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Being hyper sensitive
I have a slight hearing loss - slight being about a 20% loss. I've had this since I was 6 months old, so I've never experienced 'full' hearing, without my aid. I have a hearing aid which I wear to compensate for the loss - but only wear this at work.
I was talking to my boss today - the primary reason I'm in my current job is because of the hearing loss. Secondary reasons being that I can do the job(!) I mentioned to my boss I'd rather let people think I was stupid than tell them I have a hearing aid. Despite me working around people with far bigger disabilities than myself. I wear my hair down to cover the aid. Honestly, I don't know why this is - I know I'm being daft, but I can't help it. I can't stop myself. It's almost like I'm trying to prove that I can be 'normal'. But in that I tend to put the barriers up and let people try to knock them down, rather than being open. I also tend to adopt the approach of letting people talk to me, rather than initiating conversation. I need to start initiating conversation with people for this job role - it's something that I despise, but will get better with experience.
My boss started trying the 'psychological' route - that I must have had a bad experience for me to think like this. Which triggered yet more tears.
And it's far from the first time I've ended up in tears over this. Truthfully I don't think I have had a bad experience. The only thing I can think of is Mum at Parent's evening broadcasting to all my teachers that I was deaf - I hated that. But talking about it all, even writing about it now, I am welling up.
I told my parents this afternoon about the conversation, and they never realised I felt this way - which is probably me hiding it. Cue more tears.
I know I'm being daft. I know I'm being hyper sensitive. I know it's me with the problem, and that I am my own worst enemy. Has anyone else had an experience like this and offer advice in some way?
I was talking to my boss today - the primary reason I'm in my current job is because of the hearing loss. Secondary reasons being that I can do the job(!) I mentioned to my boss I'd rather let people think I was stupid than tell them I have a hearing aid. Despite me working around people with far bigger disabilities than myself. I wear my hair down to cover the aid. Honestly, I don't know why this is - I know I'm being daft, but I can't help it. I can't stop myself. It's almost like I'm trying to prove that I can be 'normal'. But in that I tend to put the barriers up and let people try to knock them down, rather than being open. I also tend to adopt the approach of letting people talk to me, rather than initiating conversation. I need to start initiating conversation with people for this job role - it's something that I despise, but will get better with experience.
My boss started trying the 'psychological' route - that I must have had a bad experience for me to think like this. Which triggered yet more tears.
And it's far from the first time I've ended up in tears over this. Truthfully I don't think I have had a bad experience. The only thing I can think of is Mum at Parent's evening broadcasting to all my teachers that I was deaf - I hated that. But talking about it all, even writing about it now, I am welling up.I told my parents this afternoon about the conversation, and they never realised I felt this way - which is probably me hiding it. Cue more tears.
I know I'm being daft. I know I'm being hyper sensitive. I know it's me with the problem, and that I am my own worst enemy. Has anyone else had an experience like this and offer advice in some way?
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