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Liz Jones - YOU magazine (Part 4)


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Old 12-10-2014, 03:39
nitenurse
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Look out Brixton:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/...xton-flat.html

He filled up her tank and she's complaining. Diesel. Get your minds out of the gutter.

She can't live like this!!!
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Old 12-10-2014, 08:47
amikolaichek
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I am quite prepared to be told I'm a bit dim, but today's 'Dreary' - I don't get what she means about 'missing peas'?http://images.digitalspy.co.uk/forum...s/confused.gif

Is it a typo or do The Baker and The Lizard indulge in some weird, erotic game in bed involving peas? Or do they take plates of organic, vegan, line-caught mushy peas to bed with them, to tuck into while they watch 'The X Factor'?
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Old 12-10-2014, 09:26
fizzycat
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Last week he was moping about the lack of nookie because either she doesn't fancy him or he wasn't buying her expensive enough presents to be rewarded. This week she cuddles up to him and it's him that isn't interested because he's got cracked ribs.

So he was miserable because he was in pain and she thought it was all about the lack of contact with her scawny bod. Then she decides that letting her stay in his flat can be rewarded by a bit of between the sheets action.

Utterly delightful couple with an idyllic relationship, no?
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Old 12-10-2014, 16:06
Dominodarling
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Is the old dear still harping on about my dreadful products. Well by using such 'dreadful' products I am able to fill my own car up with petrol. Mind you it is old. I do own it though! What a total bore when you can only feel good by belittling those around you.
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Old 12-10-2014, 16:14
House of Jones
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Dominodarling - "total bore" pretty much covers it, in every way possible. I can't believe she still seems to be expecting a proposal of marriage when she clearly doesn't like him, I almost feel sorry for the man.
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Old 12-10-2014, 16:24
Fatsia
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I am quite prepared to be told I'm a bit dim, but today's 'Dreary' - I don't get what she means about 'missing peas'?http://images.digitalspy.co.uk/forum...s/confused.gif

Is it a typo or do The Baker and The Lizard indulge in some weird, erotic game in bed involving peas? Or do they take plates of organic, vegan, line-caught mushy peas to bed with them, to tuck into while they watch 'The X Factor'?
I puzzled over this too; her skill with the written word means that as usual it's garbled nonsense (is that her famous 'sense of humour' - it's her USP you know). I think it's this. There's only one TV in the flat, located in the Chamber of Luurve. So they eat dinner in bed in order to watch TV while they dine. While they clamber in with their plates of food, some items get lost in the bed. I would have thought she'd find it fairly simple to keep her eye on her half a pea? Probably too pissed, judging by the sum of this weekend's output.

Is the old dear still harping on about my dreadful products. Well by using such 'dreadful' products I am able to fill my own car up with petrol. Mind you it is old. I do own it though! What a total bore when you can only feel good by belittling those around you.
Excellent use of 'old dear'
Amazing isn't it, that those of us on less than six figures manage to cope at all.
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Old 13-10-2014, 02:27
Suzy_Cat
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Does the Half-Million Marvel not realise that nobody is forcing her to live with the Baker? If she could no longer afford the "cupboard" she could surely find a bedsit for a few quid less a week. (I do wonder to what extent she contributes to the Baker's household income. Does he rent? Is she paying rent? )

For that matter, why can't she and the Baker pool their resources and find somewhere more suitable? I assume she earns more than he does.

"Dreadful products" - it never ceases to amaze me that a woman so frugal, so unable to escape the privations of her youth and its make-do-and-mend ethos, has somehow forgotten how to shop budget.

Oh, and who is "Trevor"?
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Old 13-10-2014, 03:14
nitenurse
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Trevor was an Osama Bin Ladin look a like that she claims to have had feelings for.

Yes, right, Liz having feelings
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Old 13-10-2014, 08:22
puffin1962
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Does the Half-Million Marvel not realise that nobody is forcing her to live with the Baker? If she could no longer afford the "cupboard" she could surely find a bedsit for a few quid less a week. (I do wonder to what extent she contributes to the Baker's household income. Does he rent? Is she paying rent? )

For that matter, why can't she and the Baker pool their resources and find somewhere more suitable? I assume she earns more than he does.
I'm pretty sure that I read on this thread that she didn't pay for for cupboard at all - yet still manages major financial problems. I think the cupboard was revealed to be a swish Ł2 million studio - as it was some sort of corporate let that DM allegedly paid for. Presumably as some part of her previous salary package when she was a regular DM journo and not just a MOS hack (DM now seem to use Shona Sibary/Samantha Brick to write those types of articles cheaper)

So what Liz wants is FREE London accomodation but up to *her* standards

Not sure how much she *really* needs to be in London these days as her main wriiten output these days for MOS - Dreary and (out of her) Right Minds dross appear to be written from Uranus
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Old 13-10-2014, 09:03
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An eagle-eyed acquaintance has spotted that Andrew Marr takes the piss out of Jonesey in his new book... such fun!
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Old 13-10-2014, 09:51
Suzy_Cat
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I'm pretty sure that I read on this thread that she didn't pay for for cupboard at all - yet still manages major financial problems. I think the cupboard was revealed to be a swish Ł2 million studio - as it was some sort of corporate let that DM allegedly paid for. Presumably as some part of her previous salary package when she was a regular DM journo and not just a MOS hack (DM now seem to use Shona Sibary/Samantha Brick to write those types of articles cheaper)

So what Liz wants is FREE London accomodation but up to *her* standards

Not sure how much she *really* needs to be in London these days as her main wriiten output these days for MOS - Dreary and (out of her) Right Minds dross appear to be written from Uranus
Apparently the former cupboard was in the Ziggurat building, and some of its apartments are viewable on the internet if you google. Letting for nearly eight hundred quid a week.
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Old 13-10-2014, 18:04
puffin1962
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Apparently the former cupboard was in the Ziggurat building, and some of its apartments are viewable on the internet if you google. Letting for nearly eight hundred quid a week.
Only Liz could portray an apartment that costs almost Ł42,000 per YEAR to rent as being some sort of doss house
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Old 14-10-2014, 07:14
Suzy_Cat
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WHy does she actually need to go to London anyway? She says she has to go to Fashion Week etc etc but really, that would not be the norm. All she writes is the Dreary and a few other opinion pieces. She does not not need to commute regularly.
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Old 14-10-2014, 16:28
amikolaichek
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Far be it for me ever to be uncharitable and unkind, but does it strike anyone that her 'Drearies' these days are written under the influence? And I don't mean of Pellegrino?
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Old 15-10-2014, 11:50
BellaFiga
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I took the "peas" thing to be a reference to the Princess and the Pea. Could be wrong.
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Old 15-10-2014, 20:57
puffin1962
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Far be it for me ever to be uncharitable and unkind, but does it strike anyone that her 'Drearies' these days are written under the influence? And I don't mean of Pellegrino?
She seems to put no effort into the dreary these days - in the past there were funny elements - but it seems like the MOS will publish uncritically whatever dross she sends in.

I also think that the whole baker storyline has bombed rather badly - I think she thought that after the media frenzy surrounding the fictional *rock star* that a real person would create even more media excitement (even if he was largely playing a role that she defined for him). She thought that she could just dial it in as she did with the RS storyark with alternating themes of
- how much I love him/waiting for proposal
- how insecure I am - am I worthy?
- financial woes in Dulverton. N Yorks, London
- how much I resent him/he does things to annoy me such as show consideration for his own family, friends, children, work commitments etc
- how he doesn't understand the stresses of my job, clothes, animals, staff. family, spending
- the problems of my disability
- veganism - while eating eggs/cheese
Bla bla bla
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Old 18-10-2014, 14:33
Lilaeth
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Maybe one day she'll just explode into a puss-coloured cloud of bile and venom, and then dissipate into the atmosphere...
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Old 18-10-2014, 14:35
vampyre
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DS almost name checked in tomorrow's Diary.
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Old 19-10-2014, 07:35
Bellagio
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"In which I discover David has been reading rubbish about me on the internet"

... most of which she's written herself. Badly.
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Old 19-10-2014, 08:16
newbaby
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So, in amongst this week's weirdness, there is a crisis: not any old crisis but a CRISIS. But it's not a CRISIS about which she can speak. Are we meant to be on tenterhooks about this CRISIS? Imagining what terrible horror has befallen the person who manages to include a non-working hoover, obscure lawn mower for which parts are unavailable in a list of life's upsets which mentions, en passant, the death of her mother.

(And, in LJ's piece in the main body of the MonS, she says she has four hearing dogs trained to alert her if the fire alarm goes off. Sorry: I just do not believe that the unruly pack of assorted hounds are in any shape or form "hearing dogs" in the proper sense. I'm certain they would bark if the fire alarm went off, but not because they are trained to do so. Her remarks do a great disservice to the Hearing Dogs charity, which works in the same way as Guide Dogs for the Blind: extensive and specialist training from what I suppose one calls puppyhood.)
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Old 19-10-2014, 08:33
Bellagio
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That's "hearing dogs" as in "dogs who can hear", as opposed to "dogs who are deaf".

Also... the audiologist did NOT say she was "profoundly deaf": this from the relevant farticle.

"I have ‘severe’ hearing loss. The only stage worse is ‘profound’: someone who is completely deaf."

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/ar...#ixzz3GZfBrOz2
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Old 19-10-2014, 09:00
jeff_vader
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Oh, the hollow laughter for the life I used to lead…
Oh, for a Bender 'Not sure if...' meme...
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Old 19-10-2014, 09:36
Trudi Monk
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That's "hearing dogs" as in "dogs who can hear", as opposed to "dogs who are deaf".

Also... the audiologist did NOT say she was "profoundly deaf": this from the relevant farticle.

"I have ‘severe’ hearing loss. The only stage worse is ‘profound’: someone who is completely deaf."

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/ar...#ixzz3GZfBrOz2
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
There is also a huge way to go from severely deaf to profoundly deaf. Severely deaf is a loss of decibels at 70% or more and profoundly deaf is a DBL of 95% or more.
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Old 19-10-2014, 09:56
amikolaichek
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Oh dear oh dear ... [clutches splitting sides] - all I can say is, WELCOME to DS, Baker. What page are you up to now?

As to the CRISIS. Mmmm, could be something really really serious ... like one of her only two pairs of knickers has got lost at the dry cleaners, or she's broken a nail. I just know I shall now get no sleep until she reassures us that the CRISIS is over and all is well in Lizard La-La Land.

Meanwhile, David - keep reading. You might even be tempted to contribute ...?
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Old 19-10-2014, 10:16
Trudi Monk
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Also if she is severely deaf she can get a disabled buss pass to use in her local authority area, and can buy a disabled rail card which would save her a fortune commuting up and down the east coast.
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