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Anyone else got a child who has emigrated?


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Old 27-12-2011, 20:30
wonkeydonkey
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Kind of sad situation. I never, ever look sad to her, because it is her life and she must make her own choices. But I miss her every single day.

I have actually had to sit down with her and discuss whether she would come home if a grandparent died (decided she mustn't feel too much pressure if it is difficult) or a parent died (yes). It has occurred to me that if I ever had a possibly terminal diagnosis I would have to do the 'goodbye, perhaps forever' visit. How hard would that be?

On a positive note, she does sound happy and we can talk on the phone every couple of weeks. (She lives somewhere with no electricity, so not every other day). And I keep telling myself that she was very, very ill with meningitis when she was a teenager, and if someone then had told me she would get better but live thousands of miles away I would have been SO relieved.

I wonder if anyone else is in a similar situation?
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Old 27-12-2011, 20:52
benjamini
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I feel for you. My son lives abroad and I bless the day he installed skype so we could talk.
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Old 27-12-2011, 20:58
netcurtains
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Both of mine are still at home, 16 and 9 but it is something that I've thought about. I'm looking forward to the day they're all grown up and move out but the thought of them moving too far away gives me the shudders though sometimes I do have moments where I wish my 16yr old would piss off to Australia on a very long trip
I feel for you though Wonkey, it must be hard. It's one thing to let go but to have them so far away...You must be proud that you've raised someone with the gumption to make a whole new life for themselves without the safety net of a parent nearby.
I only moved 7 miles away from my own parents and I harrass them every day with a phonecall. Maybe they wish I was further away!
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Old 27-12-2011, 21:00
adopter
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My sister lived at home till she was 33 having never been encouraged to leave or get a life of her own by my parents. I think they thought she'd stay with them forever so it was a bit of shock when she buggered off to live abroad.
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Old 27-12-2011, 21:01
Mrs Teapot
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No I'm not Wonkey but I felt for you when I read your post, it was very touching.

You only ever want the best for your children and as Nets says you should be proud of her
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Old 27-12-2011, 21:06
ejm
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You know what I think (for what it's worth!) is that the very best parents enable their children with the life skills to be able to go and explore this amazing world we live in. You should be very proud of her and proud of yourself for giving her the confidence to be able to do what so many of us don't get the opportunity to experience.
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Old 27-12-2011, 21:45
wonkeydonkey
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Thank you for the kind posts. That is the other positive: I am very proud of her. I was a timid thing when young and I could hardly believe it when my baby headed off to darkest Africa (as it seemed to me) on her own with just a rucksack on her back.
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Old 27-12-2011, 21:55
Mumof3
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Hi Wonkeydonkey

I'm so sorry that it's difficult to adapt to your daughter's absence. My sister emigrated to Australia about ten years ago, but took the difficult decision to come home again after 5 or 6 six years, recognising that she'd gone to recover from a tricky relationship.

If it's any comfort, you can console yourself with the fact that you've clearly raised an independent, resourceful and adventurous daughter. I have 3 daughters of my own, and would be proud to be able to say that I'd achieved as much. Big hug ((((( )))))).
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Old 27-12-2011, 21:55
Claratana
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My two emigrated at the same time as me.....

It does concern me that they will follow my lead and live thousands of miles from 'home'. But they don't seem to have that ambition yet as they love living here.
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Old 27-12-2011, 22:11
marianna01
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We. the parents, are the wanderers in our family because of work!! One we left in the Midlands and the other in the northeast! Both are now well educated and settled with partners and children. They weren't abandoned as children, just to assure everyone, but once in their 20's and well adjusted and employed they have thrived.
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Old 27-12-2011, 22:18
Abbasolutely 40
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Kind of sad situation. I never, ever look sad to her, because it is her life and she must make her own choices. But I miss her every single day.


I wonder if anyone else is in a similar situation?
((((((HUG))))))) wonkey ,
My daughter was gone for a year and I missed her so much . I think time will help to accept it and help you cope .,I hope so .
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Old 27-12-2011, 22:21
InMyArms
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I don't have any children (Yay ) but I'd love to emigrate to somewhere like Australia, or perhaps even America. It's something I've thought of since I was around 14, I am now 20 and If I had the money I'd do it in a heartbeat.
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Old 27-12-2011, 22:28
TxBelle
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You know what I think (for what it's worth!) is that the very best parents enable their children with the life skills to be able to go and explore this amazing world we live in. You should be very proud of her and proud of yourself for giving her the confidence to be able to do what so many of us don't get the opportunity to experience.
I totally agree. As parents, giving our children confidence to strike out on their own can be heartbreaking for us but a truly memorable experience for them.
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Old 27-12-2011, 22:44
Darthchaffinch
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Hi! I am a son who has emigrated, and see it as an amazing opportunity for my son's to grow up in not only a different culture, with a second language, but also to have a safer life. Reading the uk news everyday reaffirms this unfortunately.
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Old 27-12-2011, 22:46
Croctacus
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In our family it was the other way round....my husbands grandparents buggered off to Australia when they retired...(his uncle and loads of other family were already there). It meant that when he grandad died they couldn't go to the funeral which was a big loss to my husband cos he was very close to him.
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Old 27-12-2011, 22:59
Bandita
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I also feel for you Wonkey, my son lives abroad and I do miss him, he has embraced his new host country and speaks and reads the language fluently so I feel he has done his best. This is not his first time he has lived in France and Germany. I can't blame him because me and the ex bandit went abroad for an adventure.
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Old 27-12-2011, 22:59
Vast_Girth
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My mum buggered off to Austraila last year. I am quite resentful about it as my grandparents are in very poor health and i think she should be here to help me deal with it.

The wife's dad has lived in the USA for the last 10 years.

So essentially we are screwed if we want a free babysitter
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Old 27-12-2011, 23:10
-Sid-
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Hi wonkey.

You're reacting as any parent would. My mum was in bits when my sister decided to emigrate to America for 18 months.

IIRC your daughter is doing a lot of good out there in Africa. Be proud

X
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Old 27-12-2011, 23:24
wonkeydonkey
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Hi wonkey.

You're reacting as any parent would. My mum was in bits when my sister decided to emigrate to America for 18 months.

IIRC your daughter is doing a lot of good out there in Africa. Be proud

X
Thanks. But I don't think it is 18 months. She has a partner and a dog, and they are talking about building a house. It was the dog that made me cry most (secretly). I thought that no one who is planning to come home buys a dog.
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Old 27-12-2011, 23:27
-Sid-
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Thanks. But I don't think it is 18 months. She has a partner and a dog, and they are talking about building a house. It was the dog that made me cry most (secretly). I thought that no one who is planning to come home buys a dog.
Oh I realise that, which is why it must be so much harder for you, especially at this time of year

I can offer virtual (((hugs)))
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Old 27-12-2011, 23:34
Teddybear99
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I'm not in that situation, but wanted to send you a hug. It must be particularly difficult at this time of year when everyone seems to be having big family get togethers. I remember how hard it was when my son left home, but that was only about 50 miles away, so I really feel for you.

It sounds like you have been a brilliant mum, and you can be very proud to have raised such an independant daughter. Also, there are mothers and daughters who only live a couple of miles away from each otehr, but that don't have good relationships. It sounds like you have a really great relationship with your daughter and can have really honest discussions with her.
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Old 28-12-2011, 00:17
Jayma
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I will be in that situation next year, as our oldest son is moving to China to teach, next August. He will be gone for at least 2 years - definitely longer if it all works out and they extend their contract. We will have Skype. Otherwise, I can't imagine not talking to him for long periods of time. Although we currently live in different cities, he does return home every month, and his younger sisters who are still at home will miss him a great deal.

One of my brothers emigrated to Hong Kong this year, and it was difficult watching my 74 year old Mum hold back the tears on the day he left. Especially poignant as another of my brothers had just moved back to the UK, having been in the US for 15 years. It seems my close family are not destinted to be in the same country at the same time!
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Old 28-12-2011, 00:21
benjamini
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I will be in that situation next year, as our oldest son is moving to China to teach, next August. He will be gone for at least 2 years - definitely longer if it all works out and they extend their contract. We will have Skype. Otherwise, I can't imagine not talking to him for long periods of time. Although we currently live in different cities, he does return home every month, and his younger sisters who are still at home will miss him a great deal.

One of my brothers emigrated to Hong Kong this year, and it was difficult watching my 74 year old Mum hold back the tears on the day he left. Especially poignant as another of my brothers had just moved back to the UK, having been in the US for 15 years. It seems my close family are not destinted to be in the same country at the same time!
a wee hug for you. Its tough , especially if you are also being strong for your parents.
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Old 28-12-2011, 00:27
wonkeydonkey
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It all has made me think of those Victorian parents who waved their children off, effectively forever, as they made huge sea voyages. We can't skype, but we can have telephone conversations and send my daughter ridiculous parcels of things like Yorkie bars (her boyfriend is fascinated that we have a chocolate bar that women are not allowed to eat ) and sea glass and photographs of Dad in a false beard.
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Old 28-12-2011, 00:33
Chubbler
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I'm 18 and emigrating in two weeks. My Mum says she's upset but as its only to Greece she prefers that to somewhere like Australia.
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