[Kayleigh2010]

Not sure if this is the right place to post, if it's not sorry.

My sister is 19, she's been with her boyfriend just over 2 years. She's always been an outgoing person, very loud and always had time for her family. Only the last few months her personality has changed rapidly.

The only person she has time for is her boyfriend, the worrying thing is we know from people where we live that he does drugs, m cat for sure. She doesn't go to work anymore, is always phoning in sick and always says shes feeling sick.

My mum took her to the doctors last week and the doctor thought she was pregnant, she had a test and it was negative. What the doctor failed to mention though is her weight, she weighs just over 6 stone. She's always been a small person but she's looking ill lately.

My mum is worried sick, she tries to talk to her all the time, but she just starts shouting and going off on one. Today she came home from work and slept all day on the settee, then woke up about 3 ish, her eyes were opened so wide she looked wierd, like she was on something. She's lost all her pride, bruises keep appearing all over her and she's lost interest in everything.

I'm so worried about her, I don't know what to do, it kills me seeing her like this and if she is on something I want to put a stop to it now, yet i don't know what to do. Anyone have any ideas.

[Noisy Oyster]

Two things - the pregnancy tests done at the Doctor's don't pick up pregnancy as soon as the over-the-counter ones so she could still be pregnant - the other one is are you sure she isn't in a violent relationship, it sounds possible from what you have said.

[Kayleigh2010]

Yeah the doctor said shes gotta go for another test in ten days which will be Thursday. So we'll see then. We've questioned her over the bruises on her and she starts screaming saying that nothings going on. Unless we've got proof what are we supposed to do. Thanks for the reply, really appreciate it.

[barneyboy]

Yeah must be honest, sounds like drugs. It might just be a phase though, a lot of us have been through it. Whats her other half like?

How do you know about the m-cat? Ive tried it and was ill for days....

[Kayleigh2010]

Originally Posted by barneyboy

Yeah must be honest, sounds like drugs. It might just be a phase though, a lot of us have been through it. Whats her other half like?

How do you know about the m-cat? Ive tried it and was ill for days....

Her other half is a loser, everytime she gets paid her wages are gone by the weekend. She gives it to him and he never pays her back. Whenever he gets money he goes on a disappearing act for days and no one knows where he is. Then it's us who's got to put up with little sis crying and out of her mind for days. Yet when he comes back she runs straight back to him.

It's horrible to witness. Well he hangs around with the type of people that are into all that where we live. Alot of people have told my mum to keep her away from him, saying he's a wrong un. It's hard for my mum coz she doesn't want to lose her daughter and doesn't know what to about the situation. We know that if it came down to it, she would choose him over us.

We don't want to lose her but she's not listening to us. Eveytime he does something wrong and we say something she sticks up for him. Thanks for taking the time to respond we really are stuck here and at our wits end

[merrybiscuit]

Sad to say to me it sounds as though she may be on something. If she gives her boyfriend money and he disappears for days is it possible he spent it on pills? I remember when my bro took these he would sleep for about 48 hours (its called the come down)

Her bruises could be because of her weight, and her tiredness could also be attributed to this. Is it worth u having a chat with her and explaining you're worried.

I know with my bro he used drugs quite regularly and now he is off them and on alcohol. He started at 14 and he's almost 30. Its scary and sad, but the thing I notice more is the friends. If he starts smoking again he hangs out with different friends than that of drink. Has her friendships changed?

Always happy for you to pm me. X

[shmisk]

Is she eating? Cause that also described how I was as an anorexic- always bruised etc. Is she having periods?

[frisky python]

OK, no1, don't slag him off to her. That'll just get her defending him and making her feel you just don't understand.
No2, as hard as this is, she is 19 and can make her own choices including bad ones. Istead of telling her how bad those choices are, ask her how she came to those decisions (ie lettig him have all her money, not going to work).
No3, tell her you are worried for her and that your door is open if she wants to talk, always. But don't preach at her.

I was with a totally unsuitable bloke at 19 - he was 8 yrs older. Nothing made me cling to him more when my parents stated their disapproval, even more so when my twin started slagging him off! You cannot make her do what your family wants her to do - she has to decide it for herself.

[Vast_Girth]

Its perfectly possible to take drugs and live a perfectly normal and respectable life. This is what 99% of people who take them do.

However it sounds like your sister is getting into it a bit too heavily. However she is a grown up and has to make her own decisions. Trying to force her to stop will only push her further into it.

Just keep an eye on her for the moment and hopefully she will realise what she is doing and stop of her own decision.

[petertard]

Your GP should be really looking into the weight loss to see if her BMI indicates she is seriously underweight, and take matters from there to investigate its cause. If her BMI is still okay, she might be left to continue as she is until she is able to improve her own situation, with help (that is, she asks for help).

[pugamo]

Sorry I don't have any experience to help you except that from what I have experienced of addicts, you have to accept that it is their life and their choice to make and the best thing you can do is be there when they need you. That's not to say your sister is hopeless, to be honest I think the boyfriend seems horrible and the relationship probably won't last forever and without him she might stay clear of drugs. This is what FRANK says about helping out a friend http://www.talktofrank.com/worried-about-a-friend

[elliecat]

Originally Posted by Vast_Girth

Its perfectly possible to take drugs and live a perfectly normal and respectable life. This is what 99% of people who take them do.

However it sounds like your sister is getting into it a bit too heavily. However she is a grown up and has to make her own decisions. Trying to force her to stop will only push her further into it.

Just keep an eye on her for the moment and hopefully she will realise what she is doing and stop of her own decision.

Agree with this but I will add from what I have seen and heard about Mkat (a friends daughter is hooked on Mkat) it is nasty stuff and highly addictive. And hard as it is if her boyfriend is doing Mkat then she probably is as well. Her "symptoms" sound like what my friends daughter is like. I can't offer any advice I'm afraid other than what others have said. Try speaking to Frank or your local drug counsellor (your GP should be able to give you a number). As for the boyfriend she will come to her senses eventually, with any luck if you can get her off the stuff (if she is on something ) she will see what a loser he is.

[Noisy Oyster]

Originally Posted by frisky python

OK, no1, don't slag him off to her. That'll just get her defending him and making her feel you just don't understand.
No2, as hard as this is, she is 19 and can make her own choices including bad ones. Istead of telling her how bad those choices are, ask her how she came to those decisions (ie lettig him have all her money, not going to work).
No3, tell her you are worried for her and that your door is open if she wants to talk, always. But don't preach at her.

I was with a totally unsuitable bloke at 19 - he was 8 yrs older. Nothing made me cling to him more when my parents stated their disapproval, even more so when my twin started slagging him off! You cannot make her do what your family wants her to do - she has to decide it for herself.

Sounds like really good advice. I would add that you must have an open mind. I can see how you could think she may be on drugs but don't assume anything about her situation - let her talk to you and don't be judgemental but, as the above poster says, tell her your door is always open and make sure you mean it - she sounds like she'll need someone to turn to when she's had enough of things being the way they are.

[Kayleigh2010]

Thanks to all of you for the replies, I really wasn't expecting this. I've had a read through them all. It's so scary to think that she's getting into this kind of stuff, I wouldn't have believed it knowing her before she met him. We've all tried talking to her but she just denies she's on anything. When she seen the doctor last week, she told her that if when they re-do the pregnancy test in ten days it comes out she's not pregnant then they're going to do a blood test.

That'll be this Thursday, i'm just going to wait and see what happens. It's horrible this, I feel for my mum more than anything she's out of her mind with worry, she was nearly crying earlier.

[Noisy Oyster]

Originally Posted by Kayleigh2010

Thanks to all of you for the replies, I really wasn't expecting this. I've had a read through them all. It's so scary to think that she's getting into this kind of stuff, I wouldn't have believed it knowing her before she met him. We've all tried talking to her but she just denies she's on anything. When she seen the doctor last week, she told her that if when they re-do the pregnancy test in ten days it comes out she's not pregnant then they're going to do a blood test.

That'll be this Thursday, i'm just going to wait and see what happens. It's horrible this, I feel for my mum more than anything she's out of her mind with worry, she was nearly crying earlier.

At least she's going to the doctor so at least that way of support is still open. We all behave in strange ways when we're in love with someone (or think we are) so it's understandable that she is taking more notice of her boyfriend than her family at the moment - hard as it is for you to put up with. You sound lovely - your sister is lucky to have such a loving family. Stay on the thread and I'm sure people on here will be supportive of you and help you through this. There are some very kind and helpful people on here.

[dee-rec]

She sounds dangerously underweight and im wondering why the doctor isnt more worried about this?

[petertard]

The GP should measure her height and weigh her and calculate her BMI to determine if she is just underweight or dangerously underweight. If the latter, she might be referred to a clinic for eating disorders. If this becomes necessary, she will get psychological help there and if she is on drugs, she will receive advice and counselling about them.

At the moment, she will not be thinking straight at all, and you cannot expect her to be logical as she might be on drugs and being underweight her mental processes will not be working as well as a fully well person would.

[cultureman]

Originally Posted by Kayleigh2010

Not sure if this is the right place to post, if it's not sorry.

My sister is 19, she's been with her boyfriend just over 2 years. She's always been an outgoing person, very loud and always had time for her family. Only the last few months her personality has changed rapidly.

The only person she has time for is her boyfriend, the worrying thing is we know from people where we live that he does drugs, m cat for sure. She doesn't go to work anymore, is always phoning in sick and always says shes feeling sick.

My mum took her to the doctors last week and the doctor thought she was pregnant, she had a test and it was negative. What the doctor failed to mention though is her weight, she weighs just over 6 stone. She's always been a small person but she's looking ill lately.

My mum is worried sick, she tries to talk to her all the time, but she just starts shouting and going off on one. Today she came home from work and slept all day on the settee, then woke up about 3 ish, her eyes were opened so wide she looked wierd, like she was on something. She's lost all her pride, bruises keep appearing all over her and she's lost interest in everything.

I'm so worried about her, I don't know what to do, it kills me seeing her like this and if she is on something I want to put a stop to it now, yet i don't know what to do. Anyone have any ideas.

Your mother appears to treat her 19 year old daughter like a small child, rather than the young adult she is. If so this is likely a major part of the problem; if indeed drugs rather than illness is to blame for her unwellness.

Your post reads as if your mother was in the same room as daughter and GP during what is supposed to be a confidential doctor - patient appointment and relationship. Mother-daughter relationships are often suffocating in this way and your mother's over-closeness and inability to let her daughter become an adult is likely to only succeed in further estranging your sister from the family..

BTW why are there numerous references to your mum in this thread, but your dad isn't mentioned?

[burton07]

What is Mcat?

[burton07]

Originally Posted by Vast_Girth

Its perfectly possible to take drugs and live a perfectly normal and respectable life. This is what 99% of people who take them do.

.

I don't think this is good advice. It's not normal at all to take illegal drugs.

[humdrummer]

Originally Posted by cultureman

Your mother appears to treat her 19 year old daughter like a small child, rather than the young adult she is. If so this is likely a major part of the problem; if indeed drugs rather than illness is to blame for her unwellness.

Your post reads as if your mother was in the same room as daughter and GP during what is supposed to be a confidential doctor - patient appointment and relationship. Mother-daughter relationships are often suffocating in this way and your mother's over-closeness and inability to let her daughter become an adult is likely to only succeed in further estranging your sister from the family..

BTW why are there numerous references to your mum in this thread, but your dad isn't mentioned?

I agree with you to a certain extent but, it doesn't really sound like this young woman is doing the 'becoming an adult' thing that successfully.

An awful lot of us spent time smashed, recovering from being smashed and dabbling in drugs around her age (and older) - the difference is that life itself continues.
The problem here...and I think this is generally when drug use becomes abuse...is when it starts having an effect upon your mood, relationships, work, social life, physical health etc. It sounds to me like this girl is in the grip of either drug addiction/abuse or an abusive relationship - or both.

As a Mum, I would intervene too and I would be worried terribly. Especially when you see your lovely successful daughter disappear into this underweight, sullen, moody girl that is clearly suffering health-wise. Sometimes the difference between a 'phase' and a way of life can be the investment of someone who really cares.

We don't know if Mum went in with the girl or not, but to flip what you say, part of being an adult is taking care of your own health and responsibility for your own behaviour. The daughter could have requested the Mum leave. Even the GP could have insisted on some time alone. It sounds like this girl, for whatever reason, is really struggling at the moment and having someone there to care, even if it isn't in the way you would like, is far, far better than nothing.

To the OP - you've had some good advice here. Don't push either way where the fella is concerned - you'll just create a forbidden fruit scanario and instead of the shine wearing off, it'll actually make him seem more appealing. Where her health is concerned, encouraging her to take care of herself and getting her treatment when needed, which is exactly what you are doing, is all that can be offered.

The hope here is that this will all fizzle out, that she gets to the point where she thinks 'F this, this is horrible' and starts her own recovery.
I would recommend that you guys get on with it, carry on with your own lives - show her there is another way (a happier way) and that when she is ready to come back to reality, you guys will be ready to welcome her. Don't pressure her, ease off but, at the same time don't put up with any old behaviour because that isn't real life either.

Good luck, this is so very difficult and I can only imagine your mums anxiety over this, but that in itself may not be helping things, it'll make 'escaping' all the more appealing to your sister if her alternative is an anxious mother and an upset household. Make her want to come back, not want to anaesthetise herself.

[Vast_Girth]

Originally Posted by burton07

I don't think this is good advice. It's not normal at all to take illegal drugs.

It doesn't matter what you think, it is fact that most people who take drugs do so without any serious negative consequences..

And it is pretty normal to be honest for people of a certain age to take them regularly.. As you get older it becomes less and less normal though as people grow up and move on with their lives.

[burton07]

Originally Posted by Vast_Girth;57838239[B

]It doesn't matter what you think[/b], it is fact that most people who take drugs do so without any serious negative consequences..

And it is pretty normal to be honest for people of a certain age to take them regularly.. As you get older it becomes less and less normal though as people grow up and move on with their lives.

This is a public forum. People post what they think all the time. Furthermore, this an advice thread and my advice is don't take drugs. The OP needs to confront her sister if she wants to help and find out what she is taking.

[Abbasolutely 40]

Originally Posted by Vast_Girth

It doesn't matter what you think, it is fact that most people who take drugs do so without any serious negative consequences..

.

It most certainely does matter what other posters think .DS is not all about your opinion only .

And for the record I agree with burton ., Unprescribed drugs is a bad idea no matter who you are ,

[Kayleigh2010]

Thanks so much for all ya help guys, really appreciate it. I'm gonna leave this thread as it is now. I just needed to get this off my chest and i'm glad I did.