Most Sunday supps have a 4-week lead time.

Also got to allow time for Bee Murphy to produce one of her staggeringly flattering and youthful illustrations and make it vaguely relevant to LFJ's deathless prose.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...e-results.html

OMG! Speechless!

Warning! Not for the fainthearted.....you my be left feeling a little bit sick.....

a little.. Oh my...

As always the best bits of DM articles are the comments...

"Uhm.. this is a bit weird"

For someone who harks on about her body and self esteem issues ad nauseam, she sure is happy enough to flaunt herself......

Liz. Oh, Liz. You are soo full of manure.

I am 55. I am very familiar with tights (or pantyhose) and suspenders and hose. Does she remember the 80s at all? Or has starvation deprived her withering brain cells of the memory of the cream hose we all wore (thanks in large part to the trend started by Princess Di?)

Hosiery was a must for any women in employment then. She's full of manure.

Baker Boy, run for your life:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/...ment-ring.html

She has a price for everything and truly thinks her she is more valuable than rubies.

Those "Madonna" pictures are just, just awful. And yes, for someone who doesn't like showing her body...

Also, if that's what she looks like after botox and fillers, I wouldn't like to have seen her before. I am four years younger than LJ and don't have anything approaching her "disappointed with life" face.

Where to begin... the granny-porn or the engagement ring ?

The only common thread is that - even if we didn't know it before, we do now - Lizard is a material girl. Well, a material, grasping, neurotic, egotistical, narcissistic harpie is probably slightly more accurate.

Please God that David has relisted the £21.99 engagement ring on eBay. The combination of the Madonna pictures and the diary entry, should be enough to turn any normal, heterosexual male gay.

She actually has a decent figure, though not in any way anorexic, as she always, always claims. I just DON'T WANT TO SEE IT. Thanks.

A woman who places physical perfection above all else is surely adding to figures that show half of 17- to 21-year-old women feel ashamed about the way they look.

Is she talking about herself or Madonna there? As someone who has her teeth 'steam-cleaned' and her hair dyed fortnightly while claiming she can't afford to buy food, Jonesy is hardly a role model for accepting yourself as you are and scrubbing up well on special occasions.

But to be fair to the old crone, she doesn't place her physical appearance over all else - money and the cost of everything in her life takes joint first place.

She also makes the assumption that Madonna has her roots dyed black so it looks like she hasn't gone grey yet. Not everyone goes grey. My mum had nearly a full head of brown hair she died.

If that's what she looks like after sympathetic studio lighting and £800 worth of Botox, I really, really, REALLY don't want to see the "before".

Oh, and someone needs to tell her that testing the potency of Botox involves the death of hundreds of mice per batch, as per the EU standards.

"Why doesn't he propose?"

This would be why. He knew it wouldn't be up to scratch.

She's trolling us, she's got to be. She cannot seriously, seriously be all 'wah why does he not wish to marry me, wah rejection nobody has ever loved me" and at the same time turn her nose up at a not-pricey engagement ring from someone who, until recently, was The Love Of Liz's Live (TM). Of course the horse has taken on that role now.

The Dirty Baker is not particularly rich by all accounts. If she wants to marry him then the stupid awful woman has to accept that.

"I would rather go without than have something cheap" - well, yeah, except then of course you just WHINE about how you have to go without, so it's not actually a sacrifice, is it.

BONUS: This is of course straight out of Sex and the City. Aidan or whatever his name was proposed with a ring Carrie hated.

Whilst wasting an hour or so this morning, I had a look for online articles on why LJ has lost work with the DM.

The New Statesman article below from January 2014 is on Paul Dacre, editor at the Mail. Interesting story on him and his background, but another journalist gives the reason why Dacre uses Jones, as a warning to successful women that you can't have it all and be happy. Dacre champions family values, something Liz will never know.

I quote "The Mail’s poster girl is Liz Jones, the columnist and fashion editor celebrated for her self-hatred and misery. “She has so much,” says another Mail journalist, “lots of money, expensive houses, the newest clothes. But she’s never had a child, she hasn’t kept hold of a man, and she’s unhappy. The message is: it’s what happens to you, girls, if you pursue worldly success. You can succeed but, oh boy, you will suffer for it.”

I wonder if Jones is aware Dacre used her as a warning to women that they shouldn't pursue "wordly success"?!!!
The whole (lengthy) article is here.... http://www.newstatesman.com/media/20...iberal-britain

Aaaargh - the horror, the horror! Quite put me off my breakfast gin. Seriously, Bellagio makes a good point ...and what about the MoS's 'Photoshop' expert? Is it true he's now on indefinite sick leave after a complete breakdown caused by having to 'improve' the Lizard channels Madonna' photos? Poor guy - some things you never get over.

Nor me, those knobbly knees are the reason why she should wear trousers or long skirts.

Hideous article in which someone at the top of the SM must be chortling over their croissant this morning, at how much they can take the piss out of LJ as she will do anything for money.

The animal hoarder extraordinaire will probably be looking on horse rescue sites to get over the perceived insult of a £21.99 ring in her diary today. Wonder how long it will be before she gets another horse as a way of coping with grief and depression?

Dear Baker,

Run... run for the hills. There are better women out there who will love you for working hard and won't care that your bathroom doesn't have a working light... and won't mind that you fidget in bed because they fidget as well.... and won't care that you need to smoke or buy you a suit you didn't want or ask for so you look good on their arm. I bet there is one who will get up at 3am with to make you a cuppa while you get ready for work, just to spend that bit of morning with you and then go back to bed.

And will be happy you want to marry them, no matter how much you can afford to spend on a ring...

Dear Lizard,

FFS. not everyone can afford a ruddy huge diamond ring. Also do you care where that diamond comes from or do you ignore that angle like you ignore buying your clothes and accessories from shops that use animal products and say eating animals is murder but happily quaff cheese and milk? If you are depressed then go see your Doctor, as someone who has suffered you cannot get well without help. (unless you aren't really depressed, you are just sad... there's a huge bloody difference between depression and being sad)

Maybe they will include a whiny event in the next Olympics... she will get us GOLD!!!

And those photos! OH My GOD! LOL!! Is she in pain or does she think she is pulling sexee laydee face cos that's not a face most men would want to look upon in the throes of having sexy time.. she looks like she has cramp in one of them.

On the plus note I don't feel bad about the old grey hairs and occasional smiley crease on me old face now! (and my conscience is clear as I've never had botox and never will so I have saved thousands of micey lives!)

Its her sex face actually

It's her "you're laying on my hair David and don't think you're putting THAT in THERE. Go and fix the light." face

And Liz, do fck off with the "I'm still grieving" schtick. IT WAS A HORSE.

It shows she is totally dillusional and an even worse attention seeker than Madonna.

My Mum died this year at age 67 and had hardly a grey hair on her head. My Dad at age 72 has not yet gone entirely grey, he has very distinguished looking gunmetal silver from his original black hair. My sister had her first grey at age 17. Myself at 46 has none. Lizs hair looks bloody awful and aging in that black dye. A softer colour would suit her better and make her look less haggard.

She does seem to have a halfway decent figure (certainly not anorexic borderline or not) but her chest looks terrible. She seems to have nothing up top at all. I know she always says she had them hacked off but didn't really believe it til now, but she really has nothing up top. On the slim willowy types (Keria Knightly etc) who are naturally small chested it looks fine but Liz is a heftier build and just looks daft with no padding up top.

[quote=princesstech;75943442]My Mum died this year at age 67 and had hardly a grey hair on her head. My Dad at age 72 has not yet gone entirely grey, he has very distinguished looking gunmetal silver from his original black hair. My sister had her first grey at age 17. Myself at 46 has none. Lizs hair looks bloody awful and aging in that black dye. A softer colour would suit her better and make her look less haggard. /QUOTE]

This really annoys me too. I started going grey at 14 and at six years younger than Madonna, I'm about 90 percent white, but I am not NORMAL. Many very dark people do grey early, but equally, plenty do not.

Madonna's brother last year at the same age; he's got some grey but he's hardly white. With Madonna's blonde and perhaps the odd sneaky lowlight into the roots, a few white hairs would not be particularly noticeable.

Liz could lift it a couple of shades, for sure. I am all for dark haired people staying dark if they want to, but two shades lighter would still be dark and much less ageing.

That's interesting, thanks Mivvykins.
So while she thinks she's being held up as a shining example, she's actually a horrible warning? I think they've both failed there, she's just a laughing stock.