pure class!

In which, I get dumped by text, while the love of my life is left as ashes at the vet's!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/...es-appeal.html



It's a trifecta of Lizard this weekend.

Read the second to last paragraph, tad touchy?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/ar...r-hogwash.html

And our intrepid reporter tries to be trendy and relevant:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/...-Bip-Ling.html

He won't have dumped her. They live for this sort of thing.

That said, I feel a bit sorry for the dirty Baker this week. If Liz's sole response to a long, clearly distressed message from her supposed eternal love (after LIzzie), saying "I can't do it any more yadda I am stressed yadda, I just want to see you yadda" is "you should have done X and Y to please me"... well she deserves kicking to the kerb for all eternity quite frankly.

Unless of course he pays her to humiliate him or something.

"she’s weeny (5ft 4in) with huge dark eyes and slender limbs the colour of cappuccino, given her
Anglo-Indian heritage. ‘I’m happy in my nails!’ she says when I compliment her on the colour."

This sounds like she's playing the Great White Goddess complimenting Bip on her cappucino skin colour, which is particularly ironic given her outrage at such activities on BBC celebrity tourist documentaries.

No he won't. She'd have nothing to write about. Of course, you could argue she's got nothing to write about anyway...

ZOMG!! He didn't fix the light in the bathroom! And it has no windows!!! And he smokes in his own bed!! And he has a messy garden!!! AND he gets up really early to go to work!!! And he fidgets in bed!!!

Lizard, get out now while you still can!!!

So she is still a stupid selfish mare it seems. When I was depressed and tired years ago Mr BC still wanted to come round and see me, even just to sit in silence watching films. Because he missed me and wanted to hold my hand. That Lizard, is love. That is what baker boy is trying to offer you but you are just too dim to notice. I'm sure all those years of living off lettuce leaves have affected her brain you know.

Love isn't all expensive body oil, wiping the bottom of the milk bottle or having perfect lighting in the bathroom and a tidy garden. It's about being happy enough to sit in your jimjams with no make up on, having a cuddle watching something you both like and sharing a packet of biccies or making each other laugh or ordering in or eating something from the cupboard because you are both too tired to cook or shop or him doing the basement up and you tidying up after he spent hours working hard..... just being normal and enjoying the person you are with.

It's not about you Liz, it's about poor baker boy as well. I bet all he wants to do is be able to sit on a sofa with her to have a hug without her hyperventilating because he is messing up her Prada cashmere throw that the puppy keeps weeing on.

And stop ruddy calling your dogs hearing dogs. They haven't been trained to be a hearing dog. If they had been they wouldn't pee everywhere, kill livestock or run off when you let them off the lead, would they Lizard?? uummmm?

Also.... it does make me laugh how she spits her venom on at the rest of us for being lesser mortals for not being vegan/ vegetarian (what is she these days? A vegan that eats dairy?) but still loves brands and clothing from companies that use leather and fur... Also I have always wondered what hair colouring she uses as most would have been tested on animals at some point. (and I doubt she hennas her hair)

Why does she start her dreary entries "In which..."?

Seriously? Don't just say "to be pretentious" - I already know that! Is that how diary entries were traditionally started or something? Or did some famous diarist write like that? Do tell!

Didn't someone say upthread that WAGfree isn't doing very well at the moment? That would make the Baker pretty stressed on his own terms. Now, it would be nice to think that Liz is actually being circumspect about that instead of trumpeting it all over the internet for all the world to know, but that doesn't mean she has to be a prize bitch to him.

"You do not show that you care for me and my needs above all else by installing a light instead of buying me flowers [which I seriously doubt cost as much as having a sparkie round] and avoiding being "sharp" with me when I need my rest and sleep. Your own work stresses and discomfort with articles where I write about how I don't fancy you any more are immaterial. There is only room for one needy ego in this relationship and it must be mine. C- must do better."

Is it something to do with Pride and Prejudice? Could be imagining that though!

Nope, but it's definitely an old-school thing that is readily parodied:
http://ask.metafilter.com/6146/Victo...apter-Headings

She probably doesn't write those headers.

Given that D'Scrace is unquestionably a real live person, the tone of recent Drearies can only indicate one of two things (to my cynical mind, at any rate):

1 - he's in on it, presumably for his 15 minutes of fame and some monetary reward, or...

2 - it's all as fictional as the FRS, except for the leading male.

I did briefly consider a third option - that he truly has no balls and lacks a spine - but dismissed it. I lean towards #2.

DO you mean to suggest that LIZZIE IS NOT REALLY DEAD?!?!?!?

In which I unexpectedly have a right good laugh

David picked me up from the airport (I had been in Madagascar working and there was no water on the entire island so I had to get local dogs to lick me clean) and his fingernails looked as if he had been restoring a small ruin in Tuscany. Mildly excited, I asked him if he'd bought me a ruin in Tuscany for Christmas.

David raised an eyebrow as if to say "are you fcking bonkers Lizzo or what?" and gave me a friendly pat on my emaciated thigh.

Instead of taking the usual route through the fascinatingly ethic streets of Brixton, he headed out of town towards the coast. "But I haven't waxed!" I wailed. "I couldn't give a flying monkey's arse," he replied, and we tootled down to Brighton.

I've always thought Brighton is a bit common, or all right if you are gay, but not really for the likes of me. It's all a bit kiss me quick. And I'm not sure if David has brushed his teeth. We ended up in a tiny but dear B&B run by a Lesbian. And once we were alone, he proceeded to roger me senseless. After that we went out for fish and chips and I had a toffee apple. We stayed up all night on the beach drinking WKD and vodka, and at dawn we swam in the sea, before rogering on the seaweedy pebbles under the pier.

I must say I was quite surprised, and even spontaneously broke into laughter once or twice. I sulked in the car on the way home because I didn't want him thinking he'd got round me. He needs to know who's boss!

But I won't be needing a hot stone treatment for a while. Those under-pier pebbles worked a treat.

I don't understand how someone who works twelve hours a day, then gets up at 5 am ( if necessary) to clean her car, finds putting flowers into a vase " exhausting"
It's all bull, I think.
😝

Inspired, BellaF!

I'd like to know about THE CRISIS she all had us "on tenterhooks" about.
Not Lizzie (RIP) as she specifically said it was a "perpetrator" and that she was going to "name and shame" or something.

She's probably trying to fight Dominodarling in court over access to the cat, and looking for proof that she DOES use Garnier Fructis.

Oh yes, I've been wondering why THE CRISIS has suddenly dropped off the Drearie's radar. Is she hoping her devoted readers have forgotten about it, because they're all wallowing in sympathetic grief over the death of the gee-gee?

I assume her comment about losing half her income refers to being dumped by the DM. Wonder if it's anything to do with that truly eye-bleeding feature she did where she dressed up in the clothes worn by the latest M & S ad. campaign featuring 'Leading Ladies' or whatever it was called, shot by Annie Lebonovitz no less. God only knows who shot Lizard but really ... the clothes didn't fit and Lizard didn't, to put it charitably, do them justice. If I'd been the M & S board, I'd have gone ballistic at the DM.

I'd just mention that of course, M & S are major advertisers with the Mail group.

Funnily enough, been trawling the DM site to find the feature in question, but it's been disappeared ... maybe more savvy DS users can track it down?

Is this the superior journalistic feature?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...erwhelmed.html

Blimey, had she paid for her face lift, I'd be asking for a refund if I were her.

I wonder if this has something to do with the "mumsnet party allegations"? Is she involved in some sort of legal action?

In any legal action, won't her own articles about always being short of money be used against her?

To be honest, she's the only one who has gone on about the mumsnet allegations. I still suspect that, following the death of her poor Mum, her family has served her with an injunction to stop her talking about any of them in the press - and not a moment too soon IMO. Ever since the brief sneering mention of her Mum's belongings after the funeral, all we've had is this constant flogging of the dead horse (of which, more in tomorrow's diary, yaaawn).

When she first mentioned the CRISIS she said it was apparent as soon as she got out of the car when arriving back in Yorkshire, legal notices nailed to the front door perhaps?

This is true - she made them into a national story by using them as article fodder - they were short lived owing to mumsnet's deletion and limited to a few blogs and message boards until she published them in DM

I hope so, I really hope so! She's abused her position in that column by publicising their private lives/problems while they were given no right to reply. Did she say she paid for some of her mum's care? Well perhaps they've only been putting up with Liz's antics while their mum needed her money but now they've decided enough is enough, she can't hold that over them any more.

Did I imagine it or did she practically accuse one relative of taking (i.e. stealing) things from their mother's after she'd died? Perhaps that was the last straw for them?

I really hope this is the crisis! It'll serve her right.