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Old 20-11-2012, 01:26
nurseysclone
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I just wanted to say I'm a little confused about reactions to finding Ava. I've seen a few comments about it being more difficult than an all-night google search to find someone and that she conveniently lives nearby. But it really isn't that unusual.

Just a few months ago (August 20th approx.), I found myself in a position very like Tanya's. (Spookily enough, I said at the time that things like this only seem to happen in soaps, so I was pleasantly surprised when this storyline aired.) I was searching on a genealogy website for my father's side of the family (he left before I was born), as I was curious about my family history. During this search, I discovered 3 birth certificates that showed I had 3 sisters I had never met!

It only took me about a night to search for them and make contact and fortunately they had been told about me a couple years before. We lived in the same small town in Merseyside (literally about 3 miles apart). We may even have walked past each other in the street without knowing!

I don't know what I would have done without Google, but it's certainly easier to find people nowadays, than years before. I'm looking forward to seeing Tanya and Ava's reactions to meeting, especially with this newfound insight
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Old 20-11-2012, 01:29
IanMandy
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I just wanted to say I'm a little confused about reactions to finding Ava. I've seen a few comments about it being more difficult than an all-night google search to find someone and that she conveniently lives nearby. But it really isn't that unusual.

Just a few months ago (August 20th approx.), I found myself in a position very like Tanya's. (Spookily enough, I said at the time that things like this only seem to happen in soaps, so I was pleasantly surprised when this storyline aired.) I was searching on a genealogy website for my father's side of the family (he left before I was born), as I was curious about my family history. During this search, I discovered 3 birth certificates that showed I had 3 sisters I had never met!

It only took me about a night to search for them and make contact and fortunately they had been told about me a couple years before. We lived in the same small town in Merseyside (literally about 3 miles apart). We may even have walked past each other in the street without knowing!

I don't know what I would have done without Google, but it's certainly easier to find people nowadays, than years before. I'm looking forward to seeing Tanya and Ava's reactions to meeting, especially with this newfound insight
I'm glad that you were able to get in touch with your family!

I do find it a bit unbelievable myself though because Google has so many suggestions- I kept thinking 'What happens if its the wrong Ava?' and I'm not sure if she searched geneology sites.

Though having said that, since it obviously worked for you, then I don't doubt that google helps
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Old 20-11-2012, 01:39
nurseysclone
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I'm glad that you were able to get in touch with your family!

I do find it a bit unbelievable myself though because Google has so many suggestions- I kept thinking 'What happens if its the wrong Ava?' and I'm not sure if she searched geneology sites.

Though having said that, since it obviously worked for you, then I don't doubt that google helps
Thank you! It's frightening how much we have in common really, but it's going very well and I'm so grateful for it Although I completely understand it doesn't sound very believable (I don't think I'd believe it either if the tables were turned). I did wonder how I would know if this was the right person (one of their names was a bit more distinctive than the others, so she was tried first), but once I made contact, the reply I got extinguished all doubt. Apparently she'd been told my first but not second name.

It will be a bit harder for Tanya though because Ava cannot know anything about her secret family. It will be good to see how they get to know each other and adapt to having a new sister out of the blue. It will be a bit strange for the kids too, but I suppose they're used to having previously unmentioned relatives turn up
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Old 20-11-2012, 01:41
los.kav
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Anyone who thinks, in this day and age, with the technology and social media fixation we have, that you can't find someone in 24 hours, is living about 10 years ago.
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Old 20-11-2012, 01:42
IanMandy
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Anyone who thinks, in this day and age, with the technology and social media fixation we have, that you can't find someone in 24 hours, is living about 10 years ago.
Well I'm not the technological person in the world

Though despite all that, I'd have thought it took longer than 24 hours anyway
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Old 20-11-2012, 01:47
los.kav
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Well I'm not the technological person in the world

Though despite all that, I'd have thought it took longer than 24 hours anyway
Add facebook to it, and you'll find anyone in about 10 minutes.

edited to add: I have literally stumbled across people I haven't seen in decades, by complete accident, on Facebook. Including the girl who was my best friend when I lived in England twenty years ago.
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Old 20-11-2012, 01:51
nurseysclone
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Add facebook to it, and you'll find anyone in about 10 minutes.

edited to add: I have literally stumbled across people I haven't seen in decades, by complete accident, on Facebook. Including the girl who was my best friend when I lived in England twenty years ago.
Agreed. Twitter is a bit trickier but it can be done

Wow! Just goes to show there are so many amazing coincidences in the world
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Old 20-11-2012, 01:54
Harlowe
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Just cause you can find someone quickly via the internet it doesn't mean its always the best way to start communication at first, yes it can work for some, others it can be a unhappy experience.
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Old 20-11-2012, 01:54
nurseysclone
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Well I'm not the technological person in the world

Though despite all that, I'd have thought it took longer than 24 hours anyway
I think it might take much longer if the person wasn't on social media websites. Ava doesn't appear to be on theirs. What was it called- Matesgate? Something like that
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Old 20-11-2012, 01:55
IanMandy
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Add facebook to it, and you'll find anyone in about 10 minutes.

edited to add: I have literally stumbled across people I haven't seen in decades, by complete accident, on Facebook. Including the girl who was my best friend when I lived in England twenty years ago.
I know what you mean there, people who I have forgotten about turn up on there
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Old 20-11-2012, 01:56
nurseysclone
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Just cause you can find someone quickly via the internet it doesn't mean its always the best way to start communication at first, yes it can work for some, others it can be a unhappy experience.
Absolutely. For a start they could not want to know you at all. Facebook and Twitter are a bit impersonal too.
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Old 20-11-2012, 01:57
IanMandy
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Absolutely. For a start they could not want to know you at all. Facebook and Twitter are a bit impersonal too.
Yes, i don't like chatting via FB (dont have Twitter), I prefer Skype myself
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Old 20-11-2012, 01:59
los.kav
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I wouldn't contact a potential family member/sibling via the internet, but happily my friend and I reconnected instantly by sending each other silly pictures and that one scene in Red Dragon where Ralph Fiennes got his cock out. What can I say? We still have the same sense of humour.
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Old 20-11-2012, 02:02
IanMandy
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I wouldn't contact a potential family member/sibling via the internet, but happily my friend and I reconnected instantly by sending each other silly pictures and that one scene in Red Dragon where Ralph Fiennes got his cock out. What can I say? We still have the same sense of humour.
I probably would, esp if it was the only way to get in touch!

Well at least you two are friends again!
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Old 20-11-2012, 02:03
Harlowe
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Absolutely. For a start they could not want to know you at all. Facebook and Twitter are a bit impersonal too.
Its definitely a risky choice,I know from experience it can be a life changing one but also a sense of regret for those involved if it doesn't go to plan.
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Old 20-11-2012, 02:04
los.kav
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I probably would, esp if it was the only way to get in touch!

Well at least you two are friends again!
BiB: you are right on that score, I suppose. I imagine for anyone who's parent moved country, and they have an ocean between them, the internet is the only real way they have to reach out to a potential new family member.
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Old 20-11-2012, 02:06
IanMandy
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But it does put everything into perspective, knowing that there are so many people who could be family
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Old 20-11-2012, 02:10
nurseysclone
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Its definitely a risky choice,I know from experience it can be a life changing one but also a sense of regret for those involved if it doesn't go to plan.
Definitely! It was one of the most nerve racking experiences of my life waiting to see if they would contact me. Fortunately, they are wonderful, kind people with open hearts and minds. But I would have perfectly understood if they didn't want to get in touch at all.

The key was the approach, think. You need to be willing to accept, as hard as it might be to hear at the time, that this is just as hard for them and they have every right to make that decision, whatever the outcome.

You say from experience, I gather you were in a similar position?
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Old 20-11-2012, 02:14
IanMandy
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Definitely! It was one of the most nerve racking experiences of my life waiting to see if they would contact me. Fortunately, they are wonderful, kind people with open hearts and minds. But I would have perfectly understood if they didn't want to get in touch at all.

The key was the approach, think. You need to be willing to accept, as hard as it might be to hear at the time, that this is just as hard for them and they have every right to make that decision, whatever the outcome

You say from experience, I gather you were in a similar position?
I come from a family orientated background so I would probably find it very hard if family members didn't want to connect at all- it would be a shame but of course, you never know who people really are. I would probably dismiss anyone claiming to be a relative unless there was evidence which can be difficult to obtain
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Old 20-11-2012, 02:17
Harlowe
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Definitely! It was one of the most nerve racking experiences of my life waiting to see if they would contact me. Fortunately, they are wonderful, kind people with open hearts and minds. But I would have perfectly understood if they didn't want to get in touch at all.

The key was the approach, think. You need to be willing to accept, as hard as it might be to hear at the time, that this is just as hard for them and they have every right to make that decision, whatever the outcome

You say from experience, I gather you were in a similar position?
Not indirectly but my uncle had a child and she was put up for adoption and got in contact with me via a family tree site looking for him unfortunately he had died only couple of years before hand, it was a bit of a bittersweet moment for all involved, she found her fathers family but kind of regretted not looking sooner as she never got to meet him but on the opposite side she was rejected by her half siblings from him who wanted nothing to do with her, so like I said its a risky choice when you do.
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Old 20-11-2012, 02:19
nurseysclone
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I come from a family orientated background so I would probably find it very hard if family members didn't want to connect at all- it would be a shame but of course, you never know who people really are. I would probably dismiss anyone claiming to be a relative unless there was evidence which can be difficult to obtain
Same here. My family mean the world to me. It would be a little suspicious if there was no proof as sadly, there are opportunists and scammers out there. Perhaps a DNA test?

Just checked Google- Boots have one!

http://www.boots.com/en/Assuredna-DN...rnity_1154716/
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Old 20-11-2012, 02:22
nurseysclone
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Not indirectly but my uncle had a child and she was put up for adoption and got in contact with me via a family tree site looking for him unfortunately he had died only couple of years before hand, it was a bit of a bittersweet moment for all involved, she found her fathers family but kind of regretted not looking sooner as she never got to meet him but on the opposite side she was rejected by her half siblings from him who wanted nothing to do with her, so like I said its a risky choice when you do.
I'm so sorry to hear that, Harlowe. It must have been so hard for her
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Old 20-11-2012, 02:25
IanMandy
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Me too, my greatest sympathy

At least you were able to get in touch with her at the end
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Old 20-11-2012, 02:53
Harlowe
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I imagine it was at the time, she luckily seem to have a strong family of her own behind her to help move on, this reminds me of Long Lost Family on ITV was always nice to see the happy reunions on there.
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Old 20-11-2012, 03:01
IanMandy
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I imagine it was at the time, she luckily seem to have a strong family of her own behind her to help move on, this reminds me of Long Lost Family on ITV was always nice to see the happy reunions on there.
I used to watch that and I loved how how people were reunited with one another, I thought it was so beautiful
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