wanna tell you a story
I'm like jackanory
my hearts all of a flutter
ever since you muttered
you love me
brrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnggggggggg

I hate seagulls and I hate being sick
I hate burning my finger on the toaster and I hate nits
I hate falling over
I hate grazing my knee
I hate picking up the scab a little bit too early
I hate getting toothache
I hate when it's a piss-take
I hate all the mistakes I make
I hate rude ignorant bastards
And I hate snobbery
I hate anyone, who if I was serving chips wouldn't talk to me

But

I have a friend, with whom I'd like to spend anytime I can find
With, I like sleeping in your bed
I like knowin' what is goin' on inside your head
I like taking time and I like your mind
And I like when your hand is in mine
I like gettin' drunk on the tunes by the beach
I like pickin' strawberries
I like cream-teas

And I like reading, ghost-stories
And my heart skips a beat every time that we meet
It's been a while and now your smile is almost like a memory
But then you're back and I am fine 'cause you're with me
And I'm in love with you

And I can't find the words to make it sound unique
But honestly you make me strong
I can't believe I've found someone this kind
I hope we carry on
'cause you're so nice and I'm in love with you

Love a bit of the shipping forecast! I find it very soothing to listen to.

I'm a very weird 29 years old...

Bloody hell, is that you, Lucy??!

Or have you nicked that off her Youtube channel? It's uncannily like something she'd write!

Freda and Barry sat one night.
The sky was clear. The stars were bright.
The wind was soft. The moon was up.
Freda drained her cocoa cup

She licked her lips. She felt sublime.
She switched off Gardeners' Question Time.
Barry cringed in fear and dread
As Freda grabbed his tie, and said:

Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Do it while the mood is right!
I'm feeling
Appealing.
I've really got an appetite.

I'm on fire
With desire.
I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

But he said:

I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I don't believe in too much sex.
This fashion
For passion
Turns us into nervous wrecks.

No derision!
My decision—
I'd rather watch The Spinners on the television.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

So she said:

Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Do it till our hearts go boom!
Go native,
Creative
Living in the living room.

This folly
Is jolly.
Bend me over backwards on me Hostess trolley.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

lol

http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/vi...2107858725539/

Couldn't make it up

You win

Is that Victoria

Yeah

I've won karaoke once or twice
Some old man told me that my voice was nice
So I gave X Factor a bash
But please Louis....don't mention Kate Nash
And if you think my song is good
Then don't compare me to Victoria Wood
Some people think I look like Tracey Beaker
And some people think I'm more of a speaker
....and tea and toast

Winner!

Should've guessed!

Treeeeeemendous.

Brilliant!

Magnificent song writing folks! Submit them to Polydor, xenophobia etc and wait for the cash to come rolling in

Scoffed down a vindaloo last night
Pain in my belly and now I have to shite
Pebble dashed the bowl left and right
now my arse is burning bright

Poos doncha just love those poos
I have the poos blues

Some say I'm like Victoria Wood
Except minus the talent and not very good
Some say I'm like a lesbian Ed Sheeran
Except I have black hair and am a musical also ran
Some say I'm a dead ringer for Lisa Riley sister
Except she can act and dance without getting a blister
Some say I'm a rip off version of Kate Nash
With that annoying mock-nee voice and sing talk trash
But I'm never ever ever ever ever ever
Ever ever ever ever ever ever ever
Yeah I'm never ever ever ever ever ever
Ever ever ever ever ever ever ever
Yeah I'm never ever ever ever ever ever
Ever ever ever ever ever ever ever
anything like her.

My friend just texted me this hideous little one (don't blame me!!):

Licked some cheese
Kicked some leaves
Did some stuff
Ate some m...

Sat down at a bench, feelin' a bit mopey
Then an old lady sat down asked if I could get her some dope...
Eyyyy and I'd move mountains for you ooooo-oooo-oooo

Uncle george and aunty mabel
fainted at the breakfast table
wasnt it sufficient warning
not to do it in the morning
ovaltine soon put them right
now they do it morn and night
uncle george is hoping soon
to do it in the afternoon

ahahahhaaAAAAA, ACE!!

I coughed up a gremor this morning
It was hard and green
Wiped it on some toilet roll
An made a cup a'tea.

You win

Im a fan of Lucy and I think this thread is a bit lame, but I did properly laugh at this.

I'm a fan of Lucy too - honestly quite like her - but the potential for people making up little rhyming songs was too much to resist.

Back in.... 2006? 2007? There was a Big Brother contenstant called Spiral, who was an Irish "rapper". There was a tremendous thread where people made up Spiral-style raps which made me cry with laughter. Wanted to recreate!

The shipping forecast one has made me laugh the most, along with the Uncle George and Aunty Mabel one!