Hordes, my darling

And Martin's older than that

*reclines elegantly and sexily on couch, trying to ignore small Jack Russell terrier licking face*

I can confirm I am not 60 or weigh 18 stone

Why aren't your neighbours working ?

Noo, I wasn't refering to you. To your friend who is 30years younger and three stone lighter!

*brushes last of raindrops from his bulging muscles*

I don't have a friend who is 30 years younger than me, let alone three stone lighter.

If I was with anyone 30 years younger than me, I would be accused of child snatching ! If they were 3 stone lighter, they would probably slip down a drain cover!

Going out to celebrate that the Government have finally decided to scrap the proposed 3p i(+ VAT) increase on petrol in August.

Terrible news for all my female fans - due to a spike in midge activity I am now forced to wear my speedos under my kilt
On a brighter note I have now finished my nude cakendar shoot for the local Womens Institute
However my sexy posterior is covered in red marks from all the pinching

and what sort of 'Institute' would that be?!?

At least they were only interested in your nude cake!!

This is exactly the type of remark I would expect from the rude and ignorant charlatans who refuse to acknowledge my obvious sexiness.

*cuts large slice of Smokey's cake* No one will miss that bit

Got a rather funny taste though!!!

Over 12 hours uninterrupted sexiness! I could get used to this

Just biding my time. Some of us have other things to do other than telling everybody how sexy I am. Everybody who needs to know, knows that already.

I felt no need to bump myself during those long hours Martin. I just revelled in it

I bet you were asleep for most of the time anyway!

..............................................maybe! But it was the sexiest sleep imaginable

That's proably because of all the Mummy Porn you've been reading!

I'm going to have a quick bath and lather myself up sexily before I possibly unleash my gorgeousness on the world. Warning to people of N London, best wear sunglasses so as not to be dazzled by my wonder!!

So long as you remember to do your flies up, they won't be

*saunters into the room and plonks her butt on the couch, moves the strawberry flavoured lolly across to the other side of her mouth and pushes her long flowing jet black hair over her shoulder.* Hello you unsexy people! *gasps* Smokey! Come hither so I can add another pinch to your bottom!

Hi Goth

Haven't seen you round these parts for awhile. Did you not consider yourself eligible as you are not sexy?

She seems 100x more sexy than you MrRosen!

What she seems, and what she is are two entirely different things !

Well, she seems sexy, that's enough for me!

And heaven knows what you're like behind your poor facade!

I've been having some issues over the past few days, nothing serious though, all sorted now.


Why thank you!


I know I can be rather geeky sometimes But what exactly do you mean by that, hmmm?

'The proof of the pudding is in the eating'

'All that glistens is not gold'