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Emma Chawner - the new Jade Goody? (Part 10)


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Old 24-11-2012, 17:27
Mehitabel
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This thread has been going for TWO YEARS? That's a long time to eke out 15 minutes of undeserved fame. Someone should ask them what they think of being included in Simon Cowell's autobiography.
Has someone mentioned what Simon actually said about the Chawns? I'm certainly not going to read his awterbografy to find out.
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Old 24-11-2012, 18:34
dorahall
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Has someone mentioned what Simon actually said about the Chawns? I'm certainly not going to read his awterbografy to find out.
I couldn't find a link to Simon's book, but I did find this illuminating article.

http://www.grumpyoldsod.com/lardbuckets.asp

The Chawners are just stupid. They're so dim that they have completely swallowed the modern media's philosophy that all that matters in life is celebrity, that success doesn't have to be worked for, that all you need is a little luck and you'll be catapulted to fame and fortune, and that the fact that you "really, really want it" means you must be entitled to it. Most of us know this garbage for what it is, but to the Chawners it's real.
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Old 24-11-2012, 21:40
pinkpowerranger
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http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...-and-Lisa.html

Do think this man might be the person behind their new show?
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Old 24-11-2012, 21:47
tally
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Has someone mentioned what Simon actually said about the Chawns? I'm certainly not going to read his awterbografy to find out.
I'm embarrassed to say I still have the book. Here you go

Others marked the humiliation of Emma Chawner, a hugely overweight girl filmed with her similarly oversized family, as a highlight of Cowell’s playfulness: ‘That dress is all wrong and you sang out of tune and you sounded like a baby.’ Tearfully, Chawner left the audition and was filmed telling her family that the dress was ‘so good’, followed by the family entering the room to complain to Cowell. ‘Take a good look at yourselves,’ replied Cowell robustly. ‘You are the reason why this girl is disappointed. You have given her false hope.’
Actually, I skipped through a fair bit, but it seems a bit of a hatchet job by the author. Not your usual sycophantic crap these bios normally are.

He comes across as extremely narcissistic but not a word about his sexuality. He's straight as a die, of course and loves women, just gets bored easily and gives them humungous settlements when he dumps them. Cos, I'm the Queen of Sheba, but nobody accepts that either.
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Old 24-11-2012, 23:19
dorahall
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I'm embarrassed to say I still have the book. Here you go


Actually, I skipped through a fair bit, but it seems a bit of a hatchet job by the author. Not your usual sycophantic crap these bios normally are.

He comes across as extremely narcissistic but not a word about his sexuality. He's straight as a die, of course and loves women, just gets bored easily and gives them humungous settlements when he dumps them. Cos, I'm the Queen of Sheba, but nobody accepts that either.
Simon Cowell is a manly man. In every sense of the word. Shame Philth is so anti-poofs. (his words, not mine)
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Old 24-11-2012, 23:30
Mehitabel
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http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...-and-Lisa.html

Do think this man might be the person behind their new show?
It would not surprise me in the slightest if Phlop's pipe dream of a Japanese reality show is a big con. Seriously. Maybe not that guy, but someone. Twice Green and crew did a serious number on them.
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Old 25-11-2012, 12:21
dorahall
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http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...-and-Lisa.html

Do think this man might be the person behind their new show?
Hahaha, probably.

I love that a couple of nonentities off Big Brother thought they were interesting enough to have a reality show made about them. It's chawsome. At least Chico had more sense than to become involved.
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Old 25-11-2012, 16:40
greengran
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I couldn't find a link to Simon's book, but I did find this illuminating article.

http://www.grumpyoldsod.com/lardbuckets.asp
Considering that Audrey wanted to go and live in Emmerdale as they needed a new family, this article is very true. The Chawners cannot distinguish between reality and Tv life.
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Old 25-11-2012, 17:48
dorahall
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Considering that Audrey wanted to go and live in Emmerdale as they needed a new family, this article is very true. The Chawners cannot distinguish between reality and Tv life.
I think I love Alice Thompson

"They're so dim that it never occurs to them that while they and others like them live comfortably off the state, the rest of us are paying through the nose to fund their lardbucket lifestyle. It never occurs to them that the big white thing in the kitchen can do a whole lot more than just heat up supermarket pies and oven chips, or that millions of other people quite happily eat pears that "taste funny" so it might just be worthwhile persevering.

And they've bought in wholeheartedly to the modern craze for victimhood: if you're fat it's someone else's fault and you're the victim. If people shout at you in the street or snigger behind your back it's their fault and you're the victim. If nobody'll recognise your talent and give you a lucrative record contract, it's their fault and you're being victimised. If your shouting and caterwauling in the small hours of the night annoys your neighbours so they complain to the council, it's so unfair and you're the victim.

And they won't ever change, because in order to change you have to understand what the problem is. And the Chawners won't ever know what the problem is, because they're too thick."
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Old 26-11-2012, 10:15
tally
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TO ALL OLDIE Cof C MEMBERS

I dont suppose any of you still have the picture of the Chawner nativity which was the highlight of Loz's brilliant Advent calendar, circa 2010, do you? I've searched google images and while I found some fetching images of Little Un and a naked Philth with his Santa Hat on! BLEURGH, no nativity scene. Loz no longer has it, but if anyone does please could I have a link? Ta Muchly.



Love the quote dora Snail firmly hit on the tail. Idle, entitled buggers.
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Old 26-11-2012, 20:12
Simi89
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Haven't got any links tally.
May involve looking through Part 2 as I think that was during the christmas period. Sorry
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Old 27-11-2012, 06:08
dorahall
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There's a Chawner advent calender? How utterly fabulous. I hope it can be tracked down quickly, it's the 1st December on Saturday!
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Old 27-11-2012, 15:38
lotty27
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TO ALL OLDIE Cof C MEMBERS

I dont suppose any of you still have the picture of the Chawner nativity which was the highlight of Loz's brilliant Advent calendar, circa 2010, do you? I've searched google images and while I found some fetching images of Little Un and a naked Philth with his Santa Hat on! BLEURGH, no nativity scene. Loz no longer has it, but if anyone does please could I have a link? Ta Muchly.



Love the quote dora Snail firmly hit on the tail. Idle, entitled buggers.

Is this it? I had a trawl of Google!

(hope I've done this right)

http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?start...,r:39,s:0,i:61



EDIT: Hasn't come out very well but as you can see it's hidden somewhere in part 3!


EDIT2: Just realised that you put advent CALENDAR and I just looked for an advent picture I'll leave it though and not delete.
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Old 27-11-2012, 20:34
tally
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Whoop de whoop. That's it. I searched for ages. Thank you SO much.

Our very talented Lozenger did an advent calendar the first year they were on St Lorraine's show, and although I trawled back to December 2010 most of the links didn't work.

You are a star!

If you've got brain bleach, here's one of the few images I did manage to save. *hides eyes*

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y19...esCAOOH0IM.jpg
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Old 27-11-2012, 21:58
lotty27
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Whoop de whoop. That's it. I searched for ages. Thank you SO much.

Our very talented Lozenger did an advent calendar the first year they were on St Lorraine's show, and although I trawled back to December 2010 most of the links didn't work.

You are a star!

If you've got brain bleach, here's one of the few images I did manage to save. *hides eyes*

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y19...esCAOOH0IM.jpg
I can't undo that image!

No probs tally! I remember all that stuff, it was hilarious wasn't it? I didn't post much but I used to come onto the thread to have a right laugh at the mock up pictures.

I gave myself a shock the other day when I realised that I'd been posting in this thread since Part One! They (and mainly this thread) have been entertaining me for years! Not any more though - they've gone quiet and boring

I too think the Japan thing is a complete wind up which they've fallen for hook, line and sinker - as per usual!
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Old 27-11-2012, 23:16
lozenger
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My computer got nicked in a burglary so sadly lost a lot of my Chawner work

http://i1185.photobucket.com/albums/...wnerxmas-1.jpg

This link may stIll work - tho?
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Old 27-11-2012, 23:21
Saltydog1955
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My computer got nicked in a burglary so sadly lost a lot of my Chawner work

http://i1185.photobucket.com/albums/...wnerxmas-1.jpg

This link may stIll work - tho?
Brilliant!

With your permission I'm going to print off copies and stick them to the fronts of the Christmas cards I was going to send and replace them with this!

I think I might find myself in a padded cell by New Year....
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Old 27-11-2012, 23:29
lozenger
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I think my favourite bit apart from jenny in the corner is Sam!S Asda belt. Why did I even do that ?
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Old 28-11-2012, 21:50
lozenger
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Brilliant!

With your permission I'm going to print off copies and stick them to the fronts of the Christmas cards I was going to send and replace them with this!

I think I might find myself in a padded cell by New Year....
Knock yourself out - if anyone needs explanation as to who the other faces are - one apostle is Kelvin MacKenzie who quizzed the Chawners about their benefit entitlement, one is their personal trainer (can't remember her name now) and one is Aldo Zilli - who tried to teach the Chawners some cooking skills - the rest need no introduction...

My original idea was to put an image of Jade in the cradle (to refer to thread title) but I was quite rightly advised that this would be very bad taste indeed.

I settled on a sausage baby Christ version of Phil which is much more acceptable.
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Old 28-11-2012, 23:19
Simi89
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Love it Loz don't think I remember seeing it first time around.
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Old 28-11-2012, 23:31
tally
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Haha. Yup, I send a few Chawner chums Xmas cards and so wanted this one,this year.

It's alright there are a few people who are as mad as us. It's like belonging to a secret club where nobody has any idea how fascinating the Chunks used to be.

But now, as you say lotty, they're all Quiet and Boring. On the way off any rung of fame, be it -z list or anything. This, of course is a good thing for Papa Repulsive as he no longer has any claim to fame, while Aud is probably, even now, sleep hackneying her way through the delightful countryside of Emmerdale, adding to the water levels of an already rain soaked Yorkshire.


*DISCLAIMER: Very few of my friends have heard me mention the Chunks. I feel they would have me sectioned if they knew.
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Old 29-11-2012, 20:03
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Twice Green are apparently releasing a new tune according to a link posted on Phil's page. He did wish the UK and NZ a 'gud weakend' last friday or saturday but he's so lazy he did it in one post rather than the usual two.
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Old 29-11-2012, 20:49
Simi89
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Twice Green are very odd.
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Old 29-11-2012, 21:41
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Twice Green are very odd.
I think they look sinister in their Philth inspired videos, and grubby too, they both need a damn good wash. The lyrics to their songs are a blatant piss-take, only someone as thick as mince would actually take what they sing as some kind of compliment from devout fans.

I think they are a couple of NZ uni students, they were involved in the "live from the UK" radio interview the Chawners did, with that guy who broadcasts from his nan's spare room on the outskirts of Ohaeawai. Part of me actually thinks it's a bit cruel, what they are doing, making the Chawners think they have a massive NZ fan base, just desperate to meet them.
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Old 30-11-2012, 09:09
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I think they look sinister in their Philth inspired videos, and grubby too, they both need a damn good wash. The lyrics to their songs are a blatant piss-take, only someone as thick as mince would actually take what they sing as some kind of compliment from devout fans.

I think they are a couple of NZ uni students, they were involved in the "live from the UK" radio interview the Chawners did, with that guy who broadcasts from his nan's spare room on the outskirts of Ohaeawai. Part of me actually thinks it's a bit cruel, what they are doing, making the Chawners think they have a massive NZ fan base, just desperate to meet them.
The Chawns have a NZ 'fanpage' on Facebook - Support the Chawners Coming To New Zealand - which hasn't been posted on for ages. Not as keen on them as Philth thinks obviously.
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