So I wasn't too far off with my last guess then.

So, does anybody want to have a crack at deciphering the utter codswallop that is this week's Liary? What I got from it was:
- she made up a dinner date to avoid her made-up boyfriend
- she spent tons of money to dress like a lunatic
- she suddenly grew several inches on seeing fake boyfriend throw money around
- fake boyfriend bought a new car

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/...I-regroup.html

Just how much champagne does she put away before submitting this rambling drivel?

She's just come up with this totally offensive piece, likening the internet abuse of women to rape.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/ar...omen-rape.html

Just when we thought she couldn't sink any lower after the Jo Yeates piece.....

Here's yet another contender for the Joan Crawford Wire Coathanger Award [2013] for the UK's worstest mum. Just in case LJ, Sibary and Apprentice Woman were too subtle with their ageist crap <Books into local Knacker's Yard >

Where does the DM find these women? I have never met anybody like this, or Sibary, or Brick, or Jones... They frighten me. Imagine when their poor kids grow up and see this

I don't know what I was supposed to make of that.
I’d been hoping he’d forgotten I’d had surgery. I hate that everyone knows everything about me.

Stop airing all your dirty laundry in the DM, perhaps?
This woman is such a moron, it's getting painful to read her stuff.

Reading this week's Diary, you have to wonder whether she's ever actually heard a real conversation between a man and woman, let alone participated in one! In Liz world, a date goes like this:

(1) Endless wranglings by phone and text over arrangements.
(2) Endless preparations and new purchases
(3) Complicated arrangement involving deception and pretence (in this case, inventing a dinner date purely to be perverse)
(4) Kick off the proceedings with sarcastic sneer ("Well, this is fun"....guaranteed to get the guy glowing with affection and warmth towards you eh?)(Oh, and by the way, no non-drinker would ever feel the need to give his partner an added reason for not drinking ("I'm driving. And I don't drink, remember.") That makes absolutely no sense. He doesn't drink, so the driving is irrelevant.)
(5) Liz talks about herself
(6) FRS talks about Liz
(7) Liz talks about herself
(8) FRS talks about Liz, evidently charmed and captivated by her frosty and cold behaviour towards him...because men just love that, don't they? (Repeat until end of date)
(9)Stilted grammatically-precise conversation with no contractions or elisions ("I will buy you a watch"..."You are not going to email...")
(10) As date ends, without a smidgeon of warmth or pleasantness from Liz, FRS says something illogically complimentary (in this case "You must have men hitting on you all the time")
(11) Liz recounts bizarrely detailed "the-only-time-I've-ever-been-hit-on scenario" (has she forgotten all those other being-hit-on anecdotes she's regaled us with over the years?)
(12) Evening is neatly rounded off with a lifted-directly-from-SATC Mr Big moment, complete with humming car window.
Repeat ad infinitum.

BIB: Or ad nauseum.

Hate to break this to LJ, but Carrie Bradshaw is a fictional character portrayed by the actress Sarah-Jessica Parker. SJP herself appears to be <shock horror > happily married - and even worse - is of those Daily Mail pariahs who has dared to start a family when over the age of 35...

Excellent post Cathrin, it's strange and very sad how Liz is continually referencing SATC lately. You can imagine her sitting on her own for hours watching the old box sets in a hypnotised state, fantasising that she is the real Carrie, that is the life she wanted even if everyone now looks at that show as not the emancipation of women but a sad snap shot of the kind of women who value designer clothes more than their bodies and reputations. As Becky Sharpe says, Carrie was fictional, in her mid-30s (which was seen as old at the time) but SJP was happily married and went on to have two children when she was older than the character she was playing. Liz, in her mid-50s has created her own fictional 'Big' with the RS but without any warmth, passion or friendship evident. We are definately witnessing a woman having a breakdown and the DM are enabling it.

I'd have to agree that the DM are enabling her. They have no moral compass whatsoever - not that that's news to anyone who has read the DM. I'm ashamed to say it's like the Jeremy Kyle show to me. I watch/read occasionally but always feel a bit dirty afterwards!

Or just drunk

Which is why I write about myself in a national paper and website where it can be inwardly absorbed by the entire population of the world.

Liz, if you're hearing wasn't so poor, I'm sure you'd be able to pick up the unmistakable sound of the pot calling the kettle black.

Well, having read that scintillating anecdote about the vacuum cleaner (she ordered the wrong type of bag! Well worth sharing with her readers eh?!) I just hope the DM feel they're getting their moneysworth from her.

Shockingly awful stuff. The column in the MoS literally reads like a spoof. Yet again, it's a series of stories of dealing with tradespeople in which Liz behaves appallingly, yet somehow sees herself as the victim and berates everyone else for their (perfectly reasonable) reactions.
( Liz, here's a tip. Phoning someone up in the evening, being told she's in bed, and saying "It's only 9.30. Wake her up!" = Rude. Estate agent not thanking you for paying them money you owe them = Not rude.) And she really won't be winning any sympathy from her readers by revealing the amounts of money involved (good luck pleading poverty now that you've revealed that your estate agent's fee was over £52,000!)

And I wonder if Liz sought permission from her friend Issy's friend, to recount her deeply personal story about the death of her father? (...which incidentally had absolutely nothing to do with the content of the Diary; it seemed to be just inserted to add a bit of "depth" by bringing in someone else's loss and grief).

Sorry, just to add length to a short diary and bring up the word count. It's meant to be 75 words according to her. Including the title it rarely goes above 725.

...And elsewhere in today's MoS....Liz joins the circus and learns how to be a trapeze artist! For absolutely no discernible reason! Just like Carrie in SATC!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/...-trapeze-.html

Idiot forgot the zero, 750 words. Even in 75 words I'm sure she could be inaccurate and insulting though.

This passage from today leaped right off the screen at me:


You can get medication and special diets from the vet to deal with skin allergies. This woman should not be allowed within a mile of an animal

Hi there.

New to the thread, but this post is spot on. I do the same. It's car crashing reading/television. You just can't help yourself. The Fail have hit on a winning formula as professional trolls and they're going to milk it until long after the cows come home. I wish I could tear myself away.

Hi Buffy Anne and welcome. Yes, it is the car crash factor that keeps most of us reluctantly reading her drivel. Her supporters (though dwindling in numbers by the day) have only one mantra when responding to criticisms "If you don't like it don't read it...." but we read it out of sheer disbelief, thinking that there must be an end to all this madness, that surely she can't be repeating the same four themes (sick/neglected animals, ficticious boyfriend, money - loads of it/none of it, cruel locals). I skim read all her articles now so I doen't waste much time on her but just like sitting through a long boring badly acted film you don't want to leave before it's finished, just in case there is a twist you didn't see coming - we can only hope.

Thanks for the welcome! This thread has kept me entertained many a time, so I suppose in a very twisted way Liz Jones' ramblings do serve a purpose.

I agree with everything you say about LJ and her supporters. It all beggars belief, it really does.

Why is it that in every article she gets the monkeys to tap out on their keyboards, if there is another woman involved, she has to be horrible about them? Just read the trapeze article (was too busy at w/k) and in the first bit she compares a confident young talented woman with a bully at her school.

Way to go and makes friends there Lizzie me old trout.

I've just watched this sketch and for some reason it put me in mind of Liz's Exmoor adventures

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unR_ZwAIw1s

Brilliant! French & Saunders must have had LJ in mind especially when you consider Ab Fab... Love the concept of long-suffering Nic renting the house out in LJ's absence. [+ welcome to the thread Nick202 BuffyAnne and DoSomethingKen ]

Have a look at the recent Diary comments, the daughter who recently lost her father and told a very touching and private tale to Liz's 'friend' Issy is justifiably upset at having the story used in the Diary without her permission and her privacy violated. This is not the first time Liz has used innocent people as column fodder with scant regard to their identities being easily recognised, indeed one slanderous story is being investigated by the PCC. Liz should stick to her make-believe 'friends' and 'boyfriends'. I hope this lady makes an official complaint.