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Emma Chawner - the new Jade Goody? (Part 10)

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Old 22-08-2012, 08:58   #1226
tenorlady
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Hmm out of curiosity I just did a twitter search for 'chawners' and came across this pic:
http://t.co/lIwo74xE on Lizzie Cundy's twitter. those girls look realllly like Emma and Sam. What do you all think?

Its from Lizzie Cundy filming an advert.
That IS Emma and Sam! It certainly looks like them - but why hasn't Phil been telling the world via facebook about his daughters? How very strange. I wonder what the advert is for?
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Old 22-08-2012, 09:06   #1227
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From looking at some of the other tweets I think it may be for wireless headphones.
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Old 22-08-2012, 09:34   #1228
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That IS Emma and Sam! It certainly looks like them - but why hasn't Phil been telling the world via facebook about his daughters? How very strange. I wonder what the advert is for?
It does looks like Emma and Sam, but I can't see Phil lurking anywhere in the photo so it can't be them

So if the advert is for wireless headphones how is it going to go? Emma and Sam singing atrociously so Lizzie puts on the headphones to listen to something that won't make her ears bleed?

Phil has been very quiet on Facebook the last couple of weeks, has he finally learned not to blurt out everything that comes into his head on to the internet without thinking about it first? More likely he's just been ferrying Emma and Sam to this ad shoot and back, no doubt leaving Audrey on her own. It's not like he's her carer or anything. Oh wait, he is!
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Old 22-08-2012, 09:58   #1229
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Hmm, if Emma and Sam are starring in an advert, I hope it doesn't muck up their money.

I wonder if it's lookalikes? Phil wouldn't be able to keep news like this to himself, surely?
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Old 22-08-2012, 11:57   #1230
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It looks like it's the genuine Chunkies, but, like everyone else, I'm worried that Philth hasn't taken to FB to let the world and his wife, and NZ! know about this career in advertising. ( it pays really well so I'm told, so it may muck up their money)
Although with an agent who doesn't broker a cash deal for 3 series on Bio I rather think their comfort zone of scrounging as much benefits off the public as possible, is far preferable to getting paid for a one off interview or a telly series. That wont keep them for life will it?
When does this wonderful interview appear in Closer? Is it next Tuesday? I may possibly be tempted to buy it. Shame on me.
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Old 22-08-2012, 13:13   #1231
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Just read it in the queue for the checkout, it's an appalling magazine, and not worth the money!!
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Old 22-08-2012, 15:04   #1232
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Just read it in the queue for the checkout, it's an appalling magazine, and not worth the money!!
I've no idea what kind of magazine Closer is like. Is it a "look who's to fat, look who's got toilet roll stuck to their shoe, look who's stoating out a nightclub at 3am?" kind of magazine?
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Old 22-08-2012, 16:05   #1233
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That IS Emma and Sam! It certainly looks like them - but why hasn't Phil been telling the world via facebook about his daughters? How very strange. I wonder what the advert is for?
It looks like they're in an empty nightclub. I'd bet my last sausage that they have never been clubbing. Phil wants them in bed by 10pm at the latest I reckon, well he wants Emma and her chebs in by then.
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Old 22-08-2012, 19:56   #1234
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I've no idea what kind of magazine Closer is like. Is it a "look who's to fat, look who's got toilet roll stuck to their shoe, look who's stoating out a nightclub at 3am?" kind of magazine?
It's all that, and more too, it has z listers writing columns about their fabulous lives going to the opening of various envelopes, and a few real life stories, like "My granny is in love with my boyfriend and is having his baby"
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Old 22-08-2012, 20:04   #1235
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I think the Chawners should have a column in Closer, they can fill it with riveting details about what they ate and watched on TV each week.
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Old 22-08-2012, 20:22   #1236
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I think the Chawners should have a column in Closer, they can fill it with riveting details about what they ate and watched on TV each week.
They would need a ghost writer though, none of them can spell and they don't understand what commas and fullstops are for

Phil would be the best, he can write about how well he gets on with his neighbours, and how much he adores his wife, and how happy he is that his daughters are growing into independent young women with lives of their own.
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Old 22-08-2012, 22:27   #1237
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They would need a ghost writer though, none of them can spell and they don't understand what commas and fullstops are for
Oh, the irony-where's YOUR full stop here, missy?!
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Old 23-08-2012, 01:44   #1238
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Oh, the irony-where's YOUR full stop here, missy?!
It looks to me like the full stop (or "period", as Americans say) is green and has teeth.
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Old 23-08-2012, 08:05   #1239
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It looks to me like the full stop (or "period", as Americans say) is green and has teeth.
Exactly, it's my little smilie fella. A full stop before a smilie just looks odd. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it

And a period in the UK isn't a full stop, it's, in Chawnerspeak, "woman's time."

Now I must dash, I hear there are naked Prince Harry photos I need to look at before I go to work
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Old 23-08-2012, 08:42   #1240
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Oh, the irony-where's YOUR full stop here, missy?!
You have obviously never read a Phil Chawner missive. Tenorlady put a comma in after a few words, Philth can write half a page without once using ANY punctuation, let alone realising there is such a thing as spellcheck. You're quite out of breath once you've read it, if you can understand his peculiar turn of phrase as well.
His grammar and spelling is dreadful.
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Old 23-08-2012, 09:15   #1241
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Erm..I was googling Phil last night (as you do) and he has a LinkedIn account, it says:


philip chawner
driver at Advanced ChemDry
Blackburn, United Kingdom Consumer Services

*confused*
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Old 23-08-2012, 11:11   #1242
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That has to be fake. Has to be. I just looked out the window and I saw neither the porcine wing of the Red Arrows going past or Satan ice-skating to work. Phil does not have a job. Even if he did why would he want to be on linkedin?

While he has been on Facebook he's not posting much. I know he's been on there as the 'friends' he has keeps being topped up to the maximum of 5000. So if he had a job would he keep quiet about it? Well, I suppose using the twisted logic of the Chawners he might be ashamed at having to earn his money honestly.
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Old 23-08-2012, 11:18   #1243
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Lol! True! I thought I was in a sausage fit when I saw it, it's got a small pic of him in his wedding gear, all very odd.

You can see it if you hit google cache
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Old 23-08-2012, 11:24   #1244
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Lol! True! I thought I was in a sausage fit when I saw it, it's got a small pic of him in his wedding gear, all very odd.

You can see it if you hit google cache
Here it is:

http://www.linkedin.com/pub/philip-chawner/52/ab1/b14
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Old 23-08-2012, 12:15   #1245
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He did something similar before, he posted a picture of a plumber's van Chawner Plumbing Services, and was making out it was his firm - until one of his Facebook friends told him that the person whose van it was, was not impressed.
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Old 23-08-2012, 12:48   #1246
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He did something similar before, he posted a picture of a plumber's van Chawner Plumbing Services, and was making out it was his firm - until one of his Facebook friends told him that the person whose van it was, was not impressed.
I love how it says underneath:

Contact philip for:

-career opportunities

I can't be arsed signing up to see his full profile
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Old 23-08-2012, 13:45   #1247
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I love how it says underneath:

Contact philip for:

-career opportunities

I can't be arsed signing up to see his full profile
I'm guessing:
Boob cupping
Expert in plastic shoes and
Nose hair grower?
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Old 23-08-2012, 14:48   #1248
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He's an expert in proof reading.


well it makes sense in Chawnerese but not necessarily in English.
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Old 23-08-2012, 14:50   #1249
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You dont think that *shock horror* he's been reassessed like all Incapacity Benefit claimants and told he's fit to work, do you?

Nah, silly me. Mind, he wouldn't shout it from, the rooftops if he had, it would negate his whole strategy in life - bemoaning his genetic illness and preparing to shift this mortal coil.

If they said he was fit to do something, then FB would be the last to be altered. The shame of it! Philip Chawner has been skiving all these years. Surely not?
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Old 23-08-2012, 15:00   #1250
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I know plenty of people who far more complex heath issues than Phil, who hold down full time jobs. He's a malingering tool, and should be forced back to work. He lives a cushy lifestyle, watching TV, stalking celebs, posting crap on Facebook - and us taxpayers fund it all now
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