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Emma Chawner - the new Jade Goody? (Part 9)


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Old 20-02-2012, 20:25
alfiewozere
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Apologies if this has already been mentioned. Have a look:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Chawner

I just love the trailer for the wedding. The old videos reminds me of the days before hair straighteners. Also, who's the lady to the right of the happy couple in the 1980's? She's holding a baby. Is that Phil's sister? She looks very Phil-like.
Oh now that I like. I think a twitter link is needed here - just in case no-one has informed Phil his family have made to the urban dictionary
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Old 21-02-2012, 00:19
Simi89
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Love the urban dictionary definitions we should do them for all of the Chawnervocabulary, like sleep hackney oh and the term coined by the Cult of Chawner- Chawnerlogic!

ETA: spotted this tweet:

"@DirectorDanDan Is Phil able to braid his nosehairs? #Justcurious #Chawners"

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Old 21-02-2012, 08:08
alfiewozere
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Love the urban dictionary definitions we should do them for all of the Chawnervocabulary, like sleep hackney oh and the term coined by the Cult of Chawner- Chawnerlogic!

ETA: spotted this tweet:

"@DirectorDanDan Is Phil able to braid his nosehairs? #Justcurious #Chawners"

Excellent plan Simi

Is it easy to add stuff to Urban dictionary?
[LIST][*]Lorry Diabetes - a contagious and rare form of diabetes, mostly caught off heavy goods vehicles, and rendering the sufferer unable to work again. [*]Close Personal Friend - a minor celebrity that one has posed for a photograph with, and perhaps exchanged a few banalities with, on one occasion only (see Peter Andre for details)[*]MFI scan - Magnetic Flab Imaging scan, used to detect gallstones, another contagious condition, possibly caught off eating too much at a wedding buffet one was never invited to in the first place. An alternative to the more usual MRI scan.[/LIST]Count 5 a day the Audrey way is worthy of a diet book all of it's own.
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Old 21-02-2012, 08:21
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News from Papa Repulsive:

hi everyone hope you all like the last episode tonight the wedding vows not many people turned up because it was filmed on a Friday and there was a lot working we have been asked to do a 4 series but we need to get a better contract so we will have to see so your all take care love Phil and family xxxx

Not many people turned up because you have no friends and nobody really likes you, despite your thousands of facebook friends I remember Emma saying there would be a police barricade for crowd control...it obviously wasn't required.

I bet everyone a Smart Price sausage pancake they haven't been asked to do a fourth series, he is face saving and will be able to say the contract offered wasn't good enough, hence the Chawners rapidly vanishing off the less than z-list within the next 2 weeks.
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Old 21-02-2012, 08:44
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Those urban dictionary things are brilliant - my favourite one has to be the second one!
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Old 21-02-2012, 09:18
Lillylei
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My friend got married on a friday, it was packed.
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Old 21-02-2012, 09:41
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News from Papa Repulsive:

hi everyone hope you all like the last episode tonight the wedding vows not many people turned up because it was filmed on a Friday and there was a lot working we have been asked to do a 4 series but we need to get a better contract so we will have to see so your all take care love Phil and family xxxx

Not many people turned up because you have no friends and nobody really likes you, despite your thousands of facebook friends I remember Emma saying there would be a police barricade for crowd control...it obviously wasn't required.

I bet everyone a Smart Price sausage pancake they haven't been asked to do a fourth series, he is face saving and will be able to say the contract offered wasn't good enough, hence the Chawners rapidly vanishing off the less than z-list within the next 2 weeks.
Morning CoC'ers!

Re the part of Tenorlady's post I have italicised and underlined: I can't believe Philth actually had the front to use the 'W' word as an excuse!

I am firmly of the opinion they have no real-life friends. I mean, in all seriousness ~ who would wish to associate with a family like that ~ especially if they themselves do work for a living?

Regarding Samantha's claim that Fraud was once a proper, caring mother ~ maybe Kim (next time she pops on here) could perhaps clarify if she can whether this was true or not? I'm wondering if C ever mentioned this to her, or whether he may have said Fraud was exactly the same when he was growing up as she is now. After all, he would have still been living with them at that time, as all three of them are quite close in age. It would be interesting to see if this was yet another of Samantha's lies or not.
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Old 21-02-2012, 09:53
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Morning CoC'ers!

Re the part of Tenorlady's post I have italicised and underlined: I can't believe Philth actually had the front to use the 'W' word as an excuse!

I am firmly of the opinion they have no real-life friends. I mean, in all seriousness ~ who would wish to associate with a family like that ~ especially if they themselves do work for a living?
Looking at the trail for this week's show it shows a load of people who look as if they've been dragged in from all over. A very odd bunch indeed. Perhaps they were bribed with offers of a free buffet with SmartPrice sausage rolls, pizza slices, Diet Coke & Perfectly Clear.

Regarding Samantha's claim that Fraud was once a proper, caring mother ~ maybe Kim (next time she pops on here) could perhaps clarify if she can whether this was true or not? I'm wondering if C ever mentioned this to her, or whether he may have said Fraud was exactly the same when he was growing up as she is now. After all, he would have still been living with them at that time, as all three of them are quite close in age. It would be interesting to see if this was yet another of Samantha's lies or not.
BIB is Sam's vision of what she'd have liked Aud to be, but never was. I honestly can't see a woman who says she 'likes' her children ever being the kind of mother that would do the normal kind of things most mothers do.
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Old 21-02-2012, 10:14
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What are we going to do after tonights last episode

Cant wait for series 4 There is still a lot of episodes left in the Chawners ( weird their advert just come on the telly) Thats a little girl with the woman on at the side not their son.Unless they dressed him in pink might explain why he got out as soon as he could lol.

Last edited by LaineyT : 21-02-2012 at 10:14. Reason: spelling mistake
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Old 21-02-2012, 12:41
mrs.deschanel
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Series 4 would help no one if it was the same old toss. All it would do is make Philthy more delusional about his "fame", Fraudrey would trot out some rubbish about her epilepsy and how she could be lying half dead for hours without Philth (wonder where she got that delusion from - not), Emma would keep trying to keep her Dad happy by being a nasty piece of work (I've seen a child do it to keep his mental mother happy in real life) and Sam would cry copious amounts while lying about what she's been eating. More public interest will only make them feel that the way they live is ok and it's soooo not ok. In the meantime people at home will watch open mouthed while they take OUR tax money and spend it on sausages and trifles along with a freezer full of ready meals. None of them will ever hold down a job because of various ailments - gallblabber, overs, sleep hackney etc. and the fact that they are paranoid about being "bullied". It's all down to that smelly, delusional pervert too. He's got them brain washed into his way of thinking which is flipping weird but of course not their fault.

Watching would be like slowing down past a car crash. You know it's wrong, you're nosy and you're glad it's not you. Maybe there's some sadness and sympathy for those involved in the crash but with this shower any sympathy I had has long since gone.

Philthy I never felt sorry for because he gives me the creeps.

Fraud I thought may be depressed but anyone who is too lazy to go to the loo (except when Big Brother telly crew turn up) is beyond a joke. She's obviously of low intelligence and parrots Phil's opinions - or maybe someone off one of her numerous programmes.

Sam I had the most sympathy for but she's shown she's delusional about her eating and hasn't made the most of help she's had. She needs to stop snivelling and bashing her mother, get some therapy and stop shovelling food in her mouth.

Emma I feel is most easily led by Philth. As far as I can see her only redeeming quality if her love for her sister. She's lazy and lies an awful lot but in no way deserves to be groped like she was by her dad. She's a product of an appalling upbringing but is the favoured child which has made her into a complete madam.

As far as I am concerned we should all done balaclavas, turn up when Philth is out, tell Aud we are filming for the telly and rescue all of those poor animals in the house. They need something as that place is unfit for any pet to live in.

Unless any further series involve getting those girls out of that hovel, getting them a psychologist and making them get a job then what's the point? Surely Fraud really doesn't think they need a bigger house because of her children?? They are adults and it's time to let them be adults. Otherwise once Philth and Fraud are dead those two will be sitting all day watching telly, stuffing their gobs and plucking each others beards on the social in a mouldy house.
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Old 21-02-2012, 13:00
cabana
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I agree with mrs deschanel completely. There is not really any hope for any of them. I had originally thought maybe the girls could be saved , but as long as they stay in that enivronment it is simply impossible. I really feel for the girls because I think they (especially Sam) are definitely of higher intellect than their parents and could really make somethiing of themselves , given the chance.
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Old 21-02-2012, 13:04
LaineyT
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I know there isnt any help for them and they will carry one doing the same things every day....but come on you have to admit they do make our lives seems a hell of a lot better lol.

This thread used to be funny then all of a sudden it went to calling them some terrible names. Ok so they dont bother with their son but thats their problem. Its nothing to do with us unless we are related to them. Wish the thread could go back to how it was at the start
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Old 21-02-2012, 13:22
julieann
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and slapping each other periodically too,

i find it so sad they have cut their only son off from them,
i have 3 twentysomething sons, they drive me mad sometimes but i would never ask them to choose between their partners and children and us, its just soo wrong, and i would be devastated if i never saw them or my grandson,

cant wait for the wedding of the year tonight, i have just set the sky reminder,
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Old 21-02-2012, 13:24
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I know there isnt any help for them and they will carry one doing the same things every day....but come on you have to admit they do make our lives seems a hell of a lot better lol.

This thread used to be funny then all of a sudden it went to calling them some terrible names. Ok so they dont bother with their son but thats their problem. Its nothing to do with us unless we are related to them. Wish the thread could go back to how it was at the start
yes i agree they make me feel better about myself, and Audrey's sayings crease me up, i wonder what gems will pop out tonight?
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Old 21-02-2012, 13:27
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Emma and her Dad seem very close, you would almost think they were husband and wife.
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Old 21-02-2012, 13:42
trec123
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News from Papa Repulsive:

hi everyone hope you all like the last episode tonight the wedding vows not many people turned up because it was filmed on a Friday and there was a lot working we have been asked to do a 4 series but we need to get a better contract so we will have to see so your all take care love Phil and family xxxx

Not many people turned up because you have no friends and nobody really likes you, despite your thousands of facebook friends I remember Emma saying there would be a police barricade for crowd control...it obviously wasn't required.

I bet everyone a Smart Price sausage pancake they haven't
been asked to do a fourth series, he is face saving and will be
able to say the contract offered wasn't good enough, hence the
Chawners rapidly vanishing off the less than z-list within the
next 2 weeks.
I don't think they've been offered one either - I said this yesterday on part 8, but I believe crafty old Phizzle is trying to drum up support so he can go to Bio and show that people are showing an interest in a 4th series - except not many people are - if any.
Yes, if the aim was to try to get the girls some independence, but it ain't gonna happen - Phil's emotional blackmail would win the day and keep them chained to him and Aud.
So there's really nothing else Bio can show us.
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Old 21-02-2012, 13:46
Alberon
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News from Papa Repulsive:

hi everyone hope you all like the last episode tonight the wedding vows not many people turned up because it was filmed on a Friday and there was a lot working we have been asked to do a 4 series but we need to get a better contract so we will have to see so your all take care love Phil and family xxxx
Is it me or has that post and thread now disappeared from his facebook page?

The end has come. The final episode (surely) is nigh.

It's Chawnergeddon!
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Old 21-02-2012, 13:48
trec123
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Is it me or has that post and thread now disappeared from his facebook page?

The end has come. The final episode (surely) is nigh.

It's Chawnergeddon!
love it!! Another one for the Urban Dictionary!
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Old 21-02-2012, 13:54
mrs.deschanel
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I know there isnt any help for them and they will carry one doing the same things every day....but come on you have to admit they do make our lives seems a hell of a lot better lol.

This thread used to be funny then all of a sudden it went to calling them some terrible names. Ok so they dont bother with their son but thats their problem. Its nothing to do with us unless we are related to them. Wish the thread could go back to how it was at the start
The programme used to be funny - now it's disturbing. Aud farting up the stairs and the sound guy's face was hilarious. Cheering Aud on while she shovelled horse poo was funny. Her doing the twist was funny. Watching them make an attempt to improve was great. They did some exercise (tiny bit) and lost some weight. This thread was funny until Director Dan showed the murky depths of Chawner life then nothing was funny.

As soon as Phil deliberately grabbed his daughter's breast it wen downhill. This series has been depressing while showing them up for the dysfunctional people they are. I could watch and say that my house is cleaner, my pets are happier, I'm thinner and my children are loved while feeling smug but I'm not going to. Like I said before the attention feeds Phil's delusions of grandeur when in fact no one thinks their great at all like he has in his head. They are a joke but a sick one.

Of course that's only my opinion and everyone else is entitled to theirs.
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Old 21-02-2012, 14:01
Hogzilla
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Originally Posted by alfiewozere;56692004
...
[B
Count 5 a day the Audrey way is worthy of a diet book all of it's own[/b]
Being overcome by a Chawnesque laziness, I can't be arsed to look back over this epic thread, and see if we've done it before but...

I dunno about you lot, but I'm still trying to compile, in my head, the ultimate Chawner 5 A Day List.

There's so many things we could reclassify as fruit n veg.

Trifle (fruit content, as discussed before);
Chocolate (got cocoa beans in it);
Haribo (they're fruit coloured/flavoured and made up of boiled up cows' unmentionables - all of which once were in a field, with grass, ergo vegetables);
Fruit n Nut bars, well an obvious one - and a triple whammy with 3 of your 5 A Day right there, so eat two and you're covered;
Creme Eggs (Egg plants are vegetables);
Marathons (sorry but I refuse to use the word 'snicker', it sounds too much like knickers) - got peanuts in;
Pies (flour = wheat = vegetable);
and so on.

Anyone else got any more for the definitive list?
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Old 21-02-2012, 14:15
lotty27
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News from Papa Repulsive:

hi everyone hope you all like the last episode tonight the wedding vows not many people turned up because it was filmed on a Friday and there was a lot working we have been asked to do a 4 series but we need to get a better contract so we will have to see so your all take care love Phil and family xxxx

Not many people turned up because you have no friends and nobody really likes you, despite your thousands of facebook friends I remember Emma saying there would be a police barricade for crowd control...it obviously wasn't required.

I bet everyone a Smart Price sausage pancake they haven't been asked to do a fourth series, he is face saving and will be able to say the contract offered wasn't good enough, hence the Chawners rapidly vanishing off the less than z-list within the next 2 weeks.
I'm reading through the thread and haven't got any further than what I've bolded and underlined! Delusional or what? They really do think that they're real, bone fide celebrities! Good God, don't they know the difference? People aren't watching them because they admire them, like their work (music, acting, writing etc) but because they are walking dysfunctions! Because we literally can't believe what we see and hear! There is a helluva difference. The Chawner's are our modern day freak show. Give me strength!


And re a 4th series. Like I said in part 8 I don't think they've been asked either and Phil is just saving face. What would be the point of it when this one is called 'Last Chance' and they haven't done what was asked of them? Unless they do a different kind of reality show where all the Chawners have to try out different and unpleasant jobs? E.g. Chawners down the sewer. Let's see how keen they are to appear in the spotlight eh? Or would it be "I can't do that, I've got bad legs, sleep hackney, lorry diabetes, gallstones, bad stomach, headache, my period" etc?
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Old 21-02-2012, 14:34
Tudor6222
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I'm reading through the thread and haven't got any further than what I've bolded and underlined! Delusional or what? They really do think that they're real, bone fide celebrities! Good God, don't they know the difference? People aren't watching them because they admire them, like their work (music, acting, writing etc) but because they are walking dysfunctions! Because we literally can't believe what we see and hear! There is a helluva difference. The Chawner's are our modern day freak show. Give me strength!
More like bone idle zelebrities!

Their IQ's are so low they don't understand irony or sarcasm. All the people sending positive messages on FB are in all likelihood ripping the pi$$ out of the lot of them.

And re a 4th series. Like I said in part 8 I don't think they've been asked either and Phil is just saving face. What would be the point of it when this one is called 'Last Chance' and they haven't done what was asked of them? Unless they do a different kind of reality show where all the Chawners have to try out different and unpleasant jobs? E.g. Chawners down the sewer. Let's see how keen they are to appear in the spotlight eh? Or would it be "I can't do that, I've got bad legs, sleep hackney, lorry diabetes, gallstones, bad stomach, headache, my period" etc?
I don't think the manhole's made that's wide enough to get any of the Chunks down it!

I'd pay to see it if it was possible though, but don't let's give 'em ideas. We all know they want the media exposure, but only if it doesn't make them ''look bad''.
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Old 21-02-2012, 14:51
greengran
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I still want to know why Phil thinks the editing is bad, what precisely has been edited out?
The four mile walks they all do every day?
The lovely clean house they all work so hard on?
The caring way they talk to each other and tell each other how much they love them?
The huge amount of weight they've all lost, which they cover up by wearing the same clothes but with lots of padding?
Or is it all the work they do for charity and how often they see their granddaughter?

If it's none of these, I wish he'd tell us what it is!
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Old 21-02-2012, 14:59
hammerfan
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Being overcome by a Chawnesque laziness, I can't be arsed to look back over this epic thread, and see if we've done it before but...

I dunno about you lot, but I'm still trying to compile, in my head, the ultimate Chawner 5 A Day List.

There's so many things we could reclassify as fruit n veg.

Trifle (fruit content, as discussed before);
Chocolate (got cocoa beans in it);
Haribo (they're fruit coloured/flavoured and made up of boiled up cows' unmentionables - all of which once were in a field, with grass, ergo vegetables);
Fruit n Nut bars, well an obvious one - and a triple whammy with 3 of your 5 A Day right there, so eat two and you're covered;
Creme Eggs (Egg plants are vegetables);
Marathons (sorry but I refuse to use the word 'snicker', it sounds too much like knickers) - got peanuts in;
Pies (flour = wheat = vegetable);
and so on.

Anyone else got any more for the definitive list?
Opal Fruits (I know, they're starbursts now, but not when I was a kid!) - they've got fruit juice so that counts.
Hot cross buns - they've got currants in - same goes for Easter Biscuits
Ginger Cake - ginger is good for you so that's fine, especially with custard.
Chocolate Orange - according to the 5 a day the Audrey way, one of the most healthy things you can find!
Wine - it's grapes, therefore fruit
Crisps = potato

There were so many - I can't remember them all.
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Old 21-02-2012, 15:34
tally
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I know there isnt any help for them and they will carry one doing the same things every day....but come on you have to admit they do make our lives seems a hell of a lot better lol.

This thread used to be funny then all of a sudden it went to calling them some terrible names. Ok so they dont bother with their son but thats their problem. Its nothing to do with us unless we are related to them. Wish the thread could go back to how it was at the start
Hear, hear, Lainey. I've nigh on stopped posting on here. I want levity in my life, the jokes and banter. I said all I wanted about the Chawners 3 years ago, it's the thread I loved, the witty puns, poems and posts. I really dont give a toss about the family, they had their chance and didn't lift a finger to change. I cant care about them at all. But I do miss the fun.

My diet is better and my house has been completely decluttered, I'll give them that.
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