[grumpyscot]

Originally Posted by chrisjr

If you mean a V5C registration document, that only shows the Registered Keeper of the vehicle. Who need not be the legal owner.

My thoughts exactly. Sounds like the OP is the legal owner, not the wife.

[The Spoon]

Originally Posted by humdrummer

If legal advice is what you are after I would suggest that you get some advice from a solicitor. Many firms offer half an hour free, google to see, or ring up your local firms to see who runs free clinics.

The only steps I think you could take is to hire a solicitor to write a letter to your wife stating the legal situation regarding the car i.e. it is matrimonial property and therefore you both have a right to access the family car and that she can not deny you access. However, this may enrage her further and also should she continue to deny access, where do you go from there? I'm not sure which is why you should seek professional advice.


This is bigger than a territorial fight over the car and you know it. Take your head out of the sand and deal with this properly. It's great that you describe yourself as a supportive husband, your wife needs support now, not a legal tussle.

As a professional in this field, if somebody came to me with this problem over the car (and they have), I would advise that in my experience it would almost certainly be counter-productive to send her a letter about it. I would not want to reduce the pool of assets available to the family by starting an expensive course of action which would worsen, not better the situation.

If the OP were to suggest that they both went to speak to somebody about the problems - sharing responsibility as part of 'systemic thinking' - perhaps the wife would feel less 'attacked'. If she is aware of her problem, but cannot control it (distinctly possible) she needs reassurance that she is not going to be locked up for being 'mad' and that it is not all her fault, but a combination of circumstances.

I'm sure that the car is less important than having a chance to preserve the relationship and help the other person to cope with her medical condition.

I have, as I said, seen this kind of thing before and it is distressing for the spouse who sees the other person not coping as well as the person 'out of control'.

The car should not be allowed to become a battlefield - it creates the risk of it being destroyed in a symbolic act with potentially fatal consequences.

[humdrummer]

The Spoon, why have you responded to me? I have said exactly the same as you.

However the OP has stated that legal advice is only what he wants, hence why I started my post as I did. Instead of taking issue with the bits in my post why not include the whole thing in your quote?

As you quoted yourself, I wrote

This is bigger than a territorial fight over the car and you know it. Take your head out of the sand and deal with this properly. It's great that you describe yourself as a supportive husband, your wife needs support now, not a legal tussle.

As a 'fellow professional' I also know that people will not take unsolicited advice unless it falls under that which they want to hear. The OP has been specific in the advice he wants and dismissive of anything else, therefore in giving him what he wants, he may be more receptive to what he needs

[flagpole]

Originally Posted by chrisjr

Red log book? How old is that car. Haven't seen one of those since before I was old enough to drive.

If you mean a V5C registration document, that only shows the Registered Keeper of the vehicle. Who need not be the legal owner. For example I drive a company car which has my employers on the V5C but the car itself is owned by a leasing company.

slightly off topic but the green V5C has just been replaced by a red V5C. and everyone with an old one is being reissued. probably this.

[muddipaws]

Originally Posted by Early Riser

Hi,

Last year my father bought me a ten year old car for £1500 although I paid £400 towards it. He likes to do this every 5 years or so, as a gift to me and my struggling family. He had a receipt showing the car was bought for me.

As my wife would be the main driver, we filled in the registration form in her name as the keeper. We also insured the car to be driven by my wife (main driver) then me, then my daughter.

One year on and my once sweetest wife in the world has hit the menopause hard, as is behaving highly irrationally and unpredictably. She has now 'confiscated the key (there's only one, as they're £100+ to get a copy) and keeps it on her person at all times. If I ask for it, even just to vacuum the inside the car which I used to do each Sunday, she refuses point blankly!

One week ago she searched through my paperwork files whilst I was taking a shower and removed all the car documentation that I have taken care of for 32 years. This included the reg log book, Mot, Insurance plus that all important receipt.
Now she refuses to hand it back, and it too goes everywhere with her. If I attempt to go near her bag, she starts yelling REALLY loudly calling our daughter to call the police!

Any legal beagles or solicitors out there? where do I stand? I just want a quite life, so, so far haven't pushed the matter, but as it stands at the moment I have a family car I'm insured to drive but am stopped from entering or even let alone drive!

I would hate to, but if I call the police what do I say? am I, as the original owner, the key holder or is my wife, as the registered keeper?

Thanks!

If you need any more details let me know!

Help

Ok let me tell you my story, bitter sweet

My hubby was not faithful, so to get back at him (like you do) I took the log book and registration and spare key with me whlst he kept the house and I had a few bin liner full of clothes. Me thinking I had it covered then discovered by my lawyer that although the car was in my name and so was the registration document, I could not prove I was the legal owner (but then again neither could he)

Moral of the story is, it really is difficult to prove ownership, I coul dnot be bothered with it, I did it to wind him up. Maybe you should try and talk to her why she is doing that, or at least ask her daughter to?

[Smallalien]

Yes why does she say she is doing this? And if you don't know why ask her.

If she's still got the nous to take the documentation she sounds as if she is compos mentis at least to a certain extent so there must be some kind of reason even if it is not justified.

Does she suspect you have been drink driving? Does she have suspicions of an affair? Who had usage of the car previousl, was it just you? Is she retaliating in tat for tat for you not letting her use it?

Rather than going over the top and starting talking about legal advice have you just sat down and talked to her to find out why and to see if you can resolve any concerns she has or come to an agreement?

[Beau_Soir]

Only a complete fool would think this behaviour is linked to the menopause. She's having some sort of mental breakdown clearly, I don't think tooing and frowing about a car rather than dealing with her mental health issues are adhering to the wedding vows you mention.

[Early Riser]

'Beau_Soir'

Have you lived with a menopausal women? I think not, there's a million articles on the 'net about the female menopause and men.

Here's a good example:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...menopause.html

[Gogfumble]

Snapping at someone due to menopausal hormones is a whole different ball game than the behaviour that you have mentioned.

And yes, I have lived with a woman while they have gone through menopause.

[FearFactor]

I can't help with your problem OP, but would just like to say to those that doubt the effects of the menopause - it made my aunt psychotic and suicidal (she tried a number of times). It can have a seriously adverse effect on the mind.

[RandomSally]

Originally Posted by FearFactor

I can't help with your problem OP, but would just like to say to those that doubt the effects of the menopause - it made my aunt psychotic and suicidal (she tried a number of times). It can have a seriously adverse effect on the mind.

Would you think in this case though trying to get the wife help rather than the OP obssessing over hoovering the car would be better?

[stargazer61]

Originally Posted by FearFactor

I can't help with your problem OP, but would just like to say to those that doubt the effects of the menopause - it made my aunt psychotic and suicidal (she tried a number of times). It can have a seriously adverse effect on the mind.

I don't think anyone is doubting the serious effect that the menopause can have - indeed some of us have been through it - but the OP seems fixated on the car rather than making efforts to get his wife help for whatever is causing the problem. Deal with the cause rather than the symptoms and the menopause MAY be part of the cause but not necessarily

[Early Riser]

Number 1,
I'm not 'obsessed' with vacuuming my car.

You're missing the point, if I ever I did want to leave, or even just drive into town to buy some milk, it would be just nice to know how I would stand legally, that's all.

Number 2,
I've made uncountable efforts to get my wife help, from quiet chats, arranging doctors appointments, ordering St John's Wort tablets,
viewing NHS help videos and helplines together, web searches, etc,etc, 'you can lead a horse'.... you know the rest....

Thanks all for your advice.

[Keefy-boy]

Originally Posted by Early Riser

You're missing the point, if I ever I did want to leave, or even just drive into town to buy some milk, it would be just nice to know how I would stand legally, that's all.

Your immediate problem with the car appears to be that she won't give you the keys. Do you really think if you tell her you own half the car that's going to make a blind bit of difference to her in her current state of mind?

[Cowie]

Originally Posted by Early Riser

Number 1,
I'm not 'obsessed' with vacuuming my car.

You're missing the point, if I ever I did want to leave, or even just drive into town to buy some milk, it would be just nice to know how I would stand legally, that's all.

Number 2,
I've made uncountable efforts to get my wife help, from quiet chats, arranging doctors appointments, ordering St John's Wort tablets,
viewing NHS help videos and helplines together, web searches, etc,etc, 'you can lead a horse'.... you know the rest....

Thanks all for your advice.

Has she been properly examined? While I realise it may be menopause but I wonder the "what if" if it were something else like a brain tumour or something.

I'm sorry this must be really tough for you.

[Early Riser]

Nope, that's the whole point of my post.

[Beau_Soir]

Originally Posted by Early Riser

'Beau_Soir'

Have you lived with a menopausal women? I think not, there's a million articles on the 'net about the female menopause and men.

Here's a good example:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...menopause.html

Yes I have for your info and using the daily mail to support any argument such as this is just

[RandomSally]

Originally Posted by Beau_Soir

Yes I have for your info and using the daily mail to support any argument such as this is just

Yep. Given that one of the statements used is

'Because of the lack of sex, I've found it difficult to keep my feelings for my wife alive

it does make you wonder how much of that article is based on purely selfish feelings on the husbands' parts. The ones who focus on how much it affects them as a couple as much as themselves have much more sympathy from me than those who see it as losing out on sex.

[Early Riser]

"Nope, that's the whole point of my post."

That was of course in reply to: 'Keefy-boy'



To 'Cowie'

Good day, "examined", only in the fact of what she wishes to tell her doctor in the privacy of the consulting room. She ticks all the boxes of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, but I'm just a layman.
Thank-you for your concern.

[Taglet]

The car seems to be the least of your problems....I think you need to starting looking at your relationship. Marriage is more than just vows and to have this type of antagonism and hostility in what should be a loving relationship is extremely worrying.

I'm mid menopause and perfectly sane....the loss of hormones doesnt change a personality but there are specific points in life when you can begin to question what you are doing with it. Kids leaving home, menopause etc has an impact on the way a woman views herself, her roles and her purpose.

You need to talk to her and not about the car.

[Beau_Soir]

Originally Posted by RandomSally

Yep. Given that one of the statements used is


it does make you wonder how much of that article is based on purely selfish feelings on the husbands' parts. The ones who focus on how much it affects them as a couple as much as themselves have much more sympathy from me than those who see it as losing out on sex.

Medics take the pee out of the DM, they say 'what's in the daily mail medical journal today'

[Granny McSmith]

Originally Posted by RandomSally

it does make you wonder how much of that article is based on purely selfish feelings on the husbands' parts. The ones who focus on how much it affects them as a couple as much as themselves have much more sympathy from me than those who see it as losing out on sex.

I liked the one that said he didn't understand about his wife's menopause and reacted to it by falling for a much younger woman.

Poor bloke, eh? I bet it was hard for him.

[Beau_Soir]

Originally Posted by Granny McSmith

I liked the one that said he didn't understand about his wife's menopause and reacted to it by falling for a much younger woman.

Poor bloke, eh? I bet it was hard for him.

you mean thats not an acceptable reason?