Originally Posted by NMdum1:
“It's about 'face' isn't it? Preserving the outside world's opinion of you despite what you know to be right and proper or what you know to be reality. Peggy conducts herself in a way she deems to be proper until she has more information because she's ashamed and embarrassed by her flaky granddaughter and embarrassed by the attention it will garner to her. Shula doesn't want to be known as a liar or a woman who doesn't think that a man who is violent in-general might be violent towards her cousin and her cousin's young child. The village doesn't wish to know that it harboured a wife beater, controller and rapist whilst ignoring the condition and conduct of the victim and would rather maintain its own voluntary ignorance and its sense of 'community' so long as you appear to fit the required criterion.
I've always wondered whether Pat sort of did the same thing. Maybe she willed herself into loving Rob and played an inner game of saying something really positive and then secretly, in the back of her head being less convinced and now its come back to bite her on the backside. The difference between what one says for social appropriateness or because it's your family and you make it work and what you truly feel in your heart could be massive. It's the only way I can reconcile the Pat I believed I had become acquainted with over the about six months when I started listening as I worked in my lonely office on the other-side of the building from everybody else, before this arc began. It makes a certain amount of a sense, a case of "I have to make this work for Helen", "at least she's settled now, I'm sure there's lots of good qualities I haven't seen yet" and "he really gets on with Henry" - which for any grandmother would be key.
As I have Asperger's (albeit undiagnosed until adulthood), I found lying a weird concept as a child and had to acquire it. There was truth and there was falsehood and I was encouraged to 'make-believe' so that I could understand the concept and learn to 'read' lies to protect myself and even lie myself when it was absolutely necessary to do so. I can lie, but only in circumstances where a utilitarian assessment concludes that the maximum benefit comes from a lie rather than harm from the truth, 'white lies' versus 'black lies' as my Nana put it when I was little. It's a premeditated act in other-words. It's a bit like 'make-believe' even now. I find the concept of 'face' or reputation even more confusing that telling whether a lie is necessary rather than appropriate or whether somebody is lying to me, and am probably more sensitive to it than maybe other people are.
The storyline has appealed to me on an actual truth versus the appearance of it level as well. You almost wish it was a novel to see the inner-lives of the characters....”
“It's about 'face' isn't it? Preserving the outside world's opinion of you despite what you know to be right and proper or what you know to be reality. Peggy conducts herself in a way she deems to be proper until she has more information because she's ashamed and embarrassed by her flaky granddaughter and embarrassed by the attention it will garner to her. Shula doesn't want to be known as a liar or a woman who doesn't think that a man who is violent in-general might be violent towards her cousin and her cousin's young child. The village doesn't wish to know that it harboured a wife beater, controller and rapist whilst ignoring the condition and conduct of the victim and would rather maintain its own voluntary ignorance and its sense of 'community' so long as you appear to fit the required criterion.
I've always wondered whether Pat sort of did the same thing. Maybe she willed herself into loving Rob and played an inner game of saying something really positive and then secretly, in the back of her head being less convinced and now its come back to bite her on the backside. The difference between what one says for social appropriateness or because it's your family and you make it work and what you truly feel in your heart could be massive. It's the only way I can reconcile the Pat I believed I had become acquainted with over the about six months when I started listening as I worked in my lonely office on the other-side of the building from everybody else, before this arc began. It makes a certain amount of a sense, a case of "I have to make this work for Helen", "at least she's settled now, I'm sure there's lots of good qualities I haven't seen yet" and "he really gets on with Henry" - which for any grandmother would be key.
As I have Asperger's (albeit undiagnosed until adulthood), I found lying a weird concept as a child and had to acquire it. There was truth and there was falsehood and I was encouraged to 'make-believe' so that I could understand the concept and learn to 'read' lies to protect myself and even lie myself when it was absolutely necessary to do so. I can lie, but only in circumstances where a utilitarian assessment concludes that the maximum benefit comes from a lie rather than harm from the truth, 'white lies' versus 'black lies' as my Nana put it when I was little. It's a premeditated act in other-words. It's a bit like 'make-believe' even now. I find the concept of 'face' or reputation even more confusing that telling whether a lie is necessary rather than appropriate or whether somebody is lying to me, and am probably more sensitive to it than maybe other people are.
The storyline has appealed to me on an actual truth versus the appearance of it level as well. You almost wish it was a novel to see the inner-lives of the characters....”
You do see the inner lives of the characters. More so than in a novel. Did you say you haven't been listening very long. If so hang on in there, in about 20 years you will know these people better than you know your own family.
Or you will if the writers stick true to the characters and don't give into the temptation to manipulate them to fit a story line.




But then she does remind me of an elderly aunt of mine who, on having found out that my ex had been abusive, remarked 'Well he was always very charming to me'!


