I take it you're not a new proud mum

This is a status I just saw after people wished him a happy birthday:

"Thank you all for the facebook messages, the phone calls, the texts, the voice mail messages, the cards and the gifts flown from around the world. x"

HA one of my friends from the southern US has had babies lately and posting all the pictures as described just above.

She posted quite a close up one of him lying in his cot or whatever with the status/hashtag "#teethin "

Cue lots of likes and "Darn it! Hope bubba sleeps!" and the amusing US equivalents of "Oh no hun"

The mother (I assume) posted: "You get that camera OUTTA ma baby face!!! Too close!!! Let him rest and stop with the pictures when he not feelin good, XXXX. I don't wanna see no more of these!!!"

It got SO many likes

When someone shoes you a scan photo, just say it looks just like you. You will either get a confused comment or a laugh from the person posting it

HAHA is your friend a Prince, or Simon Cowell? He thinks he is anyway!

"Thank you to all of my fans for the birthday tweets #cute #fans #selfie #girl #friends #night #out, #clubbing, #red #dress, #ugly"

This girl posted that same status on twitter, facebook and instagram.

She's not even famous.

That reminds me - people who do hashtags on Facebook - WHY?!

Even a lot of twitter users would take the pee out of the number of pointless hashtags in the post above!

This one just posted:

Cannot wait to get my gym membership card next week so i can lose some weoght ready for my summer hols!

Sounds reasonable but for the past month every day shes been posting how many boxes of chocolates shes eaten, reviews of eevry kebab, every burger, how many times she couldnt be bothered to cook so they had chinese. Shes skinny but always comments how fat she is and how she wants to start going to the gym then posts pictures of all the empty take away boxes from every meal.

Quite a few have been like that from others it frustrates the hell out of me. They put statuses counting down to the new year because thats when their new year diet starts so they were making the most of december by stuffing pies and cakes down their throats.

I'm just waiting for the day one of my statuses appears on this thread!!

Me too!

I just saw this page http://www.facebook.com/pages/Kelly-...44901515526308

That is actually hilarious

Alternative model? Alternative meaning ugly right? Funny!!

My poor eyes!

Just realised it is a wind up page still funny though.

But who is it in the photos?! She must be a real person, certainly looks like one anyway!

There's a bit of an argument going on on my news feed at the moment, it's almost like a text version of Jeremy Kyle with all the accusations flying back and forth.

Could be auditions for the show taking place!

Someone i know almost got in trouble at work over facebook! Serves her right though.

She put several status updates saying how she has man flu and feels awful. Then she put some about how she was up all night throwing up in great detail.

Her final status was how she hates people whp are too lazy to work and shes still going to work even though she was up the previous night throwing up and she aches all over. She thinks of herself as a martyr to her work and an example of how she was brought up to work hard not scrounge.

It was going alright until someone mentioned she better delete it all before her boss read it as she works in food production so cant go to work the day after throwing up all night!

I read that the number of people getting into trouble at work over something written or seen on the facebook is increasing rapidly.

The most basic, and seemingly quite common (and very stupid) scenario being where someone has rung in sick, then puts something like "CBA with work today, off to the pub for an all-dayer" as their status.

This then gets spotted by the person's boss, or the boss is made aware of it.

I always used to comment on such posts with a

#nottwitter

I've been sharing this all day! It's great!

Have you guys seen this one?
http://www.facebook.com/BanWeed
Again, it's a p*ss-take, but it's bloody funny. Her before/after pictures of weed injectors always crack me up.

I came across a thread on Facebook yesterday which was started by someone posting "Choose the title of a movie and replace one of the words with 'shit' and post the result here", kept me occupied for a good half an hour before bed. In fact I considered starting the thread here too...

Another good one was Take the song you're listening to and add "In My Ass" at the end. Some of the songs were great. My personal favorites were:
You've Got To Fight (for the right to party in my ass)
I've got a brand new combine harvester in my ass
I will always love you in my ass.

That is hilarious. Those before and after pictures had me in stitches.