[gregrichards]

As some of you know I am the victim of medical negligence which happened six years ago. I have been advised I will have to wait another two years to go to court unless they settle and the waiting it utter hell.

I have no idea what is going to happen to me in the future, have no control over what is happening legally and cannot plan for the future. I just want it to end but there is no way out and I am completely trapped.

Is anyone else waiting for something to resolve itself and do you have any advice on coping with the wait?

[Fashion]

Never been in that kind of situation, all I can say is hang on in there greg. Only similar experience of life being on hold was when the council alleged my mum owed thousands in rent, impacting on her health as a result.

[AnnaliseZ]

Originally Posted by gregrichards

As some of you know I am the victim of medical negligence which happened six years ago. I have been advised I will have to wait another two years to go to court unless they settle and the waiting it utter hell.

I have no idea what is going to happen to me in the future, have no control over what is happening legally and cannot plan for the future. I just want it to end but there is no way out and I am completely trapped.

Is anyone else waiting for something to resolve itself and do you have any advice on coping with the wait?

It's out of your hands. Will stewing over it help the end result in any way? No. Let it go. I know it's hard but you could waste the next two years of your life if you don't.

[Fashion]

If you don't mind me asking, what do you expect as the most realistic outcome?

[gregrichards]

Originally Posted by Fashion

If you don't mind me asking, what do you expect as the most realistic outcome?

I am suing a surgeon at a private hospital and I'm just one of several victims. It is highly likely I will receive damages but I don't know how much and when.

In regards to putting it out of my mind I try my best but the operations have left me with pain and ill health for the rest of my life. I cannot work and feel like a total failure. I'm 28 and everyone else my age I know is living their life and I'm not.

Sorry for feeling sorry for myself but I was looking for advice on how to cope.

[Fashion]

Originally Posted by gregrichards

I am suing a surgeon at a private hospital and I'm just one of several victims. It is highly likely I will receive damages but I don't know how much and when.

In regards to putting it out of my mind I try my best but the operations have left me with pain and ill health for the rest of my life. I cannot work and feel like a total failure. I'm 28 and everyone else my age I know is living their life and I'm not.

Sorry for feeling sorry for myself but I was looking for advice on how to cope.

In that case can't think why it wouldn't be worth pursuing, as you seem very passionate about seeking justice. Keep us updated and post whenever you feel you might have 1 of those days where you think "Is this worth it, I'm tired...". My advice would be to keep yourself occupied whether that's a hobby etc.

BIB- Don't be, you're not

[gregrichards]

Originally Posted by Fashion

In that case can't think why it wouldn't be worth pursuing, as you seem very passionate about seeking justice. Keep us updated and post whenever you feel you might have 1 of those days where you think "Is this worth it, I'm tired...". My advice would be to keep yourself occupied whether that's a hobby etc.

BIB- Don't be, you're not

Thank you Fashion for your kindness and understanding.

[strictlyfloss]

I'm so sorry to hear what's happened to you and I really admire you for pursuing the incompetent surgeon, it can't be easy especially when you're in a lot of pain.

I know it's impossible to put the whole thing out of your mind but you need to compartmentalise it almost. The worst aspect of your life at the moment is, I'm guessing, the pain and ill health. A large payout won't (or shouldn't) have too much bearing on this, unless you're planning to continue down the private health care route, so to my mind addressing the pain should be a priority. If the pain relief you've been prescribed isn't adequate then keep plugging away until it's sorted - have you been referred to a pain clinic?

A sum of money also won't help with the fact that you're unable to work and feel like a failure so there's no sense in putting your life on hold in this respect either if that makes sense? (Unless you're planning on spending the rest of your life on round the world cruises lol ). Without going into detail, is there an online community of people with a similar condition that you could maybe join in with and seek support from? Maybe hearing about how others in the same boat are coping will give you some fresh ideas? How about retraining online - an OU course, or a new language or something - which would give you an interest and might open doors to working from home in the future? I expect you're halfway to becoming an expert on medical negligence by now!

I certainly don't think you're feeling sorry for yourself, it must be horrible. But a large sum of money - although very nice and thoroughly deserved by the sound of it - isn't actually going to make a huge difference to the key issues here so no point in putting your life on hold for 2 years waiting for it to materialise iykwim, although I can fully appreciate that you want justice and a resolution. It sounds like 6 years of your life have been ruined already which is horrible, but you have to almost tell yourself that the rest of your life starts now and not on the day your case is settled. I really hope this doesn't sound harsh, it's not meant to. But don't let this incompetent surgeon take any more from you than he has already Xx

[AnnaliseZ]

OP when you find yourself dwelling on this, try putting it off for a few hours and tell yourself you'll think about it then. Allot yourself a time and give yourself say 15 minutes to think about it. Then do something else. It's a good way of not letting something take over your thinking.

[c4rv]

Originally Posted by gregrichards

I am suing a surgeon at a private hospital and I'm just one of several victims. It is highly likely I will receive damages but I don't know how much and when.

In regards to putting it out of my mind I try my best but the operations have left me with pain and ill health for the rest of my life. I cannot work and feel like a total failure. I'm 28 and everyone else my age I know is living their life and I'm not.

Sorry for feeling sorry for myself but I was looking for advice on how to cope.

Are you waiting for the money to have treatment for something that will make you better or medically are you now OK ?

I am just trying to understand what is stopping you moving forward right now.

[kitty86]

I was in a situation last year where I was suspened from work while they 'investigated' an allegation of theft. I was off for 6 months with little to no contact from my work, I couldn't speak to collegues, I was made to feel extremely isolated and alone. The old adage of innocent until proven guilty (which i wasn't) did not come into play at all. It was the most stressful time, I was sick with worry, had no idea if I would still have a job or if I could afford to keep the things I had worked so hard for. I broke down alot but the one thing that kept me going was the amazing support I had from my boyfriend, family. friends they kept me going, lifted me up, kept me positive and didnt allow me to sink into a depression.

My advise is to surround yourself as much as you can with everything and everyone that makes you happy and keeps you positve. I know how pain can get you down (my mum has MS) and make you feel fed up and tired but you need to stay strong.
Even though I want to strangle people when they pipe up with 'if it doesnt kill you, it makes you stronger' it is the truth.
Dont be afraid to let people who love and care about you know how you feel about the situation and yourself sometimes they are just waiting for your permission to be there for you.

If someone had told me while I was going through that that I would be where I am now, I would never have believed them but it does, can and will get better.

[Chilli Dragon]

As a former solicitor who ended up in medical negligence (somehow) I can tell you that all cases take years to be resolved so please stick with it, you'll get there.

Money wont change your situation but it does help with all those things you probably need such as adaptations to houses and cars, extra physio, carers (if needs be) as well as paying the bills as you cannot work.

But whilst you are waiting for the case to be resolved, do as others have said. Keep yourself busy with hobbies and interests etc - anything to stop you having those dark thoughts.

Positive vibes.

[Fashion]

Originally Posted by strictlyfloss

I'm so sorry to hear what's happened to you and I really admire you for pursuing the incompetent surgeon, it can't be easy especially when you're in a lot of pain.

I know it's impossible to put the whole thing out of your mind but you need to compartmentalise it almost. The worst aspect of your life at the moment is, I'm guessing, the pain and ill health. A large payout won't (or shouldn't) have too much bearing on this, unless you're planning to continue down the private health care route, so to my mind addressing the pain should be a priority. If the pain relief you've been prescribed isn't adequate then keep plugging away until it's sorted - have you been referred to a pain clinic?

A sum of money also won't help with the fact that you're unable to work and feel like a failure so there's no sense in putting your life on hold in this respect either if that makes sense? (Unless you're planning on spending the rest of your life on round the world cruises lol ). Without going into detail, is there an online community of people with a similar condition that you could maybe join in with and seek support from? Maybe hearing about how others in the same boat are coping will give you some fresh ideas? How about retraining online - an OU course, or a new language or something - which would give you an interest and might open doors to working from home in the future? I expect you're halfway to becoming an expert on medical negligence by now!

I certainly don't think you're feeling sorry for yourself, it must be horrible. But a large sum of money - although very nice and thoroughly deserved by the sound of it - isn't actually going to make a huge difference to the key issues here so no point in putting your life on hold for 2 years waiting for it to materialise iykwim, although I can fully appreciate that you want justice and a resolution. It sounds like 6 years of your life have been ruined already which is horrible, but you have to almost tell yourself that the rest of your life starts now and not on the day your case is settled. I really hope this doesn't sound harsh, it's not meant to. But don't let this incompetent surgeon take any more from you than he has already Xx

Course the money would be beneficial to the OP, but I get the impression it's about underlying injustice rather than financial gain. Good luck Greg

[strictlyfloss]

Originally Posted by Fashion

Course the money would be beneficial to the OP, but I get the impression it's about underlying injustice rather than financial gain. Good luck Greg

Yes I appreciate that but the OP said that he's in constant pain and that he feels like a failure because he cannot work, so the suggestions I made in my post were in an attempt to address those particular issues, which money won't help (IMO).

Sorry if my post was unclear.

[Fashion]

Originally Posted by strictlyfloss

Yes I appreciate that but the OP said that he's in constant pain and that he feels like a failure because he cannot work, so the suggestions I made in my post were in an attempt to address those particular issues, which money won't help (IMO).

Sorry if my post was unclear.

My error, it's been a manic afternoon.

[TWS]

your life is not on hold just one aspect of it and that aspect the outcome is you may recieve a sorry and some money in reality how is that going to help you take your life off of hold?

[DrFlowDemand]

What is your focus in life? 'Get a hobby' sounds so trite but, having something to focus on, with a group of like minded people is the difference between happiness and depression for me.

[Mumof3]

My father-in-law's death was linked to medical negligence. After two years of immense stress and hassle, and a grudging apology, off record, from the GP, his wife decided she couldn't bear to deal with the situation any further, and let it go. I can't blame her, - regaining some control in her life, in deciding to 'let go', was an important part of her grieving, and subsequently, she's been able to face forwards and make the best of her circumstances.

[15Million℃]

Originally Posted by c4rv

Are you waiting for the money to have treatment for something that will make you better or medically are you now OK ?

I am just trying to understand what is stopping you moving forward right now.

I was wondering this too.

If it's just compensation the OP is waiting for, then I cant understand how that is holding them back. You cant sit around waiting for an 'if'. What if something happens to the surgeon before you get him/her to court?

I suppose getting 'closure' on the saga will be a relief, but it really shouldnt be stopping you in life. Unless I missed something here. Sorry if I have.

[Noisy Oyster]

I have been in this situation twice in my life where other people have had control of my situation and I have had none, unable to move on until the issue is resolved. I went through one a few years ago and am going through another at the moment.

I have no magic cure, I just wanted to say that I understand exactly what you mean and how hard it is. The only thing that keeps me going at the moment is that I know that eventually these things will be resolved and I will be able to move on properly again. You too know that eventually your situation will come to an end and you are doing something to speak up for not just yourself but the other people involved in your case. Knowing you are doing the right thing for yourself and others should hopefully help you to deal with this feeling of being in limbo. Good luck

[Judge Mental]

You are choosing to believe that your life is on hold - it isn't. Time will continue to tick by and life will continue to go on whether or not your legal situation is resolved. Imagine for a moment that nobody is to blame for your health problem - imagine you were born with it and simply have to find a way to live your life with it.

Try to put the legal case into a box and store it away until it's time to dust it off. In the meantime you should think about finding ways to enjoy what life you have now. Find ways of managing your pain, ways of interacting with other people.

Above all try not to feel sorry for yourself. Just because you have justification for self pity and the belief that you've been dealt an unfortunate hand doesn't mean that it is helpful to you.

Many people have difficult lives for all sorts of reasons - the happy and successful ones have found ways of enjoying life in the best way they can rather than dwelling on what might have been or planning for a future that might never happen.

I don't mean this to sound uncaring - I just don't want you to waste precious time when you really don't need to. Don't allow your thinking on this situation to be a limiting factor for you.

[toyotacity]

Yeah I had cancer last year so basically stopped doing everything to focus on getting better

in the meantime my mum died 4 weeks before chemo finished

I'm better now and in remission and i'm alive, but I don't have a life as i've forgotten what it's like to be me, how to live the life I had before cancer and I know I can't have the old "me" back because what i've gone through has changed me, so I need to discover who I am now

Plus all this has knocked my confidence and i'm really struggling to get over my mum's death 9 months ago, she was my only family and we were so close, like best friends

[strictlyfloss]

Originally Posted by toyotacity

Yeah I had cancer last year so basically stopped doing everything to focus on getting better

in the meantime my mum died 4 weeks before chemo finished

I'm better now and in remission and i'm alive, but I don't have a life as i've forgotten what it's like to be me, how to live the life I had before cancer and I know I can't have the old "me" back because what i've gone through has changed me, so I need to discover who I am now

Plus all this has knocked my confidence and i'm really struggling to get over my mum's death 9 months ago, she was my only family and we were so close, like best friends

Blimey toyotacity you've really been through it haven't you. I'm so sorry to read that you're struggling to get over your mum's death, it would have hit you hard in any case but to happen at the time that it did must have been the worst thing ever. I'm glad to hear that you're now in remission though, and I hope your recovery continues and you start to feel better about life.

Greg - how are you doing today?

[dome]

Originally Posted by toyotacity

Yeah I had cancer last year so basically stopped doing everything to focus on getting better

in the meantime my mum died 4 weeks before chemo finished

I'm better now and in remission and i'm alive, but I don't have a life as i've forgotten what it's like to be me, how to live the life I had before cancer and I know I can't have the old "me" back because what i've gone through has changed me, so I need to discover who I am now

Plus all this has knocked my confidence and i'm really struggling to get over my mum's death 9 months ago, she was my only family and we were so close, like best friends

She wouldn't want you to not live life to the full. Sad as it is make the most of the time we have here, go out and enjoy yourself, your mother would want that for you.

[gregrichards]

Hi everyone thanks for the replies I really appreciate your kindness and advice.

I have just found out my bowel is leaking into my bladder and I will require my 7th operation I am absolutely devastated at having to go under the knife again and I'm really down.

I will try to answer some of your questions. The negligent surgeon caused irreparable damage which cannot be resolved. I am on as much pain killers as possible 30 a day.

The more I move the more pain I am in and I have to walk with a crutch.

A financial settlement will not solve all my problems and I have a monumental struggle ahead for the rest of my life. My damages would enable me to have a home which meets my care needs, a bath, the massages I need, a cleaner, help with exercise and most of all have some security instead of the constant worry about how I am going to survive.

My parents and I are doing the best we can but it is a real struggle.

I have tried studying with the OU but with the meds I am on I had a terrible time retaining information. I try my best to get out to the park or meet a friend for lunch but I am restrained physically and financially. I would love to go on holiday but it isn't possible.

Thank you for your kind wishes.