Yayy SadP !! Your post was epic but not as epic as mine - well when I say "epic" I do of course mean long-winded in my case ... not yours, I hasten to add. Oh dear, foot in mouth disease!
Guess what?
Have you guessed?
You'll never guess actually - I have something proper to write about today - something actually happened that was out of the ordinary. Oh happy day! Except it wasn't - a happy day, that is. It was fair to middling tiresome but unusual. I might even write about it

Should I write about it? If I do, it will take an age of course.... I don't do short stories, as you know
Right then ... well it all happened on Monday night - I should have been working the late shift but they brought my shift forward which turned out to be very fortunate as we had DRAMA at home - oh yes ... capital DRAMA ... possibly even bold capital
DRAMA! ... and yes with exclamation marks too !!!!! <----- see there they are
YoungPlum and I were doing a late night tidying session as we had a house inspection on Tuesday morning (my day off) . Clean-up has to be well orchestrated as we are still keeping Destructo and the Demento twins apart. Anyway, we had shut Destructo away and the kittens were out and about while we swept - as they like the broom .... suddenly the power went out
*sinister music plays* - I looked out in the street and all the other houses were in darkness so I thought it was a power cut again. So we tried to round up the kittens by torchlight and decided to go to bed as we couldn't do any more without light..... when suddenly.... (yes, this is a 2 "suddenly" story....) there was a HUGE banging on our back door. I mean huge and frantic.... and this small child bellowing! So foolishly ( in hindsight) I opened the back door .... and there was a 5 yr old girl standing there in her PJs ... zebra ones dontcha know! Naturally I enquired why she was there and what was wrong .... and how she came to be in our garden as no-one had opened the gate as it creaks so we would have known. Turns out, she'd climbed over our fence, having been left by her dad in next doors garden - she didn't know where she lived or anything. I found out her favourite colour and food though ... and what school she went to and how to draw a butterfly in the air - I know how to interrogate!
She couldn't show us where she had come from and there was no sign of anyone, she just insisted her dad had left her by the gate to next doors house and told her to wait and do her homework while she waited - see he was a good dad really with his 5 year old out at 11pm on her own in a strangers garden in her pj's. So I called the police told them what I knew (didn't mention the butterflies as that was a need to know basis and highly confidential), and they said to keep her with me and someone would be round shortly. "Shortly" it seems means in about an hour and a half - I hadn't realised that was how it translates in Aussie.
So we were sat outside chatting in the dark just in case the police turned up ... and/or a parent looking for their missing child. It turns out that her dad had been off burgling and causing devastation in a garden at the end of the road. It also turns out that we didn't have a power cut but he had crossed through our backgarden and to avoid detection had flicked our power off! Luckily for him and his daughter Destructo wasn't out in the garden!
Anyway, upshot was that YoungPlum and I didn't pass on our young intruder til nearly 1am and we were up half the night chatting and then I had to still get up at 6.30 to finish the cleaning/tidying....
Ta Da!! The End.
Except that it isn't the end..... house inspection went ok and we have had our lease renewed for another year - woop woop!
I feel really badly for that little girl though... she was a really nice bright friendly little soul ... what a way to treat your child. Poor YoungPlum is a bit nervy now at night when she hears noises and I'm not keen to do any more late shifts for a while - just as well my shift was changed that day or she would have been on her own.
Anyway, I'm dog tired after a hell of a week which involved very little sleep due to (a) Monday's incident and (b) starting work at 4am the last couple of days. Hope you grumpies are all keeping happy .... I might investigate soup machines - I'm on a healthy eating thing at the moment and have lost 6kg since the beginning of March.
Young Plum did cross country today - she survived! That's all I ask from her when it comes to cross country .... best bit was apparently the sausage sizzle afterwards - that's my girl !
Ooooh just realised I'm saying NO to LARD again

happy days!