Right. Every so often I come up with a hyperthetical idea for a Madonna album. Now MDNA is virtually upon us, I am now imagining her next album.
It is October 2014
Madonna is in Paris, wearing a beautiful tight dress, cleavage slightly revealed but sexily safe in her dress! It is a black dress with red flowers on. On her legs are ankle bracelets and she is looking totally gorgeous. Short hair, straight and looking like Liza Minnelli. This is a 56 year old woman who looks 40! The internet is full of threads suggesting "Madonna is trying too hard to look youthful". The media pick up on the fact that a 56 year old should not be making dance records and even, controversially, on BBC1's Question Time a question "Is it time for Madonna to start acting her age" was light heartedly discussed with a tory MP suggesting it wasn't, a Labour female MP who said she was still an icon for million of women around the world and a Daily Mail reporter suggesting that she is the sperm of satan.
Madonna is in Paris promoting her new album. There is to be no World Tour this time around as Madonna has decided to take 2 years off so that she can mentor her 18 year old daughter who has decided to become a professional dancer.
But between now and Christmas, a number of TV appearances have been arranged and on BBC1, as part of their recent hit "A Sunday Night With....." series, a whole show will be dedicated to Madonna who will perform 4 songs from her new albums.
Her new album is called : Distant Drums and is a cracker!
Like MDNA (the critically acclaimed album of 2012 which has sold 8.2 million copies worldwide) it starts off with a bang!
1) Thunder In The City
A huge dance track produced by Madonna pal William Orbit. In the vein of Music's Runaway Lover but with a beat like Celebration, this is a great album opener. At the end of the song, she sings, without any instrumentation, a psalm before a mighty boom echoes throughout the speakers and we're straight into track 2 which is....
2) Party Time
Another great dance track, not quite as frenetic as track 1, but this time Stuart Price is the co-producer. Remember "Get Together"? Well this is that but on ecstacy!
3) When I Remember Paradise
This is a beautiful, meaningful song which highlights Madonna's maturing vocal style. It is the best ballad she's done since "Falling Free" and this is co-produced by William Orbit and her old collaborator Patrick Leonard.
4) I Feel Like Crying
Another tender ballad. Produced by Patrick Leonard and Stuart Price.
5) If You Trust In Me
After 2 melancholy, but beautiful tracks, the pace quickens! This is a beat laden song that will have you up dancing! Produced by Shep Pettibone and Tony Calderone.
6) Distant Drums
The title track and the UK Number 1 single. It's a belter of a song and the gospel choir are sublime! Another great track produced by Orbit and Leonard.
7) Family Ties
Hooray!!!! After 25 years this is the first Steve Bray and Madonna collaboration. It's very 80's and thank God for that! Great little dance track that won't tire you out!
8) Faith
A church organ opens this song. It starts off like a hymn, with the gospel choir of Distant Drums just humming beautifully in the background! Then it becomes a brilliant jazzy, electro number that will make you put it on repeat for days. Produced by Stuart Price and Patrick Leonard.
9) Where You Are
William Orbit's distinctive beats echo throughout this mid tempo number about her lost love.
10) Bedazzled
A cute, poppy little song, similar in style to "Amazing" but slower. This is the first real sign that the album is coming to an end. Co-produced by Mirwais Ahmadzai.
11) Into the Night
A big band ballad! A first for Madonna but brilliantly executed. Produced by Patrick Leonard.
12) Once There Were Dreams
Now there are memories. A sad song sort of highlighting the stardom Madonna has experienced. A fabulous ballad. Co-produced by William Orbit.
13) The Last Dance
This is by far saving the best until last. A very Abba-esque ballad that will leave you wanting to play the whole album again. A first too as this was co-produced by Benny Andersson and Bjorn Ulvaeus. No wonder it sounds Abbaish!