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Liz Jones - YOU magazine (Part 4)


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Old 20-09-2015, 14:27
Rubbish Name
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If she was actually given the boot, then it seems remiss of the Mail not to ensure she had some kind of exit counselling which would have included financial advice. But then they probably didn't think a single woman who'd spend the past 30 years rolling in cashmere and facelifts wouldn't understand how the self-employed get along.
Not to mention the amount of effort she puts in to telling us how super-intelligent and self-sufficient she is.

Haha!

God that reminds me. The remark about the "Filipina floozy". Seriously, Liz, even if you make tacky racist jokes to David and he's cool about it - perhaps there is some unshared backstory about his interest in Filipina women, whatever - there is no excuse whatsoever for including it in your column.
I didn't get the Filipina reference, just presumed she was pissed again. It wasn't even as coherent as her normal word salad, it's degenerating into word soup.
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Old 20-09-2015, 14:36
BellaFiga
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The only thing I can think is that his wife was from, or descended from, an Eastern country. So in Loose Gins mind that means he fancies all women of Eastern extraction.
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Old 20-09-2015, 14:38
BellaFiga
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Oh god, the things you cannot unsee once seen...

http://parentingsolo.co.uk/liz-jones...-exploits/1655
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Old 20-09-2015, 16:21
Lizzyroz
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The only thing I can think is that his wife was from, or descended from, an Eastern country. So in Loose Gins mind that means he fancies all women of Eastern extraction.
Back in May Liz described his ex as 'beautiful, a diminutive Gong Li lookalike', and Scrace said she'd 'lived in Malaysia'.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/...s-ex-wife.html
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Old 24-09-2015, 23:03
Jennifer_Jones2
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So are we going to have two (not sure how to describe them!) women writing for the Mail at the same time?

Perhaps Liz and David will marry and disappear into obscurity.
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Old 25-09-2015, 12:47
Peskypoo2
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Perhaps this the Mails' Exit strategy for dear Lizzie? Replace her with someone even more controversial (and more high profile, dare we say it)?
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Old 25-09-2015, 13:13
Jennifer_Jones2
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Yes, I wondered if what they were trying to do was get Liz to stamp her foot, pack up her weird face (as Katie described it), the boring baker and leave. After all, she gets very few comments now.

Hope we are due for some sparks to fly!
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Old 25-09-2015, 16:03
Daniel Dare
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What's the point of having a 'Newspapers/Magazines - discuss all things in print' section? And the opening post is from a DS mod.
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Old 25-09-2015, 18:28
Lizzyroz
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What's the point of having a 'Newspapers/Magazines - discuss all things in print' section? And the opening post is from a DS mod.
If you'd looked, you can see this thread is on its fourth part. The only reason the first post is from a mod is to say it's a continuation of part three.
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Old 26-09-2015, 08:37
Suzy_Cat
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Odds on a Liz v Katie photoshoot in which they are both wearing those giant nude courts the Mail is so fond of, doing arms folded standing back to back?

HIGH.
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Old 26-09-2015, 17:01
Daniel Dare
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If you'd looked, you can see this thread is on its fourth part. The only reason the first post is from a mod is to say it's a continuation of part three.
No excuse.
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Old 27-09-2015, 10:13
Lizzyroz
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What a load of waffle this week's Dreary is. I seriously think she's going insane.
Has she split with Dave or not? As he hasn't been seen in Reeth for weeks, how is a relationship conducted 300 miles apart going to work? Talk about squeezing every last drop from an unworkable situation. Still, the half mill comes in handy for all the VB dresses.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/...nst-again.html
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Old 27-09-2015, 11:38
jabegy
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[quote=Peskypoo2;79784163]Perhaps this the Mails' Exit strategy for dear Lizzie? Replace her with someone even more controversial (and more high profile, dare we say it)?[/QUOTE]


Noooooooooo !!!! not KH, she's even worse.
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Old 27-09-2015, 11:43
pixieboots
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She still expects her neighbours to rent land to her

Risk being stalked in print (the vet) despite being happily married and your family written about with no right to reply from a known credit risk who will shout at you and name you in the press as a killer for shooting your own game on your own land for a lousy few hundred a year-I wouldn't touch her with a barge pole.
She'll be run out of this place eventually too. Liz belongs firmly in suburbia, it was never going to end well unless she could afford an island somewhere. And even then the seagulls would be accused of mocking/bullying her.
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Old 27-09-2015, 11:57
Neio
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Hi, long time reader of this thread, who's enjoyed reading for years about the madness of the Lizzard, and laughed out loud at so many of the funny comments about her writing (although when I read her output, I'm often reminded of Truman Capote's famous quote, "That's not writing, that's typing').

Her latest Dreary entry seems even more like word porridge than usual. A string of unconnected rehashed events that she's tried to string together on the flimsiest of pretexts.

Yet again, nothing that happens to her is ever her fault. A child is scared of one of her unleashed, untrained dogs running up to her and it's the child or their parent's fault? It doesn't even cross her mind that the child might have been bitten by a dog before, or have a phobia of them (given Liz's many much-documented neuroses, you might think she'd have a shred of empathy on that score, but no...). And surely in 'sheep country' there'd be even more reason to keep the dog on a lead? Didn't one of her other unruly, disobedient dogs kill sheep before, and another one or the same one attack one her cats? Doesn't she realise that if the dogs are attacking other animals, it's only a short step to them attacking a child?

And who's this 'Hilda' she mentions? Is it another of her menagerie of animals that she's inexplicably renamed?
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Old 27-09-2015, 12:05
pixieboots
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I cant believe she's still walking those poor dogs off lead after they've attacked other animals. Sheep don't appear to count as animals to the great animal lover Liz, i wonder if she mentioned that SNAFU to Brigitte Bardot. I hope a ram butts her in her fat horse-riding ass. Its cruel to shoot rabbits but its ok for dogs to tear them asunder on a bridle path.
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Old 27-09-2015, 15:08
Lizzyroz
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Hi, long time reader of this thread, who's enjoyed reading for years about the madness of the Lizzard, and laughed out loud at so many of the funny comments about her writing (although when I read her output, I'm often reminded of Truman Capote's famous quote, "That's not writing, that's typing').

Her latest Dreary entry seems even more like word porridge than usual. A string of unconnected rehashed events that she's tried to string together on the flimsiest of pretexts.

Yet again, nothing that happens to her is ever her fault. A child is scared of one of her unleashed, untrained dogs running up to her and it's the child or their parent's fault? It doesn't even cross her mind that the child might have been bitten by a dog before, or have a phobia of them (given Liz's many much-documented neuroses, you might think she'd have a shred of empathy on that score, but no...). And surely in 'sheep country' there'd be even more reason to keep the dog on a lead? Didn't one of her other unruly, disobedient dogs kill sheep before, and another one or the same one attack one her cats? Doesn't she realise that if the dogs are attacking other animals, it's only a short step to them attacking a child?

And who's this 'Hilda' she mentions? Is it another of her menagerie of animals that she's inexplicably renamed?
Her animals are never at fault.

Yes, the dog did savage her cat and another dog killed a lamb when she lived in Somerset, yet for an 'animal lover' she left one of her cats in agony for weeks from a cancerous tumour because she couldn't bear the thought of it dying.

Hilda is a dog she 'rescued' from Romania. It has no teeth. I think it'd possibly be better off in Romania than at Jonesey's tender 'mercies.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...g-squalor.html
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Old 28-09-2015, 12:19
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A child is scared of one of her unleashed, untrained dogs running up to her and it's the child or their parent's fault? It doesn't even cross her mind that the child might have been bitten by a dog before, or have a phobia of them (given Liz's many much-documented neuroses, you might think she'd have a shred of empathy on that score, but no...). And surely in 'sheep country' there'd be even more reason to keep the dog on a lead? Didn't one of her other unruly, disobedient dogs kill sheep before, and another one or the same one attack one her cats? Doesn't she realise that if the dogs are attacking other animals, it's only a short step to them attacking a child?
Oh but this was the perfect and lovely Mini, which the child should have instinctively known, obviously.

That dog thing made me rage. Yes, the kid could have been bitten or otherwise traumatised by a dog before. And even if it hadn't, Liz doesn't seem to understand that children don't spring fully formed into the world and that if you are teaching your child to be confident around animals it TAKES TIME.

Also, the cruel farmers despise her because she is a woman alone. Well she isn't, though, she's engaged to be married. That means she's not alone. Admittedly she's engaged to a man she never sees, just exchanges text messages with, but she's not single and I wish she'd stop pretending she is.
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Old 28-09-2015, 18:35
Rubbish Name
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She still expects her neighbours to rent land to her

Risk being stalked in print (the vet) despite being happily married and your family written about with no right to reply from a known credit risk who will shout at you and name you in the press as a killer for shooting your own game on your own land for a lousy few hundred a year-I wouldn't touch her with a barge pole.
She'll be run out of this place eventually too. Liz belongs firmly in suburbia, it was never going to end well unless she could afford an island somewhere. And even then the seagulls would be accused of mocking/bullying her.
As well as the fact that she keeps 'almost' going bankrupt. I think she still owes money back in Dulverton to various trades? I wouldn't get involved with this financial nightmare.
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Old 03-10-2015, 17:36
pixieboots
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Its her birthday this week, it appears DScrace may be deliberately eating gluten to avoid shagging her
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Old 04-10-2015, 11:59
Neio
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Do Liz and Dscrace ever get along apart from by text? It feels like she'd be far better off with a penfriend than a boyfriend.

Has there ever been a couple so fundamentally unsuited to each other? Her plucking, waxing and dyeing everything in sight (even waxing her nostrils! Is that a thing now?), and he (if her descriptions of him are to be believed, which they probably aren't...) seemingly a cross between Albert Steptoe and Stig of the Dump.

And eating pastry with lard in it is akin to a close relative being stabbed? Jesus wept...

I think I know the Ramsgate hotel they stayed in, it's lovely. Although my parents who live nearby never go to the restaurant there because there are hardly any vegetarian options, so God knows what the famously 'vegan' (well, apart from eggs, and cheese, and milk...) Liz had there.
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Old 04-10-2015, 14:27
Rubbish Name
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The only 'vegan' ever to complain about the pastry component of a goat's cheese tart.
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Old 04-10-2015, 20:23
mourinhosmissus
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Do Liz and Dscrace ever get along apart from by text? It feels like she'd be far better off with a penfriend than a boyfriend.

Has there ever been a couple so fundamentally unsuited to each other? Her plucking, waxing and dyeing everything in sight (even waxing her nostrils! Is that a thing now?), and he (if her descriptions of him are to be believed, which they probably aren't...) seemingly a cross between Albert Steptoe and Stig of the Dump.

And eating pastry with lard in it is akin to a close relative being stabbed? Jesus wept...

I think I know the Ramsgate hotel they stayed in, it's lovely. Although my parents who live nearby never go to the restaurant there because there are hardly any vegetarian options, so God knows what the famously 'vegan' (well, apart from eggs, and cheese, and milk...) Liz had there.
BIB - ha ha! A perfect description
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Old 05-10-2015, 05:47
amikolaichek
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Frankly, she's beyond parody ... NOSTRIL waxing??? But I've just thought of something else that might need waxing - her ears. Or is it only men who grow the odd hair in their ears? But I really really think she should consider ear waxing, just in case. As she rolls around in bed with The Baker, just think how humiliating it would be when, just before he removes her (rather threadbare) Myla knickers, he murmurs 'er, darling, did you know that there are HAIRS growing in your ears?'

Be enough, I reckon, to tip her right over the edge ...
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Old 05-10-2015, 07:56
Lizzyroz
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Frankly, she's beyond parody ... NOSTRIL waxing??? But I've just thought of something else that might need waxing - her ears. Or is it only men who grow the odd hair in their ears? But I really really think she should consider ear waxing, just in case. As she rolls around in bed with The Baker, just think how humiliating it would be when, just before he removes her (rather threadbare) Myla knickers, he murmurs 'er, darling, did you know that there are HAIRS growing in your ears?'

Be enough, I reckon, to tip her right over the edge ...
She must be growing a forest in her nose if she gets her nostrils waxed. If she bought some of this the ''poverty stricken'' old fool would save a fortune on salon fees.

http://www.boots.com/en/Nads-Nose-Wax_1440718/
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