I Have Figured Out The Key To Beating My Depression Is Improving My Self Worth

Thomas007 · 16/09/12 - 01:35

Hi all,

I've been on these forums for the past 4 months very down and depressed regarding some of my current lifestyle issues. I don't have any friends, I've never had a girlfriend, I feel rejected by the world the world doesn't want me etc etc. I attempted suicide over it on the 24th/25th april and since then, for the first time in my life I have had therapy and counselling to combat what is wrong with me.

I have come to conclusion though, that having a girlfriend, having friends etc, is not going to happen overnight and there are other important smaller steps that I have to take first in order to improve my self worth as a person and improve myself as a person in general.

So I ended up writing a list of things to do, short term goals if you like, over the next 3-6 months that I would like to do improve myself as a person.

- Learn to cook
- Learn to clean
- Learn to wash my clothes without assisstance
- Learn to iron
- Wash/shave more regularly
- Obtain part time job
- Join a gym
- Eat a healthier diet
- Begin clay pidgeon hobby
- Rejoin a cricket club
- Clean/fix acne on back (I suffer from this currently and thinks its turn off)
- Obtain new dress sense, new clothes
- Obtain a volunteering job at a local hospital
- Begin driving lessons
- Learn Spanish
- Organise a more regular sleeping pattern

I've realised the only way to beating my depression is improving my self worth as a person. These are very basic of short of goals now, but they are very important to me if I am to make myself a better, more attractive person that becomes more readily availible for a potential social life/relationships.

I mean its embarresing, but yes I can't cook, can't clean, can't iron and I'm 26. But its about time I learned to do some of these things, I need to make myself more independant as a person and stop being nannyish around my parents.

I've recently gone back to college to repeat my a levels so I can get into Medicine or Dentistry (I already hold a degree in Electrical and Electronic Engineering). I would love to achieve such a high career, but realise its going to take a lot of work.

But I realise that the only way I'm going to beat my depression as I say is to improve my quality of life in general and improve my self worth as a person, which will then give me a better opportunity to change my social life and relationships.

I still don't think I'm good enough to get a girlfriend, or friends, but who knows, but I've moved on from thinking about these things as much now and have to decided to concentrate on improving my self worth as a person at least first, be it a new diet, clothes, hobbies etc.

My counsellor was absolutely delighted to hear me talk like this, for somebody has not stopped thinking about suicide though april to august, its a pretty big change of personal attitude.

There's lots of little things that can be changed about my life. I think if I can achieve all of these goals in a short time, I will make myself somewhat a happier person and climb out of the hole at least a little bit.

To those who are suffering from depression, what are your goals you have set yourself and techniques to try improve you're self worth and image as a person? I would be glad to hear any experiances.:)

Glowstick · 16/09/12 - 02:21

Congrats. But thats a long ass list. Dont set too many goals as you'll be doomed to fail at some. As for a GF, I believe every peg as a hole and you'll find your hole soon enough. lol.

at least youre seeing light ahead and thats crucial. Depression is about the loss of hope.

Mustabuster · 16/09/12 - 08:03

Those are good goals. It's good to see you be more positive about this and start to turn things around.

[Deleted User] · 16/09/12 - 08:32

Good for you pal , remember though Rome wasn't built in a day . Slowly slowly,catchy monkey

humdrummer · 16/09/12 - 08:50

Lol, good list but loooooong! Start with the first three or four, or start with the first four you feel are priorities and then, once you have them down, move on to the next three or four.

Good luck.

RandomSally · 16/09/12 - 09:17

Good to see you moving forward Thomas x

[Deleted User] · 16/09/12 - 10:44

Well done you! Great to see such an inspirational and positive post in advice.

Glowbot · 16/09/12 - 10:51

What an interesting list good luck with those! can I add just join POF. No need to put off anything and you might find it a massive boost to know theres plenty of girls who think you are fine as you are already. And who knows, you might not have to learn how to cook, iron and clean after all... there you go shortened the list already

Shoe Lace · 16/09/12 - 11:42

That's a great list but as others have said - don't push yourself too hard. Don't expect to accomplish all of this in a short period of time, rather set yourself small goals that would boost your self-confidence which in turn will help you finish the more complex tasks you have set yourself.

I wish you the very best of luck and I hope you will report back on your progress!

Jason · 16/09/12 - 11:49

There's some good news for the day. Good to see that you're sounding more positive about moving forward. As I always say though, you can only put one shoe on at a time

.

You sound like you're already making good progress with the therapy which is great news so good luck with the list!

bossoftheworld · 16/09/12 - 13:20

So pleased that you're feeling more positive.

That's a good list - but a long one. Don't be too hard on yourself if you have off moments/days as it's bound to happen.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Salbates · 16/09/12 - 17:44

Well done you for recognising that the only way to change how you feel is to change how you behave. You can overcome this and once you've have, if those clouds ever descend again, you'll KNOW you can get well again. The very best of luck to you xx

[Deleted User] · 16/09/12 - 18:24

Sounds good, Thats what you want to do, set your self goals and each time you reach one you will realise you can do anything if you work at it. I don't have any friends and I have never had a girlfriend. I was depressed until I got my first job. My job gives me routine, I have to get up etc, it also gives you something to do and takes your mind off things. Sometimes you can feel a bit down but that does not last long.

MARTYM8 · 16/09/12 - 19:57

Yes - good luck.

Re the acne on your back a good remedy (and cheap) is head and shoulders for men - the zinc/other properties in it work wonders. Well it worked for me!

anirose26 · 17/09/12 - 22:35

Hi OP,
Impressive post. I suffer from depression. Your post gives me some hope. Did you take any anti-depressants? I'm trying to do yoga because whenever i do yoga and meditation,i feel so relaxed,but sometimes i don't get the mood. I hope i'll set up doing yoga everyday as a goal to start with. As others said,i think it is a long list. Try to achieve small goals,take your own time. Wish you luck. Wish me as well. Take care.

Tt88 · 17/09/12 - 23:25

MARTYM8 wrote: »

Yes - good luck.

Re the acne on your back a good remedy (and cheap) is head and shoulders for men - the zinc/other properties in it work wonders. Well it worked for me!

Ooh im a girl but my partner has that shampoo so ill give it a go! Thanks for that advice

Nesta Robbins · 18/09/12 - 07:19

OP well done you for working all this out yourself and I don't at all mean it in a patronising way, but when you're depressed it's sometimes hard to see how to improve things. What's interesting is that for the past year, my son has been part of a charity project that teaches independent skills to young adults with special needs. Virtually everything you've listed, they covered and it really has helped his depression, but also confidence because he doesn't have to rely on others. However, as someone else said bear in mind this list took him a year, You're doing a great job, but one step at a time. Good luck.

T.K.Maxx · 18/09/12 - 09:52

First and more most well done you! Give yourself a big clap on the back! I personally feel that your list of goals are a lot to attempt in your short-term. Take one by one. Use the S.M.A.R.T approach...Specific>Measurable>Achievable>Reasonable>Timely approach. Google SMART goal setting and it's the 6th one under the web results

Very well done to you and I wish you all the best

TelevisionUser · 19/09/12 - 20:04

Mustabuster wrote: »

Those are good goals. It's good to see you be more positive about this and start to turn things around.

I agree with what Mustabuster has said above and especially the bits about taking up new interests, activities and volunteering because that'll get you socialising and meeting new people and can lead to friendships in due course. Good luck, Thomas007.

PS Please remember to keep up the antidepressant treatments and therapy sessions too.

amyawake · 20/09/12 - 00:28

Yes bolstering self-esteem is a key factor in overcoming depression as is not having a fatalistic mindset, i.e. this is how it is, nothing I can do about it.

I was clinically depressed - literally found it hard to walk (put one foot in front of the other). I was studying psychology at the time, specifically freewill. I was curious about freewill but sceptical, i.e. that how we may not have control of a situation but we can control how it is perceived and thus influence our outlook. That was an immense turning point. 3 decades on I still have that same positive mind-set and, if/when I see the glimmerings of depression looming, I quickly nip it in the bud.
A large part of depression is feeling sorry for yourself and I just don't buy into that because I realise that's me doing it to myself ...i.e. not fate. I have access to the steering wheel - as do we all. Some know this...others have yet to discover it.

Thomas007 · 21/09/12 - 20:25

Thanks for all the responses guys, some very good responses. Really appreciate it.

I would like to point out, although yes that is a long list, its the small things that I can change to improve my lifestyle. Things like cooking, cleaning, driving, none of which I can do currently, make me more self sufficient and less reliable on other people (as oppose to needing my borderline alcoholic parents). Clay pidgeon shooting, football and cricket are hobbies that I want to take up as I enjoy those. My social recluseness is so bad that I have not actively played any sport since I was 16. Shocking isn't it? Unfit as hell.

So these are just general things, things I can control, which if I do will improve my life and give me a sense of worthwhile for living. Eating healthier and long distance running will make me feel better about myself and are probably just as effective if not more so than anti-depressants IMO. So there are lots of things I can change about my life like I say, rather than sitting on my arse, feeling sorry for myself because I've never had a girlfriend, I can't force a girl to like me, but I can control lots of other things in my life and improve SO many other areas and get on with other things. Surely that is possible?

There is a stench about me that might be single for the rest of my life, its just something I appear to destined to be I feel. JasonWatkins talked about falling into that position and he's now 42. If he can learn to live with it, then so can I.

anirose26 - I am currently on Citalopram 40mg. Not desperately effective mind but I'm taking them anyway. I feel that list would be a better weapon than any mediciation. I mean that truthfully.

Dean_Burroughs · 21/09/12 - 22:07

fair play...all you need is confidence to get a lady or at the very least a hard neck because you will get knocked back a lot just like every man..

but its nice to read your thread im 26 i have just lost my job/car and my ex just moved out the other day with my 9 month old son even though i have been an amazing dad,i miss him like mad im in a town with no friends as im not from here and im terrified my power is going to get cut.....

but now im looking at your list and feeling positive vibes...thanks 007

keep it up.

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