Maybe it's time Lizard turns on Nic? Nic seems to have vey high expectations of what her employer should do for her and her (Nic's animals)

We've never known all the ins and outs of their relationship, financially and otherwise. Does Nic work off the family ranch? Earn some money on the side?

Or is it merely a relationship of convenience? Nic gets a fancy place to live in return for the care of our beloved scribes livestock?

"I'm starting to think it’s me. "

Hahahahahahahaahhaaaaaaa <deep breath> hahahahahahaahahahahaha <deep breath> hahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

It is indeed an odd relationship: the reason she "had" to buy her sister & nephew a cottage is that once said sibling had completed the barn conversion at Upcott, Nic decided she wanted to live there and accordingly LJ turfed sister out. I gather buying the cottage was not an act of kindness but rather part of a legal settlement. Now, that an alleged employee (assistant, groom, animal therapist... take your pick), can make such a demand, successfully, hints that this is no normal relationship. That Nic, reportedly engaged at the time, elected to follow her "employer" several hundred miles north reinforces this notion. Interestingly, in the recent harassment case, no mention whatsoever of any fiancée. Long-time posters here will be all too well aware of my equally long held conviction that there's a distinctly Sapphic tinge to this relationship, From the few slightly blurry pics I've seen of her, Nic is a rather pretty girl with distinct curves (and according to someone who would know, a vile temper), someone you'd expect the mad cat woman to despise and ridicule.

The latest Dreary ? If she's not taking the piss, then she needs psychiatric help, and soon. The lack of self-awareness is as troubling as it is complete.

Based nothing other than gut instinct, I suspect Nic is the Keeper of Major Secrets and has a hold on LJ. And is, therefore, in the position to make demands. It's a very peculiar set up, whatever the circumstances.

As for today's paragraphs of self-absorbed twaddle in the diary, it's almost sad in its relentless outpourings of hard-done-by-ness. Which, actually, is nothing of the sort. In the real world, friendship is not a currency.

''Every human relationship I have has broken down.''

That's just it - she doesn't know how to behave with or to her fellow humans. Every week the same old crap, and the same words - 'I', 'me', 'my', 'mine'. She's a 'giving person'? Well hush my mouth. I always thought being a giving person was being unselfish and thinking of others and not yourself. Self awareness was never her strong point.

The horses, dogs and cats can't answer back and provide unconditional love. For Liz, a world populated by nothing but animals would be the answer, but that's hardly going to happen.

Is Liz Jones a bone fide dysfunctional one-woman soap opera, or is it all just an act?

Oh for the love of God why did she have to tell us she prefers a Hollywood wax? I may have to gouge my everything out now.

And finally ..................... the penny drops !!!

I see there's a comment ref today's diary from "issyh", Richmond UK- apparently the X to whom LJ refers - which rebuts what has been said.

I say no more...except that LJ needs serious help about her almost toxic approach to friendship, as well as life in general.

(this said with the caveat that perhaps the comment is not from X...but same thought ref toxic still applies)

Liz needs to stop thinking she can buy people, because if you buy people they're generally only in it for the money. And she also needs to learn what a gift is. If you give someone something, it is a gift, not a loan you want interest on. Sad.

I suspect that Liz is the sort of person who would say people on benefits shouldn't have children if they can't afford them (cue anecdote about her mother working her fingers to the bone and eating slivers of cabbage so that Liz might have a second-hand jumper but still no pony of her own). She should perhaps consider that, as an owner of "ponies*, she has to ensure they have grazing and that Nic, as her "equine behaviourist", is fully within her rights to suggest that Liz consider a better paddock. It's not *pushy*. Also, given that Liz is still running round getting Hollywood waxes and attending fancy dos in her multiple expensive vehicles, it's not surprising that Nic might not fully comprehend that Liz cannot afford to pay for the land.

As for the Baker hinting at her doing up his flat, and the horror of Nic and Liz that he might be suggesting she pay for it: think of it this way.

The Baker and Liz are *engaged to be married*. When people marry they invariably join their lives to the extent that they live in the same property and may even share finances. Liz, as we all know, is supposedly near-bankrupt and cannot afford lovely shoes, and owns only one dress.

It would seem to me that The Baker, as her also-skint fiance, is not asking her to pay to do up his flat. He is suggesting that rather than her spend a bunch of money renting a lovely expensive flat in Islington - THAT THEY CANNOT AFFORD - they instead do his place up to make it more nice so that *they don't have to spend majillions of money that neither of them has on a rental in Islington that they will get kicked out of when they can't pay the rent any more*. In other words, he's doing a thing called *budgeting* and *being financially prudent*.

A bit of both.

There is a word that perfectly describes what Jones is, but, sadly, the Mods would delete my post if I used it!

Her latest dreary is AMAZING.

I am unable to believe anyone has such an outrageous lack of self awareness. She HAS to be trolling.

Wait until you read this week's offering - all about planning "Their Wedding" - well I think it's their wedding, but David is only allowed 3 guests and to make the cake. He must be lacking in self respect to be put through all this in print weekly!

Recall, if you will, her description of how she prepared for her first wedding: the hand-stitched cashmere trouser suit, paying for accommodation at the venue for all her guests, "royal florists by appointment". What does she want this time around?

"Oh dear. I’ve forgotten not just to count David, the groom, but I’ve neglected to ask him if he wants to invite anyone!"

"Should I run all of the above past David, or just ignore him? I suppose I should allow him some input. He can bake the cake. As long as it is chocolate, and organic, and not gooey."

"I have the number of the local vicar, in order to book the church, which is apparently walking distance from the house, although I’m not sure Louboutin miles are the same as normal, human miles. I wonder if it matters that I’m a Buddhist, David is a Catholic."

http://33.media.tumblr.com/12eef1ede...9sq1qz4rgp.gif

Still on the designer stuff even though the taxman's after her and she claims to be 'broke'.

Moncler tracksuit bottoms are anything between £150 and £175 and look no better than something from New Look, Dotty P or heaven forfend, Sports Direct.

Selfridges have sold out, so maybe fans have been following their heroine's style.....

Is today's Diary meant to be a display of LJ's much vaunted sense of humour?

Amazing how, week by week, she lurches between penury and affluence. Not to mention her being unclear about the status of her relationship: one moment the Baker is her fiance, the next her boyfriend. She's been dumped. She's dumped him.

And so it goes on.

She'll probably arrange a vastly expensive wedding, get jilted at the altar and then drone on about how much it cost her. When she's broke. And the tax man is being beastly to her.

Is the wedding her big plan to avoid bankrupcy by selling it for a magazine deal to Hello?

I don't think "Hello" or any other magazine would want to buy it - nobody except for DM readers has heard of her (her books are hardly best sellers, are they?) and DM readers will get piccies in their paper.

I think we read her columns for the same reason that people used to visit lunatic asylums in the olden days - a sort of fascinated horror!

Whenever Liz does this sort of column I get the impression we are meant to be laughing at her Carrie-like adorable addleheaded shallowness or whatever. In some ways the Dreary would be better if it was all fluff like this.

The trouble is, she can't seem to make up her mind whether the Dreary is escapist fluff or searing soul-baring confession, and switching from one tone to the next every other week is just insulting. You can't prance on about your new Mercedes one week, your impending bankruptcy and lack of any caring humans in your life the next, and then expect no repercussions when you follow it up with a meringue-light piece about your forthcoming wedding, Louboutin miles and $400 lounging pants.

There's no Dreary in the android app, that's my Sunday morning in bed ruined/saved dependent on your point of view.

But at least SUE NEEDLEMAN will be at the wedding. Yes - that's her friend SUE NEEDLEMAN. They are FRIENDS.

I wonder if India Knight will be on the guest list ...?

Well she gave a reading at the one to Nirps and Jeremy was best man.....

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...e-quickly.html

Oh dear, my splitting sides ... she hasn't changed, still 'woe woe woe is poor little MEEEEEEEE!' After this Sunday/s 'Dreary', I am wondering more than ever actually what it is that she has on the Mail on Sunday execs that they permit her to write this garbled sh*t every Sunday?