John Sargent, the daft old biddy
And didn't want another 'sleb who acted like Widdy
So we frothed about all the famous faces we'd like to see,
whilst concurrently criticising the Beeb for wasting our licence fee!
(We want Princesses and Princes
And former Cabinet members
That old bloke who used to be in May to December
At least one from Sugababes and a Scandinavian King
These are a few of our most requested things!
When the budget bites!
When reality stings!
When we're feeling sad...
We simply remember Gary Rhodes, and then we don't feel so bad!)
The launch show arrived, and we were all stunned
They were still pretending Robin was straight!
But look at the see-through vest and his guns!
How on earth can this pretence remain?
So we had....
Tory MP nobody likes and a Daybreak presenter who nobody knew
And an impressionist whose falling stock sank, and an insane Italian with money in the bank
And we had Lulu who wanted to SHOUT, and a boxer who'd forgotten to bout
And an entertainer camper than the stars, and an actress used to propping up bars,
And a badboy footballer with a lion's mane, and a One Show presenter (again!)
And two Australians whose visas were running out, and a giddy girl we don't know what she's going on about
And a drummer from McFly (whose gaydar ratings zoom out of the sky..........)
Week One came and it was good (hurrah, hurrah)
Russell came as a giant clam (bizarre, bizarre)
And by night two, we had to state
That Erin was already thinking of sitting at home
And we all loved Pasha (isn't he a dream?)
Edwina went with egg on her face, Anton was a mocking disgrace, and we all wanted to kick Lulu down the stairs!
But it was made worse a week after that
Robbie was good! Anita fell flat!
And we all said goodbye to Dan....Who?
Oh Jason!
You came without taking a breath between sentences
And you've bored us to death
Oh Jason!
So we said goodbye to Rory and we said Hello to Chelsee in ways she didn't expect!
And Russell somehow got shoulder shakes into a Tango and didn't regret...
Robbie grabbed his bits....And Alex did a Paso like walking on grit, which is morethan can be said about Lulu, who had given up entirely on the concept of dance at this point..
Oh Nancy!
You came with no intention of learning!
Oh Nancy!
We wouldn't have minded had it not been our money you're burning!
Moira Ross was told, when she was hired
"Act like you're a superstar"
Let Aliona off her leash all season, and keep Holly away from the bar!
It's beautiful in a way, how Harry can sway
But please, Bruno, he wasn't born that way!
I really want to regret Alex tripping up in her dress
But please stop getting fashion tips from Tess...
Week Seven arrived it seemed to me
That they were all interested in Wembly
Alex did a jive without any kicks
And Robbie just about made his emotion stick
And Jason....oh Jason....why do you not connect?
You dance like a robot with its plug sockets wet...
Harry kept on impressing
He occasionally was undressing
Aliona was going crazy, as she always does
But no wellies at this point, stuck in the mud
Oh Audley!
You CAME AHT and your stomped without trying!
Oh Audley!
At least Natalie got her trademark slides in before crying!
Now off we went to Brent for, another branded week so, of course dancing was a secondary concern
Harry stole a sacred song (but he could do no wrong)
And Chelsee had fireworks out her behind
But for Russell it was a joke too far, and off he flew, farewell, ta-dah!
The great British public kept Anita in, for not being able to clap is apparently not a sin!
Chat-chat-a-chattanooga swing a thon
Oh GOD why do they bother?
Putting up with James is bad enough but don't annoy Ola!
Cho-Cho Ringer Dinger!
(Nobody puts Jennifer Grey in a room without an autocue)
SCD is almost over
Don't cry
Just smile
We've not had a perfect 40 in a while.
It's something to which we'll just get used
(Forcing a smile when listening to Bruce)
And next year.....We'll do it all.....a-gain.....
To forget Tittyrumba and Bacofoil
To discuss Kara as though she's the finest
ever dancer we've ever seen
(The gap is at its widest, in terms of credibility,
when people still bow down at Darren Gough or
kiss Tom Chambers' feet)
We hated John Sargent, the daft old biddy
And didn't want another 'sleb who acted like Widdy
So we frothed about all the famous faces we'd like to see,
whilst concurrently criticising the Beeb for wasting our licence fee!
(We want Princesses and Princes
And former Cabinet members
That old bloke who used to be in May to December
At least one from Sugababes and a Scandinavian King
These are a few of our most requested things!
When the budget bites!
When reality stings!
When we're feeling sad...
We simply remember Gary Rhodes, and then we don't feel so bad!)
The launch show arrived, and we were all stunned
They were still pretending Robin was straight!
But look at the see-through vest and his guns!
How on earth can this pretence remain?
So we had....
Tory MP nobody likes and a Daybreak presenter who nobody knew
And an impressionist whose falling stock sank, and an insane Italian with money in the bank
And we had Lulu who wanted to SHOUT, and a boxer who'd forgotten to bout
And an entertainer camper than the stars, and an actress used to propping up bars,
And a badboy footballer with a lion's mane, and a One Show presenter (again!)
And two Australians whose visas were running out, and a giddy girl we don't know what she's going on about
And a drummer from McFly (whose gaydar ratings zoom out of the sky..........)
Week One came and it was good (hurrah, hurrah)
Russell came as a giant clam (bizarre, bizarre)
And by night two, we had to state
That Erin was already thinking of sitting at home
And we all loved Pasha (isn't he a dream?)
Edwina went with egg on her face, Anton was a mocking disgrace, and we all wanted to kick Lulu down the stairs!
But it was made worse a week after that
Robbie was good! Anita fell flat!
And we all said goodbye to Dan....Who?
Oh Jason!
You came without taking a breath between sentences
And you've bored us to death
Oh Jason!
So we said goodbye to Rory and we said Hello to Chelsee in ways she didn't expect!
And Russell somehow got shoulder shakes into a Tango and didn't regret...
Robbie grabbed his bits....And Alex did a Paso like walking on grit, which is morethan can be said about Lulu, who had given up entirely on the concept of dance at this point..
Oh Nancy!
You came with no intention of learning!
Oh Nancy!
We wouldn't have minded had it not been our money you're burning!
Moira Ross was told, when she was hired
"Act like you're a superstar"
Let Aliona off her leash all season, and keep Holly away from the bar!
It's beautiful in a way, how Harry can sway
But please, Bruno, he wasn't born that way!
I really want to regret Alex tripping up in her dress
But please stop getting fashion tips from Tess...
Week Seven arrived it seemed to me
That they were all interested in Wembly
Alex did a jive without any kicks
And Robbie just about made his emotion stick
And Jason....oh Jason....why do you not connect?
You dance like a robot with its plug sockets wet...
Harry kept on impressing
He occasionally was undressing
Aliona was going crazy, as she always does
But no wellies at this point, stuck in the mud
Oh Audley!
You CAME AHT and your stomped without trying!
Oh Audley!
At least Natalie got her trademark slides in before crying!
Now off we went to Brent for, another branded week so, of course dancing was a secondary concern
Harry stole a sacred song (but he could do no wrong)
And Chelsee had fireworks out her behind
But for Russell it was a joke too far, and off he flew, farewell, ta-dah!
The great British public kept Anita in, for not being able to clap is apparently not a sin!
Chat-chat-a-chattanooga swing a thon
Oh GOD why do they bother?
Putting up with James is bad enough but don't annoy Ola!
Cho-Cho Ringer Dinger!
(Nobody puts Jennifer Grey in a room without an autocue)
SCD is almost over
Don't cry
Just smile
We've not had a perfect 40 in a while.
It's something to which we'll just get used
(Forcing a smile when listening to Bruce)
And next year.....We'll do it all.....a-gain.....
.
